


Of Gods and Monsters

by St_Ciel



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Black Romance, Dark, Drama, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Shota, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 102,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/St_Ciel/pseuds/St_Ciel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm a killer - a monster. I'm not ruled by emotion nor do I care for anything. I choose not to keep many friends and waste no time with acquaintances. I am a cold blooded killer – so tell me why I feel compelled to put everything on the line and protect this brat?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Skinning

_Tick follows tock follows tick follows tock._

This is my mantra, my ritual.

_Tick._

I spin the long cylinder piece of metal onto the nozzle of my favorite piece, Colt M1991A1, it's a .45, single magazine – a classic and my fail safe. It works especially well with my silencer and I screw it on to secure it tightly.

_Tock._

Brushing some stray strands of my black hair behind my ear, I secure a feathered mask to my face with the satin ribbons that are attached to it. I 'borrowed' this mask and a cloak to cover me from a patron who was carelessly carrying them outside – he won't have any need of them now.

_Tick._

Making my way into the decadently decorated main reception hall, I see large drawn ruby red drapes that cover the windows, the only light is from the huge ebony drop crystal chandeliers that hang from the ceiling, they are illuminated with lit tapered candles –  _how antiquated and Victorian,_ I scoff silently to myself. Dropping my kit bag down by the wall, I use my foot to slide it under a side table, keeping it safe. I blend in with the rest of the crowd, which is quite easy to do. Everyone here is shrouded in cloaks, and elaborate masks hide their faces. Anonymity is key, especially given what is on offer here.

It looks as though the bidding has already gotten underway. Mingling through the herd, I spot my mark; a tall man with slicked back brown hair, his suit stretches around his wide waist as he stands at the podium, gesturing towards a large cast iron cage. I can't see what's inside it but after my extensive research on this guy I know it must be a child.

This is something that I have learned: the world is a dark place.

It's full of injustice and violence. Hatred, corruption and greed – but that's where I come in.

I'm a killer and a monster.

I'm callous and lack the basic emotions that you may take for granted. All I know is what I see – the hurt and the pain, the anguish and torment. Of course I'm sure there are better emotions; happier ones but I haven't seen them. Those who come to me already have their faces twisted in sadness and desperation. You see, I don't need anything as frivolous or useless as feelings or emotions, especially to do what it is that I do. To care about someone is to allow them to have a hold on you, to control you and that is something that I don't need binding me.

Besides, you don't need me to care; you only need me to do my job and nothing more.

I know my role, I'm the one you turn to when you have exhausted all your avenues and when you've got no one else to turn to. Don't worry, you can call on me and I will take care of it for you. If you can't count on anyone else, it's fine - because you can always count on me. That's what I offer, I deliver justice and retribution for those who have been let down by the law, those who can't get satisfaction from the system. However, I only take on jobs that I find truly worthy of my time and my talent, something I can sink my teeth into, something delicious and satisfying.

I am very good at what I do and no one escapes me so it has to be worth it.

I deliver each time –  _every time._

Although I may be a monster and a killer, I don't kill without a reason or indiscriminately, I have a rigid and strict set of rules that I abide by. As much as I enjoy killing, _and I do_ , I only take the life of those who truly deserve it, and those who have skirted the system, thinking they are above the law. This means that I must do my homework, I have to ensure that each person fits into my criteria without any shades of grey. So, I take my time, I research, I prepare and once I feel satisfied, I carry out my plan. Which leads me here and to that man on the stage.

Yes, the world is a dark place, full of people just like this man – who is soon to be eradicated.

"What say you for this prize specimen?" He calls out. This man disgusts me; even his voice makes me sick.

"One hundred thousand pounds!" Someone behind me calls out.

"One hundred thousand pounds to the gentleman at the back? Do I hear two hundred?"

I maneuver myself closer to the stage,  _closer to him_  and now I'm right in front, waiting for the appropriate moment. I can't do it in front of all of these people, too many witnesses.

"Five hundred thousand!"

"Thank you madam, five hundred with you, six hundred to the room? Come on, just look at him – he's worth double."

Shoot now or wait? What to do, what to do? If I shoot now, I would have to wipe out the entire room or take out a small few and get out as fast as I can. Can I get out that quickly? Probably.  _Shoot now or wait?_

"One million pounds!"

 _Oh, fuck it – just shoot the cunt._  I conclude.

I raise my arm in the air, everyone was so engrossed in the auction that they barely register the fact that the thing in my hand is not a bidding paddle and I take my aim.

_Tock._

"Two million pounds!" I shout to get his attention and just before his mouth drops open – I pull the trigger. The recoil sends me back slightly as one bullet cleanly enters the center of his forehead. He falls to his knees, dead and the room starts to spiral into chaos. I stand my ground as people scramble past; their screams and shouts fill the air.

I love the smell of fresh blood, especially as it splatters to the ground and sprays over the walls in such a beautiful pattern. Blood, the scent of beginnings and subsequent endings – I inhale deeply – filling my lungs with the sweet iron fragrance, I can't help myself, it's an addiction and I need my fix. Taking aim, I hit a few more attendees as they jostle out and the room starts to empty quickly. I do it for the smell but I can't help but smile broadly as I watch their bodies tumble lifelessly to the ground with a heavy thud. There's something about death and slaughter that intrigues me and entices me, I wouldn't say it turns me on but it is a wonderful feeling that comes over me. From the moment I aim and my index finger just hovers over the trigger – to the final moments of the pull and the shot fired. Watching that last bit of life in their eyes go out, I think I would describe it as nothing more but pure bliss.

I know that I have approximately thirty-five minutes or so to get out and away from here before the police arrive. I move to the wall and press my back flush against it, unscrewing my silencer and popping it back into my pocket, watching as the stragglers exit and ensuring that there is no one else. Glancing at my watch I realize - I'd better leave. I have plenty of time but why chance it?

Quickly unfastening the button at the top of my throat, I take off the cloak and fold it up neatly, reaching under the table; I grab my bag and shove the folded cloak into it along with my gun and the mask. I'm taking them with me to dispose of it later – taking care to leave no trace.

It's time for me to take my leave as I start to walk out towards the door; well my job here is done.

" _Please_..."

I hear a weak voice call out in the shadows. I assume it's one of my many victims here, as they lay dying. I tend to take measured steps and procedures when I kill but sometimes – like now, I enjoy myself a little too much and indiscriminately take aim, without ensuring a perfect, clean kill.

" _Please... help me. Will you help me_?" The voice calls out again. It's too innocent sounding to be one of my victims; it's small and weak. I'm intrigued as to what this could possibly be, so, I follow it. I can hear the heels of my shoes crunch and click over the concrete and broken glass of champagne flutes as I wander towards the small voice. Arriving at the large cast iron barred cage on top of the stage, I see a small hand reaching out towards me.

" _Oh_?" Is all I utter as I try to see the voice that is calling me from the shadows.

My job was to take out Viktor Nogoyev for child trafficking, he ran a ring in his native Kyrgyzstan that collected children from all over Britain and Eastern Europe and sold them into slavery at the best price. A woman hired me; her daughter was taken from their village in Georgia and sold. She'd traveled to London as she heard that this was the last place her daughter was seen. The job was interesting to say the least and so I carried out my due diligence, as I do with every job. I watched, surveyed, monitored, and took notes but unfortunately, after all of my work – I found that her daughter had already died, beaten to death by the man that bought her. With this news, she hired me again, this time to take the life of the man who took her Sonjas'. I was happy to do it, after all my work investigating him – this man fit my criteria to the letter.

This child here must have been what they were bidding on when I came in.

"Are you God?" The question was ridiculous, though innocent enough. However, it is still something that causes me to chuckle slightly.

" _God?_  There is no God here, only me." I answer bluntly.

"Then... then are you a demon?" Two small hands reach out from the darkness and wrap nimble fingers around two iron bars.

"I have been called such and I have been called worse." I shrug, "What is your name?"

"Ciel." He answers calmly, completely un-phased by our bizarre dialogue. "Ciel Phantomhive."

Ciel Phantomhive?  _Oh yes_ , I've heard of this case. It was strange, two people, Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive were killed and their mansion in Hertfordshire was burned down. Their twelve-year-old son disappeared without a trace, presumed dead as well and it's been three months since anyone has heard anything. There was no ransom note or apparent reason for the murders. The police were stumped – no surprise there, if they were any good at their job then there would be no need for someone like me. In any case, the remaining family members have offered up a handsome reward for his return but he never returned. Imagine my luck in finding such a prize, I mean, just how did he end up here?

"Well, Ciel, let's say we get you out of here?" I offer as I step closer to the cage.

"Are you a police officer?"

"No."

"Then what are you? Are you one of them?" He asks as his whole voice shudders.

"No, I am an assassin _, a hitman_  – if you will." I admit honestly, well, I've never been known to lie. He goes silent as he tries to mull over my words.

"Who hired you?"

"Well, I don't think you should concern yourself with something so trivial."

"It's not trivial to me." He pauses; I can almost hear the cogs in his brain whirling. "Can anyone hire you?"

"If the cause is right and the price matches, then yes." I kneel down in front of him, even though it's dark, I cast my eyes over him, finally seeing what he looks like.

The first thing I notice, is that he is a small child, short and wispy, completely caked in filth, his clothing is in tatters and his hair is quite matted. However, despite his appearance, he manages to wear a look of haughty pride on his face, a willful determination that is almost admirable. His large, soppy doe eyes glare at me through the bars, although I can see that his right eye seems to be discolored and cloudy as his left is a stark cobalt blue. Underneath his right eye is flaking dry blood; something has definitely happened to it – that much I can see in the dark. I want to reach out and touch it, run my fingers over his cheek just to see how long the blood has been there but of course, I think better of it.

"Well then demon, I want to hire you." He demands, unflinchingly. I fight back my urge to bust out in to laughter. He scowls at me, as he can see that I'm trying not to laugh at his request. "What's so funny? I can pay you, I have more than enough."

It seems the boy is serious.

"And what do you want?"

"Revenge." He states coldly. "I want to find out who killed my parents and who did this to me."

"It wasn't Nogoyev?"

"No – he only bought me." His face falls as he thinks; "I don't remember what happened to me after the fire." He confesses as he bites his lower lip. I can see that he's trying to stay composed –  _simply admirable_.

"Your cause is indeed worthy but what would you have me do?"

"I want you to find those who did this to me." He growls as he tightens his grip on the bars, his knuckles go white as the thin skin stretches across them. This boy intrigues me, he has such hatred and determination but does he understand what he's asking?

"And when I do, what then?"

"You're a hitman,  _you tell me_." His voice is sarcastic as he arches a brow to match his tone. I smile as I nod, it seems he does understand.

"So, you know what I can do but I need you to say it. It has to be an order as I work only on command."

"I want whoever did this to pay for what they have done to my parents and what they did to me."

"Do you fully understand what you ask of me?" I have to double check. Although the boy is willful, he still is a child and being responsible for taking a life is something that can weigh on a person, no matter how wronged.

"Don't mock me demon. I am no longer an innocent child  _– they saw to that._  I am a man now and the head of the Phantomhive family. I demand that you take me seriously."

"You demand?" Well, it was still hard to take him seriously after that foolhardy speech; but this boy has something that I wish to possess. A straightforward determination and his need for justice is something that fascinates me deeply, especially as it's my modus operandi. I smile, and I hold out my hand to him, to which he stares at curiously, "Fine, then shall we make a contract? If we shake on it, then I become your soldier and I will fight for no one but you until we achieve your revenge. Deal?"

Without hesitating, Ciel grabs my hand and squeezes it firmly with both of his hands.

Our deal is struck.


	2. Drive

"Can you walk?" I ask him as I work to free him from the cage that holds him. He looks at me blankly as I inspect him fully. His legs look battered and like he actually hasn't gone far beyond being cooped up in this cage. He feebly shakes his head no at my question and I sigh heavily as I kneel down in front of him.

"What are you doing?" He asks me incredulously in a very clipped tone. His accent is refined, the very best received pronunciation – what did I expect from someone of such a well to do family?

I glance over my shoulder to see him fold his arms across his small chest. He is filthy, nothing but skin and bones but he still manages to pull off a haughty demeanor, worthy of a noble.

"Well, come on then." I motion him with a quick nod to come over.

"You must be joking?" He snorts. It seems that the little noble has a bad attitude.

"I'm not joking." I am firm but as soft as I can be, I can appreciate that he may be a little hesitant of me, especially given that he watched as I killed his captor and some of the spectators in this room. Although the allotted time I had planed for my escape is quickly running out, I still stay crouched down, as he doesn't move an inch. "You want to go don't you? And you can't walk far so it's this or nothing. Now just climb onto my back so I can carry you." He still hesitates. "Look, sooner rather than later – we're running out of time before the Old Bill comes."

" _Old what_?" He snips. Of course he wouldn't have heard of that type of a colloquialism, what was I thinking?

"The cops, the cops, now just get on!" I demand. I am keeping it together as much as I can but my temper is definitely starting to fray.

Tentatively, he comes towards me and then climbs onto my back. Placing my hands under his thighs, I hoist him up slightly; I can feel his whole body flinch and constrict, which is understandable, given the circumstances. I wait for a moment, allowing him to settle in and feel comfortable with me. Shortly after, I can feel his small body start to relax into my back. His boney rib cage nestles into my shoulder blades as he drapes his arms over my shoulders, clasping his hands together securely. He is as light as a feather, obviously malnourished, skeletal and pasty. I really want to know what they've done to him for however long he's been captured, really out of morbid curiosity, but I decide now is not the time to ask. He already has the bite of a snake when riled over the smallest request so maybe I'll wait until he becomes more comfortable with me. The one thing I do conclude is that it must have been horrible.

I grab my bag of gear, and we swiftly make our way out of the building and on to the main street. I march along to the corner and turn down an empty side street. This move is not a part of my original plan but I know this child will draw far too much attention and I really don't need that right now, especially as I haven't factored him into my exit strategy.

Getting halfway down the street I stop for a moment, realizing – I don't know where we're going.

"So, where to?" I ask. He's quiet for a moment.

"I – I don't know where we are." He replies meekly.

"We are somewhere in Stepney Green."

"Where is that? Is it still in London?"

You have got to be kidding me.

"Do you at least know where you live? We can go there first if you like?" I ask as I start to walk further down the side street, he's suspiciously silent.  _Just what have I gotten myself into?_

"I didn't go out much." He finally replies.

"Why? Home schooled?"

"Not really, I was just always sick. My mother was always worried about me so she kept me indoors." His voice is seemingly empty of any emotion.

So, here we are, walking down a dark side street, a sickly, sullen child with a bad attitude on my back and absolutely no clue on where to go. Oh well, at least the pay is good –  _wait…_

"Exactly how much will I be getting paid for this job? You are asking an awful lot of me."

Silence. There seems to be a theme here.

I guess he hasn't thought it through completely either.

"Once we get back, I will have an official contract of employment drawn up. In it, we can confirm your fee." He states calmly, perhaps he has given it some thought after all.

"Well, that all sounds very official." I smirk. He makes a slightly exasperated sound, almost as though he knows I'm mocking him. We continue down towards the High Street in absolute quiet.

"My aunt." He breaks our silence.

"Your aunt?" I repeat.

"She works in a hospital, we can go there." He suggests.

"You will have to narrow it down, there are a lot of hospitals in London."

"I know that!" He snaps. "Guy's Hospital, I think it's near London Bridge."

"Okay, we can go there." I agree,  _finally,_ we're getting somewhere.

I pick up the pace as I head towards the corner but just as I am about to turn, he clears his throat to halt me.

"Um." He pauses for a moment, "You never told me your name."

"I don't give out my name to clients." I reply. It's not for anonymity purposes it's just that it isn't really necessary for them to know. A name makes it personal and I prefer not to have anything on a personal level.

"Then what do I call you?"

"You can call me whatever you wish." I recommend.

"Okay." He thinks for a moment, "I think I'll call you Sebastian."

"Sebastian, that's an interesting name. Is it a relative?"

"No, it was the name of my dog." He responds curtly.

The name of his dog?  _Fantastic. What a cantankerous little brat._

…

I manage to flag down a black cab – which is hard to come by in these parts and it swiftly takes us to Guy's Hospital at London Bridge.

The journey is unsurprisingly silent, which seems to be something I will have to get used to as the child doesn't seem to speak a lot – not to mention when ever he does open his mouth, such an awful attitude spews from his lips that maybe it would be best to savor the silence while I can.

Although currently, I could take him or leave him and I think about leaving him more often than not. However, he still manages to intrigue me.

I observe him as he stares vacantly out of the window, watching the city flash by. It's strange, as I watch him; I notice that despite what he has been through, he manages to be so cool and composed. It's quite admirable how he still maintains some sort of dignity. I still want to ask what happened to him but consideration seems to be getting the better of me again.

After half an hour, we pull up to the A&E entrance at the hospital.

I hop out first and go to the other side of the cab to pay the driver as Ciel opens the door. He feebly gets out but as soon as his feet touch the ground, he collapses, dropping to his knees and then falling over completely.

"Is he all right?" The cabbie calls out to me as I quickly rush over to him. I hold out my hand to halt him from getting out of the cab.

"Yeah mate, he'll be fine – I've got him." I try to reassure him as I scoop the frail child into my arms, cradling him close against my chest as his head rocks towards me.

"Sorry." He manages weakly. I smile at him sympathetically, as I carry him into through the double doors.

"It's all right, you've been through a lot." I attempt to comfort him. This is all so foreign to me as I'm not that well versed in the world of comforting but I attempt to sound warm as possible.

As we walk through the doors, he shivers slightly as the brisk blast of hot air lands on our skin as the automatic doors part. I carry him up to the reception desk but I notice everyone in the waiting room staring at me. We must look a sight, me all dressed in black, complete with my long double breasted trench coat and Ciel looking like, well, looking like he's just been freed from some hellish prison.

"Sebastian?"

" _Hm_?"

"Can you put me down?" He requests sheepishly as I'm sure he can feel the weight of everyone's stares on us as we stand there. I crouch down a bit and drop him down; he staggers over to the front desk and leans against it.

" _Oh my God_." Gasps the woman behind the counter when her blue eyes look up from her computer screen and land on the disheveled child. "I'll get a chair for you straight away." She motions to an orderly to come quickly.

"No madam, I'm not a patient." He says in his most adult voice, "I'm looking for my Aunt Ang- uh, Dr. Durless."

"Dr. Durless in OB?" She confirms as her curious eyes look over to me. I nod a confirmation, although, this is the first I've heard her name.

The receptionist puts through a page for his Aunt and we take a seat amongst the others in the waiting area. Although the majority of the room is filled with the walking wounded, their curious and suspicious eyes are unrelenting and stay glued to us. Well, I suppose we do make an odd pair.

It was about fifteen minutes later as we wait in silence. Ciel sits next to me; his head constantly keeps hitting my arm as he keeps dozing off and then waking himself up again only to repeat the process again. Finally, his head lands again and stays. I can hear his breathing become deep as he sleeps soundly and I try to stay as still as possible so as not to wake him. He must be very tired.

" _Oh my God, Ciel? It can't be_!" Ciel jolts upright as a striking woman with bright cherry red hair descends on us.

"Aunt Anne." He breathes out in a slight yawn as she grabs him, holding his battered face in her hands.

"You, how?"

"It's a long story." He mumbles through squished cheeks, "but Sebastian saved me."

She looks at him curiously. "Sebastian?"

"Pleased to meet you Dr. Durless, I'm,  _er,_  Sebastian." I introduce myself.

"Sebastian?" She repeats again as she turns to me.

"Michaelis, Sebastian Michaelis." Ciel interjects. So, I have a last name now? It's fine; I kind of like it, the name sort of suits me. Dr. Durless lets go of his face and he rubs his cheeks.

"Who are you?" She seems suspicious. Of course she would be, I just appeared out of nowhere with her missing nephew.

I stand to my feet; plaster the brightest smile on my face as I face her. I'm a fast thinker, quick on my toes but I have no idea how I'm going to explain my presence to her. As my mouth drops open in the hopes that something of value will come out in the next few seconds, Ciel interjects, "Sebastian has agreed to be my bodyguard and personal butler."

_Wait, I'm sorry what? A butler?_

Her eyes dart from me to him.

"Your bodyguard and butler?" She parrots as she tries to process this information.

"Yes because whoever did this will probably try again, so as Sebastian will need to be close to me, I thought that it would be best if he could do that as my butler, you know,  _to not raise suspicions_  and in doing so he will also serve me as my bodyguard." He finishes; he's quite formidable, obviously quicker at thinking on his feet than I am.

Her eyes keep moving between Ciel and my self as I try to hide my absolute confusion over the whole situation. So, I am to be his bodyguard and butler? Well, that's fine, I can be whom ever he pays me to be but I just wish he didn't spring it on me in this way.

"You know what, at this moment I don't care. You're here and you're safe – that's all that matters to me." She cries as she grabs him and holds him tightly.

…

Since we are at the hospital, his Aunt insists that a doctor sees and examines him, despite his constant childish protests. Finally, after a while, Ciel gives up and agrees to an examination and I wait outside. Leaning up against the wall of the examination room, I think about how exactly I got into this ridiculous situation. I've never been a personal bodyguard before, let alone someone's butler – I wouldn't even know where to begin; does this mean I have to live with him now? He didn't even ask me. As impressed as I am with the way he deftly answers all of her questions, I can't help but be thoroughly annoyed – the little brat must have known that's what he was going to say; he'd planned it all out but stayed quiet.  _Did he trick me?_  He must have known that if that was on offer, I might have rejected the job. How clever.

My annoyance passes quickly as I become amused over the fact that in my whole career, a child bested me. I may have fun with this job after all – even if I am to be a butler. I mean, a job is a job and I am true to my contracts, I will be whatever he needs me to be. I take my job very seriously, even if he is a mere child, I will carry out his instructions to the letter, although we will have to iron out the details at a more appropriate time – no more tricks. Right now we just need to make sure he's fine.

After a while, Dr. Durless comes out of the examination room and stands beside me. She doesn't look at me; she just faces forward, staring blankly at the wall as she crosses her arms over her chest. I espy her out of the corner of my eye; she looks solemn and saddened, I take it the examination isn't going that well.

"He's lost function of his right eye." She sighs, visibility fighting the urge to break down and cry in front of me.

"Is that the worse of it?" I inquire. She bows her head, pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head no. "I see."

Tears start to roll down her cheeks, creating a trail in her make-up. I suppose this is what sadness actually looks like – it's interesting. In a way, I wish I knew what to do to comfort her, especially in a situation like this. I just stand close to her and offer her no solace, just company as she breaks, finally letting the tears she's tried to store fall freely. A moment passes, it isn't quick and it isn't slow – it just takes as much time as she needs to fully feel the breadth of emotions that is over taking her. Finally, she starts to compose herself, using her fingers to wipe under her eyes, smearing her mascara in the process.

Still keeping her eyes down, she clears her throat.

"Sebastian?" She addresses me by my new name.

"Yes?"

"I don't know who you are or how you found him but I own you a debt of gratitude for saving my nephew."

"I only wish I could have gotten there sooner." I didn't know what else to say.

"I wish you had too." She agrees. "It doesn't matter anyway. Throughout his examination, Ciel kept trying to convince me that you're someone who can be trusted."

"I can be."

"He's the only family I have left. I need to know, can you be trusted? Will he be safe with you?" She finally turns to me, I twist my head around to meet her gaze, her eyes are puffy and bloodshot.

"I assure you, I'm as safe as houses." I smile, "And I promise, I will do whatever it takes to protect him."

She nods and hums in acknowledgement to my declaration as she slips her hand into her lab coat pocket. Pulling out a set of keys she passes them to me. As I accept them, she wraps both of her hands around mine.

"The old Phantomhive estate is currently being rebuilt,  _just in case_  – well, anyway, it's not ready yet so you both will be staying with me."

"That seems fine." I agree. She stares at me hard as she squeezes my hand tighter.

" _Sebastian_ , just who are you?" She asks as the door to the examination room opens.  _Thank you doc._

The examining doctor pops his head out into the hallway and motions for Dr. Durless to come back into the room. She straightens herself up and adjusts her clothing in an effort to compose herself before walking in, obviously not wanted to cause Ciel any further distress. As she passes the doctor, he still stands in the doorway, staring straight at me.

"He wants you here too." He motions for me to follow and come into the room.

As I go in, I see Ciel; he's sat on the bed looking right at me. He's draped in a hospital gown two sizes too big for his tiny frame and now has a white gauze patch covering his right eye. He looks just as I left him, sullen and annoyed as his Aunt stands right beside him, placing both of her hands on his shoulders. I take my place on the other side of him, just behind as we await the results of his exam.

"Right, well, as you know he has lost functionality of his right eye and the discoloration is due to the orbital blow out." He begins, "The STI panel came back negative, however, we will need him back in six months for retesting – just to be sure. I mean, considering what he has been through, he's quite lucky."

" _Yes,_   _lucky_." Ciel snorts sarcastically under his breath.

STI panel? It's with that; I am starting to piece together just what happened to him in that hellhole, maybe I really don't want to know after all.

The three of us listen in silence as the doctor finishes telling us the results, taking it all in. Even though he was fine, there were concerns about the fact that he was severely dehydrated and malnourished. There were bruises found on his ribcage and wounds on his back that will need constant attention – I suppose that will be my job now.

Once he finishes, the doctor leaves the room as Dr. Durless begins to help Ciel dress. She frowns as the clothing he came in is in tatters and very filthy but there was nothing else to put him in. As I watch her struggle to keep it together again, I unbutton my coat and shrug it off. Turning towards Ciel, I carefully put it over his shoulders, covering him. My coat dwarfs him, shrinking him even further. He doesn't seem to mind as he grasps the sides and pulls it tight around his body as his cheeks start to redden. Feeling embarrassed, he looks away.

"Thank you." He mumbles.

"Not a problem young master." I smile; his eye darts over to me as he instantly furrows his brow, sensing that I might have been mocking him.

We have a long road ahead of us.

 


	3. Darkangel

It is past nightfall; the street is pitch black as it is so late at night that even the streetlamps are switched off as the cab pulls up and drops us off at the townhouse of Dr. Durless. The outside is beautiful, each bush and shrub is well manicured and the stonework leading up to the red lacquered door was pristine, not one crack in any slab.

We meander up the large stone steps and the red painted door starts to open and an elderly gentleman appears. His wrinkled eyes widen as they fall on Ciel, who is still draped in my coat. In an instant; his arms fly open and surround Ciel, holding him tightly.

"Young master, thank God you're all right." He breathes out. Ciels' tiny arms reach out and embrace him back. I wonder what kind of child he was before all of this occurred – granted it's been less than twelve hours since we met but he's never let his sullen façade crack, not once, but here, here he is smiling and tears start to fall freely from his left eye.

After the moment, the old man finally lets him go and he turns to me, dropping his arms to his side.

"You must be Mr. Michaelis. I am the house steward for the Phantomhive family, Tanaka. Thank you for returning the young master Ciel back to us." He says just as he bows deeply. I am taken aback by the way he shows his gratitude, it is different from what I normally receive, which is an uncomfortable out pouring of emotions as they hug me but I welcome this, favoring it.

"It was nothing." That's all I can think of as a reply, as he straightens himself upright again.

He outstretches his arm and ushers us into the townhouse.

Stepping through and taking it all in, I see that it's rather elegant on the inside, tastefully done – although, I'm not sure what I was expecting. The walls are painted a pale cream color to match the slate grey or cream furniture and fixings. At first glance, it seems that the décor is quite bland but there are vibrant, bold red accents throughout and they stand boldly against the subdued walls.

Red must be a color Dr. Durless finds an affinity with as the theme is carried throughout the house.

"You must be tired." Tanaka says as he bends down towards Ciel who nods. He must be exhausted; it has truly been a long night's journey into the morning as we were at the hospital for a lot longer than anticipated.

"Actually, I'm famished – is there anything to eat?" He struggles to stifle a yawn.

"What would the young master like?"

Ciel thinks for a moment and then a devious smile creeps onto his lips.

"Cake?" His eye is large and bright as he looks up at the old man. It's strange; around Tanaka, his whole demeanor has become all round childlike as he voices his request.

"Of course, I've already prepared your favorite chocolate cake for your arrival." Ciels' face brightens at the comment. "Why don't you have a bath and I'll bring a piece to your room?" He offers. Nodding, Ciel starts to hobble off through the hall.

Dr. Durless has already prepared everything for our stay whilst we were in the hospital so Ciel already knows where to go. I start to follow him but a hand stops me, looking over my shoulder, Tanaka motions for me to follow him. My mouth drops open to say something but he shakes his head and hushes my action.

I trail behind him as he leads me into the kitchen.

He walks over to the island in the middle of the room, moving to the other side. Bending over slightly, he opens a drawer, pulling out a book and sliding it over the countertop towards me.

"He is going to need you more than you know." He states calmly.

"I don't understand."

He hums softly to himself.

"As you are now going to serve the young master, I think it's best if you understand something about the Phantomhive family."

"Okay?"

"It's all contained in this journal." He pauses for a moment as he reflects over something, "I have survived two generations of Phantomhives and almost a third – my time here is done. It's your turn now." With that, he turns and goes to the cabinet, opening it, he pulls out a small plate and sits it on the counter. "You should attend to the young master and get him ready for his bath." He advises with his back still to me.

"Yes, right, and where is that, exactly?"

"Straight down the hall and to your left."

Taking the book, I make my way down the hall and to the left as instructed.

Popping my head through the door, I spy Ciel, sat on top of the bed – waiting.

"Sebastian?" He seems surprised by my appearance.

"Yes?"

"Where's Tanaka?"

"He sent me in here to get you ready for your bath."

He shrugs, "I guess that's fine, you'll have to learn how to do this now anyway."

"About that, why didn't you tell me about your plan to have me be your butler?"

"You wouldn't have gone through with it."

I sit the journal down on the desk by the window and move to stand in front of him.

"You don't know that. I have been known to take on whatever task my contractor asks of me. It is a part of my job."

"I'm sorry for second guessing you." He apologizes as he looks away.

"Apology accepted. Now, what do I do?"

His eye darts back over to me.

"You have drawn a bath before, haven't you?" His tone is incredulous as he arches his brow at me.

"Actually, I'm a shower kinda guy." I retort playfully, he frowns, I suppose he's not in the mood.

"It's simple." He starts, "First you take the rubber stopper and you put it in the plug hole at the bottom to stop the water from draining. Then you turn on the faucets to fill said bath tub with water and-"

"You can stop at any time." I groan, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Well, you seemed lost on the concept." He scoffs as he leans back onto his elbows.

Jesus, I wonder who is trying to kill this kid? They're going to be seriously disappointed about wasting their time because I may just beat them to it.

He stares at me curiously.

"What now?"

"Part of getting me ready is undressing me."

"What?" I choke on my own saliva, "You're fucking with me, right?"

"Watch your language and no I'm not." He states seriously. "Go draw the bath and I will wait here." He demands.

I start to head towards the en suite bathroom.  _Yeah, I'll draw the bath, and then I'll hold your head down in it until the last oxygen bubble reaches the surface – problem solved._  I grumble silently to myself.

The en suite is huge, and bigger than my bedroom in my flat. Against the far right wall, there is a free standing bathtub with beautiful porcelain faucets that point into it. Rolling up my selves, I put the plug in the hole and turn on the tap, letting the water pour in. Looking around, I find a bottle of bubble bath solution; maybe the little lord would enjoy a bubble bath? I think to myself as I unscrew the lid and pour in the solution. I watch as it starts to froth up and as soon as it hits an appropriate level, I turn off the tap, grab a large looking towel from the shelf nearby and head back into the room.

Tanaka is there, just clearing away the plate of what I assume to be the requested piece of cake. The pair seemed to be discussing something as they talk in hushed tones and, as I come into view, they stop quickly.

"Your bath is ready." I announce.

"Thank you Sebastian." He glances over to Tanaka who just grins broadly. "Tanaka has already arranged a new uniform for you, which you will wear starting tomorrow, as well as your contract of employment."

"Thank you." I nod, that was fast. Tanaka leaves the room as I hold out the towel in front of Ciel, turning my head away.

"What are you doing?"

"I am not undressing you." I state firmly.

"Fine. I appreciate that this is new to you so I'll give you a pass tonight but only for tonight." He sighs as he starts to undress. Once finished, he takes the towel and wraps it around himself. I escort him into the bathroom, turning my head again as he goes into the tub.

"It feels hot."

I turn to him and see him still standing in the middle of the tub.

"I'm sure it's fine." I try to assure him.

He hesitates for a moment then tentatively sits down.

"AHHH!" He screeches, "It's boiling!"

I quickly turn on the cold water tap.

"I am so sorry!" I apologize as I try to splash the cold water in his direction.

"Didn't you test the temperature?"

"Truthfully no." I admit as I dip my hand beneath the surface of bubbles and into the water. He reaches over and pulls my head towards him, dunking me in the scolding hot, soapy water.

Losing my footing, I slip further into the tub and then fall backwards. "You little bastard!" I shout as splutter water all over the place.

A wry smile finds its way onto his lips.

"I told you it was hot." He smirks as he folds his arms across his chest.

Keep calm, I can do this –  _I will not kill this boy_. I do like a challenge and Ciel certainly is one.

Clearing my throat and running my hands through my wet hair, I start to stand back up again, rolling my shoulders in the process. Ciel looks scared as he watches me come towards him.  _Scared?_  He fucking should be.

"You would be very wise  _not_  to try that again." I warn as I turn off the cold water tap. He sits motionless, seemingly afraid to breathe.

Walking behind him, I crouch down and place my hand on his shoulder and he flinches.

"What are you doing?" He asks me dubiously.

"I'm checking your back."

"Why?"

"The doctor warned that if it's not checked it'll get infected." I gently touch his back and he jolts sharply.

"Don't touch me!" He hisses.

"I have to check your back." I insist as I lean forward to try again. Ciel slams himself against the edge of the tub and showers me with water. The bubble solution starts to irritate and burn my eyes.

"I said, do not touch me." He growls.

"Fine!" I throw my hands up and I start to stand to my feet. "At least let me help you out."

"No, I can do it. Just leave me a moment." He barks.

Fine by me.

Grabbing another towel, I leave the bathroom and march back into the bedroom. I am dripping wet with water, after being dunked and subsequently splashed, and I shake myself off to stop my clothing from sticking to me. What a nightmare.

As I enter the bedroom, I see Tanaka was back, laying some clothing down on the bed.

"I heard the commotion so I took the liberty of finding something for you to change into. It may be a bit small but hopefully, it fits." He must have heard us.

"Thanks." I say as he bows slightly and starts to leave the room. "Is he always like this?"

He stops at the doorway and shakes his head sadly.

"No. I wish you could have met the young master before..." He trails off for a moment, "he was such a happy child." He concludes before he leaves the room.

A happy child? Well, that's a stark difference to what I see now. Has he really changed that much?

Neither wasting any time nor wanting to stay in these wet clothes any further, I change into my new set quickly. Simple black slacks, crisp white shirt, black fitted silk waistcoat and matching tie. There is a suit jacket but considering it's one in the morning, I suspect I won't need it just yet.

Sitting down on the bed, to finish retying my shoelaces, I hear a loud crash from the bathroom. Leaping to my feet and racing inside, my eyes land on a naked Ciel, huddled in a pile on the wet floor. Grabbing another towel, I rush over to him and surround him. I notice the wounds on his back start to open and weep slightly; they really need to be tended to. Squatting down behind him, I wrap the towel around him delicately and lift him up in a half embrace as he leans back into me.

"What happened?" I keep my voice as soft as possible as I gently dab him with the towel around his shoulders and neck, taking great care to not touch his wounds.

"I slipped. My legs just gave way." He sighs heavily, wincing occasionally as the fibers of the towel grazed past a wound or bruise.

"I know you don't want me to psychically touch you but I really need to dress these." My voice is as sweet and as honeyed as I can make it. I lean back and try to stand up again, holding my hand out to help him up as well but he refused.

"I can stand on my own." He tries to move away from me again but collapses.

This time, I'm mad.

Grabbing him and tightly squeezing around his upper arms, I lift him to his feet.

"You hired me to protect you and that's all that I'm trying to do. Do not waste my time here because I can assure you, looking after a spoiled little brat is  _not_  my idea of fun."

He looks at me blankly as I ease my grip on him, "Now, will you let me help you or not?" He nods solemnly and I exhale loudly, completely exasperated by the whole thing. "Okay then."

I kneel down in front of him and finish carefully patting him dry as he stands there silently with a sheepish look on his face. As I finish, the strangest gurgling noise emits from his stomach and I look up at him curiously.

"Are you hungry?" I ask. He nods in reply. "Okay, well I can try to make you something?"

"Try?"

"I don't really know how to cook."

"How do you eat?"

"I don't on the whole but when I do, it's a take away."

"What can you make?"

I think for a moment.

"Well, I can try to make scrambled eggs, if you like?"

"Fine." He resigns. I smile politely as I wrap the towel around his waist, taking care to not touch him with my hands as I tuck the ends in together, neatly.

"Can you walk?" I inquire.

"I'm not getting on your back again." He snorts.

"No, this time, I was going to give you my arm." I hold out my arm and he balances himself against me as I guide him back into the bedroom. He plops himself down on the bed as I notice that Tanaka has already left out a nightshirt.  _Thank you Tanaka_.

Draping the shirt over his shoulders, he slides his arms through the sleeves and I start to work my way through the buttons, starting from the top down. When I finish, I reach underneath his shirt and start to tug at the towel. Ciels' whole body flinches and he grips the duvet tightly. I sigh as I remove the towel from his waist, sliding it down and off completely. As I fold it, I see that he's looking away, biting his lower lip and still completely tensed up.

I don't know what I can do to set his mind at ease. We're going to be working closely together for the foreseeable future and I really need him to start to trust me or this will never work. I place the towel over the back of the chair next to his desk and I stand in front of him, waiting for him to look at me. It takes a while but finally he turns to me and I drop down on to one knee, placing my right hand over my heart as my eyes lock into his.

"I don't know what you must think of me, especially after what you saw me do yesterday but please be assured, I am not like those people and I will never harm you." I pause for a moment as I observe him, his body starts to relax and his face begins to soften. "As I said to you the moment we made this contract, I am  _your_  soldier and I will fight for no one but you. I will be your chess piece, your pawn – move me however you see fit. I will not do anything without your order or command. Most importantly, Ciel, you can feel safe with me, you  _are_ safe with me. This, I promise you."

With that, his whole body relaxes and he loosens his grip on the duvet.

I don't know why, especially as he's an unmitigated nightmare, but I feel an overwhelming desire to protect him and keep him safe. I don't know what he's been through but I do know that my sense of justice compels me to help him achieve his revenge. I start to stand and bow slightly; which is something that I have observed from Tanaka.

"Now, if you'll excuse me young master, I shall go and prepare your eggs." I start to leave the room but I can feel his eye still on me, following me as I walk out of the door.

...

In the kitchen, I hunt around for anything resembling a frying pan. Everything here is copper plated and in pristine condition. Either Tanaka has the ability to keep things immaculate or Dr. Durless just doesn't cook – considering, by her own admission, that she's never here, I assume it's the latter rather than the former. Finally finding a cast iron skillet with a little bit of wear, I put it on the stove and turn on the heat. This shouldn't be so hard; I've seen it done several times before on cooking shows. I just add the eggs and milk – simple.

Assembling the ingredients and adding some touches à la the Food Network UK, I have the eggs in the pan cooking away. As I stir them, it dawns on me; perhaps he would enjoy a cup of tea? Tea, the great comforter, the hug in a mug as the adverts would have us believe. I never really cared for the stuff myself but, like the eggs, it can't be too hard to put together, I just add the teabag to some hot water – even simpler.

I fill a nearby kettle with water and click it on. A strong pungent smell hits my nose and I look around for what it could be…  _the eggs!_  I head back to the stove and switch it off. Picking up the pan, I immediately drop it as I burn my hand on the hot iron handle, it lands on the stove with a clang and the kettle starts to boil over – I must have filled it with too much water as there is a pool of hot water underneath it and running down the countertop, dripping down the sides. I look around for a dishcloth and see one neatly folded over the handle of the oven. Grabbing it, I move to clean up the liquid and in my haste; I knock over several glass bottles of olive oil, sending some of them to the ground, shattering oil all over the place.

"What on Earth is going on in here?" I look over towards the door and see Ciel as he comes into the kitchen. He walks over to the counter, pulling out a nearby stool and climbing on top of it, watching me as I basically destroy his Aunts' kitchen.

"Young master, what uh, what are you doing here?" I blow the stray strands of hair from out of my face as I try to compose myself, slipping slightly from the oil on the ground – this is not my finest moment.

"You were making such a racket." He huffs as he rests his elbows on the marble top and puts his chin in the palms of his hands as he observes me.

I grab the plate I took out earlier and dish out the eggs. Putting a tea bag into a mug and pouring in whatever was left of the hot water, I let it steep for a moment and I dig through the drawers for a fork and a teaspoon. Ciel watches me with interest as I continue to flail about the kitchen.

Finally, I present him with the plate of somewhat burnt eggs and the mug of tea, with the bag still in it.

Looking at it nervously, he picks up the fork and spears some of the tufts of egg with the tines. He slowly brings it to his mouth and wraps his lips around it – chewing on it for a moment before he spits it out.

"That's disgusting!" He chokes as he reaches for the tea, "Why does it taste like vinegar?"

"Isn't that what you put in eggs to stiffen up the whites?" Well, that is what I remember from the cooking shows.

"That's for meringues!" He shouts as he glugs down the tea to wash his mouth out. His whole face puckers just before he spews tea all over the counter. "This is horrible!"

"Oh, well I must admit, I've never actually made tea before either."

"Well that's obvious." He snorts as he wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

"I can try to make you something else?" I offer.

"No!" He declares as he slides off the stool, adjusting his nightshirt. "I'm going to bed, clean up this mess and try not to burn the house down." He grumbles as he makes his way out of the kitchen, stopping just at the doorway, bracing himself against it. "You can't cook, you can't make a cup of tea – what can you do?" He sighs exasperatedly.

"I can kill," I state firmly as he glances over his shoulder towards me, "and that's what you hired me for is it not?" A slight smile creeps onto his lips as he turns back to hide it from me. "I can assure you, in that respect, I'm the best." I conclude.

He nods and leaves the kitchen. I lean over the counter and hold my head in my hands. To make this work, I'm going to have to learn how to be a butler, it seems that some research is needed.

…

After cleaning the kitchen and finding a tray, I put a mug of warmed milk on it with various things to sweeten it with. I make my way back to Ciels' room and open the door, seeing him lying on his stomach, sprawled out on the top. I set the tray down on the bedside table and his head rolls over to look at me.

"I brought you some warm milk."

"Is there vinegar in it?" He asks sarcastically.

"No. I added nothing to it, just popped it in the microwave and I even tested the temperature." I smile. He hums in acknowledgement and starts to sit up.

"Is there any honey?"

"I brought some, would you like it?" I hand him the mug as he nods.

"Tanaka normally wouldn't let me have it."

"Then starting tomorrow, I'll do the same." I hand him jar of honey and a spoon and watch as he ladles three spoonfuls into it. It seems his sweet tooth goes beyond cakes as he stirs in his satisfied amount of honey into his milk. A smile appears on his lips as he sips it.

"This is good."

Ah, finally, something he can enjoy.

I will admit, when he's like this, he looks almost fragile. Everything about him is doll like – from his soft porcelain skin, long, lush eyelashes that surround his big blue eye, to his silky slate colored hair that sweeps just over his forehead delicately. Even dressed in this simple nightshirt, he looks sweet, almost innocent.

It's strange, I couldn't put it into actual words if I tried but something makes me want to help him. Not just out of obligation of our contract – I want to protect him. Especially as I reflect on what Tanaka mentioned earlier, he used to be such a happy child. Who ever did this took that from him. They took his parents and stole his childhood and his innocence – soiling him and sullying his family name. How dare they? And for what reason? Truthfully, I can't wait to find out.

I will enjoy finding them, hunting them down and I will get such pleasure in killing them – I will right this wrong.

Ciel hands back the empty mug and I sit it down on the tray. He scoots himself back and I pull the duvet and blankets out from underneath him, allowing him to slip in underneath.

"You are going to have to learn how to cook."

"I know."

"I can't go on living off of milk like a puppy." He snaps. I want to respond in an equally brusque way but I think better of it – I realize that he may be acting like this to see what type of reaction he'll get from me. This time, I'm not going to bite.

"Of course young master." I smile, which seems to annoy him.

I switch on the bedside lamp and walk over to the main light switches on the wall, turning them off.

"Sebastian?" Ciel calls over to me, his voice is low and soft.

"Yes?"

"Do you have any family?"

"No."

"Not a mother or a father?"

"No." I reply as I go back over to him, I start to fluff the pillow from behind his back.

"Hm, well as least we have that in common."

"Is it important to you that we have something in common?"

"No but, um, doesn't it bother you?"

"I don't remember them so I can't say that it does."

"Oh." I watch his face fall as he averts his eyes. I slide the blankets over his lap and he wiggles into the bed to try and make himself comfortable. I can see that he wants to ask me something further but that he keeps desperately fighting the urge. It must weigh on his mind, the death of his parents – he must really miss them.

Standing upright, I smooth down my waistcoat. I'm sure I'll get used to it over time but currently it's cumbersome and feels constrictive.

"Right then young master, good night." I smile as I collect the tray and start to head towards the door.

"Sebastian?" He almost whispers as he stops me.

"Yes?"

" _Um_ … do you think you could stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?" He asks shyly. I turn back to him with a slight grin.

"Of course." Walking back, I go over to the desk and sit the tray down on top of it. I take the nearby chair and move it right by the bed. I feel his eyes follow each movement with interest as I sit down beside him. "I will sit right here until you fall asleep." I confirm. His face starts to relax as he slides himself under the blankets. As soon as his head hits the pillow, I reach over and switch off the bedside lamp, covering the room in darkness.

As I sit here, I start to wonder about what Ciel has been through, I am still curious and I really want to inquire about what happened but I keeping weighing it out in my mind, after the hospital visit – I'm not so sure I really do want to know anymore. What I do know is that as I sit here, I feel like I understand him a bit better,  _hell,_  I might even like the kid. That thought alone makes me chuckle slightly.

"Sebastian, could you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here." He barks.

I take that back.


	4. Like Bullets

As soon as I feel he is sound asleep, I finally leave Ciels' room. Closing the door behind me softly, I make my way down the hall but as soon as I turn the corner, I see Tanaka as he passes me in the hall.

"Good morning Sebastian." He greets me.  _Morning?_  I guess I was in there longer than I thought. Ciel tossed and turned so much that I was sure he'd eventually wake himself, so I stayed and watched over him as promised.

"What time is it?" I wonder aloud. Tanaka smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a large, round antique silver pocket watch. He hands it to me and I accept it, running my thumb over the intricately engraved surface.

"You can keep it." He offers and I nod as I politely accept it, slipping it into my own pocket as he starts to leave.

"Wait, the other day, you said that Ciel was going to need me more than I know – what did you mean by that?"

"Read the journal Sebastian, it's all in there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have breakfast preparations to attend to." He pauses for a moment, "The floor is slick with oil, you wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

"It was a cooking experiment gone horribly wrong." I admit. I can see him struggle to stop himself from bursting out into laughter – instead, all I get is a  _'ho ho ho'_  as he takes his leave towards the kitchen.

I wander towards the room that is meant for me. I haven't had the chance to see it yet, as I have been doing nothing but attending to Ciel. It's not as though I have much anyway, the only thing I have is my gear bag with the cloak and mask that I must remember to dispose of, especially as they are the only things linking me to the event. Not that it's going to be fully investigated. In my experience with these things, the police will do whatever it takes to sweep it all under the proverbial rug especially as there must have been members in the high echelons of society as attendees or else, why the need for cloaks and masks? That reminds me, how did Ciel end up there?

I sit down on the bed and leaf through Tanakas' journal and I realize, I need to start from the beginning. Going right back to the start, I focus and read – studying each page, absorbing each sentence as I would with any other piece of research. I will admit, I find what I'm reading horrifies me slightly. It's almost as though Ciels' parents were doomed to the fate that befell them from the start.

It starts innocently enough, the family own a toy manufacturing company called Funtom, even I have heard of this company before, they've been around since 1880 – but it seems that that is just subterfuge for what they actually do. The Phantomhives are the heads of a Network – the most powerful Network in the underground; they are so powerful that they're untouchables. Their power comes from the fact that they are given permission to rule by the government and MI5, which means they are the enforcers,  _the guard dogs_  of the underground and they rule with an iron fist.

I know there are always power struggles between rival Families, but this was a hit and a professional one. I wonder, is that what happened? There must have been a hit sanctioned on the Phantomhives and the Network that did this wasn't just seeking some kind of hasty revenge against the untouchables, they were out for blood. I don't understand – if the Phantomhives were the untouchables, who would feel bold enough to carry out this hit? Also, for as good a murder this was –  _even I was impressed when I read about it_  – it was sloppy, they really fucked up and made a mistake, they let the boy live. Why would they let Ciel live?

The whole journal reads like a crime drama or spy novel but one thing is clear – when Ciel told me that he is now the head of the Phantomhives, he means it, he is now head and in control of this Network - all at the age of twelve.

Closing the book, I touch it to my forehead as I think to myself. On the one hand, guarding a child of a Network is not what I had in mind. Did he even know what this all entails? Does he truly know the fate of his family? If he does, he doesn't seem phased in the slightest. Which again means that he bested me – duping me into this job as his guardian. I would be annoyed but there is the other hand, and that is the fact that this job could be interesting.

Tossing the book beside me, I lay down, covering my eyes with my right arm and I let my thoughts wander: the Phantomhive Family, the Network, who killed them? What is Ciels' fate? The Family is so powerful it could've been anyone who sanctioned this hit. As the story in the book goes, their death was destiny, just as Ciels' Grandmother before that, she was murdered at the age of thirty-six, only slightly older than her son Vincent and his wife Rachel.

_Why would they let Ciel live?_

I try to clear my mind as it races frantically – and then finally – silence. I inhale and exhale deeply as my mind drains out and allows the silence to creep in and then I start to fall asleep.

...

Sleep.

I was asleep.

It is such a rare thing for me, a luxury I only partake in every once in a while. I don't really need sleep, I can function very well without it but sometimes it's nice to have. Stretching my arms out above my head and emitting a low groan, I start to open my eyes and let them adjust to the light. I guess I must've drifted off for a few minutes.

"Have a nice nap?" I bolt up instantly and I look over to my left. Ciel is sitting at the nearby desk, his legs are crossed and he's resting his chin on the back of his knuckles casually as he watches me. He's dressed quite elegantly, long black slacks with a sharp crease down the front, a white shirt, striking navy blue tie that matches his eye perfectly and a knitted gray argyle vest. After last night, I'm sure he didn't dress himself; it must have been Tanaka, who has very good taste. The outfit ages him and makes him look as formidable as he actually is.

"How long have I been asleep - how long have you been there for?"

"Two hours."

"Two hours? You should've woken me." I yawn slightly as I rub my eyes with the base of my palms. Why is he sitting there watching me sleep? I want to ask but before I get the chance, Ciel reaches behind him and grabs a stack of papers from on top of the desk and tosses it over to me.

"What's this?"

"Your contract. I suggest you read through it very carefully." He insists.

Picking it up I do as instructed and read through it. It is a very thorough and quite detailed document. In it, he confirms my role as his butler and what I'm to do. It also goes through my role as his bodyguard, which includes the caveat of putting my own life on the line to protect his. This is something I've never considered before, even as an assassin, I know my job is dangerous but I would never lay down my life for the sake of somebody else not even for a client.

As I stare at the papers in my hand, I really have to think, is it worth it? Ciel is now the head of the Family and I've now gathered that he knows exactly what he is asking me. It's only taken me a few minutes to suss him out and I realize Ciel is more than just a clever child. Like the journal states, he was born to do this, whether his turn was going to be now or later on – he was prepped from the start. He may have been a sick child but he was being primed to take over, I mean, as I said earlier, his parents' deaths were fated – it was only a matter of time.

Turning to the last page, I see my fee. I glance over it, then my eyes dart to him and then back to the black-and-white ink on the page in utter confusion.

"I think you'll find the terms of your contract is fair and the fee to match." He states, very matter of fact as he uncrosses and crosses his legs again, nonchalantly.

"It's generous, I'll say that." I have never seen a fee with so many zeros before.

"Well it states that in the contract you will live with me from now on and that basically, your life belongs to me." He pauses as he smiles wryly over that last statement, "I think for what I'm requesting you to do, for however long it takes, this is fair - especially per year." He finishes.

My eyes widen in shock.

"This is per year?" I manage to get out.

"Come now Sebastian, how much is your life worth to you?" He asks.

That's a good point, looking at the details of his contract, he is asking me to basically die for him if push comes to shove and I will be paid handsomely for it. Fine, I can kill some time doing this – I'm pretty indifferent towards my life anyway and I'm very good at my job so I don't think I'll get us in a position where this will be challenged.

"Where do I sign?"

He tosses me a pen from the top of the desk. Catching it, I look at the bottom of the page, which is where I have to sign – it's also under my fee. As well as where I must sign, there seem to be three additional requests that I am to adhere to as it stipulates in my contract that I will not get paid unless I comply.

The first request: That I protect him and never betray him until he obtains his revenge, the second request; that I obey all of his orders unconditionally and finally, the third request; that I never lie.

I'll be honest, they all seem quite difficult to adhere to, especially when I am to play the role of a butler, a butler who will now serve the head of a Family but I shrug and agree to his terms, acknowledging it with my signature, which I sign underneath where he's written his own name, of course, in perfect calligraphy script.

I now belong to Ciel Phantomhive.

...

One month has passed and I think I'm adapting fairly well to being a butler, or rather, as well as can be expected – I am human after all. Ciel refuses to leave the townhouse, which is fine for me at the moment as it's easier to keep my eye on him.

In the last few weeks since I have met him, I have never really left Ciels' side. Whenever I do, it's to allow him to have a nap or to clean the house. I left once to go to my flat and get everything I think I'm going to need whilst I carry out my contract, especially as it seems that I am going to be here for the foreseeable future. I invited him to come along with me but he refused.

My relationship with Ciel is occasionally terse. I'm still unsure if he trusts me or even likes me for that matter but I don't really care if he likes me or not, it's trusting me that's the issue. He has to believe that I will protect him no matter what and at this moment in time, I really don't think that he does. Still, we've come to an understanding and a daily routine that seems to suit us both quite well.

Whenever I get a moment, I like to go back to my room and re-read the journal Tanaka gave me. I've highlighted a few things that stand out and I've made plenty of notes, along with news research on the family and their death. I'm not sure what I'm hoping to find but at least it's further information that can help me if needed.

" _Ahem_." I hear him clear his throat behind me. I shut the lid to my laptop and close the book as I turn to him.

"Young master." I greet him as I stand. He walks into my room and jumps on top of my bed, flopping onto his back and staring at the ceiling. "Did you need something?"

"Not really."

"Then may I ask what you're doing?" I question. I do find it strange that he's in here, especially when he never gives my room much thought before.

"What do you do in here?" He asks curiously.

"Research."

"Research?" He repeats, not looking at me once.

"You hired me to find who killed your parents, that is what I'm doing." I reply as I move in front of him, holding out my hand to pull him up.

He takes my hand and I drag him forward, causing him to sit up right.

"Have you found anything out yet?"

"No. Do you know what your family history is?"

"I have an idea." He smirks, of course he does and he now knows that I know it too.

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Should it?" He shrugs.

"I don't understand how you can be so blasé about it all."

"It is what it is Sebastian, I can't do anything to change who I am."

"What happens when they come for you again?"

"Do you think they will?"

"I don't doubt it."

"Well, as long as I stay in this house, everyone thinks I'm dead so I'm not too worried just yet." He sighs as he hops down off of the bed and walks back towards the door. So, that's why he hasn't left the house yet, he doesn't want to be seen.

"Young master, you have to trust that I will protect you." I call out over to him. He hums in acknowledgement as he nods his head.

"You better hurry and straighten up, my Aunt is coming today and she can't see you like this." He warns over his shoulder.

"Dr. Durless? I thought she wasn't coming back this week?"

"No, my other Aunt, my Aunt Francis." He says coolly with a slight shiver down his spine.

_There's two?_

…

Later that afternoon, I assist Tanaka with preparations for Ciels' Aunts' arrival. I'd really like to know who she is and what she's like, especially as, even though Tanaka and I have things under control, we brought in an additional day cleaner to help make sure that the house is immaculate order. In my cooking research, I have already learned how to prepare lavender and honey scones from scratch, which I make quickly, as well as a variety of finger sandwiches for High Tea.

I always thought High Tea was a luxury for the rich 'ladies who lunch' who have nothing better to do with their time. They would descend upon the Savoy or the Ritz and sit there at four o'clock, decked out in their ridiculous hats and fascinators nibbling and sipping away as they natter away discussing things like so-and-sos mistress and other such tedious trivia.

I must say, on the whole, humans bore me and I have absolutely no time for them. Everything is for appearances sake and none of it is worth it. Humans have done nothing but impose their own thoughts and values on others to validate themselves and prove that they are right – no matter what. This spreads across everything, religion, wars and politics – all of it. I know I call myself a monster but I always felt that the real evil here isn't me but mankind. I only eradicate the worse of the worse; I clean up the causes of the messes before they can make more.

Finally, the preparations are complete and the cleaner dismissed. Going back into my room, I change into my new uniform. It's similar to the one Tanaka first gave me but the white shirt has thin pleating in the front and the back of the waistcoat has two adjustable straps. This suit fits me better, the cut is perfect for my build, the fabric is sumptuous and even the brogues on my feet are polished to a high shine. Catching myself in the mirror, I'll admit, I cut quite a dashing figure.

Leaving my room, I walk down the hall past Ciels' room. I decide to poke my head through the door and I see him sat on the bed, he is vacantly staring towards the window as he absentmindedly twirls a large blue stone ring around his thumb, sighing heavily as it makes another rotation around.

"Are you alright young master?" I inquire as I stand in front of him but he doesn't knowledge me. "Young master?"

"Hm? Sorry." He looks up at me, his right eye is uncovered and I can see the discoloration in contrast to the blue in his left.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes Sebastian, I'm fine. I think it's just the day." His voice seems quite saddened. The day? I wonder, is it his aunt coming to visit? I can see a black silk eye patch beside him, normally he wears a medical gauze patch but Tanaka must have gotten him a new one. Leaning over I pick it up and I gently places over his right eye, holding it still, I pull the strings back and delicately tie a knot behind his head.

"Thank you." He says as he adjusts it slightly.

The doorbell rings and he inhales sharply, exhaling as he slides off the bed onto his feet, smoothing his hair back and out of his face with both hands as he walks towards the door. "Come Sebastian." He beckons me from over his shoulder.

Following slightly behind him as we walk down the hallway, we can hear a woman's voice speaking as well as Tanaka. We turn the corner and make our way towards the front door. Before Ciel can utter a single greeting, a shriek that could cut glass sounds out. The next thing I know, a blonde comes hurtling towards Ciel, her arms circle around him as she pounces, sending him staggering back, almost in to me.

As she holds him tightly, he looks thoroughly uncomfortable with this whole interaction, which amuses me greatly, and I put my hand to my lips as I stifle a laugh. That action alone causes my young master to shoot me a haughty look of disdain as he tries to peel the young girl off of him.

She is slightly taller than him; long blonde hair in two curly pigtails with a stray strand that falls over her forehead and her dress was very, for lack of a better word, cute. It was a light orange color with a yellow satin sash across the waist tied into a neat bow at the side.

"Elizabeth, you are a lady, act like one."

Suitably chastised, the girl looks sheepish and relaxes her tight hold on Ciel. My eyes move from them over to the woman standing next to Tanaka. She is a statuesque woman with her hands firmly on her hips and a scowl on her face. Scowl aside; she's really quite beautiful. Clad in a tight figure hugging dress with three quarter length sleeves, the hemline falls just below her knees outlining taught thighs. Her blonde hair is in a tight bun, but there is a stray strand that at first would seem out of place. However, I bet it was done on purpose, as nothing about this woman strikes me as casual or careless with a hint of whimsy. I suppose she has done it to match her daughter.

Elizabeth lets go of Ciel and steps back.

"Sorry mother." She apologizes as her mother approaches Ciel. She places her hands on Ciel cheeks and her stern face softens.

"Ciel, welcome back." Her pursed lips relax into a smile and she steps into him, wrapping both of her arms around him and embracing him, stroking the back of his head gently. I glance over to Elizabeth whose body visibly shakes as she tries desperately to compose herself. I can see that she wants to cry but out of fear of what her mother will say, she holds herself together tightly, maintaining her composure.

As his Aunt releases him, her attention quickly turns to me.

"And what is this?" Her tone is as sharp as a dagger as she inspects me, her eyes trailing up and down my body.

"I am Sebastian, the young master Ciels' new butler." I introduce myself.

"I know who you are and how my nephew ever let you appear like this in front of me I'll never know." She snaps. I know my face must look stunned, as I thought I looked rather sharp. "Indecent, completely indecent." She scoffs as she approaches me. I've dealt with many different types of people before and most of which have been some very tough clients but I have never been afraid before. The moment she stood in front of me, my blood went cold.

Reaching out and grabbing a fistful of my hair she holds it up.

"Your hair is scruffy butler. Look at Tanaka, not one strand out of place." She smoothes my hair behind my ears, slicking it back with both hands.

"There, you don't look half bad now." She steps back to observe her work. "Your face on the other hand. I mean, are you auditioning for Britain's Next Top Model?"

There is a slight giggle and both of our heads turn towards the girl, who looks back at us curiously as it wasn't her but instead, it was Ciel who presses the knuckle of his index finger against his lips as he chuckles to himself. His Aunts' face relaxes completely, as though melted and she lets out an airy chuckle as well.

"As indecent though you may be, you brought my nephew home and I thank you for that." She smiles at me.

"Tea is ready, if you will please progress to the sitting room?" Tanaka moves them along. Ciel and his Aunt go through first and I start to follow them but a small hand reaches out and halts me.

"Sebastian?" Emerald eyes look up at me.

"Yes miss Elizabeth?"

"Please, call me Lizzie." She smiles halfheartedly.

"Yes miss Lizzie?"

She hesitates for moment, chewing on her bottom lip like it is a stick of gum. "What happened to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"He seems…" She drifts off as her eyes move towards the sitting room. I place my hand on her shoulder.

"He is different." I agree with her unspoken words. "I understand that the two of you must have been very close?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because you picked up on the change straightaway. However, with that, you can also help him reclaim what he has lost."

"How can I help him?"

"With just being yourself and no more." I smile. Her face lights up and she nods turning and skipping into the sitting room. As I follow behind her, I hear her mutter to herself.

" _Be myself, I can do that_."

I go into the kitchen to assist Tanaka in the final preparations in making the tea. As he has already warmed the pot, I spoon in the tea leaves, one for each person and one for the pot, I pour in the hot water and let it steep. Placing the pot on the silver trolley nearby, along with beautifully decorated plates of finger sandwiches, scones, clotted cream and a variety of preserves.

Wheeling it out of the kitchen, I stop before entering the room to take a deep breath and ready myself – this is my first real moment as a butler and I have a sense of pride when it comes to my work, no matter what I do. Entering the room, I see everyone is there, seated and mid conversation. My new master Ciel is sitting next to Lizzie, who's gleefully catching him up on all the schoolyard gossip since he's been away. He looks completely nonplussed but I'm not really sure if that's because he was homeschooled and may not know who these people are or he really doesn't care. I think it may be a mixture of both. His Aunt is sitting next to Dr. Durless, who has just arrived on a surprise visit. I see Tanaka has her lab coat draped over his right arm as he bows politely and takes it to her room.

As I pour the tea, I look over at his Aunts and wonder who Ciel takes after. He looks nothing like either of them, and their personalities don't seem to match either, but then again, I don't know what he used to be like before we met. The tea is poured and I watch anxiously as each person takes a sip. Ciel waits as he gauges everyone else's reactions – there are smiles after sips and the conversation goes back to normal. Holding his teacup under his nose, Ciel waves and inhales the vapors.

"What type of tea is this? It's light." He remarks as he examines the liquid.

"Empress Gray from Marks and Spencer. As clotted cream can be heavy, I have chosen a tea that was light and delicate without being to heavy on the palate or the tannins." I smile. Ciel blinks at me, astounded by my reply. Yep, nailed it. All of that research has paid off.

He takes a sip as he closes his eye, seemingly enjoying it.

"This is delicious." He resigns. That must've been hard for him, normally I'd let it go but I'm feeling playful.

"Thank you young master, I mean, if I couldn't make a decent cup of tea, then what sort of butler would I be?" I smirk. He snorts derisively as he rolls his eye.

As the afternoon wears on, all of the sandwiches are suitably devoured, the tea drunk and the conversation starts to repeat itself, Lizzie looks over to her mother – trying to catch her attention. Once she does, her mother nods her head and Lizzie leaps up and canters out of the room. A moment later, she comes back in with a large box in her arms and hands it to Ciel.

"Happy birthday Ciel." She declares with a broad grin.

I move over to the piano by the large bay window, lifting the lid, I take a seat and let my fingers to dangle over the keys as I start to play  _happy birthday._  Everyone starts to sing-along and Ciel starts to blush.

"Happy birthday to you." The song finishes.

"Open it!" Lizzie insists. Ciel pulls on the light blue satin ribbon that surrounds the box and opens the lid. He pulls out a large stuffed rabbit and everyone holds their breath, it appears that the irony is not lost on them. The rabbit wears an eye patch over its right eye, and the same disaffected pout on its face, just like the boy holding it. "It's Bitter Rabbit!" Lizzie declares.

"I can see that." Ciel sits the rabbit on his knees as he examines it.

"Don't you remember? Uncle Vincent had two made for us and we used to play with them all of the time when we were little.  _Remember_?" She enthuses.

Ciel is completely stoic as he touches the rabbits' eye patch. He observes Lizzies' face out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't you like it?" Her lip starts to quiver as she fights the urge to cry. Ciel, being a quick thinker, catches this and forces a bright smile on his lips.

"It's fantastic Lizzie, thank you." His smile is so sweet and innocent even I almost buy it, but, it isn't down to me, it's down to Lizzie to take the bait. Her eyes flicker with pure joy she throws her arms around him. _Well done, young master._

"Sebastian, can you play something a little more lively?" Dr. Durless asks. I nod and I start to play away on the keys.

…

Finally the day is over.

I have my young master bathed and tucked into bed, which concludes our evening routine. He hasn't asked me to sit with him tonight, which is fine as it allows me to complete my nighttime routine.

I do a sweep of the house to ensure that nothing is out of place or askew. I see a few dishes that need to be put in the kitchen, so I collect them and place them into the dishwasher.

"Oh!" I exclaim loudly as I walk over to a nearby cupboard. In the rush of the day, I have completely forgotten.

Opening the door, I pull out a beautifully decorated cake. It is a two layered cake, covered in chocolate ganache with the decorative hand piped white roses on the top. It's Ciels' favorite cake with his favorite flowers. I completely forgot to give this to him – not to mention that it is the first that cake I have ever made. It took a lot of work especially with the copious amounts of interruptions he causes but it looks beautiful and I'm immensely proud of it.

"Oh well." I sigh as I run my index finger along the bottom of the plate, collecting spare frosting that has spilled over, and lick my finger. Disgusting, I detest chocolate or anything sweet for that matter. Leaving the cake on the counter, I walk back into the sitting room to take a seat at the piano. I let my fingers spread out over the keys slightly touching them. A delicate trill comes out softly as the melody flits through the air; I play for a moment, as lightly as I can so as not to wake anyone. Not that they can hear me, though it is only a townhouse, this place is huge and the bedrooms are so far away that my gentle playing won't cause them to stir.

Closing my eyes I play gracefully and quietly as my fingers take flight and I feel the music through my fingertips.

"You're quite good." His voice reaches my ears and I stop.

"Young master-"

"Don't stop." He interrupts me. I look over to see him, just in his nightshirt and without an eye patch, leaning against the piano right next to me. "Please keep playing." His voice is soft and pleading, how can I say no?

"Any requests?" I smile at him; he walks behind me and sits next to me on the bench.

"Whatever you were just playing." His voice is almost whispering as I start to play again.

"Oh, well it's called I Was Lost Without You."

"I've never heard of it."

"I think it's from a video game."

"You play video games?"

"Not really, but sometimes they can provide good strategy planning."

He nods as I continue to play; he starts to yawn but manages to stay awake as he watches me.

"Can you play the piano?" I ask.

"I can kind of play the piano but I'm better at the violin. I want to keep playing but I need a tutor." He shrugs.

"I can tutor you in both. I'm quite good at musical instruments."

He tries to smile but yawns again instead; his eyes flutter slowly as they start to close. He must have been unable to sleep and too proud to tell me to stay and sit with him tonight. Why does he feel the need to rush becoming an adult? I wonder as his head rests against my arm.

I can't help but smile as I glance down at him.

"Happy birthday young master." I whisper.

"Thank you Sebastian." He replies with his eyes closed.

I stop playing for a moment as I think about how to collect him and take him back to bed. Moving my arm from underneath his head, which falls onto my chest, I wrap my arm around him and start to slide off of the bench.

"Young master, it's time for-" I stop.

It's like a sixth sense – a strong feeling I have in the pit of my stomach as my heart races.

_I hear something._

A sharp crack of glass sounds from right behind us.

Holding him tightly, I surround Ciel and we fall to the ground as the sitting room is sprayed with bullets. Shattering the glass of the bay window and hitting the various pictures, vases and lamps that decorate the room. The bullets hit the pendant lamps that hang from the ceiling cloaking the room in darkness, save from some sparse light coming from outside.

Crawling to a pool of moonlight, I pull back for a moment, I check to see if Ciel is all right. His breathing is fast and labored as his eyes are wide with horror but there isn't a scratch on him. Falling back on him again, I try to move him along to get him out of here but I halt, there is consistent banging against the front door and finally it bursts open.

"Master, wrap your legs around my waist and your arms around my neck." I instruct into his ear. Ciel obeys and holds on to me tightly as I keep low to the ground and start to crawl to the other side of the room.

I stop.

The sound of heavy footsteps crunching on glass approaches us.

" _Ciel Phantomhive,_  I guess the rumors are true – you do live." He says.

"That's more than I can say about you if you don't leave." I bark.

"Leave? Who are you?"

"My name is Sebastian Michaelis and I am here to protect my young master. Now, if you don't get the fuck out of here in the next few seconds, I'll show you why he hired me." I calmly state. I really have no idea how to get out of this situation but I'm hoping he's cowardly enough to take the hint.

"Well then,  _Sebastian Michaelis_ , this is a birthday gift from my master to yours."

Cradling Ciel tightly in my arms, I manage to look up and stare straight down the barrel of his gun. I hear the click of the safety being released and I watch as he pulls the trigger and the bullet is discharged.

* * *

The song Sebastian plays: I Was Lost Without You – Sam Hulick


	5. Watercolour

"Well then, Sebastian Michaelis, this is a birthday gift from my master to yours."

Cradling Ciel tightly in my arms, I look up at the barrel of his gun.

_Tick follows tock follows tick follows tock._

My mantra, my ritual – it calms my mind and slows everything down, allowing me to think.

And my first thought is that this man is not like me.

He is not a killer.

He's struggling – I know it. If he were a killer, he wouldn't bother talking to us, he'd do what I do and just pull the trigger. However, I'll take his lack of experience and use it, as in that sentence, he didn't notice me slide my left foot out from underneath me as I now balance on my right.

I listen as I hear his thumb slide over the safety – it clicks as it releases. I watch as he squeezes his index finger around the trigger and the bullet is discharged.

I make a quick calculation as he pulls the trigger – judging by the distance of the barrel to the height of my raised back and the velocity at which the bullet is discharged, I only have one option. Kicking my right leg out, I fall flat on top of Ciel, he lets go of me as his lungs exhale under the weight of pressure and the bullet grazes past my shoulder – I'm hit.

I wince as the wound is deep and it burns. I can feel Ciels' whole body shake underneath me, I look at his face and he's completely terrified. Dipping my head back down I hug him slightly to calm the shaking and I turn my lips to his ear.

" _Trust in me_." I whisper. He nods frantically in acknowledgement.  _Okay, here we go_.

Rolling off of him, I use the heel of my left foot, kicking it out and hitting him in the shin, driving into the bone, I listen out for a crack and drag my heel down to his ankle. I can't see the damage but the crack is there and I can smell fresh blood – excellent - it was a direct hit. He collapses, dropping to one knee as he holds his shin.

"Master, I've been shot! Go to kitchen." I declare but he hesitates, "Now!"

Scrambling to his feet, Ciel scurries out into the hall down towards the kitchen.

Judging by the choice of jean trousers he's chosen to wear, the scrape must burn like fuck, not to mention the break. I would chuckle at that fact but I've got to get his gun, which he is still clutching in his hand. I roll over onto my side and I start to stand.

"He's in the kitchen!" He shouts, looking over his shoulder and not paying attention to me. Ciel may have run towards the kitchen but I know he won't go in it. I've already prepared for something like this to happen and if it does, like now, Ciel knows to go anywhere than where I tell him to go. It's a distraction; actually, it's kettling, making them go into a room where I would have the advantage.

Now I chuckle, this man is an idiot. Just because I said I have been shot doesn't mean you've won.

I hear voices and clamoring as whomever he shouted to heads into the kitchen. Good, I've got to get in there.

"Now then, how shall we proceed?" I smirk as I hover above him. His eyes widen.

"H-how, I thought you-"

"Were shot? Yes, you shot me but you didn't kill me and that was your second mistake. Your first being coming into this house." I say as my eyes lock in with his as I start to squat down. He didn't notice my right hand slipping down just above his readying to take the gun.

He tries to raise his hand but it smacks into my palm and I hold his hand tightly into my, squeezing it. With my left hand, I reach out and grab his throat.

"Who hired you?" I ask calmly. His eyes start to tear, how sweet.

"H-he didn't give me a name. He j-just said that he was on behalf o-of someone else." He chokes out.

I roll my head back and to the side as I think about this.

Using his hand, I smack the handle of the gun against his damaged shin. He cries out and lets go of the gun into my hands.

I start to stand up, taking him with me as his throat is conveniently still in my hand.

"Why would you say this was a gift?"

"That's what he told me t-t-to say! Please, you have to believe me, I don't even know who you are, he just said: bring the kid!" He splutters.

"Okay." I shrug. Raising the gun, I clock him in the forehead with the butt and he passes out. "I'll let the cops deal with you." I quickly unload and drop the gun and then sprint towards the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen, the lights aren't on, but the moon through the blinds allows me to see there are three of them – easily done. I watch as they look around for Ciel but they can't find him, of course not, he's not here. Why would I announce where he would be hiding?  _What is this? Amateur hour?_  I groan to myself, quietly. It doesn't really matter as it has done the trick; they're here and completely oblivious to my presence.

_Tick follows tock follows tick follows tock._

"Come out little boy, we're not going to harm you." One of the men calls out.  _Yeah, like anyone would believe that._

_Tick._

I walk up behind one of them, wrapping my hands around the sides of his head, squeezing his cheeks, I twist his head sharply, breaking his neck and causing him to go limp in my hands and I guide him down to his knees quietly.

_Tock._

Crouching down I make my way around them, stopping just on the other side of the island counter in the middle of the kitchen. The pair don't seem to notice me, or the dead body of their colleague, as they walk around the island in front of me looking under the table and chairs.

"Mate, I don't think he's 'ere."

I ever so silently slide open a drawer and reach in, my fingers brushing against something cold and metal. I run them up whatever it is, and realize it's a razor sharp kitchen knife and it'll do nicely. Taking this, and a few more pieces of cutlery out of the drawer, I palm them and slide them up my sleeve.

"Fuck, we can't leave without 'im, dead or alive."

"Steve, what do you think?" I can't see who they're calling for, but I'm pretty sure  _Steve_  is not going to reply.

 _Tick_.

I close my eyes and focus as I can hear one of them walking around towards me.

Perfect.

Staying very low to the ground, I wait to pounce as he walks ever closer to me.

"Oh shit, Steve?" The first one stumbles on to the body of his fallen comrade.

" _Shhh…I hear something_." The second one whispers.

"Sebastian?"

Ciel! I hear his voice and soft footsteps as he enters the kitchen, what is he doing? He knows better than this! I crawl forward to see him stood by the door as he takes everything in; he's still shaking but standing firm – just as I would imagine him to.

"Ah, there you are kid, we've been looking for you." The second one purrs as the first one lunges forward and grabs Ciel, lifting him up off of his feet by his collar.

"Sebastian! Where are you?" He cries out.

_Tock._

Crawling further towards them, I drop one of the knives that I had hidden away into the palm of my hand.

"I'm right here young master." My voice is calm and honeyed in it's tone as I spring forward on my knees, using my knife to slice the right Achilles tendon of the second man causing him to scream out and fall over.

With the same knife, I pounce on top of him and plunge it into his chest. Blood splatters on the first man and over Ciel as I start to stand up and move towards them.

The man drops Ciel to his feet and turns to me as he tries to get his gun out of his back pocket. I drop down another piece of cutlery into my hand from my sleeve, I touch the tip of it with my index finger, and it's a fork this time.

"I thought you were shot!" Ciel exclaims in shock.

"I was shot and it hurts like fuck, get down!" I instruct and as he ducks, I take the fork and throw it at the man, hitting him square in the eyes. He too drops down and falls over just in front of Ciel. Not wanting to take any chances, I pull the fork out of his forehead and stab him in the chest with it as well.

Ciel completely collapses to his knees as he stares at me in repulsion on all fours.

"Is it – is it over?" He asks me, shaking.

"Yes young master," I nod, "it's all over now."

...

"The cops should be here shortly." I exhale as I lean over the kitchen table, completely exhausted.

I moved the bodies out of the kitchen and into the sitting room. Then Tanaka and I set about to cleaning and coming up with matched up statements for the police. Of course, it didn't really matter as this was an act of self-defense, there were guns but I used cutlery and besides, once they realize who the target was, they are sure to brush the whole thing under the carpet, especially as it was a matter for the underground and it concerned the last remaining ' _untouchable_ '.

"I still don't know why you called them. It's best if people didn't know I am still alive." Ciel huffs as he comes over to me.

"I hate to break it to you but I think the cat's already out of the bag." I stand upright and hobble slightly to a nearby chair and take a seat. I take off my coat as my shoulder is bothering me; it's throbbing and still sore.

"You're bleeding!" Ciel gasps as he lays eyes on my wound. I look over to my shoulder and nod.

"I guess I am. Well, that's what happens when you get shot, you bleed." I agree. "Is there a first aid kit around?"

"I'll ask Tanaka." He rushes off and out of the kitchen to find the old man who was no doubt guarding the bodies in the front room. My eyes trail after him as he goes out, his nightshirt still spotted and stained with someone else's blood. My first thought is how am I going to get these stains out of that nightshirt? I may have to get him a few more and with that, I emit an airy chuckle. When did this happen? It's only been a month and I'm already thinking like a butler. I wonder when the change happened? It's all happened so fast that I didn't even realize it.

As I muse over my newfound self, Ciel returns to the kitchen, lugging a big green bag with a white cross on the front of it. Sitting it down on the table, he starts to rifle through it, pulling out a bottle of antiseptic solution, gauze, tape, white crepe bandages, scissors and various other items I don't think I'll need. Reaching over and grabbing the antiseptic bottle, I put it in my mouth and use my teeth to unscrew the lid. My eyes wander over to Ciel who is standing with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

"What?" I mumble as I spit the lid out of my mouth.

"I was going to take care of that for you." He mutters and I do everything in my power not to laugh at him. I see that he can tell, as his face flushes crimson and his hands clench into fits, held tightly at his side.

"This from the boy who cannot even dress himself?"

"Well, my Aunt  _is_ a doctor."

"So you think you've learned how to do this by osmosis?" I lightly chuckle. Ciel looks as though he's going to punch me with his tiny, ineffectual, balled up fists.

"No! I know how to dress a wound; I've seen it done before." He snorts; I can see something click behind his eyes as he realizes something and a wave of sadness comes across his face. "I used to watch my mother do this for father sometimes." He recalls.

I don't know what to say.

He barely brings up his parents, as it must be hard for him, but sometimes it's like they don't even exist. With Dr. Durless' blessing, Tanaka had removed any family pictures and placed them somewhere where Ciel wouldn't find them – almost as though looking at them would be too much for him.

I clench my fist and measure the amount of pain I'm in. It hurts but it's not too bad, deep superficial wound at best.

"Okay, you can tend to it." I decide. His whole face brightens up as he snatches the antiseptic from me and takes some gauze pads from off of the table. I watch him out of the corner of my eyes as he haphazardly pours the liquid onto the pads, spilling some onto the floor. "How many times have you seen this done?"

"Enough." He shrugs, "Now take off your shirt." I hesitate, as I'm really unsure about this. I know it isn't a deep wound but still, I don't want an infection, no matter how much antiseptic solution he puts on it. "Sebastian,  _this in an order_ , take off your shirt and let me treat you." Ciel frowns.

It's an order now is it? It's my first one since I signed my contract.

I exhale loudly and feebly attempt to unbutton my shirt, sliding it off of my shoulders. Using his free hand, he guides it the rest of the way down my arm and back then starts getting to work on treating my wound, dabbing at it with the antiseptic soaked gauze pad very roughly. Wincing from the burning of the solution and the sheer gruffness of his actions, I think Ciel must have seen my face. The dabbing becomes much gentler and he blows on the wound between each touch in an attempt to soothe the burning sensation.

Looking over at him again, I can't help but feel warmed by this. I've been injured more times than I can count but no one has ever treated me before, let alone offered. Watching his typically scowling face scrunch up, his normally pouting lips part as his little pink tongue pokes out in concentration makes want to chuckle – of course, I don't, I just let him carry on with the task at hand.

"So, you didn't like the rabbit Miss Lizzie got you?" I ask as he starts to put the dressing on, fussing over exactly how it should sit on my shoulder.

"It's not that I didn't like it, I like it just fine. It's just that it's a toy for a child." He groans.

"Are you not a child?"

He stops for a moment to think, and then continues to apply more dressing.

"I suppose I am in age alone but no, I do not consider myself to be a child." He replies.

"Then what are you?" I wonder curiously. The tape is coming out now, and he cut strips off and smoothes them against the dressing on my shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're not a man – not yet at least."

"I am an adult. If you knew..." He trails off for a moment and I suspect he's thinking about the last few months he spent in captivity.

"It's all right; you don't have to tell me." I attempt to defuse the tension.

He stops for a second, keeping his eyes down towards the table as he traces his fingers over the blades of scissors as though he is in a trance. His past must haunt him terribly - I want to know about it, all of it but I can wait until he wants to tell me – that is – if he ever does.

"Young master?" I speak gently so as not to spook him. It seems to work as he snaps out of it and picks up a dry gauze pad, placing it over my wound and holding it there as he gets more tape and sticks it in place. He works quietly but quickly as he keeps applying more gauze and tape, it's fine, I'll leave it for now but I will have to redress it later.

Once he finishes, he stands back and admires his work. He emits a low hum as he thinks of something. Coming towards me, Ciel places one hand on my chest, the base of his palm is warm considering he is barely wearing a slip of anything. Putting his other hand on the edge for balance, Ciel leans into me, closes his eyes and ever so tenderly kisses the dressed wound on my shoulder; his long eyelashes sweep over my skin.

I am thoroughly dumbstruck.

He looks at me and reads my reaction curiously.

"What is the matter?"

"Why did you do that?" I manage to splutter out as any other type of words escape my mind.

"Is that not what you are supposed to do? I've seen my mother do this many times whenever my father or I were injured." He states quite matter of fact. My face softens as I smile at him.

"Okay, I understand now. Your mother was kissing your 'boo-boo'." I know I must sound detached but I'm not fond of human physical contact, no matter what it is meant as. I can appreciate why he did it; it was sweet, though oddly affectionate, especially given the nature of our relationship but it was what he learned from his mother.

"Master, why don't you ever talk about your parents?" I ask.

His mouth drops open to reply but he hesitates.

"What the  _hell_ happened here?"

We both look over towards the door and there stands Dr. Durless, just back from work, her red lacquered nails digging into her sides as she places her hands firmly on her hips. There is a look of anger and complete bewilderment on her face.

"Sebastian, a word", she says sternly.

I slide off of the chair, tossing my bloodied shirt back up and over my shoulders and I start to walk towards her. As I do, Ciel comes into full view as he steps beside me but slightly behind as he follows. Her eyes land on him and widen in horror as she rushes over to him, pulling at his nightshirt and searching his body.

"Oh my God! Ciel! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." He pushes her hands off of him. "There isn't a scratch on me."

"But you're covered in-"

"Somebody else's blood Aunt Anne." He smiles, "I assure you, I'm perfectly fine." His eyes flicker over towards me and hers' follow in the same direction. I nod to confirm, I did my job, I protected him and she need not worry but still, she frowns.

"Ciel, stay here. Sebastian, hallway –  _right now_." She barks.

I do as she instructs and follow her into the hallway. I lean against the wall as she paces back and forth, gnawing on the nail of her middle finger as she thinks.

"Well?"

"It seems the young masters' attempt to keep the fact that he is alive a secret has been thwarted."

"What do you mean?"

"Dr. Durless, I've been meaning to ask this, what do you know about the Phantomhives?"

She stops pacing for a moment and goes silent.

"So you know." She sighs after a while.

"It is my duty to know everything, especially if I am to protect the young master with my life." I respond.

"Sebastian, you have to stop him." Her eyes look at me, pleadingly.

"I don't know how." I answer truthfully.

"Find a way,  _any way_. This is not the life I want for him… I saw how my sister was and…" Looking at her, her face sinks like her voice and she becomes distant. "I can't bear it, if he follows the same path as his father, I just can't. He's the only family I have left. Please Sebastian,  _please_ , you have to stop him – make him see sense." She begs.

"That's not his decision to make." Ciel interrupts.

Moving away from the wall, I stand upright as I see him come up beside us; his arms are crossed over his chest as he stands in front of us.

"Ciel, please, I'm only doing this for your own good!"

"My own good?"

"You could have died tonight." She reaches out and touches his cheek.

"But I didn't, Sebastian protected me." He replies sharply as he side steps her action. "I could have died many times over but I didn't. This is who I am, this is who I have become and  _this is now my job_. There is no way I'm running away from it."

I can see Dr. Durless' eyes start to well up with tears as she sweeps the ruby red fringe from her forehead in frustration.

"But you're a child." She tries to reason.

"No. I am head of the Phantomhive Family and all that entails. I have been preparing for this since my birth – and I am  _not_ a child." He snaps as he turns towards the end of the hall. "Come Sebastian, I believe the police are here to clean up this mess."

His tone is sharp and remarkably different to the sweet boy who delicately kissed my wound not five minutes ago. Now, he seems aloof and cold as we walk towards the sitting room to greet the police.

I follow after him as he struts, just casting my eyes over my shoulder to Dr. Durless, who is crying, tears falling down her cheeks as her eyes remain focused on him.

This is not the life she wants for her nephew and I can understand that. This would not be the life I'd want for him either, if I were her – however, I'm glad he's chosen it. The more time I spend with Ciel, the more I admire him and his brazen tenacity. His unwavering need for revenge is something I desire, in fact – I crave it.

His soul is dark, twisted and tainted – yet, it's equally childlike and innocent, such a rare dichotomy existing in one being – it's delicious. So foolish and yet so admirable, just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Still, I feel I must reconfirm if the strength of his convictions continue to ring true.

"Young master, what if your Aunt is right."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're 'alive' now, which means you'll have your wealth, status and all entitlements reinstated to you. Why would you throw all of that away for something as foolish as revenge? Why not just start living?"

We get to the edge of the hallway and he suddenly stops, keeping his back to me and letting out an airy chuckle.

"You know, you're probably right." He agrees. My heart sinks as the creature I started to admire and whose need for revenge I desire so greatly seems to be letting doubt set in. "But," He begins again, turning to face me. "I didn't hire you because I wanted those things, I hired you because I want to fight and now that whoever did this to me and my family know I am alive, there is nowhere to go but forward. I will fight each and every last one of them and I will get my revenge!" His voice is firm without a trace of doubt, his back is straight and his head is high as he stares me straight in the eyes.

There he is, this beautiful creature, without hesitation he joins me in the darkness, turning his back to the light. He could have everything he could ever want in this world twice over, but the only thing he wants is revenge. I have had many clients over the years who have sought the same, the majority with reasons that are so petty, they seem like children who want a settling of scores after a school yard scrap. However Ciel is the only one who understands what it means to want revenge, true retribution, he is ready to charge into this abyss at speed with such dignity and bloodlust.

He is perfect and single minded, so beautiful and so imprudent.

"Sebastian." He calls me, my eyes lock into his, unwavering. "This is an order, I trust you to be my soldier. You will be fighting for me, being my sword and my shield - _and you will bring me victory_." He growls so low that it sends a sharp shiver up my spine.

I immediately drop down on my left knee, crossing my left arm over my heart as I bow my head and take his right hand into mine

"Yes young master, I will continue to fight for you and I will definitely deliver you the laurel of victory. On my own I life, I swear it." I trail my thumb over his knuckles before I lightly touch my lips to them, confirming my statement.

Ciel Phantomhive, I now know what you ask of me and I can deliver, but do you know? Do you know what road you're destined to walk down and to what end you're seeking? Do you know that everyone you know will start to fall by the wayside and eventually; you'll be forced to walk this road alone? Do you know that this crown you so desperately seek is full of nothing but despair?

Yes, you must know, of course you know but you seek it anyway – how foolish but how beautiful.

 


	6. Ooh La La

**Warning(s):**  Drug use, implied underage drug use, underage drinking and implied sexual abuse of minors.

…

Walking into the sitting room, I cast my eyes around. I see the coroners bagging the bodies, the plain clothes officers bent over and studying the bullet fragments that were found scattered throughout and Tanaka, who is standing by the window regurgitating the story we had made up as he "assisted" the police with their investigation. As the lights were shot out, they have set up makeshift floodlights that fill the room with such brightness; it is like standing in the middle of a football pitch.

I decide to join Tanaka and confirm our rehearsed statements.

Once finished and the officer, seemingly satisfied, dismisses us. We start to walk away and Tanaka quickly slips something into the palm of my hand. Running my thumb over it, I realize that it's a medical gauze patch. I look over at him, nod my acknowledgement and then I look for Ciel.

I find him standing by the coroners as they zip up the last body and wheel it outside on the trolleys. Walking just behind him, I watch as he starts to move away, oblivious of my presence.

"Young master." I mutter under my breath, Ciel stops and turns to me as I show him the eye patch. He nods and I hand it over to him. He puts it over his eye, slipping the loops that fix it to his face over his ears and smoothing his hair over it.

Ciel moves around the room as he inspects the damage and I follow after him until a firm grip lands on my shoulder, halting me.

"I should have guessed that this would be your handiwork." He scoffs from behind me. I dip my head, nodding slightly as I smile to myself; the voice is rude but very familiar.

"And I should have guessed that you'd be the first one here. Still desperate to make a name for yourself, I see." I retort snidely.

"Do you two know each other?" Ciel inquires from beside us.

"In a way. Young master, may I introduce Detective Chief Inspector William T. Spears? DCI Spears, this is my master and head of the Phantomhive Family, Ciel Phantomhive."

"Ciel Phantomhive? No, you're supposed to be dead."

"I can assure you DCI Spears, I'm very much alive."

"How are you here and why his he here?"

"I am here because he saved me and this is my Aunt, Dr. Durless' home. If you have any questions, you can find her in the kitchen." Ciel retorts.

"And I am here because of the contract I made with my master." I simply reply.

DCI Spears looks irritated and confused as he slides his glasses up the bridge of his nose and glares at me.

"Contract?" He snorts. My mouth drops open to reply.

"Yes, as long our contract is in place, Sebastian belongs to me." Ciel interjected.

"Who is Sebastian?"

"I am, as that is the name my master gave me on the day we met." I smile.

"Your master?" He snorts derisively. "So you retired  _Black Cat_?"

"Black Cat?" Ciel interrupts.

"That is the name this demon goes by or used to, didn't you know?" He asks sarcastically, knowing Ciel wouldn't have known my former identity.

Ciel looks over to me curiously but shrugs his tiny shoulders.

"What does it matter? He is Sebastian now and that's how he'll stay until our deal is done."

"You've made a deal with a demon? Are you really that desperate?"

"For what I want to achieve, a demon,  _as you call him_ , is just what I need."

"I cannot think of anything worse than an unfettered demon to have on your side."

"I can't think of anything better." Ciel quips.

"I can assure you DCI Spears, I am very much so fettered by my master. I am in his complete control as per the terms of our contract."

DCI Spears arches his brow as he studies us, "I can't say I like this at all."

"I can't say that I care about your opinion. Now, if you'll excuse me." Ciel flashes him the brightest, most charming and childlike smile which would shame the sun if it shone outside and walks towards the hallway.

"We're not done here." He calls after him.

"My master must be tired, it is late after all." I grin, trying to keep as straight a face as possible.

"What do you gain doing this? Serving a child."

"I'll have you know, my master is no child, he is the head of the Phantomhive Family and all that entails." I smirk; regurgitating a line from the speech Ciel had given me a little while ago. I take a step towards him and now we are face to face. "What I gain is something someone like you will never understand." I finish as I turn and walk away.

"This isn't over  _Black Cat,_  I'm going to watch every move you make." He hisses.

"It never is DCI Spears and I would expect nothing less." I say over my shoulder as I follow my master into the hall.

"Sebastian," His voice is low but his tone is sharp.

"Yes young master?"

"Black Cat?"

"A previous life."

Ciel hums and nods, then he turns his head over his shoulder, looking at me.

"Do not keep anymore secrets from me, this is an order."

"Yes master."

"Black Cat,  _honestly._  Couldn't you have thought of something more, I don't know, bad ass than that?" He scoffs.

"What can I say? I really like cats." I shrug as I follow him down the hall and towards his bedroom.

...

A few weeks later, we find ourselves walking at speed down a relatively busy High Street, and I push past the other pedestrians as I follow a rather hurried Ciel down the street.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I trail behind him slowly, especially as one of my normal paced strides is three of his. He hasn't let me in on the reason for this secret adventure, only where to park the car. I'm quite curious, as this is the first time he has ventured outside of the townhouse since I brought him home that night a few months back. Perhaps that is the reason behind this rush to get to wherever he is trying to get to. Maybe he's developed some type of agoraphobia? I really don't know.

"We're going to see an informant of my predecessors'." He replies. "I've already been in contact with him so he knows to expect us."

It's curious whenever he speaks of his parents now, he calls his father his predecessor and doesn't speak of his mother at all. Ciel seems so closed off these last couple of weeks; it's been hard to get an accurate read on him. I know that his nightmares are getting worse but since his birthday, he's not had me stay with him. I don't offer either, although I do stand outside his door at night - sometimes for the whole night just in case he needs me but he never does.

Instead, he thrashes away in his sleep and calls out for someone, who? I wish I knew. Probably someone he met whilst in that hellhole but I don't ask. All I can gather is that there was a promise he would be protected but that person may be no more. He cries out of them, screams something and then goes quiet, only to go through the whole event again.

Ciel is an enigma and a complicated one at that.

I'm normally quite adept at sensing a way through these things, but he still manages to confuse me. However, with that said, over these last two months I feel as though our relationship has gone from strength to strength. I think I've matured into a proper butler, not without constant research and development, and Ciel has matured into a formidable head of a Family. I am nothing but impressed in how this child,  _excuse me_ , this young man has just stepped into his fathers shoes with the gravitas of a man much older than his years, and taken complete control.

The biggest change is the matter of trust; Ciel seems to trust me implicitly now.

Tanaka acts as his proxy for any matters concerning his controlling stake in the Funtom Company; however, he now tends to ask for my guidance. As I don't know the first thing in running a billion pound company, I'm afraid any suggestion I make is a small one and relatively inconsequential. I'm sure he knows all of this, however, his desire to make sure I'm in the loop hasn't gone unnoticed, not by me or anyone else for that matter.

With that being said, I serve a greater function to him than an ideas sounding board. Whenever there is business concerning the underground, I'm there.

I don't know why but I half expected to be Diane Keaton at the end of The Godfather. It's the scene when Michael shuts the door on her and out of 'family' business, but no; I'm in the room. I've never been on this side before, and I must say that I normally would be fighting against the 'Mob', but now I'm here, it seems that it is who they are also fighting against. It's odd, even though I read the journal; I seem to not understand what it is they actually do, but I'm learning.

The Phantomhives keep the peace in the underworld, they are like the guard dogs and enforcers – making sure no one steps out of line, a sort of modern day Murder Inc. Especially because if anything does spill out into the open that's when the police get involved. Not that they don't have some of them as members of their Network and in their pockets as well. They do their job effectively; Ciel is in control of not only the Family but also the whole Network to boot.

He has a vast list of informants and people on his books that owe him and his Family many favors. I have to be careful, as steeped into my own morals and rules as I am, I find myself easily swayed into their world. I find the whole thing exotic and fun, to say the least. It's steady work and much better than just being a typical gun for hire.

"Young master, I know you said we were going to an informant but where? I feel like I could have parked closer."

"We're going to the Undertakers."

_An undertaker?_

Finally, he stops in front of a shop and I look up to read the sign:  _Undertaker_. The outside of the stone building is very old looking - it must be Grade 1 listed as it's incredibly Victorian looking but kept in excellent condition. There are two large windows in the front showing off various tombstones and wreath decorations.

Going inside, we stand and wait in the foyer. The first thing I notice is how shadowy the place is. There are dark wooden floors and a black carpet runner that goes down the center of the room, dividing it. There is a medium sized dark stained wooden table in the center of it with a centerpiece of while calla and stargazer lilies in a clear circular glass vase. Along the walls, there are rows of coffins everywhere on display. This place is definitely an undertakers; I had thought for sure it was code for something.

As we wait, my ears pick up on the music being piped in over the speakers, it's like music you'd hear in posh lifts but this is oddly familiar.  _It isn't, is it? It is…! it's (Don't Fear) The Reaper from Blue Öyster Cult,_ I muse to myself quietly.

Placing the tips of my fingers to my lips, I attempt to stifle the snigger that's simmering within me. Although, I can't help but sing along to the words in my mind which then causes me to emit a light chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Ciel raises an eyebrow at me; his stern look scolding my behavior.

"Nothing young master, it's just that I think I get this guys' sense of humor."

"Well I'm glad somebody can." A voice titters from behind us. We turn to see a man in an impeccably tailored ebony black three-piece suit with a white shirt and a skinny black tie around his throat. He has very long silvery grey colored hair which is tied back but his long fringe sweeps across his face, partially covering his greenish yellow colored eyes.

"Hello Undertaker." Ciel greets him; the man puts his hand on his heart and bows.

"Young Phantomhive, how nice to see you again, even if it's under inauspicious circumstances." He stands upright and steps towards us, stopping right in front of Ciel.

"Yes, well." Ciel mumbles, "I understand you handled the funeral of my predecessor," he pauses and adverts his eyes from Undertaker, "thank you."

"It was not a problem, I was happy to do it." He giggles, which I found very inappropriate considering the topic of conversation. "I loved your parents you know."

Ciel nods, "I know."

Undertaker slides his index finger across his bottom lip as he thinks for a moment.

"You look a lot like him, Vincent. Handsome man, handsome child." He swoons as he reaches out and touches Ciels' cheek, causing him to grimace. "So, now you're head of the Family, mazel tov." He chortles as he leans against the table. "Is that why you're here?  _Ooo,_  I heard someone tried to put a hit on you, didn't they?"

"They tried but thanks to Sebastian, they were unsuccessful."

"Sebastian?" He turns to me, " _Oh yes_ , I heard that you got the infamous Black Cat collared and leashed to you."

Ciels' head snaps over to me. "How does everyone know you're Black Cat?"

"Oh, Black Cat is a legend my dear boy, I'm surprised you don't know. I've never seen him in person but he has come up in conversation once or twice especially as he's one of the most sought after assassins in the underground, wouldn't you say...  _Sebastian_?" He lets my name drip off of his tongue like runny honey.

"I won't deny it." I shrug.

Of course I won't deny it because it's more than true. I started at such a young age that I was able to build up such a reputation, that reputation always preceded me. What can I say; I'm good at what I do, especially if what I do is killing.

"Well, in any case, if you want my information, you know what the price is." Undertaker smiles with his whole mouth, flashing pearly white teeth.

"What's that?" Ciel sighs, motioning me to come over to him with his left hand.

"My price? A laugh, my dear boy, that's all I ever require." He giggles.

"A laugh? Like a joke?" Ciel asks incredulously.

"Well, it has to be a really good joke."

"I'm afraid I don't have much of a sense of humor these days." He replies almost sadly.

"Then what about you kitty, have you a sense of humor? I'm in need of a good laugh."

_Kitty?_

"Yes, I have a sense of humor." I smile, well I don't really but I'll give it a try.

"Okay, prove it to me. I request a light rib tickling and you can have all the information I have today." He bargains.

Okay something humorous; I think I can handle that.

"What is a polygon?" I ask.

Undertaker shrugs, "A dead parrot."

"You've heard it?"

" _Everyone_ has heard it. Nice effort kitty but that was terrible." Undertaker gives off an embarrassed laugh for my poor effort, "Come on, try again."

"I guess it cannot be helped." I sigh as I try and think of something else that he may find humorous and won't already know. I step behind Ciel and cover his ears as I start to tell the filthiest and most perverted joke I can think of.

When I finish, Undertaker clutches his sides, howling with laughter at my joke. Personally, I didn't think it was all that good but I knew it would do the trick. Watching Undertaker burst into tears, Ciel fights out of my grip and moves forward.

"Well?" He arches an eyebrow at the lunatic.

"Yes, yes, I deem your offering worthy."

There is something strange and uncomfortable about being here in this place with this man. I can't seem to get a read on him. He is eccentric to say the least but he keeps leering at Ciel, which makes me feel extraordinarily protective of him, and so I stay directly by his side ready to pounce, if need be.

"You know, I feel like things are always interconnected." He begins. "From the national grid providing each of us light and electricity, connecting us to one another, to the people we meet. That person you meet might know someone else who knows someone else who knows you – all related."

"What are you on about?" Ciel huffs, his temper starting to fray.

"What I'm on about my dear boy is interconnections and how we all relate to one another. You were being put up for auction, is that right?" Ciels' face falls as he thinks about that time. "Oh my - where are my manners? Would anyone like a cup of tea? I've made these fantastic biscuits, you must try them."

After he has made tea, we reconvene back in what he affectionately calls 'the weeping room'. It's a quiet place where the grieving, unable to deal with a public display of emotions retire to. As he has few rooms at his disposal, this one is also being utilized to hold stock and there are a lot of coffins stacked about.

Ciel sits on top of an ebony and silver coffin, looking horribly uncomfortable, clutching a mug – shaped as a beaker – of tea, with the bag still in it. Undertaker passes him a plate of bone shaped biscuits and he politely accepts.

"Well, where were we? Oh yes, the auction. As you know kitty, not everyone died there, and one of those who survived works on behalf of others who had an interest in what was on the block at auction, like a broker."

"An interest in me?"

"Well, you and some others. You were the big draw that night though, that's why they were saving you for last. Hell, if you weren't so expensive, I would have bid on you." He jokes. Reading our reactions to his comment, Undertaker shakes his head and continues. "Have you ever heard about Aleister Chamber?"

"He has been in the news a few years ago – over what, I don't remember." I respond.

"Aleister Chamber used to be a GP but he lost his license due to, let's just say questionable behavior, not with his patients but in his private life. All alleged of course."

"Of course." I mimic.

Undertaker sits on the brown wooden coffin opposite us, taking a biscuit in his fingertips. He crosses his legs and leans back on his elbows, lightly nibbling on the rounded part of the snack.

"He settled out of court an awful lot, the British Medical Association saw him to be a liability and what can they say? Mud sticks." He chuckles.

"What happened to him after that?" Ciel asks.

"He did what any morally bankrupt person would do, he went into the banking industry and made a killing in the stock market. When the recession hit, it didn't even affect him, he was bullet proof – truly finding his calling." Undertaker quips.

"How is Chamber connected to me?"

"How he is connected to you, well, there's the rub."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that the dubious circumstances that surround those allegations and lawsuits surround underage minors." Ciel clutches his tea beaker tightly as he starts to put two and two together. "My connections say that he knew the auctioneer that meet an untimely demise."

"The auctioneer was Nogoyev, you mean he was connected to him?" I surmise.

"Exactly kitty."

"If Chamber knew Nogoyev, then that means that he must be-"

"Exactly. He had a whimsical name for each one he bought from him too."

"And what was that?" I wonder.

"He'd call them his little songbirds. A bit innocuous but when you go through as many as he did, learning their names would be too difficult."

"And what would happen to them?" Ciel inquires, slightly agitated.

"Young master." I can see his breath quicken and his skin flush. I can't hear it but I'm sure his heart must be pounding.

"They met the same end each time, he broke them."

Ciel stares at him blankly and Undertaker draws his index finger over his throat, indicating that they all died and that Chamber may have been the one who killed them.

"How do we get him?" Ciel says resolutely.

"Well, you're in luck, in two weeks time, Chamber is having one of his 'lost weekend' parties at his estate in Kent. It's full of nothing but sex, drugs and debauchery and I can get you in."

"I'll find a way of getting him."

"Oh, you alone won't do." Undertaker stands up from the coffin and I turn from Ciel to him.

"I don't understand." Ciel sits the untouched tea beaker down as he also starts to stand.

"As much as he likes 'em young, you, my dear boy, are not his type. Mine - yes, him - nope." He smiles as he takes one step forward. I instinctively step in front of Ciel who just walks around me.

"What does that mean, I'm not his type?" He asks spuriously.

"What he means, young master, is that Chamber prefers young girls."

"And that, you are not." Undertaker chuckles as he continues to eye Ciel under his sweeping fringe.

"Well thank you Undertaker you have been most helpful." Ciel smiles for the first time today.

"Always a pleasure, young Phantomhive, always a pleasure."

Ciel turns to leave, walking towards the curtained exit that covers the threshold.

"Oh, Ciel." Undertaker calls out, Ciel stops but keeps his head facing forward. "I'll extend the same warning I'd given your father. You should be careful gambling your soul away like this, you only get one." He warns, and then pauses for a moment. "You know, I made a pretty coffin just for you and I was happy that it wasn't utilized. I really hope for you to never use it, at least, not in my lifetime." Ciel snorts at his remark and continues to walk out towards the door. "He's your responsibility now, kitty. Look after him for me."

"On my life." I nod as I exit the weeping room for the parlor.

As we exit the funeral parlor, Ciel doesn't seem to be walking back to the car so quickly. It isn't though he's strolling; he just seems to be taking his time, ruminating on what Undertaker had said to him.

To be honest, I'm thinking too.

Undertaker said something but he never finished what he was trying to say. There was someone who was interested in buying Ciel at the auction, a broker who lived. Is he too, connected with Aleister Chamber? I'll have to do some research – some one must know who was at that auction.

"I'll do some reconnaissance work before I go to the party and-"

"We." He interjects.

"We?"

"I'm going too." He practically demands.

"Oh no you're not. This can be too dangerous for-"

"I swear to God Sebastian, if you call me a child or a boy I'll kick you in the shin." He threatens.

"I wasn't going to say that but it is dangerous for you, and besides, it'll be easier for me to get my information from him if you're not there distracting me."

"Distracting you?" He stops.

I sigh heavily as I don't want this to turn into a massive strop in the middle of the High Street.

"What I mean is your safety is my primary concern, I'll be too busy trying to make sure nothing happens to you instead of concentrating on the job at hand."

"Well, that's too bad because I'm going." He harrumphs, folding his arms tightly across his chest.

"Let me guess, this is an order?"

"Yes."

I think for a moment. Perhaps I can use Ciel as an advantage here?

"Well then, if that is the case, it must be done my way, understood?"

"If you insist. What do you have in mind?" His lips start to smile slightly; I can see he's excited that he's coming along.

"We'll have to set a honey trap for him."

"Honey trap?"

"Yes and young master, you're going to have to play along."

"Fine. It can't be too bad right?"

...

Knocking on his bedroom door, I wait a moment before I enter with the garment bag draped over my forearm. Entering, I can see Ciel sitting on the bed, leaning back and thinking with a completely disaffected look on his made up face. He looks even more doll like than usual; his eyes are encircled with heavy black smoky kohl and light rouge on his cheeks. His lips are stained in a seductive pinky red and glossed with a cherry colored and flavored balm, giving him even more of a pout.

He is wearing a long-haired wig that matches the slate of his own hair color. It's styled in two long pigtails that curl at the end, with a sweeping side fringe that covers his right eye - that way, he doesn't have to wear an eye patch. He looks more than beautiful; he looks fragile and delicate, like something you would put on display, even in his white dressing gown.

"Young master, here is the dress Nina has made for you."

"You're not taking pictures. I don't care  _what_  she wants them for." He snaps at me.

"I think she only wants them for her portfolio."

"Even worse!"

"Still, she was kind enough to style your hair and make-up."

"This is humiliating." He sighs.

"You said you wanted to come." I smirk, unable to help myself.

"Not as a girl!"

"Well, this is how we set up a honey trap and if Chamber likes young girls then we'll give him one." I reason.

Sliding off of the bed, he stands in front of me as I lay the garment bag down and unzip it. From what I've been told by Nina, who is not only a first-rate stylist but also designer and tailor, the dress she has made is bang on trend – whatever that means. All I know is that as I slip it out of it's protective casing, I can tell it's definitely provocative.

Pulling the zipper down in the back I hold it open and Ciel steps into it, sliding the robe off of his narrow shoulders and dropping it to the floor. I pull the dress up his torso, put his arms through arm holes and zip up the back. As soon as I'm finished, Ciel struts over to the full-length mirror on the door of the wardrobe and admires himself. I must say, the dress is quite captivating on him. It's a light pink satin sleeveless extremely tight bodycon dress with a hemline that just about covers his backside. The neckline has a white and black ruffle that runs along it and down the v shape of the back.

Ciel runs his hands over the dress to feel the texture of the fabric and he smiles.

"Will this do?" He asks as he watches me in the mirror.

I simply nod.

Yes, it'll do nicely.

…

The ride up to the party is quiet but tense, it is really make or break. We can either get caught or something can happen to Ciel but hopefully, neither of these things will happen.

Our plan is simple – have Ciel get Aleister alone so we can trap him, sounds simple enough but it's easier said than done. Undertaker said that Chamber is attracted to young girls but what if Ciel isn't the type he goes for? It doesn't really matter, all I want to do is find him and trap him, once we do – the interrogation can begin.

After an hours drive through London and into the county of Kent, the anxious tension is certainly starting to build. Ciel keeps fiddling with the stone set ring on his thumb, spinning it around as he stares vacantly out of the window as I drive.

"You remember what you have to do right?" I wonder, glancing over to him.

"Yes, I need to get Aleister alone." He nods.

"Exactly. You don't need to worry about anything, I'll follow you every step of the way and if you need me to step in – just call my name and I'll be there."

"I know." He sighs, closing his eyes.

"You trust me don't you?" I ask. Ciel opens his eyes and turns to me.

"I trust you with my life Sebastian." He confirms and that is all I want to hear.

Driving down the long stretch of road onto the Chamber estate Ciel draws in a sharp intake of breath as we approach the house. It's huge, immaculately landscaped with trees and exotically shaped topiary.

Pulling up to the front, I get out and hand the keys over to a sharply dressed valet. Walking to the other side, I open the door for Ciel and one shapely leg after the other comes out of the passenger side as he appears, causing the other valets to gasp and whistle under their breathes. Our driver gets into the car and moves it over to the parking area next to the lot full of Maseratis, Ferraris and other costly super cars.

Arm in arm, I escort Ciel up the steps of the estate and towards the entrance. The first thing we hear is a heavy rhythmic synth beat, it blasts out so loudly it causes the ground to vibrate.

Walking into the house it is immaculate, all white and gold furnishings with white marble statues of naked female forms scattered around the room. This definitely is a party for those wanting to lose their senses for a weekend. There are half naked women walking around, serving alcohol and hors d'oeuvres to various people. The other thing we see are girls of a questionable age milling around and looking completely vacant. Some are talking to other members of the party whilst being fondled and the others looked completely out of it as they drink, rut and grind against each other on the dance floor in front of us.

Ciel looks disgusted and horrified as he clutches onto my arm tightly, sticking to my side like glue. Looking around, I can't spot Undertakers' description of Chamber but I'm sure he's around here somewhere, we just need to draw him out – we need to create a scene big enough to bring him to us.

Then it hits me.

I wiggle out of Ciels' vice like grip on my arm and bend over to whisper in his ear, although, with how loud the music is, the whisper became more of a shout.

"Can you dance?" I ask.

"Can I what?" He repeats.

" _Can you dance_?"

"What would I need to dance for?" Ciel retorts.

"Aleister must be attracted to you so you need to seduce him."

"Seduce him? I'm wearing a bloody dress…!" He strops.

"I'm afraid the dress alone won't entice him. There are a lot of people at this party, we need to come up with another tactic if you want to draw him into you."

"Fine." He resigns. I motion for him stay put and I walk over to the DJ and request a song. He smiles and nods as he looks over at Ciel and licks his lips.

"Yeah mate, I get it." He grins.  _Pervert._

Well, this is it, it's make or break if we're going to get Aleisters' attention. I look around to see the party goers mingling, drinking shots and snorting blow off of any flat surface available, which includes the stomachs and chests of these underaged girls.

This place is full of deplorable behavior and I can't wait to get Ciel far from here but then my eye catches him. Leaning against the wall, feigning interest in the big-breasted dizzy blonde next to him and staring straight at a fidgeting Ciel – it's our mark.

He's a tall man, light golden blonde hair and violet eyes that narrow on Ciel, checking him out, sussing him and mentally doing all sorts of debauchery with him – I can see it behind his eyes and with the way he keeps shifting his position against the wall, he's so easy to read.

The last song dies down and the song I requested starts. It had dawned on me that we would need something sexy enough to grab his attention but also something upbeat so Ciel can keep pace with the beat. I chose Ooh La La from Goldfrapp; like the dress, I think this will do just fine.

As the beat starts to kick in, I saunter over to Ciel, who is now wearing a look of pure confusion on his face. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I lean into him, "Are you ready?" I ask, he nods. "Good, follow me and look like you're enjoying yourself." I instruct as I turn him around to face me. I slide my right leg in between his thighs and balance him on my knee slightly as I start to grind into him.

His eye widens at my touch but he allows it as he stumbles with the movement, stepping on my feet. I bend over towards his ear again as he jerks around nervously.

"Relax, just relax. It's like playing the violin, close your eyes and feel the music." I instruct. He closes his eyes, his body eases as he begins to feel the rhythm and the beat of the song.

I run my hands from his thighs, up to his waist as I press him against me tightly. We start to move in perfect sync as we gyrate and swing our hips to the seductive bass heavy beat. Tipping my head towards his ear, my eyes dart over to Aleister, perfect, he's watching – everyone is watching.

"I'm going to turn you around. Chamber is the blonde on the right, make eye contact with him and keep it there. Nod if you understand." Ciel nods his head to the beat.

My fingers spread across his tiny waist as I pull my leg out and spin him around. My hand crawls from his waist up the sides of his torso, to underneath his arms – lifting them up. Instinctively, Ciel wraps them around my neck, pulling me down towards him. I look over to Aleister, who is fixated on Ciel, who is dancing like he's on fire.

Pushing back into me, he licks his lips and swings his hips as he dances into me. His whole body bobs up and down, rubbing himself against me and maintaining constant focus on Aleister. I start to neck him, lightly kissing the side of his throat and behind his earlobe.

"You've got him, get him." I breathe into his ear as Ciel nods to the beat again and pushes me away from him. I step back and watch him dance – he's perfect, absolutely perfect and captivating as he moves his hands over his head and face, down towards his neck and over his chest and his hips hit each beat with a ferocious, over exaggerated switch. He stretches out his arm towards Aleister and wiggles his finger, beckoning him to come to him.

Aleister acquiesces and comes towards him.

I duck out of the crowd that surrounds them so I can keep my distance but watch over him safely. Ciel is doing wonderfully, he takes to this so quickly and well, he suitably impresses me yet again.

As the song starts to wind down, I turn around to keep my eye on them but they were gone. My eyes scour the room and I can't find them anywhere – this was not a part of the plan and I have now lost both of them.

Shit.


	7. Teddy Bears' Picnic

**Warning (s):**  Dubious consent, drug use, underage drug use, violence… etc.

...

 

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

I only turned around for one moment and they are gone. I knew I shouldn't have brought him, I knew it. Shaking my head and clearing my thoughts, I realize that it doesn't matter now, what matters is that I have to find them.

_How can they have just vanished?_

The music is so loud that the bass line drums out any intelligible thought I have on trying to locate them. Abandoning the idea of thinking, I decide to just use my instinct and look for them. It's strange; I feel an actual physical connection to Ciel, like we're bound together. It's as though I can sense him.

I dart through the room and weave past the inebriated guests, scouring the area like a fine toothcomb trying to feel his presence.

Still nothing but I know he's close.

As I move through the room, I turn a corner and find a hallway. People line the walls, leaning against them, listening in to what's going on behind each door and waiting for their turn. I shudder and try to calm my rushing heart beat in order to see if I can use my intuition to see which door Ciel is behind.

"Excuse me sir, what's your pleasure?" An accented, meek voice asks me from behind as a small hand reaches up to touch my shoulder blade, getting my attention.

I look over my shoulder and see a small girl, obviously younger than Ciel or at least made to look that way. She is clad in a tight fitting beaded black bodice top with a puffy black lace skirt, dark brown hair cascades over her shoulders as she hazily stares at me with her large sad green eyes. Without a doubt, this child is drugged.

"Are you a songbird?" I ask and she nods her response, although I could have guessed. "Have you seen Aleister?" She nods again; now we're getting somewhere.

"What's your pleasure?" She parrots as she steps closer to me, running her small hands over my stomach in an attempt to seduce me.

"Aleister, take me to him." I insist. This time, she shakes her head.

"I can't, he's taken someone into the Ecstasy Room, and so he cannot be disturbed." She replies. My heart pounds into my throat, that's where he's taken Ciel.

"What happens in this room?"

"What do you think?" She shrugs with one shoulder.

I can think of so many things which is why I need to get there and quickly. In order to get this girl to take me to them, I think it's time for a different tactic.

"What's your name?" I ask as sweetly as I can with a flirtatious smile as I lean against the wall. She pushes her small body onto mine as she plays with the buttons on my shirt.

"Seven." She coos.

"Seven? That's an interesting name."

"That's what he calls me, I don't... I don't remember what I used to be called." She says coolly. I swear to God, if there is one, I want Aleister to pay for what he's done to these girls.

I gently use my fingers to smooth back some stray strands of hair behind her ear as I bend my head towards her.

"Fine then Seven, that's what I'll call you." She smiles at me.

"Now, what is your pleasure?" She repeats again, nuzzling her face against my chest.

"My pleasure is for you to take me to the Ecstasy Room." I purr as her eyes light up, "Perhaps we can join Aleister?" It was the only thing I could think of to have this girl take me to them.

She dips her head and reluctantly outstretches her arm, guiding me down an empty hallway. We walk past a few closed doors; the sound emitting from each room we pass is loud and familiar, as each room is filled with the sounds of sex and the hall smells of it. There are people rutting against each other and acting without any inhibitions as they behave like animals in heat.

This place is definitely a den of sin.

After a while, Seven stops at what I hope is the Ecstasy Room. Her little balled fist is about to knock on the door but I stop her, holding my hand out to halt her. Her mouth drops open to protest my action but I place my index finger to my lips, shushing her. I put my ears to the door and listen in.

"You should start to relax shortly, my little robin." I hear his voice languidly spill out of his mouth. I'm too late, he's taken whatever is on offer in there.

What do I do? Do I wait until called as agreed or get him now?  _Why hasn't he called me?_

No, I'll wait. I decide to wait.

Seven looks at me curiously, as I lean against the door, putting my ear to the wooden panel. I desperately try to listen in to what is being said amongst the sounds of sex and the heavy rhythm that vibrates through the walls and oozes from the floor.

Calming myself down, I'm able focus my hearing on what is going on in the room.

"Relax." That must be Aleister.

"What did you give me?"

"Oh it doesn't matter, only that you'll start to feel good in a moment." His voice is charming as he tries to lure Ciel in.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you relax. You're so tense little robin." How odious.

"Don't touch me." Ciel hisses.

"Don't be like this. You were into me on the dance floor and it was your idea to come somewhere more private, well, here we are."

"That was then, this now... H- hey, stop it!"

"Come now robin, relax; I'm not going to hurt you."

" _Nn_..." He moans lightly.

"See, you like it when I touch you there, don't you?"

 _Call on me... come on Ciel, call on me._  I think to myself. That was the deal we made before we even set foot into this house, I wouldn't make a move until he calls for me.

" _Nn... Sebastian_." He whimpers and that's all I need.

Taking a step back, I pull out my trusty piece; I'd tucked it away in the waistband of my trousers as we left the house. Seven looks terrified as she watches me wrap my hands around and grip the handle tightly. I draw in a sharp intake of breath as I brace myself and charge towards the door, bashing my shoulder into it and causing it to break open.

There they were.

Aleister was sat on the bed with a very drugged Ciel draped over him like he was cradling a rag doll.

Upon seeing me, Aleister leaps up; throwing his hands high into the air as he lets Ciel tumble almost lifelessly onto the bed, face down. I start to circle around him as I side step towards Ciel, who isn't moving. Looking at him, I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't come in sooner. The hem of his skirt has ridden up and the shoulder straps have been pulled down far enough to expose the rosy rim of his nipples slightly.

"Young master get up." He doesn't stir. "Master, please, we need to get out of here." He moves a little and lets out a little groan. I can see Aleister start to move out of the corner of my eye and whip my head towards him, causing him to freeze. "Ciel Phantomhive, get up!" I bark. Keeping my eyes on Aleister, I watch Ciel move out of the corner of my field of sight. He starts to slowly roll over onto his side, and then slides off the bed to his knees, whining in the process.

"What did you give him?"

"Him?"

"Yes, it's a boy. Now what did you give him?"

"Just a few ecstasy pills to relax, she was so uptight."

"S-Sebastian," Ciel calls out to me, " _I feel_..."

"Hang in there Ciel; I'll be with you in a moment."

"Wait, Ciel... Phantomhive?" He asks incredulously.

"Yes." I confirm.

"No, it can't be, he's supposed to be dead from that fire, it was all over the news."

"So, you didn't know he was alive then?" I wonder aloud.

If he didn't know, then he couldn't have sanctioned the hit on him last month or is he lying?

"What do you know Chamber?" He looks away; I take a large step towards him and unclick the safety. " _What_ do you know?"

"I don't know anything, only that he was in a fire that killed his parents. That's it, that's all I know." He splutters out, his voice like his whole body, quaking with fear.

"Who is Nogoyev to you?"

"Nog-  _oh shit, no._  Nothing, I am nothing to him."

"You're lying and I don't like liars."

"He deals in children, he was my supplier but he's dead...!"

"I know and you're soon to join him." I grin, this is my favorite part.

"Oh God no!" He squeezes his eyes closed and braces himself for impact. That's just what I like to see. I haven't smelt fresh blood since last month and frankly, I miss the scent.

"N-no Sebastian, don... don't kill him." Ciel weakly calls out to me.

"Oh?"

"Ca-call the police. The girls...I know them." He manages to get out.

Of course, if Aleister, via Nogoyev, purchased the girls then Ciel would have at least seen them. I can't imagine that they were kept in luxury accommodations whilst kept; they would have all been hoarded together.

I nod to acknowledge Ciels' request.

If I get the cops to come, at least these girls would be taken into the system, possibly able to go back to their families and Aleister would pay for his crimes this time, which would give them some kind of justice. It'll also give DCI Spears something to do and leave me alone for a bit.

"Well, you are very lucky as my master wants me to call the police." I smile politely. "You know, if I had my way, I'd torture you, little by little for each of the girls you made suffer." I bend over and grab a hold of his leg. "This will hurt but at least you'll pass out." He looks at me as his body involuntarily shakes under my grip. "Don't worry, I obey my masters' orders implicitly and if he says don't kill you, then I won't kill you. However, we can't have you running away now, can we?" Pushing down on his pelvis and with a sharp yank of his leg at an angle, I dislocate his hip joint, causing him to shriek out in agony. I'm not going to lie, it's no perfumed fragrance of freshly spilt blood but it's ear splitting, curdling and musical, and it satisfies me nonetheless.

After a moment, the searing hot pain that courses through him causes him to finally pass out.

I look around to see Ciel on all fours on the ground, staring back at me, wild eyed and frightened.

"Come now master, we must be off." I smile to try to calm him as I stand and approach him. He backs away from me frantically, digging his back into the side of the bed in an effort to try and escape me. "What's the matter with you?"

"I feel...  _my heart..._  it's going to explode."

"It's the ecstasy, you'll be okay, now let's get you home." I bend over and hold my hands out, reaching over to grab him but he slaps me away.

"I trusted you!" He admonishes me. "I almost got...  _again, I_..." He tries to get out.

"You can trust me Ciel. You called my name and I came, as promised. Nothing happened to you and nothing ever will again."

"Don't say nothing! He... He touched me."

"He never will again. No one will touch you ever again unless you want them to." I try to pacify him.

"How do you know?" He starts to calm down.

"Because I won't let them."

"Do you promise?" He whispers.

"I swore it on my life when I signed the contract didn't I?"

"That's for the job, I mean actually. Between you and me – do you promise?"

I think for a moment as I try to understand what he was driving at.

"I promise you Ciel, no harm will ever come to you again." I kneel down in front of him and gently stroke the side of his face to calm him. "This is more than a job to me." I soothe. Well what can I say; I think I've grown attached to the little brat over the last few months.

He smiles at me as he falls forward into my arms and I help him up.

…

When we get outside, I quickly call the cops – an anonymous tip off from one of my untraceable pay as you go phones. I then turn my attention to the task in hand. Trying to get a drugged up Ciel to the car is like trying to herd kittens.

He keeps squirming in my arms and trying to dance as I attempt to hold him up as we wait for the valet to bring us our car. The other valets who wolf whistled before leer at us and make lewd comments to each other under their breath. I'm sure Ciel can feel the weight of their stares as he tries to maintain some semblance of dignity by constantly pulling down his dress.

"Why isn't it going down?" He whines.

"That's as far as it is going to go."

"I'm cold." He pouts as he keeps trying to pull his dress down. I remove his arm from my waist and prop him up against the valets' desk. Taking off my suit jacket, I drape it over his nimble shoulders. He encloses it around himself and breathes in the scent from the fabric. "It smells like you." He sighs as he breathes the scent in again. I roll my eyes at the remark, as I know he's going to be a handful tonight.

Finally, the valet returns with our car.

He opens the door for Ciel as I go to the drivers' side and get in. Ciel puts his arms through the sleeves and tries to get in, stumbling around and giggling with each failed attempt. Eventually he falls forward and pulls himself in using the gear stick and the steering wheel. Once in, the valet shuts the door and looks over at me as Ciel slides himself into position. I don't even want to know what he must be thinking but going by the other comments, it'll be nothing but filthy.

I wait for him to fasten his seatbelt, to which he keeps running the strap up and down his chest, feeling it as it moves. Finally, it locks and we set off.

It is relatively quiet for half an hour with Ciel pressing his lips to the window and blowing hot air on to it to write in the condensation. I couldn't make it out because it wasn't actually legible but he continued to do it anyway.

"Put some music on." He demands as he opens the glove box and looks around for the spare cherry lip balm we'd put in there just in case.

"No, I like to drive in silence."

"I want music!"

My head falls back as I roll my eyes back into my skull and I sigh, I'm becoming rather annoyed with this now.

"Why don't you sing something then?" I reply sarcastically.

"I don't know what to sing, I only ever listen to Classical music."

"Nothing you grew up with? Not even nursery rhymes?"

It's quiet as he thinks about something to sing. I look over to see him chew on his freshly balmed lips and twist the curl of his hair in his fingers as he thinks.

"Teddy Bears' Picnic!" He shouts, finally coming up with something.

"Teddy what?"

" _If you go down in the woods today you're sure of a big surprise_ …" He starts to slur as he sings loudly. " _If you go down in the woods today you'd better go in disguise… For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because – today's the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic_!"

My whole body shudders - that was blood curdling bad.

"Are you done?"  _Please be done._

"Aw, com'mon Sebby, why you gotta be like that?"

"Sebby?"

"Yeah, it's a nickname, don't you like it?"

"You can call me whatever you like young master."

"What's your real name?" He inquires, smearing more balm onto his lips.

"As long as our contract is in place, my real name is Sebastian Michaelis."

He crosses his arms over his overly articulated chest and pouts.

"Why do you have to be like that?"

"Be like what young master?"

"I'm having fun, for the first time in, like, ever… why don't you want to have fun with me?"

"Am I not having fun with you?"

" _If you go down in the woods today you're sure of a big surprise_. Sing with me Sebby."

"Ah, no."

He unfastens his seatbelt.

"Young master, please put your seatbelt back on."

"Ah, no." He mimics.

"It's dangerous, please put your seatbelt back on." I request again.

"Ah, no." He imitates again as he starts to move from his seat.

Trying to keep one eye on the road and the other on him, I glance over to seem him moving towards me. He puts both hands on my left thigh and moves his head closer to my face, so close that I can smell the cherry gloss on his lips. I turn my head towards him and he smiles deviously at me.

" _If you… go down in the woods today… you're sure of a big surprise_ …" He coos as he sings, this time, his voice is breathy and deep. What is he doing? He seems to be flirting with me but it must be the effects of the drugs.

"Young master, please, sit back down."

"Only if you sing with me."

"No, sit down." I scold, which only makes him pout.

"You're no fun Sebby." He leaves my lap and sits back in his seat.

"I don't pretend to be, now fasten your seat belt."

Ciel fastens his seat belt and crosses his arms in a strop. If I remember the effects of this drug correctly, this is only the tip of the iceberg and I'm going to have to watch him like a hawk tonight.

"How did you learn how to dance like that?" He interrupts my thoughts.

"Before I became a butler, I used to go to clubs."

"Oh." He seems quite thoughtful at that comment. "Do you dance with women?"

"Yes, who else would I dance with?"

"I dunno." He pauses as he chews on his bottom lip; causing the blood to flush and making his lip go red. He rubs the base of his hands on the sides of his stomach. "My palms are sweaty." He complains.

"It's the ecstasy."

Ciel hums and nods.

"Did you…" He starts to run his hands over his whole torso, "Did you like dancing with me?"

"Yes, I thought it was fun. You're quite a good dancer, when you're not stomping on my feet." I muse as I look over to see him rubbing his back against the seat and running his hands over his neck and chest.

"Can we do it again?" He exhales, obviously enjoying the sensation.

"If you wish." I reply, "Although preferably when you're not on drugs – your Aunt would kill me." I smile at him.

"She'd kill me too but she wouldn't if she knew how good this feels."

"It'll wear off soon."

He closes his eyes and pushes himself back deeper into the car seat. He giggles lightly and wraps himself tighter into my jacket.

"So, you like animals?" He wonders aloud as he inhales the scent of the fabric again.

"Only cats." I reply.

"I'm allergic to cats so I had dogs growing up."

"I know." Seeing as though I was named after one.

I pull into the driveway and park the car. Looking over at him, he seems to be still enjoying the sensation of his own hand on his body as he keeps running them up and down himself. Feeling the fabric of his dress, the texture of my jacket and the softness of his own skin.

Walking around to his side, I open the car door and attempt to lift him out. When I think I have a grip on him, he giggles, squirming around in my arms, causing me to hold him close so he doesn't fall out of them.

"Sebby likes cats.  _Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty cats_." He purrs as he starts to rub himself against me. "I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why they call you Black Cat."

"Oh?"

"Your hair is black and you dress in black and you like cats." He mutters out as coherently as I think we're going to get tonight.

"Yes, I guess that's true."

" _Meeeeeoooow_." He mewls softly as he nuzzles my shoulder. All of the lights are off which means that his Aunt must still be at work. " _Meow… meow, meow, meow_." He continues as he starts to sensually rub his chest on to mine, his hands grips onto me tightly as he does so.

Walking him down the hallway, I try desperately to ignore his actions. I'm a grown man and no matter what he says, he's not.

Entering his bedroom, I lay him down on his bed and he flops over. His hair brushes over his face, still covering his right eye, his shiny lips part slightly as he breathes out and his dress shift upwards revealing his milky white thighs as he draws his knees upwards.

I have undressed and dressed him many times but now, he looks like pure sin, gift wrapped in silky black and pink satin. There is something about the illusion that is sexy, the playful hint of something naughty rather than having it all on display.

I have to get out of this room and clear my head for a moment. I don't know where my mind is going but I can't let it go too far.

"I shall be right back, I'm going to fetch you some water. You need to stay hydrated." I say before he could respond, I quickly dart out of the room and back down the hall towards the kitchen.

Once I enter the kitchen, I place the palms of my hands on to the cold marble countertop and lean over. What is happening? I don't ever have thoughts of lust or desire; they are hazardous and only cause trouble – which it most definitely would do in this situation. Still, he is flirting with me – although, it is the effect of the drugs and it seems to be having it's own affect on me.

Letting my logic and reasoning finally kick in, I grab a water bottle from the fridge and go back into Ciels' room. He lies motionless on his back and I can't really see his chest rise or fall by breathing.

"Young master, I have some water for you." I call over to him. He doesn't respond – he doesn't even stir. I move closer to him, he really doesn't appear to be breathing. "Master? Are you all right?" Still, nothing.

I lean over him, bringing my face close to his to check and see if I can hear him breathing or at the very least, feel his breath on my skin.

His eyes flutter open and he grabs the knot of my tie with both hands, pulling me closer to him and our lips meet. He breathes out into my mouth; I close my eyes and return his kiss. I couldn't help it, everything about him, his large doe eyes, his mouth, his lips, his taste – all of him is just so inviting. I trace my tongue over his lower lip and he mewls again, so light and musical. I quickly break away.

"What are you doing?" I pant.

"You said that no one would touch me unless I let them? I want you to touch me." He says seriously.

Now, I have a problem.

Before I have the chance to challenge him, he uses all the force he can muster and pulls me back down again. Our lips meet with impact as we kiss.

The air is filled with the light smacking of our lips as they engaging one another. He wraps his slender legs around my waist and I let him. The action causes me to stumble forward slightly and with my left hand dropping the bottle of water to brace myself on the bed and my right moves behind me, sliding back down his calf and creeping up his thigh. He purrs loudly with each gliding stroke of my hand as it goes all the way up the hem of his dress. I feel him, the pads of my fingers stroke the delicate flesh of his thigh as my tongue searches and finds his.

" _S-Sebastian_." He moans softly into my mouth.

I stop.

This is wrong, this is so very wrong. I break away from his lock with an audible pop, remove my hand from underneath his dress and look down at him. His eyes are still closed as he tilts his head upwards with a pout, as he searches for my lips and he whines when he can't find them. Standing upright, his legs unravel from my waist and he lets go of my tie and I pass the water bottle to him, which he takes.

Saying nothing, I leave the room but I know he's watching me, I can feel his eyes on me as I walk through the door. Closing it behind me, I lean against it, shaking my head and trying to calm my thoughts as they raced and my body as I feel electrified. Every nerve ending is alive and burning, my veins are open and blood courses through them at such speed, it's dizzying.

I bow my head and I lick my lips before I touch them with my fingertips. I chuckle softly to myself.

You taste delicious – just like cherry.

 


	8. Roads

I wait by your door all night but you don't call on me.

Looking down the hallway, I see the morning sun starting to rise in the sky; it casts its light through the windows and down the hall towards my weary eyes. I know I wait outside every night, wondering if you'll call for me but now, it feels different. Now, I want you to sober up and call me back for another reason – I wish to continue.

These thoughts are new to me, almost foreign. I'm not the kind of person with ideas of lust but after last night, I have done nothing but try to shake this feeling. It hits me in waves, almost as though my logic and rational mind is battling with my darker side, the side that's earned me the title of _demon_. It creeps up on me every once in a while and tries to take over but I fight it. I suppress it and keep it as far down as I possibly can.

However, after last night, it's rising again.

I see you, the way you are. Everything has to be neat and immaculate, orderly and just right. I have more than grown accustomed to your way of thinking and I deliver to order, but now? Now, I just want to make a mess of you. I want to take you, make you mine and break you. I've had a taste and it's egnited me, I know I need so much more.

As much as I may want it, I know I can't have it. I'm not an idiot, I know it's wrong. You are my master and I crossed the line, now, I don't know what to do. Do I go? Should I stay? I know I made a mistake, one I don't think I could fix if I tried, especially as the very nature of our relationship has changed.

Shaking my head, I realize there's nothing I can do, I'm contracted to you, bound, which means there's nowhere I can go. You cornered me, grabbed me and I caved. I gave into you even though I knew better. I know better than to want you, to feel you, to have you breathe my name. 

Although you enjoyed yourself, you'll think differently in the morning and what will that mean for me? Well, I can pretend as though nothing happened, like you didn't pique my interest. I can act as though I haven't been thinking about you all night, the taste of your lips and the sensation of feeling your skin on my fingertips.

I will go back to normal and keep these feelings to myself if that's what you want but what about you? What will you do? Will you even remember and, if so, do you want me to forget?

As I try to clear my thoughts, Tanaka comes walking towards me.

"Spent the night here again?" He asks me.

I nod, "Yes, you know how he tosses and turns."

"Indeed I do," He smiles as he pauses for a second. "There was such a ruckus last night – you don't happen to know what that was about, do you?"

"Oh, you know, just one of our arguments." I decide it may be best to be just a little economical with the truth and then I have an idea. "Tanaka, do you think you could take care of the morning preparations for the young master?"

"Of course but-"

"Something has been weighing on my mind and I need to take care of it." I interrupt with a rambling stream of words.

"I understand," He nods.

"Thank you very much Tanaka," I bow slightly and take my leave back towards my room.

Pulling out my pocket watch, I check the time, 6:38am. Okay, I have exactly forty-eight minutes to be out of the house before Ciel wakes up. That's enough time to quickly shower, shave and put on a fresh set of clothes.

I disrobe, putting yesterdays' uniform in my clothes hamper; I quickly dart off into the shower. As I lather and rinse, my mind rehearses excuses I could give for leaving the house. I then recall there was something bothering me about last night. It is obvious Aleister had not ordered the hit on Ciel, but he wasn't completely innocent of some involvement either, so, what did he have to do with all of this?

I lean against the cool cream-colored tiles in the shower as I think. There must be a connection there somewhere. Rolling my head from side to side I try to stretch out and relax but I'm far too tense for that.

I need to see the only person I know who would be able to help me with this question, Undertaker.

…

Going inside, I stand and wait in the foyer.

The place looks almost exactly the same as when I first stepped foot in it, and the darkness still has its shadows which creep up on you like the bogeyman. The hardwood floors are freshly polished and a black carpet runner that goes down the center of the room is vacuumed and pristine. The centerpiece on the wooden table in the center of the room is changed from while calla and stargazer lilies to half opened white roses with white phalaenopsis orchids that proudly poke out of the Victorian styled cream-colored vase.

"Can I help you?" A voice asks me from behind. I turn to see a young man with pasty white skin and sunken eyes glaring back at me.

"I'm looking for Undertaker."

"He's getting ready for a viewing, can I help at all?" He inquires as crosses his arms.

"No, I really need to speak with him, I'll wait."

The young man nods as he makes his way back through to a room concealed by closed curtains.

Taking this time to wander about the room, I make my way over to the wall of coffins. Trailing my fingers over the brass handles of one of them, thoroughly fascinated by the design. I have never been to a funeral before; I'm only a cause of them. I wonder what they're like? Widows' faces screwed in anguish, usually hardened men showing a shred of sadness. I'll be honest, the thought of watching such a display entices me – I have never minded being the cause of others pain, and to see it through to it's completion would be quite satisfying.

As I let my mind think about funerals, it hits me – I wonder what the Phantomhive funeral was like? How many people were there? Did anyone mourn? Who were Rachel and Vincent Phantomhive? Who was Ciel before this tragedy unfolded?

"Well, well. Gregory told me you were here." Undertaker cackles as he makes his way into the room. I turn to him and see his eyes are still covered by his long fringe but he is wearing glasses, which he subsequently takes off and sits down on the table.

"Undertaker, good morning." I greet him as he looks around the room.

"And where is the beautiful boy? Didn't feel like bringing him with you today?" He smiles almost ignoring me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end when he mentions Ciel.

"You stay away from my master, I saw how leered at him."

"My, my, you're taking your job very seriously I see."

"And you're nothing more than a predator." I snort.

"Is that so? Then what are you?" He grins as he leans against the table, studying me.

"Excuse me?"

"I was at that party kitty, I noticed you were too busy to see me as I watched you with him."

"Oh?"

"Your job is to protect him, doesn't that…  _exclude_  you from extra curricular activities?"

My jaw drops open to rebuttal but I don't follow through. I don't know how to reply without landing a weighted punch to his face. I'd like to think my feelings and desires are different from those of Chamber and Undertaker – I'd like to think that but suddenly, I feel unsure.

"I'm different than you." Is all I reply but I'm seething and desperately trying to hide my emotions.

"Me? Well kitty, I like to look, never touch. Besides, the mind is a much better toy than the real thing sometimes." He pauses, as he looks me up and down reading me, drawing his index finger across his chin. "Or maybe not, in your case. It seems to me like you've already had a taste." He caught me, which I know must be showing in my face as he starts to chuckle. "Living up to your demon status – I see. Are you like this with all of your contracts or just the young ones?"

"Cut the shit Undertaker, I need information from you." I growl.

"Well that's too bad because I don't work for you, I work for him. At least tell me why you've gone rogue."

"I only have one question today and it's best if Ciel wasn't here."

"My, quick to the punch today, aren't we kitty?"

"Look, you said something the last time we were here. There was a broker?" I say calmly, trying hard not to lose my temper.

"Ah yes, one of the ones who lived."

"Yes."

"Well, you know my fee."

"I don't have time for your games right now." I snap.

"Oh dear,  _kitty has claws_." He simpers. "Fine, I'll give you this one for free but next time, pay the fee and bring the boy, I need something to look at aside from your grim mug." He giggles to himself.

I roll my eyes. I may be currently intoxicated with Ciel but I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, unlike the others I see looking at him lecherously. I wish to protect him from anything that comes for him, including myself – if needs be.

"Tell me, the broker who was there that night, at the auction, was he there for Ciel?"

"Of course, your young master was the star attraction of the show."

"Is the broker connected with whomever tried to kill him?

"Well, wouldn't that be telling, wouldn't it? The simple answer to that is yes and no but that's all I currently know."

"What do you mean, yes and no?"

He shrugged. "All I know if there is a group called The Syndicate and they want him dead, however, the broker was working for someone inside of The Syndicate who wanted your master alive for, let's just say less than wholesome reasons. Again, that's all I know. I don't know the ins and outs nor the who – just the why."

"How do you know about the broker?"

"Because kitty, his client still wants the boy." He pauses for a moment as he sets about flitting through the room, straightening the flowers in vases and positioning the tissues in their boxes just right. "The buzz of the underground is that his client is obsessed and will go to great lengths to get him. They treat these kids like collectables, well, until they break them and then they go and get another." He shakes his head.

I started to add everything together - the broker, the client and The Syndicate.

"So The Syndicate sent the hit men the other night."

"Bingo."

"And Aleister had nothing to do with it? You sent us on a wild goose chase?"

"Oh now, I didn't say that, did I?"

"Then…"

"Think about it, what did I say the other day, everything is interconnected. Aleister may not be the client or the one behind the hit but he knows something."

"Okay."

"Now kitty, that's all the free information I'm willing to give and I really must be going. I have another viewing to attend to and as much help as Gregory is,  _well_ , you understand, you met the lad. Human interaction is not his strong suit."

I nod, my mind whirling with further questions that I knew he wouldn't answer. Instead, I hold my hand out to shake his – to which he just laughs and then disappears into the room behind the curtain.

…

Standing outside upon my return to Ciels', I hesitate before I open the door. I know I can't just walk back into the house; I'll have to be a little more covert about my return, especially as Ciel will probably wonder where I went. I didn't leave a note nor did I tell Tanaka where I was going, I just left. If there were any luck in the world, he wouldn't remember last night, although I want him to.

Taking out my pocket watch, I use my thumb to click it open. 1:11pm, lunchtime, I am back later than I thought I would be. I smooth down my waistcoat and straighten out my suit jacket. Running a hand through my hair, I prepare to enter the house. My hand hovers about the doorknob as I draw in a sharp intake of breath, twist the knob and enter the house.

The first thing I notice is it's very quiet; perhaps Ciel is taking a nap, which he tends to do after lunch. I make my way through the reception and past the sitting room, which is empty. I walk down the hallway, taking care to avoid the kitchen, and onto his bedroom. The door is closed – it is as I thought, he must be napping. I shall wake him in an hour but first; I need to write down what I've learned from Undertaker.

I head towards my room as silently as possible and open the door.

The first thing I see is Ciel, he's sprawled out on top of my bed, seemingly fast asleep. He has one arm above his head as the other rests just on his stomach. How could he do this to me? Tempting me without realizing it. Lying on my bed, he looks completely charming and innocent – I swallow hard as I want him more than anything. I just want to corrupt him, to blacken his already darkened soul and make it mine. However, sense gets the better of me and I start to back out of the room, desperately trying not to make a sound.

"Sebastian," He calls over to me with his eye still closed.

"Yes young master?" I smile, unsure if he can see me or not.

"Where were you?" He asks as he starts to stir, stretching out and rolling onto his side, still not looking at me.

"I had to run some errands." _I had to get away from you._

"Why didn't you just wait for me, I would have come too." Because I wanted to go alone, _I needed some distance between us._

"I went to see Undertaker about the other night."

"And?" Ciel yawns as he starts to sit upright; his legs dangle over the side of the bed.

"All he could tell me was that the group after you is called The Syndicate. Does that ring any bells?" He shakes his head.

"We'll have to do some further research into who may be members and why they're trying to kill me."

"Master, I believe those who are after you now may be the ones who killed your parents."

"I don't doubt that," His voice was a low rumble, an almost growl.

"I will do further research and let you know of my findings." I smile again.

He hums at my comment and slides himself forwards on the edge of the bed. I must be in the clear about last night, either he doesn't remember or he's choosing not to bring it up – at this moment in time, both instances are all right by me.

"You know, I should punish you for your disgusting behavior last night." He spits.

I was wrong. I can try shirking it off but I think I might have a little fun with this instead.

"Punish me for what?" I smile.

"You know what?" He hisses.

"So you remember what happened last night?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Barely," He admits.

"Then what do you remember?" I ask tentatively, unsure of where the night ended for him. He folds his arms in a huff and leans back slightly.

"I remember the dancing, your hands were all over me – it was positively foul. I then remember dancing with Aleister and the next thing I know I wake up this morning, sick and alone in my own bed – still dressed in that horrible dress. What happened last night?"

What do I say? I'm not allowed to lie. Do I tell him the truth? That he tried to seduce me? That he sang in the car, his voice was breathy and sexy. Or should I just skip to the part where he grabbed me by my tie and kissed me? Perhaps none of those things but I must tell him some sort of truth.

"Aleister drugged you, that's why you can't remember most of the night." I state truthfully.

"Drugged?" He parrots back, almost in complete disbelief. "Wh–what happened?" I can see him start to shake, he must have been drugged before and the experience of blacking out may not be new to him. I go over to him and kneel down in front of him as his eye averts my gaze. I need to ease the tension in the room.

"Nothing happened to you young master, in fact, you assaulted me." I taunt playfully.

"I what?"

"You assaulted me. You sang to me in the car and it was terrible." I joke. I say joke – for the most part it was horrendous.

"Wa-was that all I did?"

I shook my head, "No, you kept meowing and rubbing yourself against me when I carried you to bed."

"I did no such thing!" His cheeks flush as he tries to protest. His naïve behavior is utterly adorable.

"Oh young master, I'm afraid you did." I coo.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

My bottom lip protrudes as I mock pout. "And where would be the fun in that?"

"Sebastian!" He looks at me almost pleadingly.

"I'm sorry young master, next time, I'll stop you."

"There won't be a next time."

"You're right, there won't."

"Anything else?"

I decide not to tell him the rest, I won't lie, I'll just omit the truth – that way I can save him whatever embarrassment he may have and hopefully, our relationship will stay the way that it is.

"I said to you that no one will ever touch you again without your permission." He blinks at me curiously, unsure of what I mean. "Because of Aleister, I promised you that only you can decide who touches you and I will enforce it." My tone is cool but serious.

"Did I give you permission to touch me?"

I nod. "You did."

"Fine, then I revoke your right. You are not aloud to touch me any more." He states firmly.

"But then how am I meant to dress you?" I joke lightly. He opens his legs and scoots to the side, crossing them.

"Aside from your daily duties, you are not to touch me. Understood?"

My heart sinks a little but I suppose I knew this was coming, even if he doesn't remember, I do and it really is for the best. I will have to learn to keep some kind of distance between us before this gets out of hand.

So, instead of letting my feelings of disappointment show, I decide to remain stoic, placing my right hand over my heart as I tip forward slightly.

"Of course, master." I keep my face as serious as possible.

I then look down to see the expression on Ciels' face, I don't think I'll forget it as long as this contract is in place; it is a look of haughty derisiveness with a sly, devious smile.

"Sebastian," He begins and looks up at me. "I'm going to make your life a living hell from here on out."

And don't I believe it.

 


	9. I Will Possess Your Heart

"Why do I have to go to school?" Ciel whines as he sits on top of his bed, almost kicking me as he fidgets constantly, and nervously shakes his legs.

I kneel down in front of him, wrapping a black and white stripped tie around his neck and tying it into a neat Windsor knot.

"It's the law, young master." I work the knot up to the base of his throat.

"That's never stopped my mother before. Especially as I was always sick."

"Well, I am not your mother and both of your Aunts want you to go to school. Besides, you don't seem sick now and you don't have much of a choice here."

"No, I suppose not." He sighs.

I finally get the knot up his throat and straighten it out. Taking care to smooth out the edges of his collar, I feel two eyes studying me. Glancing up, my gaze meets a vibrant blue and a murky grey. I smile at him and his face does the oddest thing, his cheeks go from pale porcelain white to a flushed rogue.

"Is anything the matter young master?" I ask coyly, as I wonder why he's blushing.

"No, nothing." He mumbles, and then averts his eyes, looking towards the clock on his nightstand. "Hurry up, Elizabeth and Aunt Francis will be here shortly. God knows what Aunt Francis will do if I'm late on my first day." He exhales loudly.

I nod as I stand to my feet and walk over to his dresser. Opening it, I pull out a charcoal grey, v-neck cardigan and shake out its folds. Ciel holds his arms out so I may slip the sleeves over his thin arms, and I button it around his slender torso, tucking the tail end of his tie into the dip of the sweater.

Once I finish dressing him, Ciel slides off of the bed and stands in front of me, I take his black suit blazer from the hanger and put it on him, finishing off his ensemble.

"You look very sharp young master." I compliment.

"Do you think so?" He wonders as he inspects himself in the mirror. I can see he is nervous, I notice his hands shaking slightly and the heavy sighs he exhales when he thinks I'm not looking. I want to touch him, hold him and tell him everything will be fine but instead I look for his black silk eye patch and attempt to shake off my overwhelming desire to comfort him.

Finding the eye patch on the desktop near by, I pick it up and move towards Ciel, standing just behind him as he still faces the mirror, pulling down his blazer. My long arms reach around him and I have to stop myself from embracing him and drawing him into me. Instead, I step into him, his small frame just resting into my chest as I delicately place the patch over his right eye. He holds it steady as I take the strings and loop them together behind his head, putting them in a knotted bow.

When I finish, I don't move but then again, neither does he; we just stand here in the silence for a moment, until the doorbell rings out – breaking my perfect peace. Ciels' eye lights up and he quickly darts around the room looking for his book bag, which is on the bed. Grabbing it, he bolts out of the room and I follow behind him.

Making our way into the hallway, I can hear the childish squeals of his cousin and the stern voice of his Aunt Francis scolding her as his other Aunt, Anne – as Dr. Durless now prefers to be called – chuckles at the apparent display. Just before turning the corner towards the sitting room, Ciel stops and steadies himself against the wall, taking in a deep breath to calm himself. Finally, he holds his head up high and marches straight into the room.

"Ciiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeellllll!" His cousin calls out to him just before she pounces him, sending him back slightly. "How cute do you look in your uniform?" She coos as he holds him out at arms length to get a good look at him. They are dressed almost the same, although, instead of the black slacks, she is wearing a black pleated skirt that falls just below her knees.

"T-thank you Elizabeth."

Her face scrunches up, "Ciel, how many times? Please, call me Lizzie." She insists.

"Oh, you both look so adorable." Anne enthuses as she picks up her digital camera from the side table. Sweeping her ruby red fringe from her forehead and waving her hand at them to move them closer together, Lizzie and Ciel pose for a picture. Lizzie grabs onto Ciels' right arm tightly and beams brightly as Ciel has his typical sullen look on his face.

I stand aside and watch them as Anne sighs and tries to get Ciel to smile, much to no avail. Francis walks over and stands next to me, facing the trio with her characteristically stern look on her face.

"You look more appropriate today butler," She speaks softly but firmly.

"Thank you Mrs. Midford, I took your advice and made myself appear less…  _indecent_." In truth, all I did was slick my hair back with water and it is only for her benefit as well. Once it dries, it'll all fall back into its normal place.

"I must say, Ciel seems to have flourished – I have noticed a marked change in his behavior. No doubt thanks to you."

"I haven't done anything accept to tend to the young master." I smile.

"Well, no matter, he's different."

I can't say I've noticed, in fact his behavior seems to have gotten progressively worse – especially towards me. It's been a month since he vowed to make my life hell and he's held up to his end of the bargain. He's curt with me, picking up on every little thing, which means I must work harder to keep him satisfied.

Little does he realize just being next to me is hell enough. I thought that over time my infatuation with him would fade but it's only gotten worse. Even though he behaves like a spoiled brat from time to time, our bond has also grown stronger. Our relationship is complex, I'll say that. 

Curiously, my need to protect him and my desire to have him go hand in hand. I may be young myself but there are many things in this world I do understand – especially when it comes to lust. Just because I recognize he intoxicates me and draws out the monster within me, doesn't guarantee that I won't hurt him. However, it also brings out my desire to protect him, and I know, I have to protect him from me. Especially as all I want to do is tear him apart, see him from the inside and devour him but I don't. I just wait for him to want me as much as I want him. I wonder, will he? Sometimes, I get glimpses of something more but it could all be apart of my wishful imagination. He blushed when our eyes met this morning, perhaps it's something or really nothing, I wish I knew.

"Sebastian, why don't you come and stand next to them?" Anne beckons me to come over to them.

"Oh, no Dr. Durless that's quite all right, it's a family photo." I smile.

She stands with her hands on her hips, "Come now, you've been with Ciel for the last year, you're just like family to him and to me, which is all the more reason to be in this picture." She insists.

Family? What an interesting concept. Especially as I am the furthest thing from it in Ciels' eyes – I am his dog, his protector and not his family. However, with the way he looks over at me with that haughty little look in his eye, I know that my being in this picture will annoy him immensely.

"Fine, as long as Mrs. Midford joins me as well." I concede. Well, if I can, why not annoy two birds with one stone?

"Marvelous! Francis, you stand behind Lizzie and Sebastian behind Ciel."

Both Ciel and Francis shoot me a look that if it could kill, I'd be a corpse cold in the ground. However, despite the cold glares, we walk over to the pair and take our places behind them. Anne holds her camera to her face and bends down slightly.

"Okay everyone, bright smiles!"

I look over to Francis who has a weary smile on her lips; Lizzie is beaming as she was before and Ciel,  _well,_  Ciel is Ciel. I smile; I suppose this is what you do in pictures – although, I will admit, this is my first one.

Anne furrows her brow as she waits for Ciel to smile – finally giving up, she counts us down to the click but just before she lands on one, I reach around and hook my index finger into Ciels' mouth, pulling the side into a slanted smile. He tries to jerk away from me but Lizzie clutches onto his arm tightly, completely amused by my action and Anne takes the picture.

"Perfect!" She declares as I unhook Ciel. "Excellent work Sebastian, I'm going to frame this." She titters as Lizzie rushes over to her to see it.

"Oh Ciel, you look so cute!"

"I doubt that." He scowls as he tilts his head upwards to look at me. I know I'm going to pay for that but it was worth it.

"Come on, enough dilly dallying, it's time to go." Francis, still un-amused, starts to shuffle the kids out of the door.

"Don't forget that I'm going to be home tonight for our special dinner." Anne calls after them and Ciel nods as he grabs his book bag and walks out of the door, shutting it behind him. "Right, I better head off to the hospital." She winks at me as she heads towards the hallway.

Anne is an interesting woman.

She is someone I probably would have fallen for, in a previous life. Anne is tall, slender and stunning. Although she is much older than I am, she maintains her youthful looks without looking tucked or pulled. An avid socialite, she's rarely home, and when she's not at work she's always at one party or another – except now.

Over the last few months she's been spending more and more time at home and with Ciel. This is not a bad thing but ever since the night of Ciels' birthday several months ago, when she was adamant that he should not follow in his fathers' footsteps, she's been keeping a closer eye on him. It wasn't that she doesn't trust me, I think she does, she just believes her constant presence will give him the life he deserves and not the one he's destined for. In an effort to pacify her, he conducts his business through me, using me as a point of contact and having me fetch and carry like a good dog. She doesn't notice that this is how he operates, keeping her completely in the dark.

With that all being said, she's revealed a recent development in her life, a boyfriend. Between work, parties and hovering over Ciel like a helicopter, she manages to have a social life. Which is why tonight is important for her, it's the first time Ciel is going to meet him.

I know what she's thinking, if he is mister right, then Ciel can have a complete family again – she's the closest thing to a mother he has now and perhaps this new man would be willing to be a father? Who knows, this is just speculation on my part but I'm hardly ever wrong – especially when it comes to looking after Ciel.

…

It is the middle of the afternoon and I'm bored.

There isn't anything for me to do, Ciel should be leaving school soon, escorted by the Midfords' driver and I have already taken care of the afternoon tea preparations. Homemade Lavender scones with fresh clotted cream and a variety of preserves, all served with a light Earl Grey tea. The house is already thoroughly cleaned and dusted and Tanaka is out getting the last of the shopping for tonight.

Walking into the sitting room, I spy the piano. I haven't played it since Ciels' birthday, which is so long ago now. Going over to it, I lift the lid and sit down on the bench. I have few pleasures in this life and music is one of them. I don't remember how I learned or why, I just remember knowing how to play.

My past is a mystery to me; I don't remember my parents or my life before them. All I remember is I learned how to kill at fourteen and I went from there. I know that may sound young but it's how I learned to survive. I became a professional at sixteen and managed to make a name for myself. Ask me how I started and I would tell you I answered an ad and that's all I can remember – now I'm here.

Long fingers dangle delicately over the ivory keys as I take in a deep breath to center myself. Placing them down, I begin to play, Gnossienne No. 1 by Erik Satie, the first song I ever learned how to play in full. Its haunting melody starts off lightly but fills the empty house as I play affettuoso.

I close my eyes as I enjoy the feel of the keys under my fingertips, this part of the song must be played pianissimo. How I enjoy the sound as it fills my ears and clears my thoughts as I play.

"I like to listen to you play, you should play more often." Ciel whispers to me as he sits beside me on the bench, his back to the keys. I continue to play, repeating the song from the beginning.

"How was your first day of school?"

"Wretched," He replies through gritted teeth. I just nod and hum in acknowledgement, trying not to chuckle at his little pout. "Why can't I continue to be home schooled?"

"You should give it a few more days before you throw in the towel." I smile; I open my eyes into little slits as I observe him. He nods in agreement and slides closer to me, just barely touching me.

"If it doesn't work out, would you tutor me?" He inquires.

"I can but I'm strict." I warn, albeit half-heartedly.

"I don't mind."

"Trust me, you will." I warn again, this time, firmer. "What is it about going to school that you don't like?"

"The people, they're horrible."

"Yeah, I think I can understand that, I'm not much of a people person myself."

There is a long silence between us as I continue to play. The beauty of this song is it can be played over and over and it will sound seamless. Ciel just sits and listens, yawning everyone once in a while but remaining awake. It's calm and peaceful as he gently sways to the music, tapping me ever so slightly as he does. The contact sends shivers up my spine and down into my fingers as my skin is electrified; it's such a wonderful feeling.

"Sebastian?" He interrupts our peace. "Why don't you ever tell me about your past?"

"Why don't you ever tell me about yours?" I retort.

"Sorry?"

"I know you have those nightmare every night and it must have something to do about you being kidnapped but you don't tell me anything about them or what happened to you before I found you."

"I don't – I can't really remember." He confesses as his head drops.

"Well, do you at least remember your parents?"

"Yes."

"Do you miss them?"

" _Yes_." He exhales as though a weight was lifted from his shoulders. It's as though he has kept that inside him all this time and finally, he's able to admit his feelings.

"It's OK to miss them young master. It doesn't make you weak or childish to miss your mum and dad." I speak softly, trying to comfort him.

"Do you – do you miss your parents?"

I haven't thought about them in years, I can't say I do, I don't even know what happened to them but that's not what he wants me to say right now.

"Yes, I suppose I do miss them." I guess that's true. I miss the idea of them, the idea of what parents are to a child. In a way, I respect what his Aunt Anne is trying to do. It's almost as though a child isn't complete without their family – it gives them a sense of belonging. I never belonged, not anywhere but I made my home in the shadows and that is where I stayed.

Ciel yawns again, snapping me out of my thoughts. I stop playing and turn to him.

"Why did you stop?" He asks me tiredly, his eyelid batting slowly as he struggles to keep it open.

"Because you look tired, come on, lets get you to bed for a quick kip."

"Kip?" Ah, yes, I forgot colloquialisms were lost on him.

"A nap young master, you have a busy evening tonight. Your Aunt has invited her boyfriend over for dinner, remember?"

"Oh God that." He groans. "Well, I suppose you're right. I should,  _er_ , kip as you call it." He slides off the bench and makes his way out of the room.

I get up from the bench and pull down the lid of the piano. I lean against the mahogany wood and smile to myself. Ciel, I wish you would tell me more about what has happened to you. Every time I get close, you pull away. I can't help but wonder what demons haunt you, which ones possess and take hold of you, especially at night. I want to know so much but you give me so little. I want to be the demon controlling you, the one who possess you.

I do like a challenge and you are certainly that.

Chuckling quietly, I move away from the piano and head out of the sitting room and towards the kitchen, I take out my silver pocket watch to check the time. It's getting late and I have dinner preparations to attend to.

 

* * *

**Piano terminology:**

Affettuoso – An indication to perform the music  _affectionately_  or "tenderly".

Pianissimo – This instructs the performer to play very softly.


	10. Nightmare

Ciel went to his room for his nap.

I set to work on doing the preparations for the dinner party. Tonight’s dinner, a duck confit with an Asian pear compote with various complimentary side dishes. I’m surprised, taking into account the complexity of this dish, I have mastered it as though I have been a Chef du Cuisine at a top Michelin starred restaurant for most of my adult life. I won’t lie; I’m quite impressed with myself - and how far I have actually come along – from adding vinegar to scrabbled eggs to now, not bad work.

With that said, I didn’t intend on making such a sophisticated dish because at first I thought tonight was something simple, a small dinner for three. However, Dr. Durless being the avid social butterfly she is, has invited several others.

Luckily, I have met some of them before, as they are associates of the Phantomhive Family. They come around every so often and I see them as irregular fixtures, much to my young masters’ chagrin. He would much prefer not to mix business with pleasure but their impromptu comings and goings make it less of a pleasure and more of a hassle.

Although, I must say, anything that irritates him gives me immense pleasure. Just to see his face scrunch up in annoyance – simply delightful.

Once I complete the dinner preparations, I pull out my pocket watch to check the time and note it’s six fifteen. Ciel has been asleep for nearly three hours, that can’t be good – I had better wake him, as he’ll probably not get any sleep later on tonight.

I meander down the hallway, towards his room. Just as I am about to knock on his door, I hear something – low moaning and faint sounds of whimpering. Do I enter? _What should I do?_ Pressing my ear against the door, I listen intently to what is happening on the other side. It’s obvious he is having a nightmare, but this seems different to the others he has had before. This one seems gruesome and violent, as I hear his body thrash about the bed. Normally, I would wait patiently for him to call me, even though I know he never will. So this time, I decide that I’m going in. I feel like I have to calm him, to get him to settle.

Straightening myself up, I turn the handle and partly open the door.

It is just as I thought; he is having a terrible nightmare.

Ciel lies there, tangled in a mess of sheets, tossing and turning. His mouth parts as he exasperatedly pants and whines in his sleep. Shutting the door behind me, I slowly make my way over to him. I don’t know how to approach this, as I’m sure you’re not meant to just wake someone having a nightmare – or is that a sleepwalker? I’m unsure but I do know that either way, I have to be careful.

“ _Young master_?” I whisper. No response. He just turns to his side with his back to me. He clutches his pillow tightly as his body writhes and contracts, how I would love to be the cause of this beautiful display of moaning and breathlessness, I can’t think about that now. “ _Young master, you’re having a bad dream_.” I try once more and again, nothing. Bending over and reaching out, I gently touch his shoulder, “ _Young master_?”

Gasping, Ciels’ eyes fly open as he whirls around on to his back gripping something tightly in his hands. My own eyes narrow as they stare down the barrel of a gun.

From the gun, my eyes flick up to Ciel, who is wide eyed and shaking as he holds the weapon to my face. It’s almost as though he doesn’t recognize me as he frantically scoots himself against the headboard, trembling like a leaf in the wind.

I attempt to approach him. “Young-”

“Stay where you are!” He threatens as he unclicks the safety. This has just gotten very real. I try to steady my heart and my pulse, trying to remain perfectly still. Normally in this situation, I would start to plan out my attack and the assailant wouldn’t last long but I can’t do that in this instance, so I try to stay calm.

He must still be asleep or at least, his mind is. My hands slowly creep up in the air and I hold them there, showing him that I’m not a threat.

“Please, Ciel, you had a nightmare.” I try to reason with him, watching his chest rise and fall with each labored breath. He blinks a few times as he apparently starts to recognize me and then starts to lower the weapon.

“ _Se-Sebastian_?” He breathes.

“Yes young master, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you, you were having a bad dream.” I try and keep my voice as composed and soothing as possible. He lowers the gun completely, unconsciously clicks on the safety and sits it down on the mattress. Once he’s done that, I feel comfortable enough to bring my arms down, just as slowly as they went up.

Ciel shakes his head from side to side as he composes himself.

“What time is it?” He wonders aloud, not really speaking to me but looking for his clock on the nearby nightstand. He reads the clock face, looks over to the piece on the mattress, and then over to me.

“Forgive me for asking but what was your dream about?”

“My parents’ death,” He replies coolly. I motion to sit down beside him and he nods. Sitting down, I don’t face him, as I know he doesn’t dare share any glimpse of weakness in front of me. So, instead, I keep my face forward, staring blankly at his desk.

I want to tell him his nightmares will pass, as his fears are unnecessary and that was the past. As per our contract, I have sworn to protect him no matter what – I’ve put my own life on it. Anything that curses him, haunts him and takes over his sub-conscious, it’s all for naught as nothing will ever happen to him again. I will take care of him; ease his pain and his anguish – only to make it my own.

Normally, I wouldn’t breach the subject but I want to know what happened. Is this the time to finally ask him? Will he tell me? I wonder.

“What happened that night? I only ask because it might give me some insight into who’s done this.”

“What do you mean?”

I don’t want to tell him the whole truth, which is basically my morbid fascination in what happened, but I do have another reason in mind. My secondary reason is I may be able to get some kind of clue on who did this from how he was kidnapped.

“Well, sometimes, assassins do things in a certain way – we are ritualistic creatures, it’s never just about the kill.”

“Then what is it about?”

“The thrill of the hunt, stalking the quarry – the kill is incidental, really. It marks the end.”

“I see,” He pauses as he ruminates over my words, his fingers tapping lightly on his thighs. “Then what does that have to do with knowing the details?”

“Because we our bound by our rituals, each of us has a... _way_ of doing things. Like leaving a calling card. If you’ve been in this business long enough, you get to know other peoples’ rituals.”

“Rituals,” He repeats softly as he takes it all in.

“Some like to cut off hair, some collect blood samples others might chop the body into pieces and neatly lay them out. It all depends.” I stop for a moment as I think about what I have read about the Phantomhive case.

What I know is there was only one single bullet entry in the head for both Vincent and Rachel; nothing further could be deduced because their bodies were burned in the fire. Their son was presumed dead, although a body could not be found at the scene. I guess that’s all I know. It’s hard to tell whose ritual that could have been, the fire could have been anyone and the clean way of the kill, hell, it could have even been me.

I didn’t want to say this to Ciel, but whoever did it couldn’t have just broken in, no, they knew the family well enough to get into the mansion. I know for sure a Family like the Phantomhives would have had the very best in security, a random break-in and robbery would have been an almost impossible feat to achieve. Someone would have to be able to get in without anyone thinking twice about their presence.

All I can reason is someone close to them must have betrayed them, but who?

Watching Ciel out of the corner of my eye, I observe him thinking, chewing on his lower lip as he reflects on the events of that night.

“I don’t really remember what happened," He begins. "All I can remember is I walked in to the room after smelling burning and I saw them, both already dead, their bodies just laying there on the ground." Stopping for a moment, he closes his eyes and dips his head as he breathes out softly. "There were flames everywhere and I kept coughing because of the smoke. Then someone came up behind me, covering my mouth with something and I was suffocated. The next thing I knew was that I was awake in a cage.”

“Well, that’s not really much to go on but it helps.” I smile as I try to comfort him. Normally, I would feel compelled to gently tap his knee but per his instructions to not touch him, I don’t. I just lace my fingers together and I place them on my lap. “Don’t worry, eventually, you will remember.”

“I’m not worried, I know that I will. When I do, I’ll tell you everything – especially if it’ll help in getting my revenge.”

“Is this really what you want? Revenge?” I ask.

His head sharply turns to me as he scowls.

“Of course it is.” He barks.

“I understand, naturally, it’s something you would want but it won’t bring your childhood back, it won’t bring your parents back.”

“Don’t you think I know that? Once something is truly gone, you can never get it back.” He seethes through gritted teeth. “The need for revenge is a funny thing, it won’t bring back the dead nor will it bring them happiness." He pauses, turning his head to the side. "I don’t seek revenge on behalf of the Phantomhive Family or for my parents, I am doing this for myself. I want to find the people responsible for what happened and I want them to experience the same pain and humiliation that I have suffered.”

“I understand-”

“No, I don’t think you do. This isn’t a simple need for revenge, it’s a choice. It’s something I’ve freely chosen and it’s still my choice to make – not anyone else’s. I don’t regret my decision and I won’t be coddled by anyone – not by my Aunt or especially you.” He growls as though he’s almost feral; his fists are tightly balled in his lap and his gaze forward, unblinking.

How I still admire him.

This choice is so foolish and yet it’s what makes me desire him, it’s what makes me crave him like a drug. His words are like an injection burning through my veins, I need his yearning and I need his hatred – it all helps me function, it makes me want to help him realize his desire and, as importantly, gives me a focus. He can have a better life than this, he can move on and attempt to be normal but he turns his back on it. Moving ever forward towards the darkness, towards me.

How I want him to realize he needs me, he needs me as much as I need him because he can’t do this alone.

 

...

 

As Ciel stretches and begins to fully wake up, he dismisses me and I set about completing the final touches for tonight.

Twenty minutes later and everything is ready for the dinner party.

The house is immaculate, the silver polished and the food cooked to perfection. I even had a little time to decorate the townhouse in Ciels’ favorite white roses, putting little vases with bouquets amongst the crimson red fixtures for color contrast. Taking a step back, I admire my handiwork. This place looks so beautiful, if I don’t say so myself. I think in the last year, I’ve come a long way.

“It’s very beautiful Sebastian, you have out done yourself.” Anne compliments me as she walks over from behind.

“Thank you Dr. Durless.” I bow politely as I start to get ready for her guests to arrive.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes?”

“Who are you?” She asks.

“I don’t understand the question.”

“Okay, let me try again. Who is Sebastian Michaelis?”

“I am what my master says that I am.” I reply with a slight smile. I’m trying to be charming but she doesn’t seem to be buying it as she crosses her arms and stares at me.

“You put on a good show but you’re not a butler, so who are you? Are you even a body guard?”

I don’t really know how to answer but I quickly think of something.

“I can assure you madam, whatever I am, I am here to protect the young master.” She takes a step towards me, arching an eyebrow as she looks at me suspiciously.

“How do I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt him? How do I know you’re not one of the ones responsible for all this?”

“Excuse me?” That accusation dumbfounds me.

“Well it all seems, shall we say, very convenient, you showing up and finding him. How do I know that you weren’t involved in some way the whole time?”

“Because he’s not,” Ciel interrupts as he walks into the room.

He has a very dry smile on his lips as he finishes tying his black silk eye patch over his eye and leans against the nearby couch. Anne turns to him, watching how casual he is, perching against the armrest.

“Ciel darling, be reasonable. I don’t know anything about this man and-”

“Yet you have let him live with me for a year now. Where is this coming from?” He brusquely cuts her off, and folds his arms across his chest.

“Yes, well, that was because you were under my roof and I could keep an eye on you, but now the reconstruction and refurbishment of Phantomhive manor is complete, I suspect you’ll want to move back home. How can I watch over you there?”

“The manor is complete?” His voice quivers slightly and I wonder why.

“Yes but-”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was going to tell you after dinner this evening,” She pauses as she watches his face fall and then walks over to him. Anne swoops on top of him, gathering his lithe little body in her protective arms and holds him tightly. “I don’t want you to go, you’re all I have left.” She breathes.

“And attacking Sebastian is how you planned on keeping me?”

“No, it’s just I don’t think you need him anymore.”

 Ciel uses whatever strength he can muster and pushes her off of him.

“What?”

“Well, he served a purpose this last year, in order to help your recovery, you needed him but it’s been a year and you’re well now so-”

“So?”

“So, don’t you think it’s time that he leaves?”

“Dr. Durless, I don’t know what I can say to put your mind at ease but I can assure you – I will stop at nothing to protect Ciel, I swear on my life.” I try to calm her. I don’t know what she’s thinking but I can see her face soften. “If the young master chooses to move back to the manor, I will ensure that he is more than just taken care of.”

“That’s not the point Sebastian.” She snaps. “The point is I can provide him with a proper family.”

“Is that what this is about? Family? I hate to disappoint you but I already have a _family_ , I run it and as for Sebastian, he stays. So if you’ll please keep your delusions of a makeshift happy home to yourself.”

“Ciel, please!” She begs. “You’re much to young to take up this life. Your father wouldn’t want-”

“Don’t treat me like a child.” He snarls.

“You _are_ a child.”

“I am no more a child than Sebastian is a butler and my reasons to take up this life – as you put it – are my own.”

“ _Ciel_?” Her voice cracks as she tries to choke down the tears starting to form.

It is obvious she is getting emotional but Ciel seems unmoved. He simply sits upright and refolds his arms across his chest as he stares at her. His face is blank letting his closed off body language speak for him.

“My parents were murdered for a reason and I know that if I come back as family head, then my mere presence will be a nuisance to the people who hunted and killed them, kidnapped me and kept me like an animal. I know they’ll come for me and that’s exactly what I’m waiting for. Someday, quite possibly soon, they’ll show their hand and make their move.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What I mean Aunt Anne, is someday, they’ll come to kill me too. To correct their mistake.”

“What was their mistake?” Her voice is shaky. She doesn’t want to hear her darling nephew speak like this but she can’t help but ask.

“Their mistake, simply put, is that they let me live.”

“But why Ciel? Why do this?”

“Tell me, what is the alternative? To grieve? To sit here and feel sorry for myself? Or to just move on? No. I choose none of those options. I am alive and I’m standing on my own two feet. I know I’m going to die someday; I’d just rather die without any regrets.”

As Anne tries to absorb what she’s heard, she staggers back, bracing herself on the nearby side table. She looks over to me, as though I should offer a piece of advice or comfort, however, what she doesn’t realize is this is also what drives me. I am feeding off of his hate. I am more than sated right now but, unfortunately for her, I won’t stop him because his hatred is so delicious I want so much more.

“Then what are you planning? Some grand revenge?” She asks, turning back towards him.

Ciel shakes his head. “No. This is no grand revenge – it’s just a game and I’m waiting to see who will make the next move.”

“Sebastian, how in good faith can you let him do this?”

I shrug at her question as I go over to Ciel and stand right behind him.

“I have no control over what my master chooses to do as I am merely his pawn, there to be moved however he sees fit.” I reply. Ciel emits a smug sigh to that response as though it were an inside joke only he and I knew about. Anne looks at the both of us, she seems completely confused and visibly fighting back her urge to either cry or scream and shout.

Before she can do either, the doorbell rings.

I turn my head towards the sound but they stay facing each other. 

“Your guests are here, you should answer the door, _madam_.” Ciel says coldly as he moves away from the couch.

“We’re not done here,” She calls after him. Ciel stops and looks over his shoulder at her.

“Oh, I think we are. Come Sebastian.” Smiling, I bow slightly to Anne as I follow behind him.

“Yes, young master.”


	11. Occupy Your Mind

“How dare she,” Ciel strops as he storms down the hallway.

“Young master?” I follow behind him. He stops abruptly, swiftly turning to me and folding his arms across his chest.

“How dare she challenge my decision? Who does she think she is interfering and keeping a secret as big as that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just hiding the fact that the manor is finished, that’s all. Saying that I don’t need you anymore, of course I need you.” He blurts out.

I am slightly taken aback; I have never heard him use these words before.

“You need me?”

“Of course I need you Sebastian,” He pauses. “You’re integral to my plan for revenge.” Ah yes his plan, that and nothing more.

“And your manor, I suppose you’ll be wanting to go back?”

He hesitates and I see the thoughts in his mind whirling around inside of him.

“Yes, I want to go home.”

“Master, I don’t know what you must be thinking but wouldn’t it be best to stay here?”

“No.” He replies sharply.

I don’t know what to say, he seems obviously agitated and I don’t want to stoke the embers.  

“I must attend to the dinner preparations, try not to be too mad at your Aunt, I understand where she is coming from in this instance.”

“Do you?”

“Well she only wants what’s best for you.”

“And what’s best for me is not to have you?” He sighs, his face almost crestfallen.

My heart thumps loudly in my ears. What is he saying? What does this mean? I have to shake this off this feeling before it takes me over.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” I quickly dismiss.

“Then what are you saying Sebastian? Tell me, do you want to end our contract?”

“No. No, that is the last thing I want to do.” I pause for a moment, as I need to be careful.

“Then what is it? What do you want?” He implores.

I want to tell him exactly what’s on my mind but I don’t wish to scare him. I want every inch, every facet of him. I want to be the only thing he thinks about and desires, I want him to want me. I want all of those things and more but instead, I opt of a safer way out of this conversation.

“I want to help you realize your revenge.” Well, that's also true.

“Nothing more?” He wonders. I’m not sure what he is trying to get out of me but I am sure it’s not what I hope.

In any case, I nod to confirm. “Nothing more.”

“I understand,” He mutters. “Anyway, you should go and attend to the guests, they’ll be waiting.”

I bow politely and make my way back into the reception area. This may be a long night.

…

 

The guests have all arrived and are seated in the large dining room I had set up earlier. As it’s a dinner party, everyone is elegantly dressed. I am more than impressed, but then again, this is a party at Anne Durless’ and I wouldn’t expect any less from her guests. 

Amongst the crowd, there are a few people I recognize, like Mr. Lau who runs Kon Ron, a Chinese trading company, which, upon my research, I found was no more than a front for his actual trade, which is in narcotics – heroin to be precise. His steely hatchet maiden Ran-Mao who accompanies him everywhere stands at the back of the room, quietly observing everyone. Her face is stoic, giving nothing away but I can tell she’s making mental notes, studying each of us.

Lau visits Dr. Durless often and occasionally helps us with the comings and goings of the underground. He is a man that likes to keep his cards close to his chest, although he always is trying to curry favor with Ciel. I know his trading in heroin is a lucrative business and if Ciel felt like it, he could snuff it out with the snap of his fingers. I also know that being around Ciel and trying to be useful is nothing more than a power play.

Strangely, for some reason or other, he seems to be good friends with Anne. I wouldn’t have assumed they would run in the same circles but here they are, together at the same table, gossiping about the same people and laughing at the same old jokes they have laughed at during the various parties they frequently attend.

Another man I recognize almost instantly is the Commissioner of Police of the Metropolis or head of the Metropolitan Police here in London, Sir Arthur Randall. A blustering older man who is frequently seen as the mouthpiece for the police, he is regularly on television or being quoted in the newspapers. He’s also attended crime scenes I've committed on a various jobs, but unlike his counterpart, DCI Spears, he doesn’t seem to recognize me.

Sometimes I act as a private investigator, looking for people who have come to this country and fallen off of the grid. This occasionally means I have to have some involvement with the police, which is how I met Spears. In any case, I like to leave the police tip offs, especially if the job concerns trafficking – which my recent jobs did before I became contracted to Ciel.

In any case, his being here makes more sense then Laus’ especially as he sits on the boards of various charities Anne is a patron of; they clearly run in the same circles. Not to mention, he happens to be the boss of Annes’ boyfriend, Grell Sutcliff.

Grell sits just left of Anne as Ciel sits on her right. He has short choppy cherry red hair, not unlike hers, a well fitted charcoal black three-piece suit and rectangular thin-rimmed glasses frame his face perfectly. His mannerisms are quite camp and he’s careless, constantly knocking things over with his arms as he waves them around – using them to express himself when telling one of his various boring stories.

Ciel observes him for a while, and then loses interest with each tale he tells. To entertain himself, he picks at the food on his plate, maneuvering them around and separating the stray peas from the potato dauphinoise. I chuckle to myself as I watch this, he seems disinterested in every topic of conversation but being the well bred little gentleman he is, he at least feigns adequate interest, chiming in with an ‘uh-huh’ when a response was necessary. Truth be told, I think he is still a little mad from the exchange he and his Aunt had earlier.

One happy family they will never be.

As the evening progresses and the conversation flows, Ciel decides he should at least try to engage with them. He waits until there is a slight lull in the conversation and then sits upright.

“So how did you two meet?” He asks.

Grell looks over to Anne, almost surprised Ciel can actually speak and then he takes a sip of his wine.

“We met during a case. It was tragic really, these prostitutes had their reproductive organs just ripped out of them.”

“Grell really, is this dinner conversation?” Anne interjects.

“Well, he asked.” He waves his hand in the air, completely brushing off her concern. “Anyway, we bonded over our love of all things red, amongst other things – we just clicked, you know?”

“I see,” Ciel nods, albeit half-heartedly.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I notice Sir Randall keeps staring at me and examining every move I seem to make.

“How do I know you?” He inquires.

“I have served the young master Ciel for almost a year now.” I reply with a bright smile.

“That’s not it, you seem familiar some how.”

“He is a butler Sir Randall, no different than any other butler you must have seen.” Ciel interrupts.

“That may be true but you look like someone.”

Putting his fork down, Ciel glares at him. “Did my Aunt put you up to this?”

“Excuse me?”

“Questioning Sebastian like this, did she?”

“No, she didn’t.” Sir Randall tries to assure him but Ciel isn't having any of it and the atmosphere is starting to get tense; I know I am going to have to diffuse the situation.

“I suppose I just have that kind of face.” I add as I walk past Anne and further away from Sir Randall.

“Oh nonsense Sebastian. You have such a distinctive, handsome face.” Anne slurs as she coos, picking up her wine glass in the process. “I can see it.”

“See what madam?” I inquire.

“I can see how Francis would find your mere existence to be indecent.” She titters as she takes another sip of her wine.

Well, I can see the alcohol has finally kicked in, she seems to have dropped her earlier grievance with me.

Grell holds his hand up to get my attention. “Oh Sebby, would you be a dear an-”

There is a loud clank as Ciel drops his cutlery on table, hitting the plate on its way down.

“Ciel dear, are you alright?” Anne slurs again.

“W-what did you just call him?” He spits.

“Who? Sebastian?” Anne asks, obviously concerned over her nephews bizarre reaction.

Ciel slowly turns his head towards Grell with a slightly wild look in his eyes.

“Yes, what did you call him?”

“Oh sorry, I only gave your dear Sebastian a nickname.”

“What was that nickname?”

“It was Sebby?” He replies, then turns to Anne. “Did I do something wrong?” He questions as she shrugs.

“Don’t call him that, don’t ever call him that again.” Ciel hisses.

“Okay, I won’t.” Grell agrees. A silence falls over the table, as everyone - including myself, seems confused over what just happened.

 _Is there something wrong with the term Sebby?_ I wonder. Wait, that’s right, that’s what he called me when he was high. Does he remember something from that night? He can’t have – can he?

Well, my, my – it seems my darling master might remember something after all. Now, I know I should let it go but I can have fun with this. I wonder, just how much does he remember?

Thinking about what I could do to check and see just what it is he may or may not remember, I see the table needs more wine. Walking around to the other side, I pick up the already opened bottle of red wine and start to make my way to each person, reaching behind them to refill their glasses. As I do this, I start to hum.

“ _Dee dum, dee dum dum dum dum dee dum_ …” I begin softly, my eyes slowly glance over towards Ciel who either cannot hear me or is choosing to ignore me. Either way, perhaps his returning memory is wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I’ll try again as there is a gap in the conversation. “ _Dee dum, dee dum dum dum dum dee dum_ …” I continue, this time next to Anne who tilts her head to the side, her ears prick as she listens.

Ciel picks up his glass of water and takes a sip, maybe he doesn’t remember after all.

“Sebastian, what are you humming?” Anne asks me, curiously. I finish pouring wine into Sir Randalls’ glass and stand upright, facing her.

“It’s a rhyme I heard a few months ago, I must admit, it’s been stuck in my head ever since.” I smile. Catching Ciel in my peripheral vision, I can see him snort lightly into water glass.

“What’s it called? It sounds awfully familiar.”

“It’s The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.”

Ciel spews water across the table as he chokes.

“Ciel are you all right? What’s gotten into you this evening?” Anne stands and goes to her nephew. He bobs his head up and down repeatedly.

“Y-yes, I’m fine. Please, sit down.” He coughs and tries to clear his throat.

Grinning, Anne goes back to her seat. She grabs her napkin from on top of the table and lays it across her lap and then claps her hands together.

“I remember that song fondly.” She beams. “I used to sing it to Lizzie and Ciel when they were little. Do you remember?”

“Not particularly.” Ciel replied, clearing his throat.

“Oh, how does it go again?” She tries to remember and then she turns to me. “Sebastian, can you remember how it goes?”

“This isn’t necessary Aunt Anne.”

“Oh hush you, indulge me a little.” She waves him off.

“Let’s see,” I start, “yes, I do remember.  _If you go down in the woods today you're sure of a big surprise…_ ” I sing.

“That’s right! _If you go down in the woods today you'd better go in disguise…_!” She sings along.

“ _For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because today's the day the Teddy Bears have their picnic_.” The table sings in unison before breaking into a fit of giggles whilst Ciel sits there with a sullen scowl plastered on his reddening face.

So, my little plan worked and you do remember some of that night. I know you can’t remember everything but this little bit is enough for me.

Oh Ciel, I’m going to have so much fun torturing you – just you wait.

 

* * *

 

The Teddy Bears’ Picnic - John Walter Bratton and Jimmy Kennedy


	12. Staying Up

I’m tired.  

It’s been a long day and so much has happened.

The last few weeks since the dinner party have all gone by so quickly. Another birthday and Ciel is another year older, more fights with Anne adding to an already intense atmosphere, and my young master becoming more and more anxious until we complete the move back to a rebuilt and refurbished manor.

It’s only been a day and already I miss the simple home comforts of the townhouse. He can say what he will but it is a place that even I can consider home.

With that said, I have made sure the manor is as homely it can be and up to Ciels’ standards before we finally move him back. He is vociferously adamant it look exactly the way it did before the fire, which is no mean feat on my part. Using the pictures Anne has kept tucked away and Tanakas’ memory, I have recreated the manor almost exactly how it was before.

I wonder why he wants it to look the same but I don’t dare ask, I just work to follow his instructions to the letter. Still, I don’t know what he must be feeling; it’ll just be the two of us here in this house of the past. His nightmares constantly torment him and yet he carries on so proudly. I don’t know how much of this is his acting as head of the Family or faking it but, either way, here is where he wants to stay.

From the moment of our arrival, Ciels’ typical foul attitude has hit its apex. I do my best to avert my gaze as every time we make eye contact, I get the business end of him – something I could really do without at this moment in time. Moving house is already stressful enough.

We did everything in a day, the pack up, the move over and arranging everything in its right place. As night finally fell, I prepare Ciel for bed, tuck him in and make my way out of his room and down the hall towards mine.

My room, like this manor, is completely empty. I was given the option to decorate it with whatever I liked but, as interior design isn’t my forte, there isn’t anything I care for and seeing as though I won’t be spending a lot of time in here, I may as well keep it as simple as possible.

There is a desk with a chair, a few books, a simple freestanding wardrobe with a few drawers, a bedside table with a lamp and a standard sized double bed. Somewhere to hang my trench coat, that’s all I need.

Twisting my back around a few times to hear it crack, I roll my shoulders and sit down on the bed. I am tired. I decide to lay out, resting my head on my soft, inviting pillows.

As I lay here, my eyes flutter as sleep starts to take them.

I know I have to do my rounds in a moment – this estate is large, about five times bigger than the townhouse and it takes me a lot longer to get through it all. However, my eyelids are so heavy, I can barely keep them open. All right, I cave; I’ll close them for a few minutes.

A moment passes after I close my eyes. I breathe in deeply and listen to the tranquility of the night. It’s different here than in the city, I can hear crickets serenading their lovers, foxes on the hunt and owls giving their warnings. It’s peaceful here, calming and I let my mind wander.

Just as I do, my peace is interrupted as I hear my bedroom door open and close softly. Feather light footsteps pad across the room and I smile to myself as I keep my eyes closed.

You think you’re being sneaky but I can hear you. I can hear as you approach me quietly and I lay perfectly still. This isn’t the first time you’ve crept into my room at night. You don’t talk; you just stand and watch me.

But this time is different.

“Sebastian?” You whisper, probably checking if I am awake or not, am awake but I remain quiet. “Sebastian?” I hear you try again, this time, standing over me.

I keep my eyes closed as you walk to the foot of the bed, trailing your fingertips along my side. I stifle a shudder as you work your way down my body.

Suddenly, I feel the weight of the bed shift and dip as you get on top of it. I fight hard not to grin broadly, even though it’s dark and I know you probably won’t be able to see it. The ever so slightest touch rests on my calves, then my knees, as you crawl up my legs. Straddling me, you drag yourself on top of my body, slinking ever closer towards my chest.

Hands land on my upper thighs, and then my waist. I breathe out as I feel you rustle and pull out the tucked in ends of my shirt. You push them up, revealing my skin to the cold night air and I shudder. Your nails dig and claw as they search their way up my newly exposed chest.

I can feel your body tense and shiver as you rub yourself on top of me, creeping closer until you make your way on top of my hips. Keeping my eyes firmly shut, I let my hands glide up your slender legs and past the hem of your nightshirt. You gasp as I grip you, firmly pinching and squeezing the back of your thighs. I know you weren’t expecting to be touched but I’ve held out long enough – I just have to feel you.

Do you know?

Do you know how much I desire you? How I want to be the only thing that consumes you? I’ve said it before but it bears repeating, I want you. I want to possess you, to devour you – surely you must have an idea or why else would you be here? Leaning over me and letting your soft lips tenderly touch mine as we kiss.

I ran my hands up underneath your shirt, feeling your naked back as you grind into me. Your moist lips part as you mewl gently into my mouth, the action exciting you.

Your kiss is intense, like electricity shooting through me and I am electrified as I feel everything: your hands on my chest, your waist grinding and riding me, the feel of your soft skin underneath your nightshirt, your hair as it brushes past my cheeks and the nip of your teeth as you playfully bite my lower lip.

I want to open my eyes.

I want to see you, all of you but I know you’re not here.

I know you’re still in your bed, being haunted by something else, possessed by someone else and I wish it could be me.

I slowly open my eyes and they do not deceive me, you are nowhere to be seen.

I can’t say my heart didn’t sink when I looked around for you, knowing you were never here. I sigh loudly, completely disappointed in myself. Here I was meant to be torturing you but it seems that even in my dreams, you’re tormenting me. I wish you could see how much of a hold you have on me, how you command and control me. It tears me apart, it burns me up inside and frustrates me. 

I think about you every night and every night you come, your presence is always here but you’re not. I can still feel you on my fingertips and I smell your scent so vividly. It’s as though you are here with me, lying with me in this room. You haunt me like a ghost.

We’re fated, you and I.

This gnarly, treacherous road you’re destined to walk – I’m meant to walk with you and if you fall, if you should tumble down – then down we go together.

With that, I sigh again as I roll over to my side, tucking my arm underneath my head as I think. I let my mind wander from Ciel to the ones that took him. Who are they? When will they strike again?

Before I have a chance to imagine any further, I hear a loud thud coming from the hall. Within an instant, I scramble to my feet. I rush to my drawer and pull out my snub nose .38 special, checking to make sure it’s loaded, which it is, and I then leave my room.

Walking down the hallway, I am on high alert for whatever that sound can be.

_Thud._

I hear another sound and it’s coming from Ciels’ room. I quickly rush over and open the door, there’s nothing except Ciel bundled up in his duvet on top of his bed.

“Young master?”

“Who – who is it?” He calls to me from his cocoon.

“It’s me, Sebastian.”

“Sebastian?” He asks.

Not this again. Although, I should be grateful he didn’t pull a gun on me this time. I look over to the nightstand and click on the light, underneath the lamp there's a book laying open; it's the works of Poe. I pick it up and look at the story he has open - _The Raven_. I remember this; I read it once in school.

“Master, what are you doing reading this so late at night?” I chide jovially.

He crawls out of the security of his blankets and extends his arm out, snatching the book from my hands, throwing it over to the foot of bed.

“I can read what I like.” He hisses.

“I suppose you can,” I smile. “Well then, if that will be all for the night?”

“Actually,” he hesitates, “could you – would you stay with me for a bit?” He requests quietly as he averts his gaze, looking elsewhere.

“Of course,” I nod.

I sit my gun down on the bedside table nearby and look around for the chair next to his desk. I start to go over to it but his hand outstretches and grabs the back buckle of my waistcoat, halting me. 

“ _No, wait_.” He whispers.

“I’m only going to get the chair.” I confirm.

“No, I mean… Please sit here.”

“ _My_ , are you actually showing weakness in front of me?” I can’t help but smirk at his request.

“Shut up and sit down,” He growls, frowning at me.

Well, who am I to disobey such an order?

I hitch up my trouser legs and sit down on the bed beside him. Ciel hesitates for a moment, and then exhales loudly as he starts to calm down. He stifles a yawn but stretches out.

Feeling relaxed; he lies out on his side, facing my back. Glancing over, I can see the smooth milky white skin of his upper thigh as he curls up beside me. It takes the strength of Hercules not to turn on him, flip him over onto his back and have my wicked way with him.

Instead, I just think of something to say.

“Master, in order for the proper functioning of such a large manor, I think it might be best if we get more servants in. They can also help with protection.”

“Protection from what?” He wonders aloud. _Protection from me,_ I think to myself.

“Well, if there were more people around, the manor would be less likely to have a break in of some sort.”

Ciel thinks for a moment, “Perhaps you’re right.”

“I was thinking about a maybe a cook and a maid to help with the cleaning?”

“We’ll need a gardener as well to look after the landscape.” He offers.

“I hadn’t thought about that but, yes, a gardener would be very helpful.” I pause. “Then that way, it can allow me to go back to the job you hired me for.”

“Have you got anymore ideas on who did this to me?”

“To be honest, no. I’ve been too busy being your butler. Having some help around here will allow me to get back to the task at hand.”

“I see,” He agrees solemnly.

I feel like there's something more he wants to say, something more that he wants me to say to him but we both stay quiet, letting the silence speak for us.

After a long moment passes, I decide I should say something.

“We need to find out who is in the Syndicate,” I begin, “I wonder if Undertaker has anymore leads with this.” I finish and wait but there is no reply. I turn around to see that Ciels’ eyes have closed. “Young master?” I whisper, nothing.

He’s seemingly asleep. I suppose I should let him get his rest, as it’s been a tense, busy day and maybe he’s finally able to relax. I start to stand but he rolls over, grabbing me by the waist and curling his body around me as he breathes out a light whimper.

“ _Don’t go_.”

“Okay.”

“Lay with me.” His voice is so soft, it’s almost pleading, his eyes are open but look away.

“All right,” I agree. I lift my legs up onto the bed and lie back as he wraps his arms around me tightly, burying his face into my side.

“This isn’t weakness,” He states firmly.

“If you insist.”

“It’s not. It’s just… I don’t want to be alone right now.” He confesses faintly.

I nod in agreement.

“It must be hard,” I think aloud to myself.

“Hm?”

“It must be hard on you, being back in this place so full of memories.”

He nestles into me for comfort and it’s absolute torture. I hear him yawn and I glance over to see that he has closed his eyes again.

“It is hard but I’ll get over it.” He mutters into the side of my chest.

“Don’t push yourself, it’s only natural to be upset.”

“Don’t. Do not coddle me. Despite my position now, I don’t need it.” He spits.

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Sometimes, we all need a bit of comforting every now and then. Regardless of your macho posturing, you are no different young master. You’re just doing it on your own terms.” I pause for a moment as I wait for him to bite back but he doesn’t. “You’re only human, it’s natural.”

“Natural to be comforted by a demon?” He quietly snorts.

“Is that what you still see me as, a demon?”

“I used to but not anymore.” He yawns.

“What do you see me as now?” I listen for his reply as his body starts to relax and go heavy against me.

“You’re not my friend, if that’s what you’re insinuating.” He grumbles.

“I’m doing no such thing, I’m just curious.” I smile, although I know he can’t see it.

“I see you…” He starts but begins to drift off and I instinctively wrap my arm around him, cuddling him, lulling him to sleep. “ _I see you as_ …” He tries again and I smile at his attempt. “I see you as my butler.” He finishes as he finally falls asleep.

Just his butler? Well, that’s a step up from being his dog.


	13. Surrender

“ _Sebastian_ …” A soft voice whispers to me. 

I’ve had this dream before; it feels so real and vivid as I can even smell the sweet perfume of his shampoo. The early morning light hits the lids of my eyes but I keep them closed and I can feel something heavy wrapped in my arms.

“ _Sebastian, hey_ …” He calls out again, summoning me to open my eyes. No, I know how this dream ends and I don’t want to comply, I just want to hold on to you and this feeling a little longer, just in case – like all the other times – you’re not here. However, I can feel his breath on me; it’s moist and hot on my neck as he squirms to shift himself up to my ear. “Hey, Sebastian.” Ciel repeats firmly and I finally let my eyes slowly start to open into narrow slits as I see him.

“ _Hm_?” I hum softly as I shift and adjust myself, still holding on to him tightly. I keep my eyes narrow as they scan him. Ciels’ head is under my chin but lifted up so he can whisper to me and I can see his lips, parted, wet and inviting.

“Are you awake? It’s morning.” He keeps his tone firm and yet it’s so velvety soft, almost comforting.

“Yes young master, I am awake.” I yawn slightly.

“Good.” He replies sweetly. I now realize I am laying on my side, cradling him tightly but he doesn’t move, he doesn’t budge or stir – he just stays here, cuddled into my arms as they envelope him. After a moment, he maneuvers and nuzzles himself deeper into me for comfort.

I’m in dangerous territory here, having him so close to me. I have to use all of my strength not to lift his chin and kiss him and that’s the tamest thing I’m thinking about. Instead, I roll my head over to the side and glance over my shoulder towards the clock on the bedside table; it’s 8:15.

“We’d better get up; you’ll be late for school.” I suggest.

“I’m still tired,” He whines as he wraps his arms around me. “Can’t I stay here just a little longer?” _Very dangerous territory,_ I think to myself.

“I’m sorry but you can’t, you’ll already be late as it is.”

He groans and holds himself so close against my body.

“But it’s warm here.”

 _Very, very dangerous territory_. _What are you doing to me Ciel? Why are you torturing me like this?_ I have to get out of this and fast.

“Young master, I would be remise of my duties if I just let you stay here all day and miss school.”

“Who will know?”

“Your Aunts for one, I’m sure Miss Lizzie will report back to your Aunt Francis that you weren’t there.”

“You’re not scared of her are you?”

“Well, she is terrifying.” I joke and I can feel his lithe body tremble and quake slightly with a muted chuckle.

“All right, you win, I’ll go to school.” He sighs as he lets go of me, rolls over to the side and out of my arms. They feel empty, vacant and weightless with a sense of loss as he gets out of bed.

I sit up and stretch out as he pads over towards the bathroom door. He wavers a moment before going in. I feel his eyes still on me and I turn my head towards him, noticing he’s standing still, glaring at me.

“Yes young master?”

“ _Um,_ ” He hesitates as he continues to look at me. It's like he wishes to say something but for some reason, cannot. Finally, he dips his head slightly and smiles wryly. “You snore," He states. “You should really get that looked at.”

“I don’t snore.”

“You only think you don’t because you can’t hear yourself but believe me, you snore.” He smiles genuinely as he goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.

I don’t know why but something tells me that wasn’t all he wanted to say.

…

 

“Um, where do these go?” She holds out a large stack of bone china plates in her hands, the exact match of plates I had to replace last week as she had collected them from the dishwasher and subsequently dropped them – shattering all but a few lucky ones.

I reach over and quickly grab them from her, sitting them down on the countertop.

“Mey-Rin, please, to avoid what happened last week, wouldn’t it be best if you took them a few at a time?” I suggest as calmly as possible. She adjusts her glasses and nods. “Excellent,” I smile as she takes a few at a time and awaits her next piece of instruction. “They go in the cabinet by the kitchen table.”

“Okay,” She grins broadly as she haphazardly carries the plates to the cabinet.

“Sebastian!” A young man bursts through the back door, charging towards me.

“Finnian, please don’t shout when you’re indoors, especially as the young master is napping.”

“Oh, you’re right.” He apologizes as he enters the kitchen with his arms full of flowers. “Where should I put these?” He asks as I scan the bouquet, which looks like it’s been pulled straight from the ground – roots and all. I usher him over to the table quickly to stop him from dropping dirt on the freshly polished floors.

“Here, you can put them on the table.”

“Thank you,” He beams brightly as he lays them out. I’m almost pretty sure I’m going to have to check the back garden to survey the inevitable damage. Finnian can be… well, let’s just say a tad rough with the foliage but then again, it isn’t completely his fault.

I hand him a pair of ordinary scissors to trim the bottoms of the flowers and go to look for a vase to put them in, however, as I do so, I can see a billowing plume of black smoke out of the corner of my eyes and I know that it’s coming from the kitchen.

I exhale loudly as I quickly stride back into the main kitchen area. Upon entering, I see our new chef pulling out a tray of very burnt, well; I’m not sure what it is.

“Bardroy, what happened in here?” I wonder as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Well you see, I was trying to caramelize the crème brûlée and me blow torch weren’t working so-”

“So you put it in the oven on high?” I conclude.

“Well, yeah.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to keep from losing my already frayed temper.

It’s been several weeks since they joined us but the new additions to the Phantomhive manor seem to be settling in nicely. Although, on the outside, it would seem these new servants are utterly useless and let’s face it; they almost are but only as servants. When we hired them, Ciel and I had a plan.

Mey-Rin, although an utterly feckless maid, is actually a sniper – in fact, one of the best I’ve ever seen. I found her on the job; she was perched on a rooftop and aiming at her target. I watched her for a while, however, when it came time, she never took the shot. She had more than ample opportunity but she simply failed to pull the trigger.

I have seen her work before. She is well known and revered in our industry for being cold and callous when it comes to a kill. However, when I watched her, she appeared like a completely different person. Like she was only a myth or legend, as the actuality didn’t add up – it seemed as though she didn’t want to make the kill. As she hesitated, I took the opportunity to introduce myself and offer her another job, a better one, which she agreed to, no questions asked.

As a maid, we didn’t take into account her poor vision. Her far distance sight is outstanding but her nearsightedness is appalling. I don’t think the prescription in the glasses she wears is accurate but she refuses to change them. In any case, when she wears them, she is clumsy and a safety hazard as her klutziness causes her to collide into almost everything and break things - even those fastened down. With that being said, she is charming and sweet and Ciel seems to have taken a liking to her.

Bardroy was even easier to find. A former soldier for Her Majesty’s Armed Forces, his forte is guns and explosives. One day, when serving in Afghanistan, insurgents set upon his company whilst on maneuvers – they never stood a chance. All but Bard were slaughtered in combat. To this very day, he is unsure of how he survived but he did.

Coming home, he was given a hero’s welcome but what happened marred him. He just couldn’t function in civilian life and thus fell in with the underground, which is where we found him, making explosives for a rival Family we had eradicated. Having no real loyalty to the previous Family and needing a new job, we wasted no time in taking him on.

He’s not particularly good at cooking but then again, neither was I until I learned. Bard has a nasty habit of setting things on fire, I don’t know exactly how he does it but I make sure there is always a fire extinguisher close to hand. However combustible he appears to be, he is teachable and completely willing to learn.

Finnian is the name Ciel gave our new gardener and we found him quite randomly. He was being held as a test subject for an experiment in a laboratory in Amersham. I’m unsure of the complete details of what went on in there, and he certainly won’t say, but I do know the government ran the laboratory and it was lethal doses of steroids that they had been injecting into their test subjects.

When we found Finnian, he was bald, covered in someone else’s blood and had a barcode tattooed on the back of his neck. He couldn’t remember who he was or where he was from but we knew that he had a kind demeanor about him and he was strong. From that moment, Ciel called him Finnian and asked if he wanted to work for him, to which he gladly accepted.

Finnian is strange, instead of the monetary incentive like the others, he just wanted a simple job where he could spend the majority of his time outside, which we could grant him and thus our gardener was created. Through the injections, his strength knows no bounds and he barely knows how to control it, which is pity for the plants as he could probably up root a tree, if he really wanted.

As servants, they are trainable – even I had to learn – but in their respective fields, they are the best. I have no doubt that they will fulfill their duties well as Phantomhive servants.

I look around the room and see everything seems to be working in an orderly fashion now. Mey-Rin has started to get everything ready to set the main dining room table. She lays out the silverware and runs a cloth over them to make sure they are sparkling.

Finnian has trimmed the flowers from the garden and neatly arranged them in a cream colored vase. Collecting it, he starts to move it into the dining room and sits it down in the middle of the table. Bard is diligently slicing and dicing up vegetables as he sets to work with dinner preparations.

I am over to the side, filling up a teapot with hot water as I prepare a tray for Ciels’ afternoon tea. I let it steep for a moment as I sit everything onto the silver trolley.

“I’m just going to wake the young master," I announce to them and each of them nods their acknowledgement. “Please try not to level the place whilst I’m gone.” I smile as I start to push the trolley out of the kitchen.

…

 

Making my way down the hallway, I stop at Ciels’ bedroom door. Normally, I can hear him having a nightmare of sorts but there was nothing but silence on the other side. This is curious; I hesitate just before I knock and I enter.

Poking my head through the crack, my eyes scan the room and he’s lying on the bed, perfectly still with his eyes closed. Pushing the trolley into the room, I place it to the side by the desk as I walk over towards the bed, standing right next to him. This is the first time I have seen him so serene I almost don’t wish to wake him. I smile to myself as I think it would be best to let him sleep just a little longer, especially as he looks so peaceful.

As I turn to leave quietly, a hand reaches out grabbing on to the tail of my coat and stops me. With a sharp tug, it pulls me back over to the bed and I stumble back, sitting down on the edge. I stay here for a moment and as I do, he turns over to his side and curls his body around me.

“I couldn’t sleep,” He yawns.

“Oh?”

“No. Could you sit here with me for a while?” He requests.

“Yes young master, I will sit here with you but only for a short while, I really have to get back to dinner preparations with the other servants.”

“How are they getting on?” He asks as he nuzzles his face into my back.

“Adequately," I sigh, sitting motionless.

“Well, that’s good enough for the time being.”

“It’ll have to be,” I mutter.

He hums and squeezes me tighter around my waist. _What are you doing Ciel? Do you even know? Do you understand your actions and how they affect me?_ It feels as though he's using me for comfort, like a security blanket but I don’t know how much more I can stand. However, I don’t move, I just sit perfectly still. I feel him go heavy against me as he starts to relax. I gently stroke his arms as I think quietly to myself, for the first time I’m stuck; I don’t know what to do.

A peaceful quiet descends upon us as he lies against me and I continue to stroke him, comfortingly.

“Undertaker," He mumbles as he breaks our silence.

“ _Hm_?”

“We’ll see Undertaker tomorrow.”

“If you wish.”

He goes quiet for a brief moment and then wraps himself snugly against me.

“Sebastian?” He speaks, albeit, weakly.

“Yes young master?”

“Do you still promise to protect me, no matter what?” He asks. What a strange question.

“As per the terms of our contract, my life is yours.” I state reassuringly.

“That’s not... _never mind_.” He exhales softly as I feel him fidget behind me.

“Please, tell me what you mean?” I implore, as I know he wants to say something to me but it seems he just can’t.

“No, I’m sorry I brought it up.” He quickly dismisses and I frown, for someone so eloquent, he can’t seem to find the words he wants to say.

I decide to take matters into my own hands and say something I think will reassure him.

“Ciel, as I’ve said to you before, I belong to you. I am your pawn, you can move me however you see fit. That means that I will not do anything without your instruction.”

“I know,” He replies and I nod.

“Then you know that I won’t do anything unless you want me to. Do you understand?” I glance over my shoulder to see him looking away.

“I understand,” He murmurs.

“ _You have to want me to_.” I whisper aloud to him, completely without thinking. That isn’t what I wanted to say, not in those words but he holds me tighter in response. I turn slightly to face him as his eyes roll over to mine and they lock without hesitation.

My thoughts and words drain from me as he just stares. I can see he wants to say something more but as his lips part to speak, there is a soft knock on the door.

“Mister Sebastian, Sir? I’m sorry to interrupt but you’re needed in the kitchen.” Mey-Rin calls out from the other side. Ciel instantly lets me go and starts to sit up. I almost leap up off of the bed, startled like a rabbit in the headlights. I go over to the tray of tea by the desk as Mey-Rin knocks again. Ciel quickly reaches over to his bedside table and grabs his eye patch, placing it over his right eye.

“Come in,” He calls back to her, finishing the last loop of the strings and the door slowly opens. She looks straight at me and blushes.

“Pardon the interruption young master but Bard requires some assistance in the kitchen.”

“He didn’t set it on fire again did he?” Ciel smiles wearily.

“Not this time, no.” She grins.

“Well I suppose you should go and assist him Sebastian.” He instructs me as I hand him a small plate with a piece of chocolate cake on it.

“You don’t need me for anything else?” I inquire, hoping he asks me to stay but instead, he shakes his head.

“No. I don’t need you for anything.” He replies flatly and my heart sinks but I smile through my disappointment.

“Well then, if you’ll excuse me.” I bow slightly and follow Mey-Rin out of the room; I can feel his gaze on me as I leave.


	14. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

Ciel rushes down the busy street, past crowds of tourists and herds of people who are doing nothing more than meandering about, looking around at the vibrantly decorated shop windows. He wears a look of tired weariness and complete frustration as he marches on. 

Yesterday finished with little ceremony. I wanted nothing more than for him to call me back into his room and tell me all the words he had been trying to say. I hoped they were the words I’ve been longing to hear but he didn’t say a thing – not for the rest of the day. In fact, it seemed he wanted little to do with me as after dinner, he had Mey-Rin attend to him in the evening. The gesture struck me like a slap in the face but I understood – he just isn’t ready yet.

Ready for what, I wonder? What is he struggling to say to me? Of course I fixated on the thought for hours last night. I spent my night wanting to know and wondering what it was. I don’t want to push him and I don’t want to rush – this has to be in his own time, when he wants to – if he wants to. Still, I can’t help but wonder; when will he be ready?

For however adult Ciel seems to be, he still reverts to being a child. This is something I have grown used to but it's frustrating, I know he must feel something for me – but what? When he was strung out, that was the closest I've ever felt to knowing what’s going on in his head but he doesn’t really remember and even though I subtly try to remind him, it comes to no avail.

In any case, currently, he seems preoccupied and frustrated over something but he simply won’t tell me what it is.

“Young master, what is the rush?” I ask as I follow behind him.

“Nothing, I just want to get there.” He responds curtly.

“Are you sure because it seems-”

“Leave it Sebastian.” He scolds me like a bad dog. Just when I think I’m making headway with him, it’s always one step forward and three steps back.

We’re off to see Undertaker today, I am unprepared for this meeting as all I got was Ciel putting on his coat and demanding we leave that instant. I think this meeting has something to do with one of the heads of the south area. From what I understand, there is a brewing tension between Azzoro of the south and Lau of the west. I try not to get too involved in Family business; I’m just here to protect Ciel and nothing more.

We finally arrive at the Undertakers’ funeral home and he hesitates before he goes inside.

“Are you ready?” He wonders as he eyes me curiously. I nod; I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be be. Truthfully, Undertaker gives me the creeps – it’s not his profession but his mannerisms and behavior. I especially don’t care for the way he leers at Ciel, it makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

I go to the door and I hold it open as Ciel walks through. Little has changed since the last time we were here, except the flowers on the table in the center of the room. I see Gregory in the corner. He is sitting amongst the coffins aligned along the wall, his knees are up and he is running a pencil vigorously across a sketchpad. He glances up at us for a second, and then he goes back to the task at hand.

“Well, well. Welcome back kitty, I see you brought the boy this time?” Undertaker chortles from behind a curtain.

“Hello Undertaker," Ciel greets him coolly as he appears.

“Young Phantomhive, how long has it been?”

“Not long enough,” He mumbles. Undertaker grins deviously as he approaches him and runs his fingers across Ciels’ cheek, causing him to flinch slightly but he manages to remains still. I instinctively take a step towards them; my eyes lower as I scowl. Undertaker merely smiles at my protective reaction and moves his hand away from Ciels’ face.

“Easy kitty,” He coos as I stand right behind Ciel. “I wouldn’t dream of doing anything, not with you there at least.”

Ciel frowns, steps away from me and to the side.

“Undertaker, I need some information.”

“Of course.” He titters as he motions for us to follow him into one of the weeping rooms, sweeping the curtain aside, he ushers us in. “You must be here because of the mafia.” He continues.

“The mafia?” I repeat as Ciel nods. Undertaker leans up against one of his show coffins and drums his long fingers across his cheeks as he thinks aloud.

“Tricky business the mob, they never seem to have any allegiances to any one power, especially when it comes to furthering their own prospects, like expanding their territory into the west.”

“So you know?” Ciel arches an brow. Undertaker hums and nods his acknowledgement. “Then you know that I won’t allow that.” He scoffs as he folds his arms across his chest.

“You may not have much of a choice.” Undertaker smiles.

“There’s always a choice.”

“I don’t think you hear me.”

“They’re going to force my hand.” Ciel concludes and Undertaker nods again.

“Bingo.”

“How?”

He shrugs. “That, I don’t know.”

Ciel starts to slowly pace about the room, tapping his index finger to his lips. I can see the cogs in his mind turning as he thinks.

“So the Italians want to expand? _Interesting_.” He mutters aloud.

“Why would they want to expand?” I interject.

“Why else? Drugs. The west is Laus’ area; he controls the trade there.” Ciel answers.

“If you let the mob expand, there will be a turf war.” I reason and Ciel shakes his head.

“The mob has always had short term thinking mentality. There will be more than a turf war but they never consider that.”

“ _Because that’s your job_.” Undertaker sings and Ciel rolls his eye.

“Can’t you give me anymore information?”

“I could but where would be the fun for me?” He giggles.

Ciel stops pacing and arches his eyebrow at Undertaker, who just holds his sides as he tries to stifle his laughter. Realizing he isn’t going to get anything else out of him, he drops his arms to his sides, preparing for a strop.

“ _Tch, fine_. Let’s go Sebastian.” He snorts as he turns to leave, stomping out of the weeping room, and I start to follow behind him.

“Oh kitty,” Undertaker calls after me between his laughter. I stop and turn to see him right beside me. “Watch the boy – I would really hate for anything to happen to him again – anything at all.” His causal tone still managing to convey the breadth of his warning to me but I’m unsure of exactly what he means.

“What are you saying?” I ask.

“I haven’t said a thing, not a single word.” Finding amusement in his last comment, he chuckles to himself as he pats me on the shoulder. “I see you with him you know, I’m very observant.”

“Is that so?”

“You’ll protect him no matter what, I can see that but who will protect him from you?”

“That is of no concern of yours.” I emit a growl in my tone before I have the chance to stop myself.

“I knew it!” He simpers lightly. “Do not mistake me; I’m only being amenable to you because he looks so much like his father and I want to protect him, so, if you harm him in any way – _well_.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“More like a promise.”

“Well, you needn’t worry; I would never do anything to harm Ciel.”

Undertaker nods at my comment and brushes his fringe aside. I can see the scar he hides underneath quite clearly now as he glares at me with eyes I’m seeing for the first time. He smiles at me as he tilts his head to the side, examining me fully.

“Desire is a funny thing; it can make even the most sensible people with even the biggest of God complexes act like monsters.” He states dryly, and I can’t help but shrug at his remark.

“That’s where you’re wrong; there are no Gods and monsters, only humans.” I lower my eyes at him and he smirks.

“And they are the worst.”

“Sebastian!” Ciel barks from the foyer.

“Sounds like you’re being summoned, _kitty_.” He continues to stare at me, unflinchingly as I glare back at him. I smile and I dip my head slightly as I make my way out of the room. “See you next time.” Undertaker waves me goodbye.

He is right, desire is a funny thing; it’s causing me not to think clearly, as it throws my perspective out of focus. I walk into the foyer and see Ciel leaning against the doorframe to the exit, arms folded tightly against his puffed out chest, right foot tapping frantically and a scowl etched on his porcelain face. He’s haughty, proud, difficult and absolutely divine.

“Took you long enough,” He snaps.

“My apologies young master.”

“Whatever, let’s go.”

Yes, desire is a funny thing.

...

 

As we leave the funeral home, Ciel strops off down the busy street with a huff, grumbling along the way.

“What is the matter young master?”

“Undertaker, he knows something more but he isn’t saying.”

“I can see how that would be frustrating.”

“How dare the mob want to start a turf war with Lau – how dare they think that they can defy my control.”

“How do you want to proceed?”

He stops for a moment as he thinks.

“These rats need exterminating.” He replies coldly and then he has an idea, his eye widens as he looks up at me. “We’ll invite them over and give them the very best of our hospitality and wait for them to make their move against me.”

“Do you think they will?”

“I’m not sure but I do know I won’t give them control of the west.”

“Who else should we invite?”

“Well invite the heads of the bigger gangs; I’m not really concerned about the smaller ones.”

“That’s wise, and then they’ll be less likely to push the matter in front of the others, especially Lau.”

Ciel nods and starts to move again, his head switching left and right as he seemingly looks for something.

“I can’t lead on that I know what they’re planning.” He states.

“Very well.”

“And Sebastian,” He says coolly.

“Yes?”

“No matter what happens to me, you will not deviate from my wish, I will not let them expand their territory – no matter what happens.” He reiterates firmly.

I don’t understand what he means but I know I can’t completely acquiesce in his request.

“Forgive me young master but if it’s a matter of your life or the plan, I chose your life as per the terms of our contract.” I state. He smiles wryly and nods his head.

“I suppose you’re right. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that then.”

He starts to walk back towards the car and I follow behind him. I can’t help but wonder what his plan actually is, especially as he doesn’t seem to want to tell me. As we go down the street, we pass a phone shop and he stops suddenly.

“What’s the matter?”

“I want to go into the shop.”

“All right,” I smile, although I am unsure of his reason why.

Once we get inside, Ciel wonders around the shop floor, tracing his fingers over various phones and accessories until he lands on one he likes the look of. A sales girl comes over to us with a broad, beaming smile on her face.

“Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

“I would like this phone please.” Ciel smiles back.

“Great, it comes in a variety of colors, which one would you pre-”

“Black.”

“But we also have-”

“Black, please.” He reiterates firmly.

“Okay, one in black.”

“Actually, I would like two.”

Two? What would he need with two? The clerk nods and excuses herself as she disappears in the back room of the shop.

“Why are you getting two?” I ask.

“So we can communicate,” He answers plainly.

“We’re communicating now aren’t we?” I jest.

“Sebastian, if something were to happen to me and we get separated – we can use them to communicate.”

I still don’t understand but I nod an acknowledgement.

“Young master, do you know more than you’re leading on?”

“It’s something Undertaker said or rather didn’t say that concerns me.”

“Care to share?”

“Not really, just in case I’m wrong.” He smiles wryly at me. I feel an ache in my chest – either he doesn’t trust me or he doesn’t trust his instincts. Either way, I wish I knew which.

The sales assistant returns with two boxes and motions for us to go to the counter. As she rings up our purchase, Ciel leans over to me.

“This is just in case,” He assures me. “I trust you.”

It's almost as if he knew what I was worrying about but I’m still concerned.

“Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I can’t, not yet.”

“Maybe I could help?”

“I’m sure you could,” He says dryly but he leaves it at that.

…

 

A few days later, Ciel has invited most of the heads of the gangs over for a recreational gathering. This happens quite often so no one found it to be anything out of the ordinary – especially as Ciel likes to keep tabs on what’s happening around London.

The four main powers are from the North, South, East and West areas. However, the only two Ciel is concerned about are Lau from the west and Azzurro Vanel from the Ferro family in the south.

Each area has its own subsection of gangs, which again fractures off into another sub group – the possibilities are endless. You can have as many gangs as you like, from the extreme and organized, to the kids on the street, playing around in the estates. All of them are controlled by their heads, and the heads all answer to Ciel.

I stand aside in the shadows as I watch him laugh and interact with the others. Despite his young years, he holds so much power it’s almost otherworldly, these grown men cower in front of him and the way he commands them – it’s magnificent. I am still no closer to knowing what his plan is, but I can only assume that it’s going according to the way he wants it to.

Currently, he sits on the plush red velvet chair just to the left in front of me. He crosses his legs as he leans to the side; holding his cue in his other hand and wearing a disaffected, bored look on his face. He casts his eye over the snooker table and a sly smile creeps onto his lips. Azzurro bends over the table and angles himself in a position he’s comfortable with to take his shot. He shoots but misses the ball entirely.

“Are you going to go or will you pass on this turn too?” Lau inquires, resting his chin on the back of his hand as he quietly watches the game and Ciel shrugs.

“You know me; I never like to make a move unless I know for sure that I will win.” He says calmly.

“You English are obsessed with winning, yet you win nothing at all.” Azzurro huffs as he bends over the table again to take another shot.

“I doesn’t matter if we win or not, we are inherently greedy, always wanting more. Something I’m sure even you can relate to.”

“ _Hmph_ , I don’t know what you are trying to say to me.” He scoffs.

“I’m not trying to say anything other than the fact that you and I are alike, we’re both greedy.” He smiles sweetly as he stands upright and moves over to the table. He sits on top of the edge and leans over to take his shot. Azzurro frowns at his response as he steps aside to watch Ciel.

“Your greed will undo you,” Azzurro warns. "And the rules state that you must have contact with the floor as you take your shot."

Ciel smirks as he strikes his cue against the ball. It clacks loudly as it hits the others and they start to roll into the pockets.

“ _I wonder,_ _am I undone?_ ” He grins as he slides off of the table. “My house, my rules."

He goes over to the chair and places his hand on the back of it as he looks over his shoulder towards me.

“Sebastian, come here please.” He beckons me, moving from the chair and walking to the side. I go to him and stand just behind him as he keeps his back to me.

“Well played match young master," I congratulate him.

“Thank you,” He nods, then motions for me to bend over. “Sebastian, I think I’ll take afternoon tea in the study.”

“Yes young master, I’ll bring it to you straight away.”

Ciel plasters on a bright smile and turns to address the room.

“Everyone, you can stay here as long as you like, please enjoy our hospitality. However, I have other business I need to attend to now and will take my leave.” He smiles politely as everyone in the room nods their understanding.

Ciel walks back to the table, lays his snooker cue down on top and leaves the room as I watch him go.

“If you’ll pardon me, I need to attend to the young master. Our maid, Mey-Rin will be in momentarily to assist you in anything that you’ll need.” I bow as I too excuse myself from the room.

As I walk into the kitchen I can see that everything is working quite smoothly, for once. I set about arranging the afternoon tea; I prepare the tea itself, warming the pot, adding the tealeaves and the water – just off the boil. As I let it steep, I go over to the side and pick up the deep crust apple pie I made earlier and place it on the trolley. Mey-Rin comes over and sits a teacup and saucer, along with a small plate, next to the pie.

“Thank you Mey-Rin,” I smile at her, which causes her to blush. “I am going to take this to the young master in the study, could you please attend to the guests in the recreation room?”

“Yes Sir!” She grins, excited at the prospect of personally taking on this type of responsibility, she takes off with a sprint.

“Mey-Rin, don’t run!” I call after her, she slows down, walking out of the kitchen and down the hall.

I exhale loudly as I tap my foot on the brake lever and start to wheel the trolley out of the kitchen.

Arriving at the door of the study, I can see that it’s closed. This is strange; Ciel never normally keeps this door closed, especially if he knows I’m coming.

I knock on the door.

“Young master, I’ve brought your afternoon tea.” I call out to him. Nothing but silence. I knock again and again, there is nothing. I open the door and peer in. There are papers strewn about the room, books pulled from the shelves and littered about floor, and the windows are open. Going in to the room, I smell something quite familiar to me, that sweet perfume I adore so much – the smell of fresh blood.

It's all over the desk and dripping on to the floor. It’s obvious something has happened here and there was a struggle. I don’t know if this was part of his plan but what I do know is Ciel is gone.


	15. The Killing Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is some slight violence in this chapter

My chest aches, it’s tight and constricting around my heart and I stagger over to the desk. Bracing myself against it, my nails dig into the wood as I pant, trying to catch my breath. My mind is whirling and for the first time in my career – I don’t know what to do.

I’ve lost him.

I cast my eyes across the desk and I can tell the blood is fresh, so they can’t have gone far. It’s a long shot but maybe he’s still somewhere in the house.

I frantically comb, scour and search up and down the manor but he's nowhere to be seen. Where could he have gone? Maybe they’ve taken him somewhere outside? I quickly rush to the back, going through the kitchen and out the rear door as I cast my eyes across the field in the back but there's nothing.

“Is everything all right Sebastian?” Finnian asks me from behind. I turn to him and see his bright eyes look up at me. I don’t reply straight away as I don’t wish to raise any suspicions or alarm. Instead, I plaster on a smile and nod my head.

“Everything is fine Finnian, the garden is looking very well these days.”

“Oh, thank you!”

“You haven’t happened to have seen the young master out here, have you?”

He thinks for a moment, “The young master? No, I haven’t seen him.”

“Splendid.” I grin and turn to walk back into the manor.

An hour has passed and he’s not in the house nor is he anywhere outside, I am officially worried but I also have guests to attend to and they mustn’t know their host has completely disappeared. Especially as these guests are heads of gangs who wouldn’t mind hearing news that something has happened to Ciel.

As I stride down the hall, I can hear the shuffle of footsteps following close behind me.

“Sebastian!” Mey-Rin calls out as she pads down the hall after me. I stop and turn to see her barreling towards me with something flashing in her hand. “Mr. Sebastian wait!”

“What is it Mey-Rin?”

“Your mobile is ringing.”

“My mobile?” I blurt out. Considering I just got that phone and I, as Sebastian Michaelis, don’t really exist, this confuses me, especially as no one else knows my number. She nods her head and hands me my phone. I look at the caller ID and it’s from Ciel, it seems he’s trying to video phone me.

“Thank you Mey-Rin, can you give me a moment?” I ask her and she nods again, turning on her heels and going back down the hall. I slide my thumb across the glass surface to answer the call and I hold it in front of my face. The screen is black as though someone is covering the camera but I can hear breathing. “Young master, where are you? Are you all right?”

“We’ve taken the boy," States a familiar voice on the other end with a dry chuckle.

“What do you want with him?”

“It’s simple. We want control of the West.”

Azzurro.

He must have taken him when I went into the kitchen to prepare the tea. When I get my hands on him, he’ll wish he'd never crossed me.

“And if he doesn’t grant it?” I ask.

“If he can’t grant that then we’ll hand him over to the Syndicate, they’ve already given us a very good offer.”

“Let me see him.”

“Fine.”

He uncovers the phone and flips the camera around so I can I see him. Ciel is bound tightly and lying on his side with his back to Azzurro. He doesn’t move, not even a muscle twitch, he’s so still I can’t tell if he’s even breathing. All I can see is his head lying in a small pool of blood. I swallow hard to choke down the bile rising in my throat, as the sight of him like this is making me sick. However, I must remain completely calm, I haven’t forgotten what he said to me.

“If you don’t get this little cocksucker to comply to our request, we’ll end him.” Azzurro threatens.

“I’m sorry but I only obey my masters’ orders and if he doesn’t wish to comply, he doesn’t comply.”

“How can you dare to be so cavalier with his life like this?” He demands but I ignore him.

“Well young master, what do you want me to do?” I inquire, my voice honeyed and calm.

“Why are you asking him when I have the power here?”

“Oh? You think so?” I smirk. “Come now master – your orders.”

The room goes silent as we wait for Ciel to say something, anything, but he doesn’t reply.  An empty gesture that causes Azzurro to roar with laughter.

“You see? Your _master_ is in no position to do anything.” He chortles and then starts to quiet down as his amusement with himself starts to fade.

Azzurro turns the camera towards his face, as the room is quiet again. His lips part as he readies himself to speak again but there is the faint sound of rustling fabric from behind him. We both wait quietly as the sound dies down, it's silent on both sides of the phone as we stare at each other.

“ _Woof_.” Ciel utters and I know it’s my cue.

“Very well master, I’ll come get you immediately.” I smile.

A terrified look comes over Azzurros’ face just before he starts to chuckle in order to defuse his fear.

“Come get him? How? You don’t even know where we are!” He muses and I hang up on him, I don’t have time to fuck about with this game anymore. Gripping the mobile tightly in my hand, I think about my next steps and it comes to me, there is someone I need to see.

“Mey-Rin!” I call out as I start to march back down the hallway towards the kitchen. “Mey-Rin!” I holler again as I look around for her. She pokes her head out of the doorway and adjusts her glasses.

“Yes?” She replies politely.

“I need to leave on a quick errand can you please ensure that our guests are taken care of for the rest of the afternoon?” I instruct as she looks at me blankly.

“Y-yes, of course but-”

“I won’t be long,” I interrupt with a smile before I turn and storm back down the hallway.

Rounding the corner, I march into my room and throw open the doors to my wardrobe. Crouching down, I reach back and pull out a large black duffle bag. As I wrestle it down to the ground, I look for the zipper, smiling as I pull it back, reveling what is hidden underneath.

Ah, how I’ve missed you – my arsenal.

A twinge of excitement races through me and my pulse starts to rise as I run my fingers over the cold steel of each barrel. I don’t know which one I’m going to use yet but I’m more than eager to decide. No, actually, the decision is simple; for something like this, I know I’m going to use my trusty Colt .45. Selecting it and a fist full of magazines, I toss them onto the bed. As I stand, I get a vest from a hanger and set it down next to them. I quickly take off my waistcoat and I slip this on, fastening it into place. It’s much thicker and heavier than other but of course, it serves a purpose.

Once I’ve finished, I grab my black double breasted trench coat from off of the hook at the back of the door. There are concealed pockets in this coat that can hide my kit and allow for easy access to them. I slide my coat on over my shoulders, button it and grab the keys to the car off of the dresser.

I’m ready. 

…

 

I arrive at my first destination after racing through the busy streets of London.

There is only one person I know who may have some idea as to where Ciel is being kept.

Going into the building, I look around – it’s quiet and empty, not that this place is ever full to the rafters but there is a haunting silence. I walk to the middle of the room and look around, there doesn’t appear to be anyone here.

“Undertaker!” I shout but there is nothing. “Undertaker!” I try again.

“Now, now, kitty – there’s no need to shout.” He responds from behind a curtained doorway. Long slender fingers push them back as he appears from behind.

“Where is he?” I demand, well, this wasn’t a social visit after all.

“Where is who?”

“Ciel, the Ferro family took him.”

Undertaker leans against the doorway and folds his arms across his chest.

“Oh dear kitty, looks like you fucked up.” He teases.

“Excuse me?”

“It seems you didn’t heed my warning from earlier. I did tell you to watch him, didn’t I?”

“Cut the shit Undertaker and tell me where he is.”

“Now that would be telling, wouldn’t it?” He winks.

I lunge at him, grabbing him roughly by the collar and thrusting him against a coffin-lined wall. He chuckles at me and taps the tops of my hands with his fingertips.

“You would be wise to let me go or else you won’t get anything from me.” He says sharply. I ease my grip on him but I still hold him firmly. “I warned you to watch him and what happened?”

“Please,” I breathe out. I am loathed to show this man any weakness but unfortunately for me, Ciel _is_ my weakness. “Please, I need to know where he is. If you know something-”

“Luckily for you, I do know where he is.” He sings.

“Then tell me,” I sigh as I release him.

He straightens up and pulls down his waistcoat. He smiles at me as he over exaggerates the motion of dusting off the tops of his shoulders.

“He’s being held in a storage facility off the Old Kent Road but it’s heavily guarded.”

“It’s fine, I’ve come prepared.”

“I don’t think knives and forks will cut it like last time.”

“Maybe not but I have other weapons at my disposal.” I shrug.

“You’d better hurry kitty, the syndicate have already put a price on his head and there’s no telling what they will do to him if the Ferro family hand him over.” He warns with a grin.

“Just who are the Syndicate? Surely you must know who they are?”

“Alas, I do not. All I know is that they are powerful. _Very_ powerful”

“Who’s in it?”

He shrugs as he walks over to the table in the middle of the room. “No one really knows.” He replies as he inhales the perfume of the white lilies in the vase on the table.

“So it could be anyone?” I state and he nods. “You could even be a part of it.”

He shakes his head as he giggles. “No, no, I’m far too loyal to the boy to align myself with them. Not that I’ve been asked, mind.”

“How do I find them?”

“You don’t, they usually find you. But in this instance, this may be of help.” He hands me a scrap of paper with a postcode scribbled on it.

I want say something more but I’m running out of time, I need to get to Ciel.

“Thank you for your help Undertaker.”

“You’re most welcome kitty," He giggles as I start to leave the room. “Until next time.”

…

 

After plugging the postcode into the GPS, I make it to the warehouse just off of the Old Kent Road in South East London.

I park the car around the back and wander over to the site. I can see it isn’t guarded on the outside, which is perfect for me; however, it means whatever isn’t on the outside, is on the inside. I quickly assess the area, there are a lot of industrial warehouses around and it would be easy for me to sneak in but finding exactly where he’s being kept will be tricky.

I spy a rickety metal staircase leading up to a door, along the back. Going over to it, I tentatively climb up the steps and crack open the door to look in. There are several guards just below, I know I may not make it in unheard but I can try to be unseen. I slip though the sliver in the door and softly close it behind me. Keeping my back to the wall and elevating to the balls of my feet, I slide along aiming to stay in the shadows caused by the dimly lit florescent lamps from above.

My toes mutely tap down on the metal grating of the landing as I glide across. I keep my cool as I move to the end of the wall and glance down; there are five of them, just standing around. Reaching back and pulling out my gun, I dip into my right side pocket and bring out a long cylinder silencer. I carefully screw the attachment on to the barrel of my gun and bend forward.

_Tick follows tock follows tick follows tock._

Tick.

I scan the room and see the five are guarding a door. This place is big, so logically that door must lead to another hallway. Fine, then I need to get behind that door. I crouch down and lay out on the cold metal, trying to make myself flat as I slow my breathing and take my aim. I point at the first guy and pull the trigger. One, two, three, four and five shots fired rapidly into the backs of their heads and they each fall to the ground like dominos. Getting up, I quickly run down the stairs and over to the door they were protecting, opening it, I look around and it is swarming, there must be at least fifteen or twenty of them. There is no way I could shoot all of these men in one go. What to do, what to do? Oh fuck it; let’s just go for it.

Tock.

I sprint into the room and grab the head of the first man in front of me, twisting it sharply until I hear a snap, breaking his neck. He goes limp and I use his lifeless body as a shield as I rush the room, barreling into three others, sending them crashing down. Aiming, I pull my trigger and chuckle to myself as the blood splatters all over the floor.

Shots are fired and bullets ricochet off of the steel bars that encase the room.

Tick.

I duck down, quickly running along the side of the wall, weaving in and out of the gathering mass of men. Taking a shot, I hit someone straight through the temple causing blood to spray over everything.

As I fight, I can’t help but enjoy myself, I’m in my element.

This is what I was built for – what I was created to do. I never mind the hunt but it’s the kill I love. The care I take in selecting my weapon, loading my gun, taking aim and discharging it into someone’s skull. Watching as the bullet blunts and detonates into the body, the breaking and shattering of bones – that sound they make when they do. I love it all, including the artful and glorious patterns the blood makes as it hits the air and disseminates, scattering droplets everywhere like rain. Then there is the smell, death has a particular scent – I would describe it as rich, potent iron, musk and maraschino cherries. It lingers in the air like a warm summer breeze on a hot day, just wafting around you.

With every move I make and every swipe I take, it’s almost as though I am outside of myself, I am completely taken over by my instinct and it’s powerful – I am powerful. I don’t feel invincible, no, I feel pain just like anyone but my endorphins run so high that in this moment, I can’t feel a thing.

Tock.

My right arm launches forward as I punch someone square in the jaw, his head jerks back and he lands to the ground. I slam my foot down on his head, shattering his skull all over the concrete. I am not afraid of anything and I am strong. I don’t feel guilt or sadness, just an all-encompassing bloodlust that takes over me as I tackle someone to the ground and fire two direct shots into his forehead.

Finally, I stand to my feet and I am facing in front of one remaining man. His whole body quakes with fear as he holds his gun towards my chest. Mine is lowered towards the ground as I pant, trying to catch my breath but I smile at him, it’s a reassuring, albeit, false smile, which seems to unnerve him.

“Let’s play a little game,” I suggest casually. He doesn’t reply, he just stands there, quivering like a leaf in the wind. “All right, I’ll go first then.” Raising my gun slightly, I shoot him in the shin, blowing a chunk out of it and he collapses.

“Oh God, please don’t kill me!" He begs, how utterly pathetic.

“Where’s the boy?”

“I don’t – _oh God_ , I don’t know.” He splutters. I sigh and blow out his kneecap. Holding on to his leg tightly, he shakes frantically and starts to vomit from the pain. I rub my temple with my index finger as I watch this man fall apart.

“I can do this all day.”

“Th-the room at th-the back!” He cries.

“Are there any more of you?”

“No!”

“Don’t lie to me again.”

“I swear!”

“Fine. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” I taunt as I start to leave him and run towards the back.

After a while, I finally make it to my destination and without a second thought, I open the door.

The first thing I see is Azzurro standing in front of a large mahogany desk; his arms are outstretched as he holds a gun firmly out in front of him. Behind the desk, I see Ciel, still lying on his side. His slate hair is matted with drying blood and his body is bound and tied tightly by ropes, with his wrists behind his back.

My heart thumps ferociously in my chest as I see him like this but I must wait for his command.

As I walk towards Azzurro, he stares at me blankly and staggers back. The back of his knees hit his desk and he lowers his weapon to brace himself against it, as I step closer to him.

“H-how did you-”

“You should think about getting better protection Azzurro, I just waltzed right in here.” I remark sarcastically. I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard and I run my hand through my hair. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking the young master and-”

“Now!” He shouts as he hastily ducks behind the desk and I quickly turn my head to see three men aiming at my torso. They release their bullets, which go flying into my chest and send me crashing down to the ground.

I lay here, motionless, as I struggle to breath and I close my eyes.

I hear the shuffling of movement as Azzurro grabs Ciel and marches him over to me. There is a heavy thud as he is slammed down on to his knees and Azzurro starts to laugh almost triumphantly.

“You see? No one can defeat me!” He brays loudly. A long silence descends over the room as Azzurro takes pride in the fact that he won. “You would have thought he would put up much more of a fight.” He snorts.

They watch me for a moment as I lay still, Azzurro still laughing like a hyena.

“All right, Sebastian, you’ve played dead long enough. Get up.” Ciel commands, his voice clear and controlled which silences Azzurro within an instant.

“Very well young master," I smirk as my eyes open into narrow slits. I roll my head over to the side to see the men who shot me, they look delightfully horrified. “A word of advice, if you’re going to kill someone – always aim for the head.” I advise with a smile as I lift my arm, firing three rounds into air, hitting my targets squarely in the forehead. Beautiful sanguine blood trickles down from the holes and they crumple to their knees and fall to the floor with a heavy thud.

Breathing heavily, Azzurro stares at me, his eyes wide with shock. “How are you-”

“Alive? Your men may be amateurs but I’m not.” I shift and struggle to get up. Once I stand to my feet, I shrug off my coat, revealing the bulletproof vest I had put on earlier.

“Puta….!” He screams at me. I take off the vest and drop it to the floor, rubbing my hands over my chest; I grimace slightly as my fingers graze the fresh bruises the bullets left behind.

My eyes glance over towards Ciel who is looking at me worriedly and I grin.

“My my, master, don’t you look cute and helpless, all tied up like that.” I beam and the look of worry is now replaced with a deeply embedded scowl.

“Shut up you pervert and just get me out of here.” He grumbles.

“Of course,” I nod but Azzurro swiftly grabs him and thrusts his gun straight into his mouth.

“Move and I swear to God, I’ll blow this brats’ brains out!”

“You won’t do that,” I smile.

“Why not?”

“Because he’s too important to you alive,” I growl lowly. He starts to tremble as I approach him. I lower my eyes and bare a devilish grin as I hover right above him. He must smell it, I reek of death, it’s all over my hands and the fibers of my clothes. The stench must be so strong it frightens him; he’s too scared to move a muscle and I place my hand on top of his, removing the gun from Ciels’ mouth. I take the gun and toss it to the other end of the room as he wobbles and shudders.

Tilting my head to the side, I regard him curiously. “Are you scared of me?” I wonder.

He doesn’t reply but I can hear his breathing become short and labored – all good signs, as they are signs of fear.

I reach out and firmly grab his left wrist and twist his arm sharply, holding it still behind his back. Using my other hand, I press firmly on the top of his shoulder. He squeals under the weight of my palm but he hasn’t felt any real pain, yet.

“Tell me something, who are the Syndicate?” I ask as I lean into him, applying a little more pressure.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Earlier you said that they gave you a good offer for Ciel, so surely, you’ve been in contact with somebody?”

“N-no I h-haven’t, just a broker, I swear it on my mommas grave.” He cries, how unattractive.

“A broker? Interesting.” I twist his arm further until I hear his shoulder pop and crack under the strain. He screams out to the mother of his God, which only causes me to smile. “Well master, what shall I do with him?”

“Let him live,” Ciel states coldly and I release his arm with a small pout. I really could have done with killing him, it would have been so very satisfying but alas, I obey my instruction and release him, watching as drops to his knees.

Through his pathetic sobs, Azzurro grabs onto his shoulder and tries to drag himself over towards me as I pick up Ciel and carry him to a nearby chair, placing him down delicately. I can see he is injured, his face is battered and there is blood staining through his shirt on his side, I’ll have to check that once we get back to the manor.

“Wait!” Azzurro calls out.

“Yes?” I ask, bending down and undoing the knots of the ropes that wrap around Ciels’ thin frame.

“Come and work for me.”

“As you can clearly see, I already have a job.”

“I can give you more than he can, all of the money, booze and women you could ever want.” He offers.

“Tempting as that is, there is only one thing I want.” I admit as I scoop Ciel up, cradling him in my arms and holding him closely against me. I can feel his gaze firmly on me as I stare at Azzurro.

“What is it you want and I’ll get it for you.”

I shake my head as I hold Ciel tighter. “I’m afraid that what I want is nothing you could ever give me.”

His mouth drops open to speak but no words come out. I smile at him as we make our way out of the room.

“ _Azzurro,_ ” Ciel says sweetly, which causes me to stop at the doorway. “I suggest you go back to the Syndicate and let them know that if they want me, _they’ll_ have to come get me.” He taunts and we walk out of the room.

Walking down the hallway, we remain quiet as I step over the bodies of the men I took out earlier. Ciels’ eye darts around as he sees the carnage and I can feel his whole body shudder at the sight. His eye flicks up at me and then back to the battered bodies around us.

“You did all of this?” His tone is even but I can tell he is clearly surprised.

“I did.”

“You’re more formidable then I thought.” He mumbles.

“Young master, is that a compliment?” I jest and he folds his arms over his chest in a light huff.

“Shut up and take me home,” He snaps. As I round the corner and start to walk back up the metal stairs, he loosens up slightly and emits a little snort. “I must admit, the game wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.”

“You knew you were going to be kidnapped?” He nods. “Honestly, that’s all you seem to be good for.” I chuckle and he elbows me hard in the chest, right where one of my bruises formed. I maintain my cool composure but I have half a mind to drop the little brat for that.

...

 

We get back to the manor and it’s late.

I pull up to the drive and switch off the engine, resting my head on the headrest and sighing loudly. My eyes look over to the rear view mirror to see Ciel fast asleep in the back. I can’t help but smile to myself as I’m glad to have him back home, safe and sound. Getting out of the car, I go to the back and, taking great care not to wake him; I lift Ciel out and make my way inside.

“Mr. Sebastian!” Mey-Rin sounds out like a foghorn as she comes barreling towards us just outside the front door. Seeing Ciel, she stops dead in her tracks. “The young master, what happened?” She exhales nervously. I smile at her to ease her concern and carry on walking into the house.

“The young master is fine, you needn’t worry.”

“O-okay,” She hesitates.

“Have the guests all gone?”

“Yes, that’s what I came to tell you. You would have been proud of me; I took care of everything, just like you asked.” She beams brightly. _Well, we’ll see_.

“Excellent.”

Entering the manor, I start to make my way down the hall and towards Ciels’ room and Mey-Rin, obviously still concerned, follows behind me. He starts to stir and wakes up as we carry on.

“Sebastian?” He mutters with his eye half open.

“Yes young master?”

“Where are we?”

“Home.”

“That’s good,” He smiles slightly as he rests his head against my shoulder.

“Oh, he looks so adorable when you carry him like that.” Mey-Rin coos from behind and Ciel jolts up instantly.

“That’s it, put me down.” He barks as he fidgets and squirms. I bend over, dropping him to his feet and he then storms off into his bedroom.

As the evening wears on, I can feel myself becoming absolutely exhausted. I didn’t think I would be so tired but the events of the day have really drained me. Still, I struggle on to make sure Ciel is prepared for the night. After his bath, I tend to his wounds and he slips into his nightshirt. He sits on the bed and waits patiently as I crouch down in front of him to button it up. My nimble fingers work diligently and quickly as he leans back to yawn.

“Sebastian?” He says, mid yawn.

“Yes young master?” I now work my way up to the last remaining buttons.

“Earlier, when Azzurro was offering you all those things and you declined him, you said  you only wanted one thing.”

“I did.”

“What is it?”

“Sorry?” I stumble as I finish his last button just underneath his neck.

“That one thing you want, what is it?” He looks at me imploringly as I take a little step back.

“I’ll go and prepare you a nice pot of chamomile tea, it’s been a trying day and you need to relax.” I attempt to shrug off his question and he frowns at me.

“The tea can wait, I asked you a question.” He says sternly.

“It’ll only be a moment.” I suggest.

“Sebastian, answer me. What is the one thing you want?”

I bow my head as I really don’t wish to answer. Why, _why_ would you try to get this out of me?

“Please don’t ask me that,” I reply.

“Why not?”

“Because you know I cannot lie to you.”

“Then you’ll have to tell me.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“It was something he couldn’t give you but I wonder, is it something I can?”

“Ciel, I….” I utter with a half whisper but I don’t continue my sentence.

He stares at me for a moment, and then averts his gaze as he chews on his bottom lip, thinking. It's such a simple question but it’s asking so very much of me and I don’t wish to tell him.

We stay like this for a while, neither of us not knowing what to say to one another. Finally, I decide that I should say speak before this gets any more uncomfortable then it already is.

“I’ll go make that tea now.”

“No. Come here.” He instructs and I hesitate. “Sebastian, come here.” He repeats firmly and this time I nod as I take a step towards him. “Sit down.” He motions for me to sit down in front of him and I obey. The bed shifts slightly behind me and I can hear the rustling of sheets as he scoots himself back. After a long moment passes, a pair of hands rests on my shoulders as they gently pull me back and my head lands on top of his thighs. Peering down at me, he ever so delicately sweeps the hair from my forehead and strokes my cheek. He is quiet and contemplative as he looks down on me.

“Did it hurt?” He speaks so softly it's almost hard to hear him.

“Did what hurt, young master?”

“Did it hurt when you were shot?”

“A little but I had my vest on.”

He nods as he reaches over and slides his small hand through the open slits of my shirt, where the gaps in the buttons are. He runs his fingers over my bruises and I wince slightly from the pain. Slender fingers feel the warmth of my skin and the little dips in my flesh caused by the bullets blunting into the vest. He hums softly, stroking my chest and feeling each muscle as it clenches and tightens under his touch. He keeps his other hand on my forehead, just above my brow. I try to keep my breathing slow and even to steady my heartbeat so he doesn’t feel it.

“What are you doing young master?” I breathe out as I try to stifle a smile, I don’t know why but he seems to be comforting me.

“I don’t know,” He replies simply as he removes his hand from underneath my shirt and places it on the side of my face, holding it still. He leans over, his hair brushes across my cheeks causing me to shudder. Long, sweeping eyelashes land on my skin as he closes his eyes and hovers just above me.

He is so close to me, I can feel his hot breath wash over me as he just stays here, right above me. All I need to do is tilt my head up ever so slightly... but I don’t, he has to come to me. He must know he holds all of the cards here; he is the one in control – not me. 

As I wait for him to make some kind of move, my eyelids become heavy and I can’t keep them open any longer, so I let them close. I feel my whole body start to relax under his touch and I’m calm, he calms me with such ease and grace under a single stroke. I can’t help it, there is nothing more I can do to fight it, my body is restful and tranquil. I melt into his lap as I drift off to sleep. 


	16. Smother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors’ Note: This chapter was a strange idea I had – I’m not sure if it works or not but hopefully it does.
> 
> This is Ciels’ POV from the end of the last chapter. (Boy, I hope this is all right)

I slam the door behind me and lean against it. I breathe in deeply as I am in an extreme amount of pain from the beating I took earlier. I swear, I should have let Sebastian kill Azzurro when he had the chance. Wrapping my right arm around my chest, I wearily limp over to my bed, once there, I collapse on it – face down. After a moment, I attempt to drag myself across the top and I roll over onto my back. Only getting half way, I give up, letting my legs dangle over the edge.

Staring at the ceiling, I take in another breath, letting the air fill my lungs, which press against my ribcage as I hold it there for a while. It’s painful and it hurts but it’s nothing compared to what I’ve experienced before. It’s nothing like those months where I was held in captivity like an animal in a cage. Exhaling loudly, I try to shake off those horrible memories of my past.

Things are different now, better.

It’s hard to put it into words but I can feel myself changing. Is it age that’s causing this or something else? For no matter how desperate for revenge I once was, I can feel the anger starting to wane as I become accustom to my new life. I get good grades in school, I’m begrudgingly making new friends – with the help of Lizzie and I have Sebastian.

Closing my eye, I let my thoughts linger on Sebastian. I can’t help but let the smile I’m trying to fight creep onto my lips as I think about him.

It’s amazing how in such a short space of time, Sebastian has become such a dutiful butler. I’ll admit when he first signed the contract and tried to poison me with those vinegar eggs, I had my doubts but now, I more than trust him with my life. Although, with that said, he scares me.

I never realized how powerful he actually is and when I saw those bodies on the ground at the warehouse, in that moment, I became frightened of him. How can this man who is so kind to me be such a violent killer? I suppose that’s who he was in his past life before me but still; it was such a shock to see. Still, I know as long as the contract is in place, he would never hurt me and I trust him implicitly.

He has changed my life so much and he probably doesn’t even realize it. He always says I control him and that may be true but I want so much more.

My eye jolts open as I land on that thought.

I have had this thought many times before and it always ends in the same way. It’s torturous and loathsome, I can’t help but feel conflicted every time my mind wanders over to these thoughts and my body reciprocates. My palms sweat, my breathing becomes shallow and my chest starts to ache, all because I think of him.

Sebastian awakens feelings in me I have long since buried. I have been numb for so long I can’t remember what it's like to feel this… happy? In my short years on this Earth I know I have felt happiness before but more than anything, I have felt pain. So much so, I can’t remember what true happiness even feels like any more. I suppose it was something I needed to get rid of in order to survive. Now, however, _now_ , I assume it feels a lot like this.

How is it possible one person can make me feel so wanted and safe? Then again, isn’t that his job? To protect me?

A sudden flourish of sadness comes over me – of course, I’m being ridiculous, he’s only like this because it’s his job. That’s why there is a line I must draw, I can’t let these feelings develop any further because – he’s my butler and nothing more. To think anything to the contrary is disgusting and wrong.

There is a soft knock on my door and I know it’s Sebastian, probably here to ready me for the evening.

“Come in,” I sigh as I struggle to sit upright.

“My apologies young master but I’d really like to look at your wounds.” He smiles at me, holding out the first aid kit. I nod and he approaches me slowly, as though I might spook if he comes towards me too quickly.

It’s been over two years since Sebastian signed our contract and sometimes, it seems, he still doesn’t know how to behave around me. He still treats me as though I’m this fragile doll; like I’m still the feeble child I was when we met. Can’t he see I have changed? Can’t he see I’m stronger now and a force to be reckoned with?

No – perhaps he never will. Still, I wonder what he thinks of me?

Sebastian kneels down in front of me and sets about unbuttoning my shirt, sliding it down my shoulders and off my arms. His brow furrows as he casts his eyes over my battered torso, then they look up at me. I’ve never noticed this before but his eyes are a strange color, a ruddy brown, quite unusual. However unique they are, they reflect nothing but kindness as they stare at me.

“I’m afraid this wound on your side is quite deep, so this will hurt a little.” He warns.

“It’s fine, I’m used to pain.” I reply.

“Even so.”

He takes out the antiseptic, unscrews the lid and sits it down next to me. Pulling out a fresh gauze pad, he carefully pours the liquid onto it and dabs my wound. I flinch as it burns me and I suck in air through my teeth as I try to keep still. I can’t bare pain, it may be something I’m used to but it’s nothing I like. Although, I know it’s always there – it’s how I know I’m still alive, how I know I can still feel.

“Before I dress the wound, I think it might be best for you to get cleaned up first. What would you prefer, a shower or a bath?” He asks and I think for a moment. I know he would rather I take a shower to lower my risk of infection but I really could do with a nice hot bath.

“I’ll have a bath.”

“Very well, I’ll come get you when it’s ready.” He smiles again as he stands upright. He leaves me to go into the bathroom and my head turns to watch him as he goes in. I can hear him switch on the faucets and the rush of water as it crashes into the bottom of the porcelain tub.

As I sit and wait, I let my mind wander back to the events of today and I’m stuck on something. It was something he said.

There is something he wants. I wonder what it is?

Before I can ruminate on it any further, Sebastian comes back into the room.

“Your bath is ready young master.”

I slide off the bed and slowly make my way into the bathroom where he turns his head and holds out a towel in front of me. I quickly unfasten my trousers and slip them off, along with my undergarments. Then, I try and negotiate my way into the bathtub, silently cursing to myself as my body aches with each move I make.

Once I’m in, he lowers the towel and folds it up, placing it down on the side. He pulls up a stool and sits behind me, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling up his sleeves. He picks up a nearby bottle and squirts a little liquid in his hand and starts to massage my head.

I lean back and relax into the curve of the bathtub as he rubs my head. I know it’s his job but he’s always so gentle with me, when Tanaka was our butler, he was never like this.

I try not to smile but I can’t help it, I like it when he touches me, even if it’s something as basic as washing my hair.

There it is again, that flutter I feel in my chest, this must be happiness but I can’t – I just can’t let myself feel it. I grip the sides of the bathtub tightly and I sigh, I need to make these feelings go away.

“Is everything all right young master?” He asks.

“Yes,” I reply curtly.

“It’s just that it seems that something is wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong Sebastian, I’m just thinking about a few things.”

“Would you care to share?”

No, I really would not but I think of something to say in any case.

“Do you ever think about death?” I wonder.

“That’s not anything you should worry about young master.” He replies quickly.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you have me and I won’t let anything ever happen to you.”

With those simple words, I feel calm.

…

 

Sebastian slips the nightshirt over my arms and I sit back down on the bed as I wait for him to button me up. I'm so tired; it’s been a long day, I can’t image what he must be feeling. That reminds me, what is the thing he wants? Should I ask him? I don’t know.

I lean back onto my elbows as I yawn.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes young master?” He answers as he works his way up to the last remaining buttons.

“Earlier, when Azzurro was offering you all of those things and you declined him, you said that you only wanted one thing.”

“I did,” He replies.

“What is it?”

“Sorry?” He stumbles as he finishes the last button just underneath my neck.

“That one thing you want, what is it?” I look at him curiously as he takes a step back.

“I’ll go and prepare you a nice pot of chamomile tea, it’s been a trying day and you need to relax.” He tries to avoid my question and I frown at him.

“The tea can wait, I asked you a question.” I say sharply.

“It’ll only be a moment.”

“Sebastian, answer me. What is the one thing you want?"

He bows his head as he fidgets.

“Please don’t ask me that,” He sighs.

“Why not?”

“Because you know I cannot lie to you.”

“Then you’ll have to tell me,” I smirk.

“Why do you want to know?”

“It was something he couldn’t give you but I wonder... Is it something I can?”

“Ciel, I….” He utters with a half whisper but doesn’t finish.

I stare at him for a moment, and then I avert my gaze as I think, chewing on my bottom lip. It’s within that moment; I think I understand what he's unable to say. It’s me you want, isn’t it? It must be.

I get it and yet, I don’t feel uncomfortable with this knowledge. I feel liberated yet conflicted, I want him too, in what way? This, I'm unsure of. I like it when he sleeps with me, he brings me such peace. In those moments, I long for his touch but I don’t want him to cross the line either. I know better than this, he is my butler, my protector and he can’t be anything more.

We stay like this for a while, neither of us not knowing what to say to one another. Finally, Sebastian takes a breath and I think he’s going to be the first to break our silence.

“I’ll go make that tea now,” He suggests.

“No. Come here.” I instruct but he hesitates. “Sebastian, come here.” I repeat and this time, he nods as he comes towards me. “Sit down.” I motion for him to sit down in front of me and he complies. I’m not sure what to do next; so I decide to scoot back and tuck my legs underneath me as I sit on them.

Reaching out, my hands hover above his shoulders for a moment, and then I place them on top of them. Pulling slightly, I gently guide him back, letting his head rest on my lap. _Yes, this seems fine._

I peer down at him and think of what to do next. Sebastian doesn’t move, he just lies here, his kind eyes looking up at me and my heart starts to race. Don’t look at me like that, Sebastian, I can’t think clearly when you do.

To calm my pounding heartbeat, I start to sweep the hair from his forehead – really, it’s just an excuse to touch him. He is relaxed, as his eyes slowly open and close, ever the while looking up at me. He shifts a little and grimaces slightly as he does but when he settles again, he smiles at me – that ever present reassurance that he is going to be all right, although, I’m sure he’s in a great deal of pain.

“Did it hurt?” I ask him, keeping my voice low and soft.

“Did what hurt, young master?”

“Did it hurt when you were shot?”

“A little but I had my vest on.”

I nod at his response. I knew it, he is in pain. I wonder if he's as used to it as I am?

I do the only thing I can think of in this moment in time. Seeing the gaps in his shirt, where the fabric stretches from the buttons, I reach over and slip my hand through them. I run my fingers over his skin, feeling the little dips in his flesh that must have been caused by the bullets. He winces slightly under my touch, and I realize, there must be bruising.

I hum softly as I stroke his chest and his stomach. My fingers slide across the smooth ridges of his muscles as each one tightens and flexes. I can feel his heartbeat thump in his chest as I touch him. Is it me? Am causing this reaction? It must be and suddenly, I become very pleased with myself as I let my fingers play. Keeping my other hand on his forehead, I continue to gently caress his head.

“What are you doing young master?” He breathes out.

“I don’t know,” I sigh as I remove my hand from underneath his shirt and place it on this other side of his face holding him still. He’s right to ask, what am I doing? I don’t know but I know what I want to do.

I lean over him and let my hair dangle down over his face. I can feel him shudder under my fingers. I bend further down and let my eyelashes sweep over his skin as I breathe on top of him. I watch as his eyelids flutter and then close.

As I wait for them to open again, I can feel his whole body go heavy on my lap and his breathing becomes deep. He’s asleep, Sebastian has fallen asleep.

I smile to myself as my eyes scans his face and lands on his slightly parted lips. My thumbs gently stroke his cheeks and I hesitate for a moment. Taking a deep breath, I bend over and my lips touch his tenderly. I let my eyes close as I taste him; he’s sweet and delicious like Belgian chocolate and my heart pounds in my chest as I keep my lips pressed against his. I don’t want to move, I just want to stay here as long as I can.

_No, Ciel, what are you doing?_

I know we can’t have a relationship; I know this is wrong but I can’t help myself.

He breathes out into my mouth as he exhales and it startles me, causing me to sit up. A wave of panic comes over me as I stare at him.

I’ve made a mistake – I’ve crossed the line.


	17. How Soon Is Now?

I feel warm, almost hot.

It’s a comforting, inviting heat, one of familiarity and protection. It’s a feeling you get when you’re with someone, lying in bed and holding them tightly in your arms. You hold them so tightly, if only to keep them secure, to make sure that no harm will ever come to them.

That’s how I feel now.

I woke about two hours after I drifted off to sleep; the last thing I remember is lying on Ciels’ lap whilst he gently strokes my face as he hovers above me. I have never felt such peaceful calm in my entire life, it lulls me straight to sleep.

I yawn as I start to toss and turn, the heat against my body causing me to sweat and wake up. Cracking my eyes open, I see him, nestling beside me in a tight little ball. We must have shifted positions in the night. I smile as my hazy vision rests on him; he is completely still, breathing in deeply through parted lips.

He must feel it, my presence. I’ve only slept beside him twice before and in both of those times he didn’t stir. He doesn’t shift or budge, gasp nor cry out – his dreams are calm and not frightful, I must bring him peace. As I roll over onto my side, I rest my arm around his waist and pull him into me. I delicately kiss the back of his neck as I prop myself up on my elbow, resting the side of my cheek in the palm of my hand, watching him as he sleeps.

My eyes glance over to the clock on the bedside table; it’s 1:35 in the morning. I should go, I have things to prepare for tomorrow and I must do one last sweep of the manor to make sure everything is secure but I can’t seem to leave. I gently stroke his head as I debate whether or not to move. My mind wanders back to the events of the evening and the question he asked.

What is it I want?

I know what it is and yet I can’t say. I wonder what my young master would think if he were to know he is what I truly desire. I shake my head at that thought; of course he would be horrified at the notion of someone of my position harboring any trace of emotional feelings for him, that much I know, especially as he sees me only as his butler.

I haven’t forgotten my role here; I’m here to serve him, to protect him and nothing more. I am no more than his butler and I would be humoring myself if I thought otherwise. He has a position to maintain as head of the Family and I have mine.

Sighing heavily, I decide I should get up. I bend over and ever so carefully move Ciel under the covers, and then pull them up over him. I regard him for a moment, just to make sure that he is still sleeping soundly and then I take my leave. I must check the manor and prepare for tomorrow.

The next morning, I make my way back down the hall towards Ciels’ bedroom, wheeling the silver service trolley, which is loaded with a full teapot of hot water and various items for breakfast. I enter his room and push the trolley to the side of his desk, pressing the brake lever with my foot. Walking to the window, I pull back the heavy drapes and let the light flood into the room as I tie them back.

Turning around, I look at Ciel; he’s still sleeping soundly. Although, I notice that he’s lying on his stomach. What an odd position, he always lies on his back – this is a first.

Emitting a slight groan, he starts to stir as the sunlight hits his face and he rubs his eyes slightly. He doesn’t seem to take any notice of me as he keeps his eyes closed and presses his palms down onto the mattress to lift himself up. For some reason, he hesitates and lands back down on his stomach.

“Good morning young master," I greet him cheerfully, his eyes bolt open and they roll towards me. “This mornings’ tea is a breakfast blend from Fortnum and Mason-”

“ _Sebastian_ …” He mumbles but I casually ignore him.

“I have prepared eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce on top of toasted brioche with-”

“Sebastian.” He states firmly.

“Yes young master?”

“Can you leave me… for a moment?” He requests, rather sheepishly, as he lowers his eyes towards the mattress.

“Leave you?”

“Yes, I… _Just go_.” He almost hisses at me.

“Very well,” I nod and make my way out of the room.

Shutting the door behind me, I lean against it. I wonder why I was so unceremoniously ousted from his room. As I stand here, I close my eyes and focus as I try to listen to what’s happening on the other side of the door. I hear bed sheets being thrown back and two feet slamming down on the floor. The next thing I hear is footsteps rush across the room and then the bathroom door being slammed shut.

Minutes past and I hear nothing else.

I wait patiently until I remember I left the tea strainer inside the teapot, the tea will be over steeped, bitter and ruined if I don’t take it out – at least this is the excuse I’m using to re-enter. I knock on the door and open it. My eyes scan the room and land on the closed bathroom door. He’s still in there. I can sneak in; take the strainer out of the teapot and leave.

As I make my way back in, there is a slight noise coming from the bathroom. Something crashes to the ground and I rush over to the door but before I knock, I hear something else, it’s a light sound, hard to hear outright but it’s there.

Letting curiosity get the better of me, I press my ear to the door to get a better listen on what is going on in the other side. I hear it again, it’s the sound of heavy breathing as he gasps and sighs, and then goes silent.

_Oh?_

I hear him whimper faintly as he breathes in deeply, panting softly as he exhales.

I know what I’m overhearing and yet I can’t seem to tear myself away. Resting my back against the door as quietly as I can, I smile to myself as I listen to him let out another breathy moan. The sound sends a shiver right through me and it excites me. Who are you thinking about? I wonder. Who is making you purr so sweetly?

There is a brief moment of silence and I wait for it, knowing what’s next – you cry out so loudly it takes me by surprise and I jump. I look around to see if anyone saw me but of course, I’m alone. Unable to get the smile on my lips to fade, I know I must leave the room before you return and I head towards the door, shutting it behind me.

My cheeks are sore; I’ve been smiling too much. Hearing you enjoy yourself in such a way – I’m jealous. I wish it could have been me to make your body ache to be touched, to make you breathless and wanting.

“Sebastian!” He calls me from the other side, pulling me back from my thoughts.

I enter, my eyes landing on Ciel as he sits on his bed, his blankets drawn up to his waist.  He faces forward, almost refusing to look at me and so I stand in front of him, forcing him to see me. He turns his head to the side and his cheeks start to redden.

“Is everything all right, young master?” I wonder innocently, trying to keep a straight face.

“Everything is fine,” He mumbles.

“I can’t help but notice that you look a bit flushed in your cheeks,” I press my hand against his forehead and he swats it away.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

“If you insist but it’s just that you look all hot-”

“You heard!” He gasps, his eyes widen with anger. “How could you?”

“I apologize young master, but I heard something crash in the bathroom and I wanted to make sure you were all right.” I can’t help but smile.

Grabbing a fist full of his duvet, Ciel covers his face to hide his embarrassment.

“I want you to leave, _now_.” He growls from underneath.

“Don’t be embarrassed, it’s perfectly normal.” I try to reassure him.

“I don’t care!”

I gently tug the duvet, pulling it down from his reddened face as he scowls at me.

“It’s just your body is changing and your hormones-”

“Spare me the lecture on sex Sebastian, I get plenty enough at school.” He barks and I stand back.

“All right,” I sigh. “In any case, I have to start getting you dressed now.”

I begin to kneel down so I may unbutton his shirt but before I do, he stops me.

“No.” He snaps.

“No?”

“I want Mey-Rin to assist me.”

“Mey-Rin? Forgive me but I hardly think that would be appropriate at this particular moment in time.”

His eyes dart around the room as he thinks of another solution.

“Fine, then I’ll dress myself today.” He states. It took everything in my power not to roar with laughter at that remark.

“In the last two years I’ve been with you, I haven’t seen you so much as tie your shoelaces.” I snort.

“Shut up, I can too.”

“Is that so?” I arch an eyebrow at him.

“Yes.”

“Very well, then I’ll let you get dressed by yourself.” I start to leave the room, heading towards the door.

“You always do this,” He sighs and I stop, glancing at him over my shoulder.

“Do what, young master?”

“You always treat me like a child.”

“My apologies, I didn’t think I was.”

“I am not a child, why can’t you see that?”

“I do see that.”

He looks up at me. “Do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

He hums softly to himself and he looks as though he’s mulling something over in his head. As he lands on something, his eyes slowly move to me and I turn to face him.

“Sebastian?” He asks meekly.

“Yes?”

“What do you think of me?”

“I think quite highly of you,” I reply honestly.

“Oh, is that all?” His voice is low, he seems almost disappointed at my comment but I can’t figure out why.

“What are you looking for me to say?”

His eyes drop to the floor. “Nothing, never mind.”

There is a long pause as I regard him curiously. He seems upset over something I hadn’t said but if he won’t tell me, I don’t know how I can help him. It’s getting late and he needs to get ready for school so I decide to drop it for the time being.

“Well, I’ll let you get ready.” I bow courteously and head out of the door to leave him to it.

…

 

“Salut!” Lizzie exclaims as she raises her Épée up towards her mask, acknowledging Ciel as her opponent and he does the same.

It’s the middle of the afternoon and Lizzie has come over after school for their weekly fencing lesson. I stand to the side and watch as they continue their bout, Lizzie is skilled, and it’s quite a joy to watch her. Her whole body moves in such a graceful fluid motion as she repostes Ciels’ parry with a passata sotto, scoring a point. Ciel struggles to be much of a challenge for her as he lunges forwards and their blades cross, striking one another and she deftly defeats him. I must say, it’s quite fun to see my typically haughty young master cut right down to size.

Ciel has barely spoken two words to me since I left his room this morning and his temperament has been nothing but brusque and frayed. Normally, I’m always by his side whenever he is at home, but he has been adamant I not be anywhere near him. I comply and keep my distance but I can’t help but feel rather annoyed at his behavior, especially as I didn’t do anything to warrant it. He seems mad, there was something I should have said to him but he didn’t mention it any further and I’m not a mind reader. Still, I can’t help but wonder, what is it he was hoping I would say?

After the fourth bout and another loss for Ciel, the pair decide to call it a day.

They change into their normal clothing, with Ciel unwilling to let me assist him yet again and reconvene in the garden.

Lizzie reaches forward and slides a saucer with a teacup on it towards her. Running her finger along the edge of the saucer, her vibrant green eyes rest on Ciel. She watches him as he picks up his teacup. Lifting it, he holds it under his nose, wafting it slowly as he inhales the vapors that float up from the hot liquid inside. Her lips curl into a smile as she continues to stare.

Ciel can feel two eyes on him and he shifts nervously in his chair as his eye flick up to his cousin.

“What?”

She smiles broadly, “You’re in a mood.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“How so?”

“You seem distracted, for one.” She pauses as his brow knits at the remark. “You didn’t even put up much of a fight during our bouts. Has something happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re on about,” He rebuffs.

“ _Okay_.” She replies in a slight singsong.

I walk over to the table with a tray of refreshments. Since it is warm out, Lizzie wished for something light, so I made her a refreshing raspberry sorbet. For Ciel, whose tooth requires something a little sweeter, I made a decadent Eton Mess. Going over to Lizzie, I place the glass bowl of sorbet down in front of her as well as a spoon. Unfolding a crisp linen napkin, I delicately lay it across her lap and she turns her head to smile at me.

“Thank you Sebastian.”

“My pleasure Miss Lizzie,” I smile back.

I then move over to Ciel, who instantly averts his eye from my gaze. As I bend over to place the dessert onto the table, I notice his cheeks start to rouge.

“Are you hot, young master?”

“No.” He replies curtly.

“Your cheeks are all flushed.”

“I’m not hot!” He protests.

“All right,” I grin as I bend forward to lay a napkin onto his lap. As it drops from my hand, my arm accidentally grazes past his chest and he jumps as though he has been electrocuted.

“Don’t touch me!” He barks and I take a step back, staring at him with mild confusion.

“Ciel, what is the matter with you? He was like this all day in class, you know.” Lizzie interjects. Ciel slams his hands down on the table as he stands to his feet.

“Shut up Lizzie, I wasn’t like anything.”

Lizzies’ eyes begin to water as her face looks as though she’s been slapped. I go over to Ciel and place my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him. He jerks back and slaps my hands away.

“I said don’t touch me Sebastian,” He growls.

“I just want to make sure you’re all right,” I try to calm him.

“I’m fine, won’t anyone just leave me be?” He turns on his heels and marches back into the manor. Lizzie, whose eyes are now overflowing with tears, looks at me completely stunned by his reaction.

“We should give the young master a moment," I advise as I smile at her and she shakes her head.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him; he’s been like this all day, did I do something wrong?”

“No Miss, you didn’t do anything wrong.” I try and comfort her. “I’m afraid it must be me.”

...

 

A driver for the Midford family came to collect a very upset Lizzie shortly after Ciel stormed away.

It seems he has locked himself away in his room, refusing to let me in. I have Mey-Rin periodically check in on him but he’ll only communicate through the door, unwilling to let her enter. By nightfall, he has still decided not to come out and I have had more than enough of his behavior. I make my way down the hall towards his room, he is going to see me, whether he likes it or not.

I enter; not bothering to knock and I see him, dressed in his nightshirt, standing by an open window. His hands are on the wood of the windowpane, as he braces himself against it. As he stands there, the moonlight bathes him in its pale white glow, making him look almost ethereal. The wind floats in, breezing through his hair and fanning across his face, which looks softened, almost forlorn as he gazes out. I notice he isn’t wearing his eye patch and as the wind hits his face, he slowly bats his long eyelashes to clear away any tears that may form because of it.

I walk to the middle of the room, stop and wait to be noticed but Ciel doesn’t turn or stir; he doesn’t even bother to acknowledge my presence.

“You were very rude to Miss Lizzie today.” I begin, _well_ , the need for pleasantries left a while ago.

“I know, I’ll apologize to her tomorrow in class.” He replies plainly, still unmoving.

“She says that you’ve been in a foul mood all day. Is something the matter?”

“No.” He replies sharply, which means there actually is something bothering him.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong young master? Perhaps I can help?”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you can.”

“Still, won’t you tell me?”

A silence falls over the room as he thinks. I can see his eyes searching around the back garden as he contemplates what to say next. Then he bows his head slightly and smiles, as though he remembered the punch line to a joke that only he understood.

“The thing you want, you want it above anything else, is that right?” He wonders aloud, turning his head in my direction, his eyes examine me fully as they look me up and down.

“Yes,” I exhale. I really hoped he had forgotten about this but of course, he wouldn’t, he would hold on to it until he gets a satisfactory response.

Turning around, Ciel leans his back against the edge of the window, folding his arms across his chest. Suddenly, I feel exposed, almost laid bare as his eye lingers on me, studying me.

“And it’s something Azzurro couldn’t give you?”

“No, he has nothing that I want.” I reply and he nods.

“Do I?” His voice is quiet, almost inaudible.

“Do you?”

“Do I have what you want? Is it something I can get for you?”

I can’t help but pinch the bridge of my nose as I sigh heavily.

“Ciel, please, I’ve asked you before to just leave it.” I beg.

“Still, won’t you tell me?” He uses my own rhetoric against me, delivered with an arched brow.

I meet his gaze head on and our eyes lock. I smile as I see him fidget slightly. 

“You first,” I state, hoping he’ll accept my challenge.

“What do you think of me?” He asks me again.

“I already told you this morning,” I respond.

“Nothing more than that?”

“Is this what has been bothering you?” I question as he turns his head back towards the window. “What more did you want me to say?” He ignores me and I’m getting frustrated now. It seems as though he is playing a little game with me, toying with me but I have had enough. “Just tell me what it is you want me to say and I’ll say it.”

His head drops as he looks at the floor. “It’s nothing.”

Now I’m really annoyed.

I take a few steps towards him and he drops his arms to his side, keeping his head hung low.

“It’s not nothing, especially when it’s quite clearly bothering you. Of all the things I can do, I can’t read your mind. You have to tell me.” I’m now standing right in front of him.

“Really, it’s nothing.” He mutters.

I bend over and tilt my head up to look at him as he shifts his eyes to the side to avoid mine. Placing my hand under his chin, I lift his head up and he furrows his brow as he looks at me.

“I am getting bored of this game, Ciel.”

He moves out of my hand. “Just leave it Sebastian, I was wrong to bring it up.”

“Look, if you want me to stop treating you like a child then you have to stop behaving like one.” I retort and his head whips around to face me.

“I know, all right? _I know_.”

I take a step back; my eyes are wide with confusion as I look at him. My chest constricts as he brazenly stares at me.

“You know what?” I breathe out, trying to keep my composure.

“I know what it is that you want Sebastian.” His voice is low and his eyes never deviate from mine.

“And what is that?”

“Me.”


	18. Nightcall

The tension in the room is palpable.

His eyelids lower as he looks at me audaciously, almost confronting me. They don’t blink nor do they waver as they stare straight at me.

He knows.

Fuck.

He knows.

The admission hits to my very core, it buries itself in and digs deep. It claws and constricts my chest as I try to breathe through it, in a vain attempt to calm myself. With all the will in the world, I can’t look away from him as we stand in front of each other, almost challenging one another on who is going to make the next move.

“Well answer me Sebastian,” He demands, choosing to go first.

“There wasn’t a question, it was a statement.” I reply with a sly smirk. He frowns, not finding the slightest bit of humor in my words.

“Now who’s playing games?” He snorts as he folds his arms.

We both go silent again as we continue to stare each other down. I have never felt more uncomfortable in all my life. I want to leave, to run from this room and never return but I can't think of any excuses to go, not that he would let me if I dared tried to. No, I'm held here, captive, attentive and completely subservient. However, I do not want to give into him.

“I’m not doing this with you right now,” I reply sharply as he raises his eyebrows.

“Doing what?”

“Whatever this is.”

“It’s true isn’t it?” He growls.

“Why do you want to know?”

“What kind of question is that? Why wouldn’t I?”

I shake my head and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose as I momentarily close my eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask, keeping my voice low.

“Because I want to know.”

“What good would it do?”

“I don’t care what good it would do, just tell me. I need to hear it.”

Never in my life have I ever felt so powerless, so debilitated and weak. Ciel has such control over me, holding me in the palm of his hand so tightly, I’m afraid he'll crush me. His glare is unrelenting as it burns right through me. Unfolding his arms and dropping them to his sides, he takes a step forward. I want to move but I don’t. I stand firm as he approaches, choosing not to cower to him.

“Tell me,” He almost whispers as he stops right in front of me. His head tilts back as he raises his face to mine.

“Why are you tormenting me?” I breathe out.

“I’m doing no such thing,” Ciel reaches out and gently touches my arm; his voice is honeyed and sweet as he tries to pull the truth from me.

“Then you must be punishing me,” I conclude.

“How? I only want you to tell me the truth.”

“Why do you think that’s the truth?”

“Because, I see things." He whispers.

"What do you see?"

"I see the way you look at me, especially when you think I don’t notice. I see the way you are when you protect me.”

“Isn’t watching and protecting you my job?” I reply almost flippantly, causing his brow to knit in frustration, obviously not the remark he was hoping to hear.

“All right, then how about how you hold me when I sleep?” He ripostes.

“I don’t-”

“You can’t lie to me Sebastian,” He warns softly as his hand travels up my arm. “You were careless.”

“How so?” I shudder under his touch.

“I felt your kiss on the back of my neck last night, when you thought I was asleep.”

I swallow hard at that revelation. I don’t know what to do now, it seems he's caught me.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Say it’s me.”

“You know it’s you.” 

“I need to hear you admit it. More than anything in this world, what do you want?" 

He is so close to me; I can smell the scent of tea permeating from his skin. I close my eyes and exhale, standing perfectly still. My hand aches to reach out and touch him, to feel his soft skin. My body longs to hold him, to press him against me but I do nothing. His hand squeezes my arm as firmly as it can whilst he stares at me and finally, I can do nothing more but cave.

“Yes,” I whisper softly.

“Yes what?”

“ _Please, Ciel_ …” I mutter.

“Tell me Sebastian.”

“Yes, what I want is you.” I admit, despite myself. 

He says not a word at my admission; his eyes drift over to the side as he thinks to himself. A long silence descends over the room and hangs over us like a thick fog. It’s uncomfortable and stagnant, I can’t think of anything I want to do more than to leave and not look back. He's got what he wanted, I said it, I admitted it and yet he still says absolutely nothing. Dropping his hand from my arm, Ciel turns and walks back to the window.

Pressing his palms down against the wooden frame, he leans over, his head going out as he listens to the rain as it falls, hitting the leaves of the bushes underneath with a light patter, and he breathes in the cold night air. The breeze floats around him; blowing through his tresses and kissing his face gently as he closes his eyes and feels it wash over his skin.

Hesitating briefly, I go over to him. My footsteps are slow and measured as I move towards him, stopping just behind. Ciel doesn’t move, he just keeps his eyes closed as he leans further out of the window.

“What are you thinking?” I ask softly as I lift my hands up. They hover close to his arms, just ghosting the fabric of his nightshirt.

“What do we do now?” He replies.

“I don’t understand.”

“Now that I know, what do we do now?”

“What do you want to do?” I delicately place my hands on his upper arms as I move closer to him.

“I’m just not sure,” He mutters softly.

“You made me tell you, you had to know.” I stress.

“I know, it’s just that I... I didn’t want it to be true.”

My heart sinks deep in my chest upon hearing his words but I don’t move away from him. He starts to straighten up a bit, pressing his back into my chest and staying here for a moment but then, he moves away from me. Stepping to the side, he turns around and leans against the edge of the windowpane and the wall, hanging his head low.

Sighing heavily, Ciel nervously starts to drag the nail of his middle finger up and down along the side of his thumb, pulling at the loose skin. His face is forlorn as he mulls over the words he wants to say in his head, clearly unsure if he really wants to utter them but we both know what he's going to say and that he has to.

My admission breeches the boundaries of our relationship, I am his butler, no more than that. I was hired to be his guardian and protector, it is my job to do nothing but keep him safe. A line was drawn from the moment I signed the contract, whether we knowingly acknowledged it or not, and I have crossed it.

I am only here to help him exact his revenge and once he does, we’re through. This is nothing more than a business transaction, I know but as I look at him, as my eyes regard him fully, I can’t help but feel myself becoming sick to my stomach.

How have I been reduced to this? For all intents and purposes, I am the demon the rumors make me out to be. Normally, I feel nothing, I care for no one, I don’t feel any remorse or guilt over the things I have done in my life. I am a machine built for killing, a skill I have honed for more than half my life and I have never needed or felt anything close to emotional empathy, especially for another human being. Now, however, my breath is baited as I wait for the final words to spill from his beautiful mouth and it’s killing me. Why do I feel this way? I don’t recognize this sensation of anxiety and loss as feelings that are mine but here we are and here I wait. 

I need you to speak; I need you to put me out of my misery.

Say it.

Pull the trigger and end this, I need to hear the words come out of your mouth.

Ciel just remains silent. He casts his eyes to the side, avoiding looking at me and I know I need to be the one to do it.

“We should end this,” I state, my tone is even and my words concise. Ciel bites down on his lower lip as he nods.

“If you can’t put your feelings for me aside then perhaps...” He hesitates but still doesn’t make eye contact. “Perhaps you should go.”

And there it is, it’s over.

“You don’t feel anything for me?” I wonder aloud. I don’t mean to say it; it comes out of me so quickly before I can even rationalize my own words. His eyes flick up at me, they are wide and watery. Long lashes bat slowly as he remains focused on me.

“There are no feelings here, there can’t be.” He replies coldly. “I have a job to do and I can’t let anything like emotions cloud my judgment. I thought you were the same way too.”

Ciel is different to all the other contracts I’ve had. They needed my help because they were afraid of the dark and the gruesome. Who would want to traipse around in the grit of the shadows when you can have someone else do it for you? No one would, but he is different. His soul is tainted and blithe. The darkness not only envelops him but it consumes him and he welcomes it with open arms, completely turning his back on the light and all those who wish to reside in it. The single-minded depravity that has its hold on him has now overpowered me.

This is what drew me to him, this bleak outlook and existence, the one-track mind to snuff out those who have wronged him. His foolish yet brazen demeanor, callous attitude and behavior towards others, including me. All of this made me want to stand by his side, made me want him. Unfortunately now, it’s over.

“Then I will leave.” I respond, his eyes widen with shock and then they lower as he nods.

“I think you should.”

“Our contract has ended.”

“It has.” He says solemnly, his eyes not returning to mine.

My stomach wrenches and knots as we stand in front of each other, both of us unmoving. Still there is one thing, if he feels nothing for me, then why is this so hard for him? I can see it in his face, it’s in his saddened expression, and I know he is struggling too.

My legs start to work independently from me as I begin to walk towards him, stopping just in front. My arms reach out as hands trail from the tops of his shoulders and down his upper arms, stopping at his elbows. Fingers stretch out and cup them in my palms, pushing them out and causing his arms to drape over my sides. Ciel turns his head to look away as I guide his elbows further forwards.

“Sebastian, didn’t you hear me?”

“I heard you, young master.” I respond as my hands slide down his forearms, lifting them up and placing them around my waist. “But I think you lied.”

His head snaps over to me. “How did I lie?”

“I think you do feel something for me.” I purr as he turns his head away again.

“What does it matter when the end result is the same?”

“I see.”

“Then you know that we can’t do this,” He mutters as his hands travel up my spine. I move my own to the base of his throat. They slowly creep up the sides of his elongated neck and his head turns back towards me and his eyes very slowly roll up to mine. “ _We can’t_.”

I smile and nod in agreement. “I know.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Well, if this is good-bye...” I trail off as he looks at me imploringly.

Reaching out and ever so gently touching the side of his face, my thumb runs across the soft skin of his cheek. His whole body shivers slightly as he looks up at me, eyes wide with an anxious anticipation. Hands run up the back of my arms, pulling me closer into him and he tilts his head up towards my face. The world around us goes completely silent and all that is heard is the light stutter of his breathing as he exhales through parted lips. As I gaze down on them, I lick my own, moistening them, readying to devour him.

“ _Sebastian_ …” He whispers slowly and that's all it takes for me. I push him against the windowpane, causing him to whimper under my weight. Placing my hand under his chin, I lift his head up towards me as I bend over, hovering just above his lips. I can feel his heart beating frantically into my chest as his lips part and his eyes close, inviting me to come closer – which I can’t help but oblige.

My lips run across his for a moment and finally, they meet.

His fingers grip and pull at my sleeves as he kisses my lips with a sense of urgency, as though I will pull away from him at any moment. I run my hands down his neck, over his arms and down his waist, squeezing him tightly. I know I say you own me and that is true, however, in this moment, you Ciel, belong to me.

I get lost in the moment.

His scent, sweet and fragrant, is muddled with the smell of the fresh rain that hits the dirt on the ground, and it’s intoxicating. His taste is candied, like rich caramel with sea salt. As small thin fingers pull at me, grabbing and tugging me closer, my own hands can’t help but wander down from his waist, past the slight curve of his hip down to his thigh. Pawing the silky flesh underneath his nightshirt, I slip my hand on the back of his thigh and lift it up, wrapping it around my waist as I slam him into the wood of the windowpane, causing the glass to rattle. He’s potent like a drug; the flavor of him goes straight to my head, dizzying me, weakening me and making me crave more.

We break away, his full, flushed lips pout as they search for mine, his eyes open slightly and I smile at him just before I move to his shoulder. I breathe him in deeply, running my fingers down the side of his neck; I place my lips on the smooth skin and trace my tongue along the curvature as his eyes close and his head rolls back. His hands grab fistfuls of my shirt as he furrows himself into me. He exhales a breathy moan, which breezes past my ear, causing me to shiver.

“Sebastian...” You let my name pour from your lips and I stop. Shaking my head, I pull away from you.

“We can’t do this,” I sigh as I start to rationalize our actions.

“I know,” He whispers as his arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. I brace myself against the wall and try to catch my breath.

“Please Ciel, tell me what to do.” My voice is low as I bury my face into the nape of his shoulder. He continues to embrace me as we stay like this.

“I can’t have you feeling like this, I can’t be the thing you want, _even though I_ …” He drifts off.

“I know,” It’s my turn to agree. I try to move away from him, his hands still grip the back of my shirt as I try to break free. Using the palms of my hands, I push myself off with force and stagger back slightly.

Ciels’ arms drop lifelessly to his side as his head hangs down and his eyes follow suit. He refuses to look at me and I can’t help but stare at him. It was almost the beginning but now we both knew it's also the inevitable end. 

I can’t stay in this room any longer, I have to go.

I start to back away from him. His mouth drops open as though he's about to say something to stop me but I refuse to listen. I just quickly make my way out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me and I walk down the hall towards my room.


	19. Ribcage

My legs propel me down the hall through sheer will power alone. I have to get the hell out of this manor and as fast as I can.

As I stride down the hall, I don’t even notice Mey-Rin coming towards me. Completely absorbed in my own thoughts, I plow straight into her, sending her crashing back into a nearby end table. She stumbles and staggers over, trying to grip onto the edge but she still falls, crumpling into a lump on the ground.

“I am very sorry,” I apologize and promptly bend over to assist her. Holding my hand out, she blushes furiously as she accepts it and I pull her to her feet.

“Thank you mister Sebastian,” She mutters as she tries to avoid eye contact with me.

“Before I forget, can you please come see me in a few minutes, I need to discuss the preparations for tomorrow and the rest of the week with you.”

“T-tomorrow?”

“Yes, well I think that from now on, I would like you to take care of the young master.”

“Take care of the young master? I don’t understand-”

“Don’t worry, just come see me and I will explain everything to the best of my ability. All right?” I flash her a reassuring smile as I continue to hold her hand and she tries to stifle a giggle but nods her agreement. “Excellent.” I quickly let go of her hand and step past to make my way back to my room further down the hall.

Upon my arrival, I shut my bedroom door; resting my back against it for a second as I try to calm myself down.

I’m angry. I feel like I’ve been sucked in and betrayed by the beautiful creature I had admired so. He seems to no longer need me and he certainly behaves as though he doesn’t want me. Well, I can’t force someone to feel something if they don’t wish to.

Moving away from the door, I start to pace back and forth in the middle of the room, running my hands through my hair and holding them at the back of my head as I think of what to do. My whole body shivers anxiously as my heart beats furiously in my chest. It refuses to settle, whilst my breathing is labored and shallow. I stagger over to my bed and bend all the way over, placing my hands on the sheets, gripping them tightly. What a curious reaction, I’m not used to my body behaving in such a way. I can’t seem to calm myself and I’m still mad. What’s happening to me? Why do I care so much?

How have you done this to me Ciel? You’ve completely ruined me.

Finishing that thought, I growl lowly as I grab my pillow from the headboard and toss it across the room in frustration. It hits the wall with a mute thud, bounces off and falls to the floor. Turning and sitting down on the bed, I rub my face with the palms of my hands and come to the conclusion that I really should go, there's nothing I can do, the decision was made and agreed by the both of us. I need to leave.

Slamming my hands down on my knees, I immediately stand and bolt to the wardrobe, opening the doors and bending over to pull out two bags from the back. Carrying them to the bed, I sit the bags down and stare at them vacantly, trying to figure out where I should begin. This is not how I thought I was going to end my day but here we are.

Going over to the dresser along the side of the wall, I open up the top drawer and pull out a few items I think I’ll need. It doesn’t really matter what I pack as most of it is a part of the uniform I wear and I would much rather leave that behind.

Taking the items I’ve grabbed from the dresser, I start to lay them out on the bed neatly. There is a knock on the door, and I sigh, it must be Mey-Rin being oddly punctual as she would normally forget, causing me to track her down.

“Come in,” I call out as I start to place things into one of my bags. The door opens but I keep my back to it as I carry on packing.

"So, you really are leaving?" His voice hits my ears, causing me to stop abruptly.

Standing up straight, my head rolls back as I stare up at the ceiling, exhaling loudly. _Why did you come here? Are you here to add insult to injury?_ I wonder to myself.

Lowering my head and slowly swiveling my torso around, I see him standing in my doorway. He's leaning against the frame with his arms folded tightly across his chest, which keeps rising and falling with each intake of breath. It's almost as though he rushed here but still attempts to retain an air of nonchalance to his visit. As surprised as I am to see him here, I decide not to play this game and to ignore his question, letting my actions speak for me as I turn back and continue to walk about the room, gathering whatever belongings I have and laying them out on the bed.

It’s almost amazing how painfully overwrought the room feels at this moment, it's so silent that I can hear each droplet of the rain that falls against the glass of my window with such painful clarity, it’s almost deafening. Deciding that the quiet is starting to grate me, I think of something to say.

“If you don’t mind, I am expecting Mey-Rin in any moment.” I begin.

“I passed her in the hall and asked her to give me a moment with you, so I suspect she’s gone back to her room.”

“A moment with me? Why? What is there left to say?”

“I… I don’t know.” He admits. I see, his visit is to add insult to injury then.

“Well then, whilst you think about it, I hope you don’t mind my continuing to pack.” I try to keep my tone as light and as even as possible, I don’t want to show that I’m riled by his sudden presence.

“Then you really are leaving?” He tries again but I continue to evade his question. This must annoy him as I can hear him huff and puff behind me, irritated at the notion of being ignored. "Sebastian, answer me." He barks.

"I am under no obligation to obey your orders any more," I reply simply, keeping my back to him.

I neatly place some shirts from the dresser into my bag, normally, I would have just shoved them in and dealt with it later but I suppose the last few years of being a butler has taught me to have more consideration towards my things.

"I beg to differ, until you leave this manor, you’re still currently under contract. Besides, all I'm asking is for you to you to confirm. Are you leaving?"

I emit an exasperated sigh as I pick up my bag and continue to pack. "Well what does it look like? Is this the action of a man who's staying?"

"You don't have to be like this."

"Be like what, Ciel? We'd agreed that I should go, so I'm going." I state sharply as I slam my bag down onto the bed.

"Don't snap at me," He rebukes and I rub my forehead.

"I'm sorry but how else do you want me to be?"

"I don't know."

I nod my head and turn to face him. We briefly make eye contact but he quickly turns his head away to avoid my gaze.

"Maybe you should figure it out," I advise as I move one of my bags to the side.

"What does that mean?" He mumbles as he still looks away.

"I mean that you seem mad I'm going and yet you're the one who agreed I should."

"I know, it's just I didn't think that-"

"I would?" He goes silent and I nod to myself. "I'm not going to fight for your affection."

"I don't want you to," He snaps.

"I know. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything like emotions to, what was it? _Cloud your judgment_?"

"For what it is I must do, they can't."

"Is this about your revenge?" I inquire as I finish placing my last article of clothing from the bed into one of my bags and sitting it aside.

"No, it's not about that, it’s just the way things are."

I turn to face him. "If that's how you feel, then I really should go." His head rolls over towards my direction.

"You actually can't put your feelings aside?"

"Such a simplistic statement," I almost scoff as I fold my arms.

"Sebastian."

"Look, I am not mad nor do I bear any ill will. I agree it's for the best so let's just leave it at that, okay?"

Ciel hangs his head as his eyes dart about the sides. I can see the wheels I his mind churn and tick over as he thinks. I sit down on the bed as I wait for him to open his mouth and speak, which he doesn't. Instead, he turns and puts his hand on the edge of the door, gliding it shut and quietly clicking it closed. I study him curiously as he leans against the closed door, his palms flat down on the surface as he looks to the side.

"Do you... Do you believe in love?" He timidly asks and I'm almost completely taken aback. What a strange question to ask me.

"No." I reply bluntly.

"No?"

"No. I don't believe a creature like me can love, at least not in a conventional sense." My answer is sincere and honest but he wrinkles his forehead, seemingly confused by my response.

"So, you don't love me?"

Now I'm floored, what does he expect me to say? I know what I feel and I know what I must say, but what happens when those things contradict each other?

"What does it matter? It doesn't change anything." I shrug; it is the only thing I think of as a reply.

"So you do?"

I shake my head. "No, I don't love you, how can I?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've already said it."

"That a creature like you can't love?" I nod in response. "What do you mean you are a creature?"

"Unlike you Ciel, I have no soul and I have no humanity left in me. I'm a killer and that's about all I'm good for."

"I have no humanity either," He mutters.

"You do, of course you do. I see it with almost every decision you make, you are considerate and you think of others. Take Miss Lizzie for example, I see how you are with her."

"I humor her," He snorts.

"Well humor that may be but it takes consideration to do that. You aren't like me, even though you're dark there's still a purity about you." He looks at me and I sigh, knowing full well I shouldn't say what I am about to admit. "It isn't just your darkness that drew me to you, it's how you so desperately cling onto your humanity. How you simply exist, considering all that has happened to you, of which I still know nothing about. You are a fighter but you maintain peace. You can be selfish, arrogant and deliciously cruel but can equally be generous and kind. You remain so pure and innocent despite dwelling in the darkness of the shadows, creating such a perfect balance."

"All of that is what makes you want me?"

"It's what makes me crave you."

A faint smile crosses his lips at my final statement and he starts to slowly walk over to me, stopping between my legs, just past my knees. The hem of his nightshirt just grazes over the top of my upper thigh. Looking up, we lock eyes; his are lowered, almost sultry as they stay focused on me.

"Is a craving not love?" The tone of his voice matches the look in his eyes.

"No." I smile as I lean forwards slightly.

"Then what is it?"

"It's far more darker than love, it's deviant and depraved."

"Deviant and depraved? Interesting." He repeats to himself. "Then if this isn't love, why are you leaving?"

"Because for me, this is the closest thing to love I'm going to get."

"I see," His face falls slightly, as though he didn't want me to admit that but his gaze returns to me within a second.

"I can't put these feelings aside and I'm not going to stay where I'm not needed." My voice is honeyed and sweet.

"You are needed," He confesses.

"Then I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

"You... You are, wanted." His voice is so low that his words are almost whispered.

"That's not what I mean."

"I know what you mean," He replies softly as he bends over slightly, letting his hands start to trail up the sides of my arms. I look up at him, instinctively licking my lips as he comes closer to me, maneuvering his way further between my legs and closer to the bed so that his knees just tap against the mattress.

"What are you doing?" I ask as his hands land on to the tops of my upper arms.

"Well, if this is good bye..." He purrs my sentiment sweetly as his lips ghost over mine.

I suck in his hot breath through my parted lips as he hovers above me. Reaching around, I glide my hands down the back of his knees; tickling him slightly and causing them to unconscientiously bend. His mouth hits mine with impact and I grab him, throwing both of my arms around his waist and clutching him close to my chest.

His hands slide from my shoulders to my back and up my neck. Thin fingers knit and tangle themselves in my hair as he kisses me back forcefully and roughly, it’s as if he is completely unable to control himself.

His tongue runs the length of my mouth, almost begging to be let in, to which I happily comply. Parting my lips a little, he wastes no time in exploring my mouth, tasting and savoring me fully as he sighs out in pleasure. I close my eyes, letting myself dissolve into him as he devours me and I offer myself up to him, completely willing to be consumed.

And it’s gone.

Everything is gone.

The rules, my status, our boundaries and inhibitions, they bleed away as he breathes out a slight mewl into my mouth and I eat it up like it was something delicious.

With as much strength as he can muster, he pushes me back and I fall onto my elbows as he starts to crawl on top of me, straddling my waist. His hands slowly drag themselves across my chest as he frantically unbuttons my shirt, opening it and feeling my skin underneath. His eyes look up at me, large and bright as they refract the dim light of the moon that floods the room from the open window.

Ciel hesitates for a moment, almost unsure of what to do next, but I don’t move. I don’t ask any questions, challenge or say a word, I just watch as he thinks. He breathes in deeply and leans over, pressing his moist lips to the base of my throat. He starts to litter my skin with feather light kisses; his slightest touch sends electricity coursing through my veins and causes the hair on my skin to rise.

I can feel him getting hard as it firmly presses against me and I know I have to do whatever it takes to show restraint. I have to stop myself from throwing him on to his back and taking him – this has to be on his terms and only when he’s ready.

Although, he does seem more than ready.

Ciel shifts himself on my lap and as he moves, he positions himself perfectly on top of me, hitting my sweet spot. I can see the proof of his arousal peeking out from underneath his nightshirt and I can’t help but salivate at the sight of it. His hips shudder and shake on my lap, the motion rubbing me just right, causing me to sigh out. The pleasure starts to course through me, causing my head to roll back as I grip the sheets tightly, the friction teasing my own constricted, aching erection underneath him.

I can’t help but moan, the sound of my voice suddenly surprising him as he jumps slightly. Then Ciel smiles as though proud he could elicit such a response from me and he bends forward. He places his hands on my shoulders, resting his elbow on my exposed chest and slowly rocks himself up and down, riding me. I raise my hips for better contact and I reach around, sliding my hands up the smoothness of his thighs, pinching and squeezing the flesh underneath my fingertips as they creep up. 

“ _Nnn, S-Sebastian.”_ He mewls softly as he gyrates his hips and grinds into mine.

His nails claw and dig at the skin on my shoulders and he exhales out in a light moan. My hands travel further, slipping underneath his nightshirt, palms land onto his backside and fingers fan out as I grip his cheeks and push him down on me, rocking him faster and faster.

“ _Sebastian…I_ …”

“Yes young master?” I growl, watching his eyes roll back into his skull as he gasps and sighs on top of me.

“I…”

“As you said before, I’m currently still under contract and therefore, under your control. I won’t do anything without your order. _Tell me what you want me to do_.”

Cheeks flush as he adverts his eyes, biting down on his bottom lip as he tries to hide his embarrassment.

“ _Touch me,_ ” He whispers.

“I am touching you,” I tease sweetly.

“No, I want you to… _touch me_.” He softly whimpers his request again as he reaches back and places his hand on top of mine.

His fingers spread out on top and then interlock in between mine. Guiding my hand to his chest, he sits up and runs my fingers over the buttons of his nightshirt. I watch him curiously as he leans himself back, bringing my hand down his waist. Ever so gently, he dangles my fingers over his hardened cock as he places the palm of my hand against it. Using his hand, he encloses my fingers around it, holding it still.

“Touch me," He commands as he lifts my hand up and down, using it to stroke his cock gently.

He keeps his hand on mine as I start to take over and work him; I slide my thumb over the top of his slit, collecting the precum that gathered. I use it as lubrication as I begin pumping him very slowly and his whole body shudders under my touch. His lips part as he pants, he screws his eyes shut tight and with his free hand, he braces himself on my leg.

“Don’t tease me,” He whines.

“You know what to do, tell me what you want.”

“ _Faster_!” He demands as I pulse and squeeze. My hand diligently works him and he starts to lift his hips as he bucks under my grip, fucking my hand with each rapid stroke.

“ _Ahhh, Sebastian_!” He cries out.

Louder Ciel, I want to hear you. Raise your voice and sing out, show me how much you take pleasure in my touch. His knuckles whiten as he clutches my hand tightly but I’m unrelenting as I move ever faster.

I love this – all of it; I would have never realized how much I love watching you enjoy yourself, watching you give in to your desire. I love the color your face flushes and the look of wanton desperation. I love how your wet lips glisten as they part when you lick them, when you pant and gasp for breath. I love your sweet voice as it fills the air with your melodic breathy moans of pleasure and how your lithe body fits perfectly against mine.

Using his hand on mine, he takes control, pumping himself faster, thrusting wildly into my fist as he sucks in air through his teeth.

“ _S-Sebastian, please_ …” He whines as he fucks my hand harder.

“Please?” I tighten my grip around his cock and I smile. I can see the pleasure building within him and I can feel his whole body tense up as he writhes.

“ _Please…I-I want_...”

I sit up quickly, wrapping my free arm around his waist and holding him tightly. Leaning him down further, his back arches as I pump his cock furiously in my hand. He turns his head to the side as he whimpers, burying his face in a fist full of sheets as his face reddens.

“Don’t hide, I want to see you.” With his eyes closed, he turns his head towards me, that’s it, how beautiful you are when you give yourself up to me.

His head rolls back and I can see that he’s close. “ _Come for me Ciel,_ ” I coax with a guttural growl and I watch as he thrashes about, the tension in his body building - mounting.

As much as I love all of those other things – I know this is something I will love the most, I will love to watch you come.

Unable to take it anymore, Ciel cries out loudly as he comes hard into my hand, his seed spilling out between my fingers. He goes weak in my arm and releases my hand as it continues to move up and down slowly, trying to squeeze every last drop out of him.

When I finish, I clean my hand off on the sheets next to me; I’ll have to change them tomorrow morning. I let go of him and lie back on the bed, letting my body sink into the mattress. Ciel wearily sits up and then collapses on top of me, resting his sweaty cheek against my chest. I gently stroke the back of his head as he catches his breath and nestles into me.

“Are you all right?” I whisper as I press my lips against his damp head. Ciel stretches out and wraps his left arm around my chest as he settles in and gets comfortable.

“ _Hmm..._ ” He purrs back. I can hear him breath in deeply, smelling my scent as he hums lowly to himself.

Your breathing is deep and you shiver slightly, it must be cold but your body temperature is still burning hot. Using my legs, I maneuver and lift the sheets up to my knees. Reaching down slightly and trying not to jar you, I pull the sheet up to cover us. Under the covers, I wrap my arms around you, holding you tightly against my body.

I stare up at the ceiling, my mind whirls and races as I listen to the beat of your heart thump on my chest. I exhale quietly as I let my body relax into the bed, although I didn’t get a release, I feel warm and completely sated.

“Sebastian?” He calls out to me, his voice light and melodic.

“Yes?”

“Promise me something.”

“Anything within my power.”

“Don’t ever leave me,” He requests.

“All right.”

“I don't need family and I don't need friends, I don't need anything because... _because I have you_.” He pauses for a moment as he nestles further into my chest, turning his head slightly so the back of it rests on my chin. I inhale the sweet perfume of his hair as he yawns and clenches the side of my chest. “You can never betray me and you can never leave my side, no matter what. Do you promise me?”

“You know I can’t make that promise.”

“Then it’s an order.”

I plant a gentle kiss on the back of his head and I close my eyes.

“Well, if it’s an order, then yes, I will be there, anywhere you want me to follow. I swear that as long as our contract is in place, you own me and I am yours. I will never betray you and I won’t leave you, no matter what. I will stay with you until the very end.”

He hums softly, seemingly satisfied with my response. His body starts to go heavy as I can feel him drift off to sleep.

I don’t know what to do now, where do we go from here? Will you regret all of this in the morning? _Probably..._ I shake these thoughts out of my mind and hold you tighter. Even though I’m worried about what tomorrow will bring, I can’t help but smile.

However, there is something triggered in me, something dark and overwhelming, especially now that I have had a taste of you. I know if we continue I will not be able to control myself, I will not show restraint. It's because of this I know we cannot continue, although there is nothing I want more in this world than you.

I want you so badly it burns deeply within me.

I want to feel you, to have more than just a taste; I want to have all of you. The purity and virtue you seem to hold on to, the humanity you desperately cling to, I just want to make it all mine.

You belong to me Ciel, no one else but me. I won’t let anyone harm you and I won’t let anyone touch you. No, the hands on you will be mine; the lips that kiss you will be mine, the demon that possesses you, will be me.

As much as I want that, I know this cannot be, how can it?

I am no good for you.

I am nothing more than a killer, a twisted and warped creature. The longer I stay with you, the more I know I will only poison you, corrupt you and take such delight in doing so. I will take your innocence and desecrate it; I will drag you into the depths of hell with me and trust me when I say it is not a place you belong in.

I am, as they say, nothing more than a demon. I cannot love you, at least not in the way you'll seek to be loved, and I will only disappoint you. There is no such thing as happily ever after, you of all people should know that. We can never have a happy ending and yet you make me promise to never leave you.

You want so much of me and I can’t give you anything in return. All I have is all I am; the only thing I can ever truly give you is your freedom from me, salvation. However, with that said, I wish to remain your chess piece, your soldier and I vow to stay with you until the very end. _The end of what?_ I wonder. Perhaps the enviable end of you and me.

Keeping my eyes shut, I place my lips to your head once more. This is wrong, I shouldn’t go any further with this but I can’t help myself. I can’t help but want you and want to be with you. I can’t let you go.

Still, the truth is the truth, I will do nothing but destroy you and having me close is nothing but destruction. Then again, maybe this is what you seek? If that is the case then this is something I can give you, something I can do. I will be your demise; if hell is what you're after, then I will take you there, even though you don’t belong.

Welcome to the beginning of your end, Ciel.


	20. Who's Gonna Save My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Physical abuse of a minor.
> 
> Ciel POV Chapter.

It’s dark.

Small shards of light from the cracks in the doorways bleed though and fade as they dissipate into the darkness.

Water drops echo out as they slide from the rusty pipes and drip into the puddle forming on the ground. Stifled whimpers from covered mouths can be heard as they desperately fight to stay as silent as they possibly can. A putrid stench wafts in the air and it follows us around like death waiting for its next victim.

This has become my life.

A door creaks open, flooding the place with a bright light before it quickly disappears as it shuts again.

“Listen up you little shits, it’s dinner time!” A voice bellows out from the shadows. A heavy thud is heard as a bucket drops to the floor by the thick iron bars of our cage. I don’t need to see what they're doing, I already know; it’s become a ritual that is reenacted three times a day, every day. This is how they feed us, picking us up one by one and shoving the funnel down our throats, forcing tasteless gruel into our mouths. With each child they pick up, it’s always the same, they dare not splutter or make a sound as anything other than complete compliance results in something far worse than they ever wish to imagine.

It is my turn now.

He roughly grips the collar of my worn shirt and jerks me towards him, smashing my body against the bars. One hand grips my cheeks firmly as fingers force their way into my mouth, widening it before the tip of the funnel goes in.

“We can’t have you dyin’ on us so stay still you little fucker and swallow it down.” He barks.

I fight to turn my head from him, spilling gruel down my front.

Hands wrap tightly around my throat and he grapples with my flailing arms as I feebly struggle against him.

_I’m weak._

_It hurts._

_I’m scared._

I am nothing more than this, nothing more than a prisoner here and yet I still try to fight against him, even though I know it's completely useless. Dropping me to my already bruised knees, he goes over to the door of the cage. I hear it squeak as it opens and slams shut behind him. He hovers over me and tangles his hands into my shirt, lifting me up to my feet. I wiggle and squirm to get out of his hold but he just shakes me repeatedly.

“Don’t struggle you little shit,” He spits as a powerful blow lands right in the middle of my already collapsed ribcage. I desperately gag for whatever bit of air is on offer but my lungs are too weak to fill.

_Save me please... Mother, Father... anyone...someone must hear me._

I know my eyes are open, I can feel them blink but the already darkened room starts to dim further and go black as I become light headed.

_Will I finally end here?_

No.

He throws me against the bars of the cage and I crumple over like a rag doll. My mouth is gaping and gasping for air as I hear footsteps come towards me. I squeeze my eyes shut out of fear or instinct, I don’t know which but I do know they burn as they well up with tears. Footsteps halt right in front of me and the room goes completely silent. Everyone is hushed and scared as the soft click of a metal hinge sounds out. It's followed by the deafening and familiar sound of leather sliding out through belt loops as he pulls it across his waist. The noise reverberates across the walls as the others are even scared to make a sound, let alone breathe for fear it will be their turn next.

“You know what happens to brats who don’t obey.”

_Please don’t._

_Not again._

My body starts to convulse as I desperately press my back flush against the bars in a worthless effort to try and escape from him.

I whimper out your name, I beg for you to help me but I know you’re not there; you’re gone, they already took you from me.

“They’re not coming for you, no one is.”

“Someone... will come.” I mutter weakly. He chuckles at me as he drops his belt to the floor.

“Didja hear that lads? The little fucker still thinks someone will save him!” He exclaims and the room fills with a chorus of braying laughter from his cohorts and other watchers. They're always here, whenever we think we're alone, we’re not. They watch us, beat us and in most cases they do much worse. “And just who do you think is going to come for you? Santa? God?” He chortles as he bends over, grabbing a fist full of my tattered shirt, pulling me upwards. “Don’t you know? There is no such thing as Santa and worse of all, God is dead.” He growls and before I know it a hard strike hits the right side of my face.

The pain jolts through me like an electrical shock, white hot and searing as I go completely limp. The next thing I hear is a blood curdling scream, a sound that will haunt me until the end of my life, which I hope will be now. The unrelenting wail refuses to stop as he hits me again. Why? Why won’t they stop? The overbearing sound is a horrific and constant shrieking.

Don’t they know any sound only makes it worse for everyone?

_Please stop._

They don’t.

I’m struck again, again and again and again but the screaming continues. I feel sick, I feel powerless and dead, although, I'm seemingly still breathing so I know I am alive.

_Please kill me, just let me die._

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” He hollers in my face.

Is it me? Is this my voice? I can’t feel my open mouth; there’s no air in my lungs and no vibration in my throat. How have I gotten so numb? How am I the one screaming?

Letting go of my shirt, I stagger back and he shoves me the rest of the way down. I collide back into the bars and try to sit up as every inch of my face throbs but still, I scream.

“You won’t shut up? Then I’ll have to make good use of that mouth of yours.” He cackles as he comes towards me. I can’t stop screaming, not for all the will in the world, I’m too petrified. It’s almost as though my body is working independently from me, as though screaming is the only thing I can do as I try to move my body but I can’t. I attempt to curl myself into a ball for protection but I’m much too weak.

“H-Help me please!” I beg in between my wailing screams but they fall on deaf ears as he comes closer.

Kneeling down in front of me, I hear the sound of a zipper being pulled down and the rustling of heavy fabric, the noise cuts through my pathetic cries for help. A hand forcefully grabs the back of my head, thrusting me forwards.

“I’ll give you something to cry about you worthless shit,” He scolds, yanking my hair as he pulls me forwards.

Worthless? I guess I am worthless and nothing. My parents are dead, you are dead and there is no one who will come for me, no one to fight for me. This is all I am now. I feel an arm wrap around my waist and with as much force as I can muster, I try and thrash about, deciding not to give up so easily.

“ _Ciel._..” A voice calls to me and I know I cannot run, there's nowhere to run to. I cannot hide; there's no place to go and I am so very scared.

“Let me go...” I whimper but they don't, they only hold me tighter. “ _Please._..” I begin to cry as I continue to strain and fight against them.

“Ciel, please, wake up.” He speaks to me, calling me and my eyes jolt open as I gasp for air.

Flying out of his arms, I push myself against the headboard and instinctively grab my right eye, covering it with both of my hands.

“W-where am I?” I pant frantically.

“You’re at home, in my room.” He speaks to me as gently as possible.

“Home? I’m at home?” I repeat to try and convince myself these words are true. “S-Sebastian?” I exhale out as I catch my breath.

“Yes, it’s me.” He replies as he sits down on the bed beside me.

“Where did you go? Why weren’t you here?” I swallow but my throat is dry.

“I went to get some water; you are very hot to sleep next to.” He smiles as he holds out a water bottle. I don’t take it, instead, not knowing what's come over me, I throw my arms around him, squeezing him tightly. I feel his hand on my head and he gently strokes me, running it down from the top to the base of my neck, soothing me. “Did you have another nightmare?”

I want to respond but the words don't seem to want to leave my mouth, instead I bury my face into his side nodding.

His hands grip my arms, he peels me off of his torso and places me on the bed. Sebastian slides back and maneuvers himself behind me. Long legs stretch out and arms encircle  me. Sebastian draws me close so my back rests against his chest and he puts his chin on the crown of my head.

“What are you doing?” I wonder curiously as he runs his hands up and down my arms.

“I am trying to comfort you.”

“Comfort me?”

“Yes, well admittedly, I'm not sure how to really go about comforting someone.” He admits. I nod and smirk to myself.

“You know, I’m not really sure how to go about being comforted.” I reply. He hums lowly as he hugs me tighter. The vibration goes right through me causing a sharp shiver to run up my spine, making my hands grip his sleeves firmly.

“What was your dream about?”

I almost don’t want to say.

Drawing my knees up to my chest, I rest my chin in the gap as I think about how to answer.

“I was trapped in a cage without any hope of getting out,” I begin. “But I heard you, your voice, you called me back.”

“I’m glad,” I can hear the smile in his voice as he moves closer to my cheek. My hand reaches out and slides across the back of his head, letting my fingers tangle themselves in his hair.

“You’re glad?”

“You’re safe now, you’re out of that cage and you will never go back there again.” He reassures me but pauses for a moment as he thinks to himself. “Ciel, I need you to remember something.”

“What?”

“I need you to remember no harm will ever come to you as long as I am around.”

“I know,” I nod.

“One day, you will have to tell me what happened to you. I want to know, to understand.”

“I will Sebastian, when I feel ready, I will tell you everything.” I promise, even though I'm unsure when that will ever be. I know I have told him next to nothing about my past and what happened, all he knows is what he saw when we first met, which wasn’t anything at all. At least, not compared to what I experienced.

We sit in silence for twenty minutes and I don’t mind. I feel completely calm and at ease in his arms as he nuzzles my shoulder, continuing to hum softly to himself. After a while, moist lips plant themselves along the nape of my neck, trailing up and behind my ear. A pleasurable sensation starts to course through me and I can’t help but squirm as my body reacts to his touch. Closing my eyes, I roll my head to the side as he nips the exposed skin on my throat before finally sucking hard.

“ _Sebastian,_ ” I exhale his name in an almost breathy moan and he stops, releasing my neck. Long fingers trace the freshly made mark on my skin causing my whole body to quiver.

“It’s time for you to get some sleep Ciel,” He grins as he starts to push me off of him.

“But-” I try to protest but he cuts me off.

“No, you have school tomorrow and I would be remise of my duties if I allowed you to fall asleep at your desk, now come on and lay down.” He moves beside me and sprawls out, propping himself on his elbow and resting his head in the palm of his hand.

Sulking, I scoot back further onto the bed and lay down beside him. Sebastian drapes his arm over my waist and his head hits the pillow with a thud.

“Good night Sebastian,” I whisper but he's already asleep. I can feel his chest push into my back with each deep breath he takes. My own eyelids bat slowly as they become heavy with sleep, stinging me each time they open. Giving up fighting it, I let them close and keep them shut as my mind starts to wander.

They left me empty, a shell of a child. I was nothing and in the end, I accepted that as my fate. I accepted my nothingness even if it were to mean my death. In fact, I welcomed death, I wished for it daily and prayed for it nightly. I almost welcomed it to the point of with each blow I endured, I hoped it would be the one to finally end me. That was never the case, no; fate had other plans for me. It was clear it wanted me to survive. To this day, I am unsure why.

_Why must I live whilst others perish?_

I miss you sometimes and I think of you more often than not.

Whenever my mind allows me to venture into thoughts of you, I cannot help but think it should have been me. I should have been the one who died and not you. You promised to protect me but I couldn’t do the same for you and I’m sorry, I know I failed you. I often wonder if my being alive is meant to be an act of penance, something I must do in order to redeem the sacrifice you made for me.

I have lost many things along the way, you, my parents, and my innocence, all gone, never to return. It’s now replaced with a desire for revenge which consumes me. A hatred that dones nothing but eat away at me and I let it as it justifies my means. From the day I left that cage, I thought I would never feel anything other than the anger that’s seething inside of me but now, now that seems to be changing.

Sebastians’ breathing is deep as he starts to snore lightly, waking me from my thoughts. I slide back to make my body flush against his. An arm slips underneath me and wraps around my waist. I can feel my face start to heat up as my cheeks burn with a blush I can't seem to stifle.

_Is this wrong?_

Drawing in a deep gasp of air, Sebastian exhales a lengthy yawn. His breath breezes past my neck as he holds me closer to him, nestling into the back of my head. My heart thumps wildly and no matter how many slow intakes of breaths I take, I can’t seem to steady it, then again, I don’t really care to. I want to feel this; I want to know I can feel something other than the hatred that has consumed me for so long. I smile and relax as I let myself be held by him.

I feel confused, you confuse me Sebastian.

He makes me feel safe and at ease whenever he’s around but however safe I think I feel with him, I can’t help but worry. I trust you but are you really someone worthy of my trust?

You told me you are a creature, no more than a killer and I believe that, I saw how capable you actually are and it scared me. There is a darkness within you I cannot fathom and as scared as I am, I can’t help but be drawn to you. It makes me curious, it makes me want to know more but then again, it also makes me hesitant. You are bound to me because of our contract but who are you really? Are you as they say you are - a demon? You are certainly not a butler named Sebastian Michaelis but you play the role well.

I sigh as open my eyes, rolling them to the side to look over my shoulder at him.

Can you really be trusted?

Do I care so little about who you actually are that I’m willing to be consumed by the darkness you bring? Should I be worried you will devour me?

I suppose I should be but I’m not.

I don’t care who you actually are and I don’t care if you drag me to hell. Wherever you dwell, that place in the shadows, I wish to go too. I’ve turned my back on the light long ago, there’s nothing left for me there and even if there was, I simply don’t want it. I have never been scared of hell nor am I worried about being judged by a God I don’t believe in. There is no hope in me ever wishing to be with the righteous and you see that, you see me for who I really am and embrace it.

With that final thought, I smile to myself as I tuck my hand underneath my pillow, snuggling into it. Yawning, I finally let myself succumb to sleep. 

…

 

A soft knock on the door disturbs me from my sleep; it's low but constant as it tries to grab my attention. Stretching my body out from the tips of my fingers right down to the length of my toes, I groan slightly at being woken up so abruptly. My head rolls over to the side to see if Sebastian has woken up too but my eyes land on an empty space and then I realize, I’m in my own bed.

Sebastian must have brought me back in my sleep last night. There is another knock on the door and I start to sit up, rolling my eyes at the thought of why he just doesn’t come in as he usually does.

“Come in,” I call out as I wait for the door to open.

There is a slow turn of the handle and it cracks open slightly as the silver service trolley appears in the gap. It hesitates for a moment, and then starts to rattle slightly before it’s fully pushed into the room.

“G-good mornin’ young master," Mey-Rin greets me as she enters. I gasp and quickly scramble over to the bedside table to grab my basic medical eye patch, which I swiftly loop over my earlobes.

“Where is Sebastian?” I ask, smoothing my hair down over my patch and trying to remain as composed as possible. Unsteady hands pick up the teapot on the trolley and shake as they try to pour the liquid into the patterned cup beside it.

“Um, Mister Sebastian asked me to attend to you this mornin’.”

“Why? Where is he?”

“I’m really not sure young master," She smiles as she hands me the teacup on a matching saucer.

Mey-Rin almost freezes as she watches me examine my tea.

Looking at that dark brown liquid, I bring it to my nose and take a sniff. Well, it’s clear he at least prepared the tea before leaving it to her.

“Is everythin’ all right?”

“Yes, everything is fine Mey-Rin.” I nod as I lift the teacup up to my lips and take a sip.

Seeming satisfied with my response, she goes over to my wardrobe and pulls out my uniform along with a white shirt. Walking back over to the bed, she lays them out flat and turns to me.

“Will you be needin’ assistance in gettin’ ready?” She asks, her coarse Essex accent always seems to become heavy and thick whenever she's nervous, which she currently seems to be.

“No, that’s all right, I can dress myself.” I reply. Mey-Rin smiles as though relieved. “Do you know what my schedule is for today?”

She nods, “Yes, well, you ‘ave school until three, then fencin’ lessons with Miss Lizzie from four to five-thirty. Afterwards, your Aunt Anne and her partner will be joinin’ you for dinner later.”

“I see,” I sigh as I place the teacup and saucer down on my bedside table.

I desperately fight the twitch in my arms as they want to cross my chest and I bite my lower lip to stop from pouting in annoyance. I can’t say I’m looking forward to dinner tonight with that insufferable sycophant Grell. However, Grell does seem to preoccupy my Aunt, which in turn keeps her from putting her nose into my business, so I suppose, a purpose is served.

“Is there anythin’ else I can do for you?” Mey-Rin inquires as she takes out my tie from one of the dresser drawers and walks back over towards me.

“No, that will be all. I think I’ll get dressed now.”

“Okay, well, um, breakfast will be served shortly then.” She smiles, bowing before quickly leaving the room.

“Right then,” I begin.

Pushing the blankets off, I slide out of bed and over to where she's laid out my uniform, perhaps if I can get dressed quickly, I'll be able to find Sebastian so I can talk to him. With that plan in mind, I hurriedly dress myself. I fumble over the buttons, as my fingers are not as adept at doing this as Sebastian, but I make do. Smoothing the shirttails down along my waist and pulling up my trousers, I fasten them and look around for my belt.

“She didn’t take out a belt,” I mutter as I rest my hands on my waist and drum my fingers as I think. “Where would Sebastian put my belts?” I wonder aloud as I go over to my dresser, pulling open each drawer until I find them rolled up neatly next to my socks. Taking out a thin leather belt, I unravel it and slide it through my belt loops and through the metal buckle, pulling it tight and latching it closed.

Going back over to the bed, I pick up my tie and toss it around my neck, popping my collar up in the process. Looping over the ends together, I try to tie it but it falls apart with each attempt. My head falls back and I exhale loudly as I start to get frustrated with every failed try.

“Where are you Sebastian?” I groan as I try once more and it comes undone. Giving up I flop down on the bed, my arms rest above my head and I stare at the ceiling as I think. “Why isn’t he here?” My thoughts vocalize as I sit upright again. Reaching behind me, I grab my tweed waistcoat and slip it on over my shoulders, buttoning it as quickly as I can. Once finished, I stand and attempt to tie my tie once more. Finally knotting it in something that may hold, I tuck it in, put on my jacket and head out into the hall.

Walking along and looking into each room I pass, I can’t seem to find him. Is he avoiding me? If he is, I wonder why?

A little ways down the hall, I notice that the door to my office is wide open, which is odd, as I prefer to have that particular door kept closed. Going over to the doorway, I see Sebastian stood by one of the bookcases; putting the books I had taken out to study the previous day, back up on the shelf. He doesn’t notice me as I slip into the room and as silently as possible, close the door behind me, leaning my back against it.

“Where did you go last night?” I ask. My eyes lower as I look at him with a half-smile.

“Good morning young master,” He greets me almost officially, without any warmth in his voice as he continues to put the books away.

I saunter over to the bookcase, stopping right beside him. I'm unsure what to do here; do I reach out and wrap my arms around him or wait for him to do something? My arms start to rise but hesitation gets the better of me and they drop to my sides. Still, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything either, especially as he barely acknowledges my presence.

I don’t understand, why is be being like this?

After a while of standing in an uncomfortable silence, Sebastian finally looks over at me; his head tilts to the side as his eyes drop to my neck.

“What happened to your tie young master?”

“I tried to tie it.”

“Why? Wasn’t Mey-Rin there to assist you?” He asks as he puts the book down on the shelf and turns to me. Without so much as a smile, he takes my tie into his hands, tugging at the feeble knot, causing it to come undone with little effort.

“She was but I thought that I could do it myself," I reply and he nods at my response, remaining focused on the task as hand. I watch as he loops the fabric together and I shrug. “I suppose I failed,” I chuckle lightly but his face remains stern.

“You were closer than you think; perhaps I should teach you how to tie a proper Windsor knot.”

“Perhaps,” I agree as he glides the knot up my neck to the base of my throat, adjusting it around the collar.

My gaze drops to the floor as I bite my lower lip and think about what to do. My hand reaches out and brushes past his waist but he doesn’t move, not even a flinch. Feeling brave, I let my fingers stretch out and slide from the side of his waist to his back as I press my face against his chest. We stay like this for a moment and then he steps out of my hold, letting my arm fall to the side.

“You have to stop,” He states.

“Stop what?”

“This. You cannot be affectionate towards me.” His tone is even and cold.

“Why not? There is no one else around.” I move towards him, wrapping my arms around his as I try to pull him towards me but he slides it out of my grip, stepping over to the bookcase.

“I’m sorry but for now, we have to keep this professional.”

“Professional? I think we crossed that line last night, don’t you?” I reply almost snidely.

Sebastian bows his head as he nods. Putting his hands on one of the bookshelves, leaning against it.

“I’ve spent the whole night thinking and I should have never allowed it to happen in the first place. I let my desire get the better of me and for that I am truly sorry.” He sighs, turning around to face me as he presses his back against the edge of the bookcase. It feels as though my heart is going to explode in my chest, it’s squeezed so tightly, actually forgetting to beat.

“I don’t understand, are you saying that what happened between us was a mistake?” I blurt out as I stagger towards him. He holds his hands out, grabbing on to my upper arms, halting me.

“No, I don’t think it was a mistake.” He answers calmly.

“Then what?” I snap and he lowers his head again. “Are you - are you leaving me?”

“No, I’m not going to leave you.”

“Then I don’t understand.”

“Can’t you see I’m wrong for you?”

“No,” I respond plainly.

“God damn it Ciel, open your eyes and see me for what I really am.” He stresses.

“And what is that exactly?” I snap. His eyes lock into mine as he stares at me hard. “My eyes are open and all I know is what I see.”

“And what is that?”

“You are the butler I named Sebastian Michaelis. You call yourself a creature and a killer but everyone else calls you a demon. Before we met you called yourself Black Cat, that much I know.”

“And you’re not scared?”

“Of course I’m scared, I’d be foolish not to be but as per the terms of our contract, you cannot hurt me. The question is, are you a man worthy of your aesthetics and will you honor the contract?”

“You know that I will.” He replies.

“Then you are right for me.” I smile wryly.

“I will do nothing but break you.” He warns firmly and I shrug.

“You can’t break what’s already broken Sebastian.” He sucks in a deep breath as he shakes his head.

“You think you’re broken now? Then wait until I’m through with you.”

“Is that a challenge?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s a promise.”

“We shall see," I smirk. Sebastian squeezes my arms tightly.

“We can’t continue like this,” He mutters softly to himself.

“But-”

“We don’t have any rules or boundaries in place. I think it’s best if, for now, we just kept it professional until we do.”

So that's it then? You’ve made up your mind. After all I said, you still wish to deny me?

Fine.

I struggle out of his grip and fall back towards the desk, the back of my knees hit the edge causing my legs to weaken and I brace myself to keep from falling. Sebastian comes towards me to help but I swat at him.

“Get away from me; I don’t need your help.” I hiss as I start to stand up right, pulling down my tweed waistcoat and straightening myself out.

“Will you let me explain?”

“No need, you’re quite right. We need to keep this as professional as possible.”

“I think you misunderstood me.”

“I understood you perfectly Sebastian, it was silly of me to think anything to the contrary.” I retort as I start to head towards the door.

“Wait a minute Ciel,” He calls after me.

“No, we’re through here and I have to go to school.” I almost bark as I storm off.

He just dropped me, like it was nothing, like I am nothing.

_Again, I am not anything to anyone._

A hand grips my wrist tightly and I’m thrown back into the middle of the room. Stumbling over my feet, I fall to the ground but I don’t try to get up as Sebastian looms above me. I roll my head towards the ceiling to see his face as he scowls. Dropping down to his knees, he hovers so close I can feel his breath on my face. 

“Don’t think you heard me Ciel,” He growls.

“I heard you just fine Sebastian,” I snort. “You want to keep things professional then let’s, I’m not going to stop you.”

“Will you stop being a brat and just listen?” He instructs and I fight hard to keep a pout from forming on my lips.

“I’m listening.”

“There is something I need to put in place first before we do anything more. As I said, we’re going to need rules and boundaries.”

“What is it you’re planning to put in place?”

“I can’t tell you young master," He smirks.

“You can’t lie to me Sebastian,” I warn lightly.

“Well then, I’m in the clear. How can I lie when you don’t even know what it is?” This time, I do pout at his comment, it’s true, he hasn’t lied about anything but he still won’t tell me. “It’s for your benefit in any case.”

“My benefit?”

“You just have to trust me,” He looks at my sulking face and smiles. "Do you still trust me?”

“Yes,” I quickly answer without thinking twice. Yes, I know I trust you.

“Do you feel safe with me?” He asks me seriously. I feel like the question is heavier than he meant it to be but I understand why he needs to know, he must still be worried about me.

“Implicitly," I state clearly. “I trust you not to hurt me, I trust you to keep me safe and protected. I’ve entrusted everything to you Sebastian, from my life, my skin and bones to my very soul.” I finish.

“Your soul?” He repeats. “Are you really willing to give up something so valuable to me?”

Folding my arms across my chest, I let a sardonic smile cross my lips as I nod. “If you think it’s of value demon, then you can have it.”

Sebastian emits a low guttural growl as he presses himself into me. Hands travel up my sides to my chest and underneath my arms, unraveling and raising them above my head. Lightly gripping my wrists and pinning them above my head, ruddy brown eyes look up and straight at me. I swallow hard as those eyes narrow on me.

“I love it when you call me a demon,” He purrs.

His back arches and dips as his chest slithers through my legs and along my body. I can’t help but shiver as every bit of fine hair on my body stands on end. Ever so gently, he brushes his lips over the skin of my neck. I roll my head back as I sigh out.

Everything stops; there is no rush as he takes his time with me. His tongue licking every bit of my neck, almost as though I was as sweet as his favorite candy.

There's no other sound, just my breath as I pant softly into the air. There's nothing, just he and I.

I don’t feel anything other than his hands as they explore my body, pulling at the fabric of my clothes and running up my bare skin, feeling every part of me.

My lips are still raw and swollen from last night and I know I’m being selfish but I greedily want more, he’s inches away but it’s still too far. Come closer Sebastian and let me taste you.

You are what I want, what I need. Please, give me all of you; let me have all of you.

Finally, he works his way up my chin, I lick my lips as they part slightly, beckoning him to touch them and he complies. His lips meet mine as he kisses me forcefully. 

I am no longer simply nothing, I have become something. Something worthy of being possessed by you and I’ve never wanted anything more.

_Mother...Father...who will save my soul now that I’ve given it away?_

 


	21. Little Monster

_He doesn’t listen._

_He's controlling and reckless._

Leaning against the bookshelf, my eyes scan him as he finishes trying to redress himself.

“I can help you,” I offer.

“No,” He snaps.

_He is stubborn, egoistical, selfish and arrogant._

“It’s no bother, young master."

“I don’t want your help, I can do it myself.” He huffs. I sigh, closing my eyes in order to fight rolling them.

_He infuriates me, challenges and frustrates me._

Calming myself, I open my eyes again to watch as he tries to button his shirt, although, it seems to be rather shy of a few. Perhaps I was a little too rough with it, letting myself get carried away. It stood between his milky white flesh and my hands, as they were desperate to touch and search his body.

_He's wholly imperfect. However, as imperfect as he may be, he is nothing but perfect to me._

“At least let me get you another shirt," I suggest.

“Fine but next time, try not to be so forceful with my clothing just before I have to go to school.” He warns with a slight smirk on his red, swollen lips.

Giving up trying to put his shirt back together again, Ciel holds it together close to his chest covering himself. Finding that pointless, he rests his palms against the edge of the desk, facing me. Shoulders hunch forwards as he looks at me, letting his shirt fall open. Instinctively, like a predator preparing to pounce on its prey, I lick my lips at the sight his exposed neck.

My lips curl into a smile as I espy the small pattern of marks I left along his clavicle on the right side. Glancing over to the Grandfather clock on the side wall, I check the time. Lowered eyes trail slowly back to him as I grin.

“What?” He wonders.

“I have a little more time.”

Rushing over to him, I forcefully push him down onto his back. A hand slides around his waist, arching him up towards me whilst the other interlocks with his, pinning it down above his head and holding it firmly.

“What are you doing?” He asks as I maneuver myself in between his legs.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“But I have to get another shirt,” He feigns protest, closing his eyes as his head rolls back. His breathing hitches each time my lips land on his skin, making their way up to his neck.

“I know and I’m sorry but my hands can’t stop themselves from touching you.”

“ _You filthy demon,_ ” He breathes out.

“What did I say about you calling me that?”

“You love it.”

“I do,” I growl in his ear, making my way back down again.

Using my nose, I move the fabric of his shirt to the side. Planting a soft kiss on the skin just above his collar, I lick his throat. His skin is so sweet and salty; I can’t help but bite down hard. Ciel gasps as teeth pierce his skin, clenching my hand whilst the other balls tightly into a fist. Bringing it to his lips, he covers his mouth as he stifles himself from crying out.

He struggles against me but I don’t let go.

He whines but it’s like music to me.

The flavor of tart iron hits my tongue as I lap it up, savoring every last drop.

I want you more than anything else in this world; however, I want more than just this, more than a little tryst on the desk in the office. I don’t want you to suppress the sound you make or the pleasure you feel. However, in this moment, as it’s on offer, I’ll take it. I’ll have this taste but it only makes me crave more, _need more_.

You said I couldn’t break what’s already broken; well then, let me see if I can. I know I will destroy you and now I want nothing more than to try. You awaken the monster within me, the creature I’ve tried to keep from you. I’m not halfway there, not even close but you’ve asked for it, you’re welcoming it and now I want to push you. I want to push your boundaries and your limits; I want to see how far I can go before you shatter. I want to know how far can we go before you let me annihilate you.

I want it all Ciel, every last part and I’m not willing to settle.

Instead of your soft moans, I want to hear you scream. Fill your lungs with my name and shout it so loud you become hoarse, then I’ll make scream some more. I don’t want you to just squeeze my arms when you grab onto me, I want you to claw me, dig into my flesh and mar me. I want to be a part of you, to feel you, and be in you. You hit me hard, like a rapid rush of blood to my head, making me dizzy and weak, hot and electric. I love it, this sensation of desire and lust.

His hand leaves his mouth, slipping underneath my jacket and pulling at my shirt as he curves his hips up, grinding into me. Leaving his waist, my hand travels down, past the side of his hips and over the top part of his thigh. Fingers push themselves in between us and they run over his ever-growing erection, which is constricted in his trousers.

Still gripping my hand with one hand, nails trail down my back with the other as he buries his face into my shoulder, sighing out.

With this wonton abandon, he is made perfect to me.

The light breathy moans he emits prompted by my slightest touch as I massage him with the palm of my hand, _perfect._

The way his body writhes and moves underneath me, responding to every sensation, _perfect._

_How his voice calls out my name._

There is a soft knock on the door; both of our heads turn sharply towards it as our bodies freeze.

“Um, Mister Sebastian? Is the young master with you? I can’t seem to find him and the car is here to take him to school.” Mey-Rin calls out from the other side.

Ciel whines slightly at the notion of being interrupted, whilst I feel slightly relieved. I know how far I want to go but I need to wait, there's still the matter of having set boundaries and rules in place first.

“I don’t want to go to school,” He whispers in a sharp tone as he pulls me back on to him. Smiling, I push myself off.

“I’m sorry young master but you must.”

“If you give me that nonsense about you being remise of your duties as a butler-”

“No, no, not this time. This is one of the rules we have to put into place, I’m afraid, school and work must come first.”

Scooting himself forward, Ciel starts to sit upright, holding his shirt together in one hand and balancing himself with the other.

“I suppose you’re right,” He concedes. “Okay, school and work come first, what else?”

“Well young master, that is up to you. You must set the boundaries and come up with the rules.”

“Me?”

“You are the one in control here, not me. As I’ve said to you before, I won’t do anything without your order.”

He thinks to himself for a moment, and then nods.

“Very well, then I will come up with something.”

“Um, Mister Sebastian?” Mey-Rin calls to me again as she knocks on the door once more.

“First thing’s first, I have to get you out of here without Mey-Rin asking too many questions.” I murmur low enough for him to hear me.

“My shirt?” He whispers.

“Among... other things.” I smirk as I admire the freshly made bite mark on his shoulder. Ciel follows my gaze and reaches up, clapping his hands over the wound to hide it.

Straightening myself up, and re-tucking my shirt back into the waistband, I draw in a deep breath and go to the door. Opening it a crack, I gaze down at Mey-Rin who instantly blushes and adverts her eyes from mine.

“Mey-Rin, would you be so kind as to tell the driver that the young master is running slightly behind schedule this morning, my fault entirely, of course.” I hear Ciel grunt behind me. Ignoring him, I smile brightly and continue. “Could you tell him to wait for a few minutes?”

“Y-yes of course but-”

“Thank you very much.” I interrupt, still with a smile on my lips. Before she can say anything further, I quickly shut the door, keeping my hand on the knob, just in case she decides to enter, I can block her. Turning back towards Ciel, I grin as he tries to stifle a small giggle. “I am going to go and get another shirt for you, please wait here.” He nods as I turn the knob and slip out of the room.

Quickly making my way down the hall, I can’t help but shiver as I enjoy the feel of the rush of excitement at the notion of almost getting caught. I can’t let that happen though, if anything but for the sake of Ciels’ reputation. I must admit, it’s one of the things that makes me hesitant about pursuing this any further. He has worked hard to make a name for himself, to step out of his fathers’ shadow and I wouldn’t wish anything to sully the Phantomhive family name.

Smirking at that thought, I realize I truly am a butler to the core.

_My, my, just who have I become?_

This change has taken me by surprise but I wonder what I will do when it’s all over.

What will I do when Ciel finally exacts his revenge and our contract ends? Can I ever really go back to the way that I was before I met him? Truth be told, I’m starting to doubt it.

Though I know I definitely won’t stay a butler, I can’t completely go back to the life I once led and, if that’s the case, then what can I go back to? Once Sebastian Michaelis, as he is now, is dead and gone, whom will I be reborn as?

Do I really care?

In this moment, it doesn’t actually matter. All I know now is that I have to get a new shirt for my young master and make sure that he is changed quickly so he isn’t late for class. I also must remember to make something with a little extra sugar for his afternoon tea, I’m pretty sure his nightmare last night would not have let him get enough rest for the day and if he’s going to make it to dinner with his Aunt, he’s going to need to be awake.

Stopping for a moment, I can’t help but chuckle at my string of thoughts.

Who have I become, indeed.

 

…

 

“ _Ah!_ ”

“ _Ugh._..”

“Yes!”

“Halt! Valid point. Fifteenth and final point to Miss Lizzie, well done.” I congratulate her as she takes off her mask and pass her a towel.

“Thank you Sebastian,” She replies, accepting the towel and pressing it to her face.

Frustrated, Ciel leans against the wall and pulls off his mask, sitting it down by his feet. His face is sweaty and red as he tries to catch his breath. Going over to him, I hand him a towel and he snatches it from me, rubbing it on his face and around the back of his neck.

“I think your foot work is improving, young master.” I comment. His head whips over to me as he shoots me a dirty look.

“Well, that was our fourth bout, shall we call it a draw? I’m really looking forward to whatever sweet treat Sebastian has in store for us.” She beams as she comes over to us with a small skip in her step. Her boundless energy never ceases to amaze me; you’d never know they had been dueling for the last forty minutes.

“Very well Miss Lizzie, if you wish to change, I shall-”

“No, we’re not done.” Ciel interjects.

“We’re not?”

“One more bout.”

“You can’t be serious? You must be exhausted.” She turns to me, “He was falling asleep in class, you know.”

I figured as much.

Ciel drops his towel to the floor and picks up his mask.

“One more bout,” He repeats as he pushes himself from the wall, he picks up his épée and walks to the middle of the room. Lizzies’ eyes flick from him back over to me and I shrug.

Stepping away from me, she joins Ciel on the piste and picks up her épée; they both turn to face each other. Raising their swords, they salute one another before lowering them and turning towards me to repeat the process, saluting me.

“En garde!” I call out and they put their masks back on. “Ready?” They both nod to confirm. They then angle their blades in front and forwards, raising their free arms upwards. “Play!”

Their duel begins.

Ciel flicks his hand up and lunges towards Lizzie, whose feet slide as she twists her wrist and counters his approach.

Standing against the wall, my eyes follow every move they make. All though they are both young, it’s as if I’m watching a master class in fencing. Both highly competitive, skilled, and adept with their blades. However, Lizzie lives up to her title as a genius with a sword as she simply side steps around Ciel with little effort. Her body moves with such fluidity, creating clean lines with each thrust she makes.

Ciels’ skills are less refined but elegant nonetheless, especially in the way his feet move as he dances around her. He’s on the defense at the moment but then he slips forward in a feint, to parry. He is fighting hard, completely unwilling to lose this fight as his blade glides down hers to block her attack. Lizzie counters with a quick step, deflecting his strike. Her free arm drops and she lunges forward, sticking him straight in the chest.

“Halt! Valid point to Miss Lizzie.” I declare as the pair remove their masks and go into their recovery positions to begin again.

“En garde!” They salute one another and then me. “Ready?” They nod, “Play!”

Lizzies’ feet slide forward as she attacks Ciel. I smile as I watch him duck and weave from her challenge, avoiding the body contact of a corps-à-corps. Her blade slides along his as he initiates a counter attack.

“Ciel is getting better, isn’t he?” A voice speaks to me from the side.

“Mrs. Midford, my apologies, I didn’t know you had arrived.” I greet her. She puts her hands on her cinched in waist and drums her fingers along the belt.

“I’ll let it slide on this occasion, especially as I have arrived unannounced.”

“That’s very kind of you, I-”

“However, a proper butler must always be prepared for unexpected guests. Be mindful of that in the future.” She advises in a curt tone.

“Yes, of course.” I bow. Her eyes go over to the pair who are still going at it.

Their blades cut through the air as they clash with one another. Ciel decides to parry against Lizzies’ thrust as he sticks her in the side.

“Halt! Valid point to the young master.” I announce as they quickly recover to begin again. We repeat the process and they quickly start.

“Looks like the competition is quite heated, how long have they been going at it?”

“This is their fifth bout.”

“Fifth?”

“Yes, well, Miss Elizabeth has won the last two and my young master hates to lose.” I comment and she nods, our eyes never leaving the two.

Ciel dips and slides back as Lizzie propels herself forward. He’s proving to be a bit of a challenge in this bout as he bobs up and down on the balls of his feet, attacking her unrelentingly. The tip of his blade touches the low lines of her chest, it bends and curves with the impact.

“Halt! Valid point to the young master.” I declare. Ciel shakes his fist to celebrate the point; it looks like he has now just pulled into the lead.

“How long do you think this will go on for?”

“Until he wins, which he knows he can in this match.”

“How can you tell, as you know, my Elizabeth is not easily defeated.”

“You just have to watch him; he’s determined not to lose.” I pause for a moment as they both look at me to let them begin again. “En garde.” The pair put their masks back on. “Ready?” Again, they nod. “Play!” I announce and they go straight into it.

Ciel fights as though he is possessed. His stealth and determination in fighting is a skill that many have but it’s something he seems to excel in. As in many of the games he plays, he truly believes that he cannot lose and then it hits me, I have an idea.

After a moment, Francis looks at her watch and then steps towards the piste.

“Halt!” She calls out and they stop, taking their masks off.

“Was there a penalty?” Ciel asks, panting as he takes off his mask.

Francis shakes her head. “No and whilst I hate to interrupt a good duel, I think it’s time to declare it.”

“But-” Ciel tries to protest but is quieted when Francis raises her hand.

“You will do yourselves an injury if you continue to carry on. Now, shake hands and go get changed.”

Lizzie takes off her mask, tucking it under her arm and goes over to Ciel with her hand outstretched. Ciel reluctantly accepts it and they shake.

I try and go over to Ciel as he steps off of the piste, heading towards the door. 

“Shall I assist you, young master?”

“No,” He snaps as he marches off towards the door.

“I never know what the matter is with him, he technically won.” Lizzie giggles as she sits her mask down on the near by table. She picks up her towel and dabs at her face again as I glance over at Francis.

“Mrs. Midford, if you have a moment, may I speak with you privately?”

“What is it?”

“Please, if you wouldn’t mind?” I hold out my arm to escort her out.

 

…

 

“This is highly irregular butler," She huffs folding her arms tightly around her chest.

“Yes, I appreciate that it must be quite irregular but I felt that for what I have to discuss, it must be done in private.” I state as I partially close the door to the office.

Maintaining a dignified demeanor, I keep my shoulders level, my back straight and my hands firmly at my side as I stand in front of her. Francis Midford is not only intimidating but she is a powerful force to be reckoned with. If I make one wrong move here, my plan can easily be thwarted.

Francis slowly paces around me before going over to a nearby dark brown leather chair. Leaning up against it, she tosses her head to the side, sweeping the long loose strand of blond from her face as she folds her arms tightly across her chest. Steely green eyes lower at me as I stand unwavering whilst she examines me.

“Well, what is it then?” She snaps.

“It’s about the young master," I begin.

“Ciel? Is he okay?” Her tone softens at the mention of his name.

“Yes, I think he’s quite fine.”

“Then what is it?”

“Mrs. Midford, have you noticed my master has a _talent_ when it comes to competing with others?”

“Yes but I never saw that as a bad thing.”

“No, no, of course it’s not, it’s just that he is extremely confident of his abilities, almost to the extent that he has the viewpoint that there is no way he could ever lose.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with a little self-confidence.”

“Yes, you’re quite right, however, in order to work towards one’s goal, it is necessary for one to eat humble pie every now and then. If not, one will eventually trip and fall one day and not have the courage or strength of conviction, to be able to stand on your own two feet again.”

“I see,” She nods as her harsh glare starts to relax. “And what does this have to with why you asked me to come in here?”

I draw in a deep breath to collect my thoughts. As she waits for me to speak again, Francis drops her arms and rests them on her hips. I am not stalling on purpose, I know what I wish to ask of her but I didn’t have enough time to plan it all out first. I just hope this will work.

“I know this may seem a little unorthodox but I have a request to ask of you,” I start.

“A request?” She repeats and I nod.

“You see, the young master has a goal, one that is not easily attainable. He will need to be taught how to be proud and self-confident alongside being patient and humble.”

“And the request?”

“Well, because I believe that these are features you embody so perfectly, it is my hope you could become a role model for my master. He can learn from you on how to stay on the correct path without deviating.”

“In other words, you want to use me?”

“Of course that is not the case. The head of the household I serve is, for all in intents and purposes, a _child_ and yet at the same time he is also the _master_ and the head of this family. I know you know what the Phantomhives are and what they do.”

Her arms fall to her sides as she looks away for a moment, then back to me.

“Yes, I know. This is not the life I would have chosen for him but-“

“It’s a path he has chosen to walk.”

She nods in agreement. “He is so much like his father, it’s maddening.”

“Then you can see why I request this of you? It is important for the young master now to have an _adult_ by his side, in order to keep him in check, to never let him deviate or stray from his path and to ensure that he has a good moral backbone.”

“And this is something that you cannot do?”

“Forgive me madam but I am too close to him and I am certainly no role model. You are not only his family but I see you having the ability to nurture and care for the young master in ways that I simply cannot and should not.”

“Even though your looks are very indecent, what you said is indeed accurate. Ciel will need guidance and I am very happy to help.” Her lips twist into a wry smile and I bow politely.

“Thank you Mrs. Midford.”

“You are a fellow that will never be taken advantage of I see.”

“Thank you for the compliment, however, I will do whatever benefits the young master the most and I believe that having you as a strong influence in his life will definitely be an advantage.”

“Yes, I believe that you would.”

“Um, young master? What are you doing down there?” I hear Mey-Rin question beside the door and we both turn to see a small hand reach around the side. It grabs onto the doorframe and works its way up, slipping back to the other side, disappearing from view.

“Ciel?” Francis calls over to him.

He waits a moment, and then pushes the door open fully, entering the room with a sardonic smile, rolling his shoulders in the process.

“Hello again Aunt Francis.” He greets her nonchalantly, making his way over to her and walking past me, not even bothering to glance in my direction.

“Were you listening in on our conversation?” She chides him.

“Not really, I just heard voices coming from this room and I just-”

“ _Ciel_.”

“I’m sorry Aunt Francis,” He dips his head, apologizing like a reprimanded school child.

“You know, there’s a saying, never stick your nose into something you don’t want to know, you’ll never find anything good.”

“And you both were discussing something that I don’t want to know?”

“No young master, we were just discussing-”

“I know what you were both talking about Sebastian, I heard.” He hisses.

_Oh dear, I wonder what’s gotten into him now?_

“Of course young master,” I reply as he turns to his Aunt with a bright smile.

“Will you and Elizabeth be joining me for dinner tonight? Aunt Anne will be here soon, I believe.”

“Well, I hadn’t planned on it but we’d be happy to, if that is all right with you?”

“Of course, I would love to have you and Elizabeth stay.”

“Wonderful, and is that all right with you _butler_? I wouldn’t want to catch you off guard again.”

Truth be told it is an inconvenience, especially as I had only prepared dinner for three but I can see this is his way of trying to punish me for what Francis and I spoke about. Although, as unsure as I am to why he's doing so, I’m certainly not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how annoyed I am. Instead, I put my hand to my chest and smile.

“It would be splendid to have you and Miss Elizabeth stay, I will let our chef know immediately.” I respond, glancing over to Ciel, who folds his arms across his chest in a huff.

“Good. Speaking of Elizabeth, I should check on her, she is taking an awfully long time changing. Please excuse me.” She makes her way through the room and to the door as Ciel follows behind her, shutting it as soon as she leaves.

He turns back to me, refolding his arms as his brow furrows into a scowl. My posture remains unchanged as he goes past me to the desk, resting against it.

“So this is what you meant by _my benefit_?” He snips.

“Yes,” I state.

“ _Hm_.”

“I believe that Mrs. Midford will provide an excellent example for you young master, she can guide you in ways that I cannot.”

“Don’t give me that bollocks,” He replies snidely.

“It isn’t. I don’t think you truly understand what I’m doing here.”

“Then explain it to me because what I heard is that you are trying to pawn me off on someone else. You don’t want to take responsibility for me, is that it?”

As I walk over to him, Ciels’ head turns away as his arms tighten over his chest. My hand glides past his shoulder, down his arm to his elbow. I slip it in between the narrow gap and grab on to his waist, thrusting him towards me.

“I am not pawing you off or shirking responsibility. I am not your guardian or a father figure for you, not to mention that I have no real moral guidance to give. You will need to look to someone for those things and it cannot be me. Do you understand?” He lowers his head as he nods. “Your Aunt will fulfill that role for you, not me.” He nods again and I smile. “For me to pursue you,” I wrap my other hand around his side, squeezing it tightly, “to do all the things I have in my filthy and depraved mind, you have to understand that I will never be those things to you. You only employ me to keep you safe, that’s all I’m going to do.”

Ciel chews on his lower lip, blushing as he turns his head away from me. “I understand.”

“Well then, what are your rules?” I purr as he inches himself closer to me.

“As you said earlier, school and work must come first.”

“I agree.”

“And I think we have to keep it professional during the day time, especially when others are around.”

“Okay.”

“We can’t let anyone know, no one.” He states firmly.

“Of course.”

“That is all I have now.”

“That’s fine, I’m sure there will be others over time.”

He grins as he looks up at me, his chest rests on mine and I bend slightly to kiss the top of his forehead. 

“Sebastian, I do have one last rule for right now.” He whispers as he presses his cheek against me.

“Yes, young master?”

“You belong to me and no one else, understood?”

“Perfectly.”

“Do you?”

“I made that vow the day I signed our contract, I am fully aware that I belong to you, Ciel Phantomhive.”

“You are mine and mine alone, never forget it.”

 Trust me Ciel, it won’t be forgotten.


	22. Drop The Game

I stand against the wall, waiting to be called upon and observing everyone as the dinner party is in full swing.

Being served is a roast leg of lamb with mashed potatoes; caramelized Brussels sprouts with walnuts and a sweet cranberry sauce. It was quite fortunate that I planned on serving a roast, especially as Ciel invited Francis and Lizzie to stay for dinner in an attempt to spite me.

My eyes wander around the room, watching everyone as they eat and enjoy themselves, well, everyone accept my young master.

Ciel is quiet as those around him pick up the slack and fill the gaps with inane chatter about various bits of gossip. Anne and Grell titter about those unlucky enough not to be here to defend themselves. They carry on whilst Francis shakes her head, completely unwilling to take part in something so immature and tawdry. Ciel must take after her because he wears a look of complete and utter boredom on his face with each new person mentioned. To avoid interaction, he aimlessly plays with the mashed potatoes on his plate, using a fork to neatly mush it into a circle. Dragging the tines over the top, he creates a messy pattern to amuse himself.

“Ciel, is everything all right?” Lizzie whispers to him as she leans over in his direction.

“ _Hm_? Yes Lizzie, everything is fine.” He sighs in reply, not even bothering to feign enthusiasm.

“You were like this in class too; this is the second day running. Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

He puts the fork down and turns his head towards her, flashing a bright smile, which causes her to smile back at him in turn.

“Nothing is wrong, I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“Oh, well you should try and relax now. It’s summer holidays, you should concentrate on having fun.” She simpers.

He nods, “Yes, I think you’re right.”

“Ah, that reminds me, do you have plans for the summer?” Anne interjects in between sips of her red wine.

“Plans?”

“Yes, _plans_.” She repeats sitting the glass down for a moment. Ciels’ eye nervously darts over to me and then back to her.

“Well, no.”

“Good, then it’s settled.”

“Wait, what’s settled?”

“Grell had the most wonderful idea, tell him darling.” She nudges him with her side.

“Well,” Grell begins, grinning enthusiastically. “I have a fabulous chateau on the Normandy coast; I thought it would be nice if we all went there for two weeks. Not to mention the weather is going to be simply glorious, I can work on my tan.”

“We all?” Ciel splutters as he sits upright.

“Yes, it would be us and of course Francis, you and your family are more than welcome too.” Anne smiles.

Lizzies’ head whips around to her mother, her green eyes large and pleading.

“Can we go too mum, please?” She begs. Ciels’ face blanches though the blood has drained completely from his body as he watches this unfold before him.

“Well, if Ciel can take time out, then perhaps we can too. Yes, I don’t see why not.” Francis agrees.

“Don’t you have babies to deliver?” Ciel tries to reason with Anne but she shakes her head.

“Even I am allowed a holiday every once and a while.”

“Oh come on Ciel, it’ll be fun.” Lizzie gushes.

Ciel sways in his seat as though he's going to pass out. For someone who's used to calling all the shots, this sheer act of brazen decision making without consulting him is about all he can stand. Putting my hand to my lips, I attempt to stifle my sniggering but this is all too funny. Ciel rolls his eye over in my direction and he gives me a look, with a narrowed brow and a slight shake of the head, it’s almost as though he wants me to think of a way out of this but I only shrug my shoulders back at him.

“It’s settled then, we can go by the Eurostar to Paris and drive down or we can take the ferry, which would you prefer Francis?” Anne suggests.

“It may be easier to go by ferry,” Francis answers.

“Wouldn’t that be glorious? How utterly romantic.” Grell enthuses.

“What? Going by ferry?” Ciel snorts.

“Well yes. It’ll be like a voyage on the Titanic, wasn’t that movie dreamy?”

“Um, didn’t the Titanic sink?” Lizzie wonders, hesitantly.

“Yes but I don’t think that’ll happen to us or at least it shouldn’t but you never know, do you?”

Lizzies’ eyes widen with worry as she looks back at her mother whose brow is furrowed so deeply in annoyance, it casts a heavy shadow on the rest of her face.

“Really now Grell, must you scare the children?” She chastises him.

“Next thing you’ll be saying is they use ferries to transport zombies to the continent.” Ciel sarcastically quips under his breath.

“Oh Ciel, stop!” Lizzie whimpers, lightly slapping him on the side of his arm.

“I’m sorry Elizabeth," He apologizes. “Well, no matter what’s on board, you can all have fun without me.” He states, Lizzies’ head turns slowly towards him.

“W-what do you mean?” She stutters.

“I don’t wish to go. I have work here that must be done and I was looking forward to the school holidays so I could take care of it.”

“But it was settled.”

“Not by me it wasn’t.”

“You’re not being fair! It’s been ages since we’ve done anything as a whole family.” She pouts.

“Elizabeth is right. Besides, it would be good for you to spend some time with us.” Francis cut in.

“I’m quite fine on my own Aunt Francis, I can assure you.”

Lizzies’ head sharply turns over to me as I continue to try not to laugh at this whole scenario.

“Sebastian, you think this is a good idea, don’t you?”

All eyes turn to me as I move from my position against the wall. I could do what he wants, come up with an excuse and have him stay home. It would work out in my benefit after all; I can have him all to myself without the prying eyes of his family interfering. However, the thought of how torturous this will be for him almost out weighs what he wants. I think about it for a moment, and then I decide my answer.

“Well, whilst I think the holiday abroad would be good for him, he does have work he must attend to here.” I reply. Lizzies’ face falls at my response as Ciel smiles victoriously. “Although young master, I’m afraid the typical wet English summer weather has made you a little pale and there is such a thing as working too hard. I think, perhaps, a proper holiday would be good for your constitution and well being. Besides, when will you have the chance to spend time with your whole family?” I conclude.

Ciel shoots me a look that can cut through me like daggers but I just grin.

“Then it’s really settled!” Lizzie exclaims as she claps her hands together gleefully.

“Now wait a minute!” Ciel tries to protest but everyone just laughs.

“It’s too late now, it’s done.” Grell declares as he waves a breadstick in the air.

Taking his napkin from his lap and slamming it down on the table, Ciel crosses his arms over his chest and leans back, sulking. His eye is lowered as he glares at me with a burning intensity.

“Fine, I’ll go.” He concedes, his gaze never deviating from me.

I have a feeling I may pay for this later.

…

 

After dinner, Ciel starts to say his good byes to his Aunts, Lizzie and Grell as Mey-Rin hands them their coats. I stand aside as Lizzie wraps her arms around him and puts him in a choke hold, whilst Francis’ icy stare makes her release him just as quickly as she latches on.

“Good night Ciel,” Francis smiles as she places her hand on the side of his face. Letting him go, she ushers Lizzie out through the door.

Anne totters over to him, taking his face into both of her hands she smooshes his cheeks together and plants a kiss on one side, leaving a cherry red lipstick smear. Ciel instantly wipes his cheek with the back of his hand, causing the top of his collar to shift slightly, unveiling the bottom of his neck. Annes’ eyes travel down and land on the wound I’d left earlier that morning.

“Ciel, what is that mark on your neck?” She asks him. Ciel quickly lifts his collar to cover it.

“It’s nothing, just a little scratch from earlier.” He brushes her off as his eye lands on me. I do the best I can’t not to smile as he frowns at my reaction.

“It looked like more than just a scratch.”

“Oh come along Angelina darling. You’re a little tipsy, let’s get you home.” Grell practically sings as he descends upon her, placing his hands on her shoulders and ushering her out the door. Once she’s out, he turns in the doorway, “It’s been lovely as usual. See you in a couple of weeks for our holiday! Sebby, _oops I almost forgot_ , Sebastian, you’re coming too aren’t you?”

“Of course, I shall be going to attend to my master.” I answer.

“Well I’ll have to put a little more effort into my swimming cossie then.” He winks.

I shudder and then smile, “You really, _really_ don’t have to.”

Blowing air kisses to the both of us, Grell finally leaves the doorway and Mey-Rin closes the door behind him.

Pressing two fingers to his temple, Ciel exhales a lengthy sigh.

“Sebastian, bring my tea to my room, I’ll have it there tonight.”

“Yes young master," I bow as he wearily drags himself down the hall towards his room. Turning to Mey-Rin, “That will be all for the evening Mey-Rin, you can retire if you’d like.” I smile and she nods.

“Good night mister Sebastian.”

“Good night Mey-Rin.”

Heading off down the other end of the hall, I go to the kitchen. Going over to the kettle, I check to make sure there is enough water in it, which there is, and I switch it on. As it boils, I go to the cabinet and pull out a dark purple cylinder tin, sitting it down on the counter. Collecting the other items I need to make the tea and sitting them down on a nearby silver tray, I hear the click of the kettle to let me know the water is now boiled.

Pouring some water into the teapot, I swirl it around and then touch my hand to the body of the vessel. Yes, it feels hot enough. Tipping out the water, I spoon in enough of the fragrant blend into the pot and add fresh water, leaving it to steep. Casting my eyes over the tray, I see I have everything I need and, picking it up, I start to take it to his room. Ciel and tea always seems to amuse me. He has a very sweet tooth, I’m sure that he’d put sugar on his eggs if given the chance, however, when it comes to his tea, he refuses to sweeten it. He prefers the pure taste of it on his tongue and the ritual of enjoyment.

As I walk down the hall, I feel the need to brace myself for whatever my little master feels like throwing at me when I go in. He must be furious that I sided with his family in terms of forcing him to go on holiday, which is something he clearly did not want to do. I know I’m going to pay for it but luckily for me, his terse tongue is something I have come to deal with over the years. I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever he wishes to hurl at me.

Arriving at his door, I draw in a deep breath to prepare myself for the onslaught then knock on the door.

“Enter," He calls out to me and I go in.

As soon as I enter the room, my eyes land on Ciel. He is sitting on the edge of the bed without his eye patch on. His head rolls over in my direction and his eyes follow me as I go over to his desk, sitting the tray down. Placing the strainer into the top of the cup, I pour the tea. Taking care to remove it, making sure no leaves have slipped through the sieve. I can feel Ciels’ glare on me as I work to prepare his tea, sitting the cup on the saucer and taking it over to him.

He takes it with both hands and holds it to his nose, inhaling the vapors as they waft up, which is all apart of his ritual.

“Is this the Golden Monkey from Tea Palace?” He wonders as his index finger wraps around the handle of the teacup, lifting it up to his lips.

“It is. Your nose never ceases amaze me, young master.” I compliment, he hums as he nods, taking a sip.

“It’s good, sweet without having anything sweet in it.”

“Which is why I chose it for you.”

“ _Hm_.”

I observe as he seemingly enjoys the tea, trying desperately not to show it, fighting his smile and avoiding looking at me. Silence fills the air as I wait for him to say something further but he doesn’t, he just remains quiet, his eyes drift to the ground as though he is thinking something through.

“So,” He breaks our silence as he sits the teacup back down on the saucer, “it seems I am going on holiday?”

“Ah, I wondered when you would bring that up.” I smirk.

“Well, you’ll have to figure out what to pack.”

“I will when the time comes.”

This wasn’t what I expected; of course I thought there would be a sting in his tone but to comply so easily? No, I am not naive and I know he must have something planned to punish me but what? I’m not sure yet.

Ciel finishes his tea and sits the empty cup with the saucer down on the bedside table and places the palms of his hands down on the bed. Leaning back, he crosses his legs as he looks at me with a slight scowl. Tilting his head to the side as his eyes scan me up and down. Letting a wry smile cross his lips, he clears his throat.

“It’s time for me to go to bed, isn’t it?” He asks coyly. Glancing over to the clock, I check the time.

“Yes young master, it’s time for bed.” I confirm.

“Then you’d better undress me.”

“Of course.” I nod as I go over to the bed.

Kneeling down in front of him and placing his foot on my knee, I begin to unlace his shoe, pulling it off with ease. My hand then glides up the back of his slender calf. Fingers hook themselves into the tops of his sock and I gently pull it off, sitting it down beside me. Ciel studies me with mild curiosity as he switches legs, putting the other over his knee and I repeat the process. My hand creeps up underneath his trouser leg and onto his calf as I pull off the other sock and sit it down beside the bed.

“Sebastian?”

“Yes young master?”

“I didn’t say you could touch me,” He states plainly.

“I’m sorry?”

“I don’t want you to touch me,” He reiterates as he moves his foot off of my knee.

“How am I going to undress you if I can’t touch you?”

“You’ll have to figure it out but you’re not touching me tonight.” He grins deviously.

I see, this is how he’s planned on punishing me. How very clever, he’s using my desire against me, especially as he knows it’s the one thing I want to do right now. As per his rules, I’ve waited all day to finish what we started this morning but now, it seems I may have to wait a little longer.

“Well, unbutton my shirt.” He smiles as he leans back, puffing his chest out. He’s baiting me; I can see that as he slides his legs apart, opening them wide as his head motions for me to come in between them. Smirking, I inch myself closer to the bed and bend over towards him. Fingers stretch out and graze over the buttons of his shirt. Feeling the fabric of his collar, my eyes flick up at him as he looks down on me with a slight grin.

Unbuttoning the top button, I slowly work my way down, coming across the button that hides his clavicle. With each button, I reveal a new part of him, something I want to lay my hands on, skin that makes me want to touch and explore. I must say my greatest strength is my self-control, well, perhaps not so much in this instance, especially as my eyes land on the purplish bruising caused by my bite earlier. Completely unable to help myself, I reach out and trace my fingers over the wound, smiling with pride as I feel the deep ridges.

“Sebastian, I said no touching.” He hisses sharply as he swats my hand away from his neck.

“Of course, my apologies young master.”

“Now finish taking off my shirt.”

My hands ghost down the front of his shirt, aching to touch his soft, supple skin. I want to run my fingers over his exposed, pert nipples, playing with them and pinching them but I don’t. Tugging and unbuttoning the next one and then the next one, I take my time, pulling them apart slowly and measured. My eyes trail up his chest to his eyes as he watches me, scrutinizing each move with interest as I get to the last button.

Letting his shirt drape open, Ciel arches and eyebrow at me.

“Take off my shirt,” He instructs. I stare at him as I figure out how to do so without touching him. Reaching up, I peel his collar down from his shoulders, almost as though I’m unwrapping the most fragile present.

As his shirt falls off of his shoulders, he closes his eyes and breathes out as the cool night air hits his skin. He shivers slightly and lifts his arm as I take a cuff of one of the sleeves, delicately pulling it off of his arm. Ciel then raises his other arm and, tugging the top crease of the sleeve, I completely pull it off of him, successfully removing the shirt from his body.

Picking it up from off of the bed, I fold it over my arm. Rocking back onto my heels, I start to stand. Placing my hand on the small gap of the bed in between his thighs, I anchor my weight as I push myself up.

“Shall I draw you a bath?” I offer as I go over to put his shirt into the nearby clothing hamper.

“In a minute, you’re not finished yet.”

I arch my brow at that comment, “Oh?”

“No, you have yet to remove my trousers.”

I go back over to him as he slides off the bed, standing in front of me.

Folding his arms across his chest, his eyes narrow as he inspects me as he waits. Dropping down onto my knees, I face his bare stomach, my eyes gaze down from his chest to his belly button. Not one mark or trace of hair to be seen. It’s pristine features and pale color almost glows under the lights of the bedroom.

Normally, I would just quickly remove his trousers and be done with it but now; I decide to take my time.

Hands reach up to his waistband, my fingers ever so slightly slip in between the fabric of the band and the top of his hip, taking care to obey his order and not touch him. Rolling the button through the hole, I pull it apart and then set my sights on the zipper. The shiny sliver lever dangles down from the top of his trousers and I slide it down ever so slowly, revealing the top of his hipbone.

It tantalizes me, as I want to run my hands up and around his back, bringing him closer to me as I trace the curves with my tongue. His hands will tangle themselves in my hair as his head rolls back and he sighs out. With that thought I smile to my self as with each tug of his trousers, I take the greatest care in undressing him.

Dragging them down a little, they fall down past his knees. Ciel perches himself down on the edge of the bed with his palms down, gripping the sheets tightly, his elbows lock as his shoulders rise to his ears. His face is one of pride and dignified contempt as he looks down on me, wondering what I’m going to do next.

He teases me when he looks at me like that, making me want to grab him, to push him down and throw him on his back but again, I don’t. Instead, my hands grab the bottom hem and I swiftly pull the trousers off. Spreading his legs wide I can’t help but move closer to him. My face is so close I can smell the musky scent of his sex permeating from him. It smells like salty caramel and I’m sure that he will taste just as sweet. My head creeps forward, getting ever so close to him. My hands burn to touch him as my mouth starts to salivate. All I want is a taste, to pull off this last stitch of clothing, this last barrier and to wrap my lips around him.

_Just let me have a taste._

“Go draw my bath now,” He orders, snapping me out of my sinful thoughts.

“Yes, young master.” I smirk, unable to help myself as he frowns.

With his order, I lean back, pushing myself up from my knees. I stand in front of him and I hesitate, his large eyes look up at me as they flicker in the dim light.

“Well, go.” He barks.

Smiling, I dip my head down as I bow.

Leaving the bedroom, I head into the bathroom and go over to the bathtub. Leaning over it, I turn on the taps and wave my hands through the stream to test the temperature. My mind wanders as I try and steady myself. I have dressed and undressed him numerous times but I have never put any thought into it before. This time, I did, the very act made my blood boil and worse of all, I know he knows it.

Ciel knows how to push my buttons, how to play me. It’s only been a day and a half since he found out about just how much I need him, how much I crave him and he already knows how to use it against me. He is cunning and devious; I see it every time he handles family business to how he treats others, especially me. He manipulates and maneuvers us like pieces on a chessboard to get his desired result, no matter the consequences. I know I’m his pawn and easily malleable to his whims but there will come a time when I will turn the tables on him.

You see Ciel, I can be deceitful too.

I may not lie to you but I will manipulate you to get what I want. I gave you the chance to make rules for us but it doesn’t mean I won’t break them. However, in this moment, I will be nothing but obedient. I’ll go along with any kind of rules you wish to enforce, whatever it is to make you feel that sense of security, then I’ll take it from you, I’ll push you and I can’t wait to do so. You’ll soon find out all the things that I want you for, what I will do to you, give me time and I’ll show you.

With the bathtub now full, I switch off the taps and collect a towel from the stack on the shelf on the sidewall.

Going back into the bedroom, I spot Ciel standing over by the edge of the window looking out. The breeze picks up and he shivers. Shaking my head I unravel the towel, shaking it out as I approach him.

“Young master, come away from the window, you’ll catch a cold if you stand there for too long.”

He snorts as he continues to look out.

“You really have become quite the butler, haven’t you?”

“My, my, is that a compliment?” I tease as he frowns, whipping his head around facing me. His eyes dart down to the towel in my hands and he snatches it from me.

“Of course it wasn’t a compliment," He snaps as he wraps the towel around his waist. Moving away from the window, he strides past and over to the bed. Stopping with his back to me, he turns his head over his shoulder. “Is my bath ready?”

“Yes it is.”

“Good, that’s good.” His lips curl in to a half smirk.

Ciel walks into the bathroom and I follow closely behind. He steps over to the bathtub, unwrapping the towel from his waist and holds it out for me to take. Grabbing on to the edges, I keep the towel open and out as I turn my head, allowing him to slip out of his underwear and into the warm water. As soon as he’s settled, I fold the towel neatly and set it on the rack.

Bending over behind him, I pick up the body wash from the tray and pull my seat over to the back of the bathtub. However, before I have the chance to flick the lid to open it, he stops me.

“What do you think you’re doing Sebastian?” He asks me.

I shrug, “I’m doing what I’m always doing young master.”

“And that is?” I may not be able to see his face but I assume he’s raising an eyebrow at me.

“Getting ready to bathe you.”

“And how do you plan on doing that when you can’t touch me?”

My mouth drops open as I stare at the back of his head.

“Surely you’ll allow me to bathe you.”

Ciel shakes his head, “I can do it myself tonight.” I can’t help but frown but if this is what he wants.

“Very well,” I concede as I get up from the seat, standing behind him. I’m motionless, I can’t think of what to do. He is evil and he is clever, knowing I would gain the simplest of satisfaction from just washing him. Bowing my head, I decide I should clear up the tea in the other room and let him get on with it. “I am going to go lay out your nightshirt.”

“No, I want you to stay.” He pauses for a moment. “Come here and face me.” He commands and I walk around to the front of the bathtub to do as instructed. “Hand me the body wash.” His arm stretches out towards me and I bend forward to hand him the bottle in my hand. Taking it, he flicks the lid open and squeezes the pearl colored gel into his hand. Dropping the bottle down on the side, he rubs his hands together to create a creamy lather.

“If there isn’t going to be anything else, I will draw down your bed and-“

“No,” He states firmly. “I…” He hesitates and then clears his throat, his eyes staring at me. “I want you to watch me.”

“All right,” My voice comes out almost hushed as I keep my eyes locked on him.

Running his hands up his chest, he slides them over the back of his neck and across the top of his neck and shoulders. They then move down his chest as he closes his eyes, letting his hands run themselves over every curve of his torso and sides. With his head rolling back, Ciel lets out a small gasp of air as he enjoys the feel of his own touch on his skin.

I am nothing but transfixed on him and each movement he makes, hypnotized by every action and each breath he takes. Eyes open ever so slightly and narrow on me to ensure I’m still watching, but, there isn’t anything in the world that could tear my gaze away from him.

I stare hard as his fingers trail over his pert and proud nipples. My palms start to itch and sweat as his body trembles and shudders under his unhurried and gentle touch. My heart thumps loudly in my ears as his hands travel down his stomach and disappears underneath the surface of the water.

“You listened in on me yesterday day when I was... anyway, seeing how interested you were, you may as well watch me.” Sliding himself against the bathtub and laying back, my eyes travel down his arms to the reflection under water. Fingers stretch out, wrapping themselves around his hardening erection; he rolls his head back as he works himself in front of me. His moves are slow as his arm bobs up and down, rotating his wrist with each downward motion.

Licking his lips as they part, his breath becomes heavy and shallow as he sighs out a low, airy moan.

I swallow hard, engrossed on him as he starts to writhe around, taking pleasure with each rhythmic move his hand make. My fingers clutch into a ball, tensing as I hold them firmly at my side, listening to his labored pants for air. His other hand drags itself back up his chest, feeling his body wiggle and squirm with each stroke of his grip under the water. My heart metrically beats so hard; I feel it will pound out through my ribcage as I watch him enjoy himself.

“ _Ahhh, Sebastian_.” He exhales my name. Water starts to splash over the edge as he starts to pump himself faster. With his other hand, he goes over to his nipples and pinches them, squeezing them hard as he gasps for breath.

I have never felt so debilitated before. With my name on his lips, he manages to cripple me right where I stand.

I can feel myself getting hard with each moan he emits and I shift in my stance to find some sense of relief but I can’t. I’ve lost control over my body as it reacts to him, to every move he makes and each sound that spills from his parted lips. This is pure torture for me. Ciel is loud, unlike the few times before, he doesn’t bother to stifle the pleasure he feels or the sounds he makes. It’s enthralling as he calls out to me like a Siren, luring me, beckoning me towards him.

“ _S-Sebastian,_ ” He purrs my name sweetly. My knees go weak as I don’t know how much more of this punishment I can take, however, I maintain my resolve. “Come… come here,” He summons me through his blissful mewls. I stay fixed where I stand, unable to budge. “ _Come here Sebastian,_ ” He calls me again. I bow and I go to the edge of the bathtub.

“Yes?”

Keeping his hand firmly on his cock, he hazily opens his eyes and sits up, still working himself slowly. His lids flutter as they look me up and down, and then go over to the side. As he thinks to himself, a sardonic smile creeps onto his lips and his eyes roll back to me.

“Come closer Sebastian and put your hands on the sides,” He instructs. Nodding, I bend over and place my hands along the sides. Ciel sits upright and shakes his head at the distance between us. “Come closer.”

“Yes, young master.” I respond as my hands slide across the smooth porcelain of the tub.

We’re face-to-face now, so close I can feel his breath breeze past my cheeks with each exhale. His hand moves from his chest and comes towards me. Fingers wrap around the loose part of my tie as he pulls me even closer to him.

“You want to touch me, don’t you?” He asks, keeping his voice low but his tone quite matter of fact.

“Yes,” I reply honestly and he smiles at my response.

“Badly?”

“ _Yes,_ ” I exhale. Tugging my tie, he draws me closer, his moist lips just touching mine.

“How badly? Tell me.”

I shudder at the question as my pulse races. My hands grip the sides of the bathtub tightly as I desperately try to restrain my desire to fall into the bath and take him, now.

“After what I just saw, I’m doing everything in my power not to touch you, to feel every part of you. Just move your hand and I’ll show you how badly I want to touch you.” I answer lowly.

“I see, that badly?” He smirks as his gaze goes right through me. He pulls his hand up through the water and sits it down on the edge of the bathtub beside mine.

“I moved my hand,” He coos.

“It seems you have.”

“So, you’ll show me how badly you want to touch me?”

“Yes,” I growl lowly as my hand twitches, readying to descend on him.

“Well then, you should have thought about that before you forced me to go on this bloody holiday.” He lets go of my tie and I fall back slightly. Ciel rests against the curve of the bathtub; his hands dangle down over the edge, dripping water onto the floor. “You can leave now.” He dismisses me. I hesitate as the first thought that crosses my mind is; to hell with him, he’s mine and I’m going to have him, after all, what would he expect after he taunted and provoked me like that? He took great pleasure in making me watch him, the little brat.

No, I won’t do that.

However annoyed as I am right now, I decide in this moment, it’s best for me to obey his order. Lowering my head, I acknowledge his request and go back into the other room. Heading to the dresser and pulling open the second drawer, I take out a perfectly folded white nightshirt, to which he’ll no doubt make me put on him without touching him. Laying it down on the edge of the bed, I smooth out the creases.

Footsteps pad in from the bathroom as Ciel comes in with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. Water trickles down his skin and drips of his body onto the floor, causing little puddles underneath him as he folds his arms across his chest.

I look over to him as he stares at me, “Young master, I could have come and gotten you.”

“It doesn’t matter, I was finished and you know how I hate to wait.”

“You’re dripping water everywhere.”

“Then you’d better dry me.”

“Yes young master.” I smile as I approach him, dropping down to one knee; I kneel in front of him. His arms fall to the sides as I gently remove the towel.

Pressing it against his skin to dry him off I cast my eyes over his body, taking him all in. I’ve seen him like this many times before but I’ve never appreciated him until now. It’s as though I’m seeing Ciel as a whole for the first time. Perfect features, virtually flawless skin, and his pout, which is something I never grow tired of seeing. He is small in stature as well as wispy but his body contains such tremendous power and appeal. It holds his hatred and vengeance, his style and grace. It’s in each move he makes, how he speaks and how he carries himself. It isn’t just his looks that draw me to him; it’s everything about him, so much so, that even the mere thought of him sets me alight. How he can tempt me and torture me just by the simple action of denying my touch.

Finishing and rewrapping the towel around his waist, I go to collect his nightshirt. Holding his arms out, I slip the sleeves over his arms and up his shoulders, taking care not to touch him as instructed. His nightshirt delicately drapes over his lithe frame as I bend over to button it from the top, working my way down. As soon as the last one is buttoned, Ciel reaches underneath the hem and pulls off the towel, dropping it to the floor. Stepping away from it, he slowly strides over to the bed and waits for me to follow.

Picking up the towel, I put it in the clothes hamper and join him at the front of the bed, turning it down for him.

Ciel slides in and I draw the blankets over him. Nestling into the warm cocoon of the sheets, he lets out a light sigh and I can’t help but smile as his eyes start to bat slowly, unable to keep from closing.

As he lies there, I go about cleaning up the tea, putting the cup and saucer back onto the tray. I then go to the window, shutting it and drawing the curtains closed.

“Sebastian…” He yawns.

“Yes young master?” I reply as I look over my shoulder towards him.

“Come here,” He calls me as his eyes open hazily. Nodding, I go to him. “That stunt you pulled at dinner, don’t ever go against my wishes again.” He warns.

“Admittedly, I’m afraid that I may have gotten slightly carried away but forgive me young master, it will not happen again.” I apologize.

“Good, see that it doesn’t.” He snips. I know he’s finished but I don’t move. Ciel adjusts himself in the bed, his eyes locking on to mine as we stare at each other. “What do you want?” He asks me.

“What do you think I want?” I respond with an arched brow.

“Do you still want me?”

“More than anything,” I answer. He smiles at me as though proud to know that he has such a hold over me.

“Do you still crave me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s unfortunate for you that you can’t touch me, isn’t it?” He smirks.

“I suppose you’re right,” I reluctantly reply.

“Then you can go now,” He rolls over to his side, having his back to me, pulling the blankets up and over his shoulder. “Good night Sebastian.”

“Good night young master.”


	23. The Same Deep Water As You

It’s been two weeks since Ciel was forced, or rather, invited to go on holiday with his family.

I saw to the passports and the packing, ensuring that everything he will want or need is taken care of. This hasn’t been an easy task, especially as Ciel isn’t particularly forthcoming with things that he wishes to bring and he has never been on holiday before, at least not to my understanding. Still, books and clothing were prepared and packed; he is now ready to go.

Loading everything into the car, we say our good byes to Mey-Rin, Bard and Finnian, hoping the manor remains in one piece by the time we get back. I open the door at the rear of the vehicle for Ciel, and he stands still, looking at me curiously. 

“I want to sit in the front.” He decides. Nodding, I close that door and open the one on the passengers’ side. Getting in, he slides himself into the seat, fastening the belt across his waist and folding his arms across his chest in a huff. Closing the door, I go over to the drivers’ side and get in.

Turning the car on, I look over to Ciel, who is staring back at me with a sullen and brooding look on his face. I simply smile back at him in return, shifting the car into gear and heading out of the garage.

He is still upset with me over the fact that I sided with his family in terms of him having to go on holiday. I’ll admit that in hindsight, I should not have done that, however, the fact that this will torment him has tickled me immensely, especially as he has managed to continue with my punishment.

Ciels’ little ‘no touching’ policy is still in play ever since the dinner party, much to my displeasure. However, I occasionally like to imagine that he wants me to touch him as badly as I want to. It’s in the little lingering glances he gives me when he thinks I don’t notice, or how his cheeks pink up whenever I’m close to him. However, he refuses to let up, almost enjoying the act of punishing me over any pleasure we could experience together. Not that he would know the difference.

It’s maddening having to go through this but if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Ciels’ power lies in his control over me. At this point, I’m desperate, I’ll take anything, even the mere feel of his skin on my fingertips, but I have to wait. I will wait until he feels that he’s sufficiently broken me, even though, without realizing it, he already has. He makes me weak and powerless against him, every challenge he puts up, every wall I must scale, each obstacle, all of it debilitates me and it’s been nothing but hell.

But it’s something else that I have come to learn about him, although, I am far from fluent in understanding him.

Ciel is an enigma I’ve yet to fully crack. I still don’t know much of his past, from his life with his family or his childhood to what happened to him in the time he was taken. I barely know much of who he was but I can see who he is becoming now. There are subtle nuances in his behavior that allow me to see Ciel, to get a feel of who he is. It’s in how he carries himself, how he is with others. He is often cold and distant but he can care, in fact I see that he cares a great deal but he is often loathed to show it.

I wonder, does he care about me? Is it just a longing or simply lust? Perhaps, I am nothing but just a thing to him, a mere possession, something he owns and has control over?

Whatever it is, he continues to tease and torment me. Not giving into me so easily, though, I would expect no less from him. Ciel wouldn’t be Ciel if he didn’t make me work for it, if he didn’t exercise this form of power over me. It isn’t merely good enough for me to say that I belong to him; he’s making me prove it. He knows what he’s doing by making me wait, he’s demonstrating to himself and quite possibly me, just how much I want him. To show that the craving I have isn’t just superficial, that I desire all of him.

He isn’t easy and then again, I wouldn’t want him to be.

I am, by nature, a hunter and although catching my prey is indeed satisfying, there are times when the chase is better than the actual catch. Ciel is worthy quarry for my hunt, he whets my appetite in ways I’ve never experienced before and if I were to ensnare him so easily, well, where would be the enjoyment in that?

Don’t misunderstand me, I want it all, everything he has to offer and even what he doesn’t wish to give away but I’m also enthralled by the chase. This cat and mouse game we play with each other further flavors him to my palate, it’s exciting and, dare I even say, fun. I don’t wish to bed him so quickly; however, I do want more than this.

Sighing to myself I continue to drive down the motorway. The sun beams through the windows and hits my face as I let a playful smile cross my lips.

“What are you smirking at?” Ciel snorts as he leans against the passenger side window, resting his elbow on the handle as he stares at me.

“Nothing young master.” I grin.

“Then why are you smiling?”

“I am excited over the prospect of going on holiday.”

Falling back into his seat, Ciel turns his head to look out of the window. I glance over at him, watching his mind tick over as he stares at all the cars we pass by.

“Sebastian?” Ciel mutters softly.

“Yes, young master?”

“Will it be fun?”

“Will what be fun?”

“Going on holiday, I’ve never been, at least, not that I can remember.”

“I believe that it should be.” I nod. He hums at my response and then his head rolls over towards me.

“Have you ever been to France?”

“Yes, many times.”

“I see.” He replies, his voice is low with a distinct twinge of sadness; my ears prick up upon hearing it.

“What is it?” I ask softly.

“Sometimes I forget that you had a life before me.” He admits with a wistful expression on his face.           

“Well, yes, I did.” I shrug. He falls silent for a moment as he continues to think to himself. I don’t know why but the atmosphere drops; I can feel it as I glance back at him. Even though his head is facing me, his eye drifts off to the side as he sighs.

“And you will have a life after me.”

“You don’t have to think about that just yet.” I smile in an attempt to diffuse the building tension.

He exhales lowly to himself as he turns his head back towards the window; vacantly staring out and we continue the rest of our journey in silence.

…

 

After arriving at the port of Dover and parking the car in the cargo hold area inside the ferry, we make our way up to the Club Lounge, which is where the rest of the family is waiting for us.

Holding the door open, Ciel goes through and I quickly follow him. Looking around, we can’t seem to find a familiar face in the room.

“Ciiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeelllll!!!!” Lizzie exclaims as she suddenly comes into view, rushing over to Ciel, she throws her arms around his neck, sending him back.

“H-hello Lizzie.” He manages to choke out.

“I thought for sure you wouldn’t come!”

“Well, I’ve surprised you.” He smiles.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She gushes.

“Elizabeth! Please do not behave so indecently in public.” Francis scolds her as she approaches us with two men following in tow. To her left is Edward, Lizzies’ older brother. His choppy blond hair falls neatly around his scowling face as he tosses his head to the side whilst he stuffs his hands into his pockets, unwilling to greet us.

I am unsurprised by this, as there is a sort of rivalry between himself and Ciel over Lizzies’ affections. To which, I find quite amusing as Ciel would much rather the attention she lavishes be anywhere but on him.

On Francis’ right is an older gentleman of a biggish build. His face is stern as he eyes Ciel up and down.

“Uncle Alexis, I haven’t seen you in a while.” Ciel hesitantly smiles as his Uncle approaches him. Outstretching his arms, he encircles Ciel, holding onto him tightly.

“Oh my cute little nephew, I haven’t seen you in ages!” He chuckles, ruffling Ciels’ hair.

“That’s no fair, how can father hug him and I can’t?” Lizzie pouts as Ciel struggles to get out of his Uncles’ grip.

“I honestly don’t see why either of you make a fuss over him.” Edward snorts as he turns his back to us. Alexis lets go of him and straightens himself up.

“Ciel, nice to see you, glad you made it safely.” Francis greets him. “Butler, I know we have been through this before, your hair is in a right state.” She chides me with a wry smile as I quickly attempt to slick my hair back behind my ears.

“Hello, hello!” Grell sings as he and Anne come over towards us, both holding glasses of pink champagne.

“We didn’t think you’d make it.” Anne smiles as she leans over and kisses Ciel on both cheeks.

“That’s what I said.” Lizzie giggles.

“Well, I said I’d come so here I am.” Ciel sighs.

Lizzie links her arm around Ciels’ and drags him over towards the bar.

“Come on Ciel, let’s get you a cup of tea, that might make you more relaxed.” She smiles.

“I can get that Miss Lizzie.” I offer.

“Oh nonsense, we’re on holiday after all!” She beams as she whisks him away.

Everyone else starts to migrate over to the large blue and brown couches in the middle of the room and they take a seat. I remain standing as I wait for Ciel and Lizzie to return. Once they do, we go over to where the rest of the family is sitting. I stand behind Ciel as he reclines back and crosses his legs. A waiter comes over with their teas and Ciel takes it off of the tray, he examines it carefully, studying the color of the liquid and smelling the scent it emits. Taking a sip, his face puckers at the bitter taste of it and he sits it down on his knee, sulking. It seems that we are not off to a good start.

Ciel sits silently as everyone around him laughs and chatters about what they are interested in doing and seeing whilst they’re in France. Perhaps a drive to Paris for a few days? Maybe a trip to a few vineyards? The possibilities are almost endless as they carry on. I observe Ciel as he shifts in his seat, absentmindedly staring at the cooling brown liquid in his cup. He doesn’t participate in the conversations or the laugher, he just sits quietly, physically present but his mind is elsewhere.

“We could go to Euro Disney!” Lizzie declares as she looks over to Ciel, “What do you think Ciel?” He doesn’t respond. “Ciel?”

“Hm? Sorry Lizzie.” He looks over to her with a weary smile.

“Do you want to go to Euro Disney?”

“I don’t know what that is.” He replies.

“Of course you do,” She smiles, “we wanted to go ever since we were little. That’s all you used to talk about sometimes, begging Aunt Rachel and Uncle Vincent to take us all.” She giggles.

“Did I?” His eye darts around as he looks at his family for some sort of confirmation but their faces are solemn as they each look away.

“Oh Ciel, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up, I wasn’t thinking.” Lizzie apologizes as her face falls. Ciel smiles broadly as he leans forwards, sitting the cup and saucer down on the table in front.

“Don’t look like that Lizzie, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He tries to reassure her. “Everything is fine, isn’t it?” He says as he begins to stand and straighten out his jacket.

“Then where are you going?” She asks.

“To get some air, I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Do you wish for me to come too?” I wonder, starting to go towards him but he puts his hand up, halting me.

“No Sebastian, I need a moment to myself.” His smile never leaves his lips. “Everything’s fine.” He reiterates as he leaves.

He may be able to fool everyone else with that face but he’s not fooling me.

We all watch as he disappears out of the double doors, leading to the outside deck. Lizzie turns to her mother, her eyes wide and glistening with tears that are yet to fall.

“I’m sorry.” She sniffs.

“It’s all right Elizabeth.” Francis gently places her hand on her daughters’ shoulder to comfort her. “We all forget from time to time.” She pauses for a moment and then looks over to me, “Sebastian, will you go and check on him?”

“Of course.” I nod, excusing myself from the group; I make my way out through the double doors.

Looking around I see that he’s not on the lower deck, so he must be on the top. Going over to the stairs, I begin to walk up, my eyes quickly scanning around the area looking for Ciel, but he’s still nowhere to be seen. Walking onto the upper deck, I turn my head around searching for him but my eyes land on a young girl.

I don’t know why but I linger on her, there seems to be something about her, I can’t quite put my finger on it but she seems vaguely familiar to me. From her long flowing chocolate colored hair to dark green eyes and delicate features. She sits alone on the deck, her attention seemingly deep into a book. After a moment, her eyes slowly travel up the page to meet with mine, catching me staring. Smiling at me for a moment, she then goes back to her book.

Walking a little further down, my eyes finally land on Ciel as he rests his chest against the railing. His gaze is vacant and his face has a peaceful, almost melancholy expression as he stares at the Channel. The wind whips about his hair and cheeks, turning his usually pale skin pink with the chill.

Coming up behind him, I clear my throat loudly to catch his attention but Ciel doesn’t move, he doesn’t even seem to acknowledge the fact that I am even present as he continues to keep his gaze cast to the water.

“Young master?” I address him politely but he ignores my effort. “Young master?” I try again as I take another step closer to him. His head rises slightly as he nods.

“Yes, Sebastian?”

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes, I said that everything is fine.”

“Then wouldn’t you like to go downstairs and rejoin your family?” I suggest.

“No.” He replies sharply, his hands gripping the railing tightly. He seems agitated as he rocks himself back and forth, twisting his hands on the rail.

I take another step closer to him; I’m so close that my chest almost touches his back. My hands itch to touch him, to hold him but I don’t, remembering that his policy is still in play.

“That’s fine but you can’t stay up here for too long.”

“I can stay as long as I like Sebastian.” He snips.

“You know that Miss Lizzie didn’t mean anything by her comment.”

“I know she didn’t.” He replies curtly.

“Then do you really hate to be with your family that much?” I wonder aloud. Ciel bows his head further, shaking it.

“It’s not that.” He sighs.

“Then what?”

Turning around to face me, Ciel rests his back against the railing as he keeps his eye down.

“It’s just that…” He drifts off for a moment and then exhales. “They’re all having fun. Laughing and talking about all the things they wish to do.”

“Okay?”

“I just can’t enjoy things the way they do, all right?”

I take another step closer as I stand in front of him. His eye travels up to me and his bottom lip protrudes slightly as he pouts.

“Well that’s okay.” I shrug.

“Why’s that?”

My eyes lower as I look him up and down, “Because, you can find pleasure and enjoyment in _other_ things.” I state with a sly smile. His eye widens as he quickly reaches back and slaps me in the face, hard.

“You’re a pervert!” He scolds me. I hold my face as I smirk at him.

“Perverted as though I may be, I actually meant through things like reading.” I add. He folds his arms across his chest, dissatisfied with my answer.

Ciel never ceases to amuse and intrigue me. After the little shows he’s been putting on for me the past few nights, I’m surprised that he can be so embarrassed by the mere mention of such a thing. He adverts his gaze as he bites his lower lip; his cheeks a dark rouge as he actively tries not to look over at me.

After a moment, he lets out a heavy sigh.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“I might if you tell me, if you explain.”

His head dips further down before it rises, he then clasps his hands together as fingers run themselves over the indigo colored stone of his family ring whilst he breathes out.

“They can all have fun and I can’t. I… I don’t remember what it’s like.” He pauses as he sighs, “I’ve long since forgotten how to smile joyfully, not genuinely anyway.”

“I understand.”

“How can you?”

“I know about loss, young master. I’ve been around a lot longer than you and have experienced it more.” I reply.

“The pain, anger and hatred I feel, it’s consuming. I fee like it’s devouring me whole.”

“My apologies but I have to ask, is revenge still really what you seek?” I inquire curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“You can have a happy life, a normal life, if that is what you want. It isn’t too late for you to change your mind.”

His eye is wide as he looks at me with a fierce determination. It’s a look that I have seen from him only once before.

“No, that is not what I want.” His voice is low, almost a growl.

“Oh? Then what is it?”

“Pain tends to heal as time passes, but personally, I don’t want time to heal my wounds.”

“Even though it will destroy you?”

“Then I welcome the destruction.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” I smile.

“Are you?” He arches his brow.

“Your anger and your hatred is what drives me, Ciel, it gives me purpose and it makes me want you. I admit that it’s for my own selfish reasons but they are there nonetheless.” I answer honestly.

This is what I want of him.

Ciels’ desire for revenge is what makes me crave him, his darkness consumes me and I want to make it mine, I never want him to lose his way. I need him to remain the beautiful creature that once stood before me, declaring his revenge on those who soiled him and his family name, turning his back on the light and joining me in the shadows.

Yes, it is selfish but I am a selfish being.

“Then I don’t want to live a normal life. I want this life, I want to win this game.” He states firmly.

There you are again, that beautiful and foolish creature I have come to admire. You still stand proudly in front of me, brazenly reaffirming your quest for revenge once more. I’ve waited for someone like you, someone so hopeless, yet so divine. Someone who makes the blood course in my veins, makes it run through me like fire and setting me alight. All of this time, I’ve waited for you.

Bowing my head, I smile as I place my hand to my chest.

“I want nothing more than to see this through to the end. You created me, gave me a name, and I live to serve you. I made this promise before, but I will say it again, I vow to you that I will be your sword and your shield; I swear that I will bring you victory. You will get your revenge, young master, I promise you.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” He smirks as he looks to the side for a moment, then back to me. His hand wraps around my tie as he pulls me into him. “So, you still want me?”

“More than anything.”

“I’m glad to hear that too.” He smiles, letting go of my tie, sending me back slightly.

“There you both are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Anne calls over to us from the top of the steps. Ciel sidesteps away from me as he goes over to his Aunt.

“I’m sorry I left, I was just feeling unwell.”

She places her hand to the side of his cheek.

“Are you all right now?”

“Yes, let’s go back inside.” He smiles as he makes his way back down the stairs. She heads down as well and I follow closely behind, turning my head over my shoulder, I see the girl again, she’s staring at me with a knowing smile on her lips. I smile back at her and head down the stairs.

 

…

 

After a long drive from Calais through the beautiful French countryside, we arrive at the chateau. It is situated in the hills overlooking the quaint and quiet town of Deauville, and the palatial casino across the river at Trouville. The chateau itself is magnificent, bigger then I actually imagined, however, if it is to accommodate all of us, it would surely have to be.

Pulling into the drive, I see staff lined up outside awaiting our arrival. I feel slightly redundant, as they have already prepared everything in lieu of our visit. Grell made sure that everything is already taken care of per everyone’s specifications; I don’t have to do a thing.

After all the unpacking and settling in is done, it is decided that after everyone freshens up, we all take a stroll into town.

We wander down the small yet busy streets as Ciel looks around at all of the various shops, none really holding his attention. Lizzie trots ahead past us as glittery cloth from a nearby clothing shop catches her eye. Stopping just at the window, she takes in the display with a bright smile on her face. Edward goes over to her, reaching out, he laces his fingers in hers and drags her off inside.

“Oh Angelina, look at those.” Grell simpers as he crosses the street to head over to the shoe shop with their shoes on rail stands outside. Annes’ eyes light up at the sight of cherry red stilettos and she looks over to Francis.

“Why don’t we all have a look around and meet back here in an hour?” She suggests.

“All right, see you back here in a hour.” Francis agrees as she checks her watch, noting the time.

The group disperses as Ciel stands still, unsure of where to go. Looking around I see a few tables outside, further down the street. It has stacks of books on top of them and glancing up at the sign, I see that it’s a bookshop.

“Young master, there is a bookshop down the road, shall we go there?”

Ciels’ eye lights up at the mention of books but he quickly tries to stifle his excitement.

“Fine, we can have a look, I suppose.”

As we get to the stands outside the shop, Ciel runs his fingers over the spines of the neatly laid out rows of books. Finding something he likes the look of, he takes it, examines the back, and then leafs through it. Stepping aside and letting him get lost in all the different titles, I cast my eyes over the American Classics section.

“‘Scuse me mate.” A man gently nudges me on the side as his arm crosses in front of me to pick up a book. Looking up and over to him, two violet bright and smiling eyes look back at me as he collects his book. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Oh, it’s no problem at all.” I nod back as he eyes me up and down with a cheeky grin.

Whilst he takes me in, I check him out; he has strangely colored ginger hair, which is pulled back, and choppy fringe that covers the left side of his forehead. Aside from his curious colored hair, my gaze lands on to his right hand, he had a prosthetic. It is archaic and bizarre looking as it looks like a skeleton hand but far creepier. He tilts his head to the side as he watches me study him; I realize that I must have lingered on his hand for too long and my eyes quickly flick back up to his.

Still smiling at me, he tucks the book under his arm.

“Ta.” He nods as he turns to head into the shop, my eyes follow him as he leaves and then I shake my head.

 _How odd._ I think to myself as I go back to browsing. Spotting a book I recognize, I pick it up out of the pile and look at it. Letting a little smile cross my lips, I stare at the title, Of Mice and Men; I remember reading this in primary school.

“Steinbeck is good, non?” A woman speaks to me from the side.

Turning my head, my eyes look her up and down. She is stunning and quite young; she must be in her very early twenties. Her face is classic looking but accentuated with a hint of make up, she has olive skin and wavy jet-black hair that cascades over the front her shoulders. Dark eyes stare at me as she leans against the doorframe to the shop.

“Yes, I quite like Steinbeck.” I answer. Full pink lips curl into a smile as she crosses her arms under her ample chest.

“Are you American?”

“No I’m English.”

“I see, English.” She grins, “Well we have British authors if you are interested?”

“British authors?”

“Ah, oui, like Oscar Wilde or Charles Dickens.”

“No, that’s okay, I’m happy looking here.” I smile back.

She shrugs, “Well, if you need any assistance, please let me know.”

“Thank you.” I nod.

I go over to another set of books but I keep glancing back over to her. Everything about her is provocative, from the way she leans against the door frame, her dress that hugs each curve of her body and how low it’s cut, leaving little to the imagination. Even though I’m trying to focus on the titles, she draws my attention. It can’t be helped, especially as she begs to be admired.

“What are you doing?” Ciel inquires from the side, startling me.

“What do you mean young master?” I smile, turning to him. Sitting some books down on the table, he folds his arms and stares at me.

“You know what I mean.” He seethes.

“No, I really don’t.”

“Looking at that woman.”

Well this is adorable, it seems that my little master is jealous.

“Oh? My dear master, are you jealous?” I coo, leaning over to him. Taking a step back, he shakes his head.

“Of course not.” He dismisses me.

“Then what would it matter who I look at?”

“Because… it does.”

“Does it now?” I ask but he stays silent. “Then tell me, if you’re not jealous, what would it matter who I look at?”

“Just… don’t, okay?”

“Okay.” I agree. I can’t help but be tickled by his reaction. I must say, it pleases me to see him like this; I wonder how far I can go?

Leaving me, Ciel goes over to the mystery section and I look over to see if she is still there but she’s not, she’s gone. Deciding that I’m here for the while since he’s still browsing, I look at the other titles on display. Selecting another book, a hand reaches over and pushes mine back. Looking over my shoulder, I see the beautiful woman from earlier stood beside me.

“You do not want that book monsieur, here.” She hands me another book, A Farewell To Arms from Ernest Hemmingway. “Have you read it?”

“A long time ago.”

“Beautiful story, non?”

“Yes.” I smile; my eyes glance over to Ciel who is completely absorbed in a book. Looking over her shoulder she takes a fleeting look towards him.

“That child, is he your son?” She wonders, laying her accent on nice and thick, enticing me.

“No, he is not my son.” I answer and she steps closer to me.

“Then, is he your brother?”

“He is of no relation to me but I do look after him.”

“Like a guardian?”

“In a way.”

“Ah so.” She smiles as she leans her chest into my shoulder. “My name is Sophie.” She introduces herself, extending her hand out. I breathe in her intoxicating scent of orange blossoms and apples, she smells like Normandy on a warm summers day, like today. There is something delicious about this woman, I can’t help but flirt back with her.

“Hello Sophie, my name is Sebastian.” I take her hand, shaking it lightly.

My eyes look over to Ciel, who is still reading his book but I can see him watching me out of the corner of his eye. Well then, if he wants to play, let’s play. I decide to put on a little show of my own for him, you see Ciel, you’re not the only who likes to play games.

“Bonjour Sebastian.”

“Bonjour Sophie.” I reply, letting the words drip from my tongue like honey.

“So, are you a tourist?”

“Yes, I am only here for a little while.”

“Then you should make the most of your visit.” She smiles as she lowers her eyes at me.

“Perhaps I should.” I reply, leaning into her. “So, is this your shop?”

“Oui, it is.” She answers, placing her hand on my chest. “Would you like to come inside? I can give you a private tour.” She whispers.

“A private tour?”

“Oui, I have some titles at the back I think you might enjoy.” She coos. I know what she’s asking me and I completely forget myself, placing my hand on hers I smile back at her.

“Certainly.” I purr.

Stretching her arm out towards the door, she starts to usher me into the bookshop. I look back over to Ciel who is stood staring at me; his face is crestfallen and hurt as he watches us. Slamming his books down on the table he quickly storms off in the opposite direction. Moving away from Sophie, I follow after him. Darting down an empty alleyway, I run to catch up.

“Young master, wait!” I call out to him. Finally catching up, I walk along side him but he still doesn’t stop. “Where are you going?”

“Home.” He barks.

“You don’t know the way.”

“I can figure it out.”

“Young master, will you just stop? You’re going to aggravate your asthma.”

“What do you care?” He snaps as he stops suddenly. He presses his back against the wall and hunches over, panting wildly, trying to catch his breath. Instantly, I surround him, wrapping my arms around him but he pushes me away. “Don’t touch me!” He hisses.

“Young master?”

“Tell me the truth. You would rather be with someone like her.”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Do not treat me like a child Sebastian!” He yells as he gasps for air.

“I am not treating you like a child.”

“You are, you think I don’t know, that I can’t see. I saw you with her, how you were, how she touched you and you let her.” His eye looks up at me, his face is puffy and red. “You were going to leave with her!”

I don’t respond as he’s right, I wanted to test him, to see how far I could go and I was going to leave with her. To do what? Well, I hadn’t decided but I know it probably wasn’t going to be anything good.

“I am sorry Ciel.”

“You’re not.”

“No really, I am. I didn’t mean to upset you; I just wanted to make you a little jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” He pouts.

“Oh, well if you’re not jealous, then what is it?”

“I thought…” He drifts off and then sighs heavily, trying to cool his face.

“What is it?”

“I thought it was me. I thought that it was only me you wanted.”

Smiling, I walk into him, pushing further back against the wall, pressing my chest into him. My fingers trail from his face down to the sides of his neck as he shudders.

“You are what I want Ciel.” I reply as I plant a kiss on his forehead. “You are all that I want.” My lips move down to his reddened cheek and towards his ear. He reaches around and wraps his arms around my waist.

“What about that woman?”

“I could never want someone like that, she’s too easy for my taste.”

“And I’m not?”

“You know you’re not. You are challenging and hard to get, not like her.” I growl lowly as I kiss him behind his ear. Clutching onto the back of my coat, he rolls his head back and exhales into me.

“Then have you forgotten?

“Forgotten what?”

“Have you forgotten who you belong to?”

“No young master.” I whisper, licking that little spot behind his ear.

“You cannot speak or behave like that with anyone else, ever again.” He exhales.

“Of course young master.” I agree.

“You are mine, you belong to me.”

“Yes young master.” I agree again as I flick his piercing with the tip of my tongue before I start to nibble on his ear.

“Sebastian?” He breathes out and I pull away so I can face him.

“Yes?” I reply as his eye looks to the left.

“Do you… do you want more from me?”

“You know that I do.”

“How much more can you need?” He wonders as his eye drifts back to me.

“I don’t think you understand how much I desire you, Ciel.”

“I think I do.”

I smile at him as I hold him tighter against me. “No, you don’t. I don’t just want you, I need you, I need all of you. I told you that I am no good for you and I plan on proving it, I will show you in every way possible just how bad I am for you.” I growl. His face flushes again but he doesn’t look away, he meets my gaze head on, unafraid to stare back at me.

“I know my limitations Sebastian.”

“And I plan on pushing them.”

“How far?”

“As far as I can go.”

“Then push me.” He states clearly, without any hesitation.

“Don’t tempt me Ciel, I’m tired of being taunted.”

His eye lowers as he looks at me with a haughty expression on his face. “I’m not taunting you, I’m telling you. Push me, push me as far as you’d like.” His voice comes out hushed but it resonates through me.

Quickly turning him around, I grab his wrists firmly, slamming his hands, palms first, against the wall.

“Sebastian, what are you-”

“Keep them there.” I command firmly in his ear as I move my hands down his arms and over the side of his neck, pulling his collar away from his throat.

Placing my lips to his skin, I kiss him roughly, moving to the back of his neck. The light smacking sound of lips on skin reverberates off of the narrow stone walls of the alleyway as the air is filled with shallow panting and the rustling of fabric. Hands frantically grapple and tug at his clothing as I pull and untuck them from his trousers, pushing them up. The pads of my fingertips creep up his side and stomach as I lean into him, resting my chest on his back. I search and explore his body as under his clothes, I should have dressed him for easier access, something I will be mindful of in the future.

Arching his back, Ciel pops his hips out, pushing himself against my crotch. He bobs up and down, grinding against me and I start to get aroused as the friction rubs me just right. Emitting a low growl as I start to move with him, I feel good but I can make him feel better.

Hands travel to his chest as fingers trace themselves around his perfectly erect nipples. His breath hitches as I play with them, pinching them gently at first, and then I squeeze harder. Ciel yelps at the sudden rush of pain, which causes his whole body to shudder. His head rolls back on to my shoulder and he whines lightly as he becomes accustomed to the sensation that jolts through him.

Leaving one hand on his chest, the other travels down his stomach to the top of his trousers. Letting my hand dangle and land on his constricted and hardening erection, I start to massage him, pushing him into me.

“ _Please Sebastian_ …” He whimpers my name and I know what he needs.

“Turn around young master.” I growl.

Ciel does as instructed and rolls himself around, pressing his back against the cold stone wall. His eye looks at me imploringly as I bend over; he licks his parted lips as mine hover over them. I savor his breath as he exhales, tasting it as it hits the air and then I lean in, kissing his glistening wet lips. Small hands spread themselves around my waist, gripping the back of my jacket tightly and pulling me into him until my body slams against his, enveloping him.

He kisses me fiercely and without any inhibition, as though we are not in an alleyway but in the comfort of his own bedroom. His small tongue runs the length of my lips, poking and pushing itself into my mouth, demanding my full attention. My hand slides down his sides and underneath his legs, lifting them up and wrapping them around my waist. I pick him up, slamming him hard against the wall as I rub and rut against him.

He mewls softly into my mouth as our tongues over lap and massage one another. I feel him getting harder as it pushes into my stomach and I know what I want to do. It doesn’t matter how public we are, here, we are alone, there is just the two of us and I can do anything I feel.

I break away from his kiss, his head lifts upwards as he searches for my lips but they are left wanting. I place a quick peck on his nose as I watch him pout when my lips deny his. Instead, I smile whilst I lower his legs down, spreading them apart. I kiss his chin, then his throat and the base of his neck, working my way down. Kneeling in front of his chest, I push his clothing up over his stomach as my tongue trails itself across his skin down to the top of his delicious hipbone.

My knees hit the ground as I lean over, nuzzling him and breathing in his scent. I can smell it through the cloth, that distinctive aroma of arousal. Ciel places his hands on my shoulders, as I begin to unbutton the top of his trousers, sliding down his zipper.

“Sebastian, we’re in public.” He says in a hushed voice as he squeezes the tops of my shoulders nervously.

“There’s no one here, just you and I.” I reassure him. Seemingly satisfied with my response, he smiles at me and leans back against the wall, exhaling a deep breath. “Shall I continue?” I ask and he nods his head slowly.

Nimble fingers work swiftly, freeing him from the confines that restrict him, tugging his trousers down to his knees. His cock stands proudly as my lips linger over it and wasting no time, my mouth takes him in. Normally, I would take my time but why? I’ve waited so long for just this taste of him; I’m not about to throw it away.

Sliding my tongue from base to tip, it swirls around the top of the head before I lap at the slit; he tastes sweet like the caramel cream he had earlier with just a little hint of salt. He’s delicious as I savor the flavor of his precum, so heady and potent, it’s dizzying. I grasp onto his thighs to brace myself, groaning with each drive his hips make into me.

Fingers lace and tangle themselves in my hair as I work the base of the shaft with my tongue, massaging it as my lips suck and squeeze. Ciel draws in a sharp intake of breath as his head falls back and rests against the wall.

He cries out and whines, completely unable to help himself as his body works independently of itself. His back arches and moves as he thrusts his hips into me. I am painfully hard between my own legs as I dig my nails into his thighs, clawing at the flesh underneath. Ciel gasps at the pain but it only encourages me to squeeze him harder, to mark his flawless skin.

My head moves up and down as I take him all in, swallowing him whole. The whines turn to deep breathy moans as he fucks my mouth, completely taken over by his own pleasure.

_That’s it Ciel, feel it, let it take you over._

_Go deeper; let me enjoy all that you have to give me._

Glancing up, I see that he’s screwed his eye shut, keeping his head back firmly pressed against the wall as he pulls at my hair, forcing me onto him. His skin is glowing with a light layer of sweat as he thrusts harder. I can feel it building within him, his whole body tenses up tightly, he’s close, so close I can actually taste it oozing out of him. This isn’t as leisurely as I would like it to be, his youthful inexperience giving himself away with the way his hips writhe. His body is desperate to let go as he frantically circles and shakes his hips.

As inexperienced as he may be, Ciel starts to relax into our rhythm. He bucks forward and moves with such assurance, riding my mouth, fucking it as hard as he can, begging for a release.

_That’s it, go on._

_Go on and show me how you come, you know I love to see it._

Sucking in a deep breath through gritted teeth, Ciel holds it in his chest as he clutches his hands tightly in my hair, pulling me deeper on him.

“ _S-Sebastian_!” He cries out as he comes hard into my mouth, I continue to suck, drawing out every last drop, letting the salty flavor permeate my tongue.

Breathlessly panting, he untangles his hands from my hair and rests them back on my shoulders as I make light work of using my tongue to clean him. He emits a satisfied purr as I finish, drawing my lips down the softening length. I run my thumb over my chin and bottom lip to wipe it just before carefully tucking him back into his trousers and zipping them up.

“I can’t move.” He breathes out with a slight smile, still panting. Staggering down, I sit on cold ground. Reaching up, I tug his sleeve to pull him down on to my lap.

“Rest a moment, we have a while before you need to get back.”

He hums as he nods, wrapping his arm around me; he rests his head on my shoulder.

“Sebastian?” He yawns into my neck.

“Yes young master?”

“I want more too.”

“Do you think you can handle it?”

“Even if I can’t, I want you to push me.” He falls silent for a moment, “I want you to do as promised.”

“What did I promise?”

“I want you to break me.” He insists. 

Well then Ciel, I shall keep that promise.


	24. Nitesky

The chateau is quiet.

Night has given this place an eerie hush as I make my final sweep around. Each door and window of this palatial chateau is checked to ensure no one can get in and if they do, they certainly won't be able to get out. I'm sure there's no threat here; however, I tend not to rest on my laurels.

Finally feeling satisfied, I head down the hall towards the wing especially left for Ciel. It was one of his requests before arrival; he wanted to have an entire wing to himself. No one is really sure why he needs all this space, but I suspect the request came in the hopes it could never be adhered to. Unfortunately for Ciel, Grell was more than willing to accommodate him.

Passing Ciel's room, I press my ear against the cold wooden door. It seems silent, he must have finally managed to get some sleep, especially as he tends to thrash about, calling for someone but it's never me. I want to ask, to press him on who is this person he cries out for but I never know how to breach the subject. It's best just left alone. One day, I'm sure he'll feel comfortable enough to tell me on his own.

Arriving at my room, the door closes behind me and I waste no time in shedding my jacket and peeling off my waistcoat, draping both over the back of the chair by my desk. A finger hooks into the knot of my tie to tug it loose and I go over to the bed, pulling the tie over my head and tossing it down. Hitching up my trouser legs, I take a seat on the edge of the bed, before exhaling to give my chest some room to bend over so I can unlace my shoes. Taking them off, I roll down my socks and stick them inside.

Sitting upright I start to completely undress, starting with my belt, sliding from around my waist. Next, my shirt, I start to unbutton it from the top but by the time I get towards the middle my hands drops to my sides, too worn out to finish the task.

It's been a long day.

I collapse backwards onto the bed whilst my mind whirls with all of the things we have done and seen today. This is a strange level of exhaustion for someone so young but I feel as though this job is starting to age me. Although, however tired I may be, I'm unable to switch my mind off and relax, especially as there's one thought that haunts me. Closing my eyes to let my mind focus and reflect, a wry smile fights its way onto my lips.

My little tryst with Ciel in the alleyway lingers and my thoughts drift back to that moment. I can hear his melodic moans in the silence of the night, feel his hips pushing into me with a need to be closer. Above all else, I can still taste him in my mouth. Licking my lips to savor him further, his flavor remains on my tongue. I'll admit it, I'm an addict. My whole body aches to touch him again, desperately needing another hit.

My hand trails itself along my stomach as I replay his request over again in my head. He's given me permission to break him. He wants me to. The thrill of his ask excites and entices me but just how should I go about it? I wonder, letting my hand rest on the top of my waistband.

Fingers slip themselves underneath the elastic waistband of my boxers and it doesn't take much, I'm instantly hard as I think about my hands on his soft skin, pawing him and digging my nails into his flesh.

By the time my fingers reach the middle, there is a soft knock on the door. It opens slightly before I even have the chance to call out and Ciel pokes his head through.

"Sebastian?" He whispers just before entering and then shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

Jumping to my feet with my shirt falling open, Ciel eyes me in this state of slight undress and his lips curl into a small smile.

"Young master, what are you doing here, it's late."

"I'm aware of what time it is," he snorts, moving away from the door.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No."

Walking into the middle of the room, he looks around and heads over toward the bed.

"Is there anything I can get you?" I offer, watching him.

"No," he replies, going to the opposite side of the bed, running his fingers over the sheets.

"Then what can I assist you with?"

"Nothing."

"Then…?"

"I am going to sleep here tonight," he states, throwing the sheets back and crawling into my bed nestling in. My jaw clenches, fighting not to drop in protest.

"What about your family? You don't want them to see you here, do you?" I reason.

"Who will see me here?" He yawns, a little smirk playing on his lips. "Besides, I know you, you'll have me back in my own bed by morning."

He beckons me to join him with a slow bat of his eyes. He's good, knowing exactly what to do to lure me. A shiver runs through me with a twitch of my body, it's trying to overrule my logic but I can't let it win. I know better than this and it's not a good idea for him to be here.

"Young master, please, I don't think you should be here tonight." I object, albeit, halfheartedly.

"What's the matter, Sebastian? I would have thought you'd want me in your bed?" His tone is low as he pulls back the sheets on the opposite side of him.

"Of course I want you in my bed," I smile, enjoying his forwardness.

"Well then, come here." He coos, running his hand over the vacant space.

Ciel will be the end of me; I can feel it so strongly in my bones. He is my temptation, my sin; even though I know he shouldn't be here, I'm glad he's come.

Sighing, I start to move the sheets back further but I stop as he furrows his brow.

"What's the matter?"

"Um, you're still dressed," he mumbles.

"Yes I am, is that a problem?"

Lowering his eyes he looks away. I can't see it fully in the darkness but I'm sure he must be blushing.

"I want you to take off your clothes," he requests.

"My clothes?"

"Yes, take off your trousers and your shirt."

"Is this an order?" I jest with an arch in my brow. His eyes flick up to me as he smirks.

"Yes, Sebastian, this is an order. Take off your clothes."

"Very well," I bow my head. Ciel's gaze is firm on me from the moment I start to undress. Sliding my shirt from my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, my eyes travel over to him. "See anything of interest, young master?" I tease with a cheeky grin. His face scrunches up in a scowl and he snorts.

"Shut up and get undressed," he orders.

"Of course," I nod, slipping my trousers down to my ankles and stepping out of the legs. Standing in front of him I await his next order.

Regarding me; Ciel's eyes narrow and trail across my body. His lips twitch fighting a pleased smile. He must approve.

"Come to bed," he requests again with an enticing voice so velvet soft, how can I say no?

Obliging him I sit down on the edge and with a sigh; I fall onto my back with my arms above my head. Scooting himself closer, Ciel drapes his arm over my chest and I slip mine under him, holding him flush against my side. Saying nothing we let the still of the night fill the air.

It's quiet, if you strained your ears you can hear the low rumble of waves from the beach in the distance but at this moment, it's his steady breath which creates a soothing lull in the room.

After a while, Ciel props his chin up on my chest, dragging his fingers along the contours of my muscles.

"You know I'm a little disappointed in you," he mutters, walking his fingers along my skin.

"Disappointed in me?" I repeat. "What did I do?"

"It's what you didn't do."

"You're being cryptic young master," I simper.

"Maybe I am," he acknowledges with a low hum. My head rolls to the side to let my eyes watch him in curiosity. Ciel lays the palm of his hand flat on my chest feeling the rhythmic beat of my heart and the rise and fall of my chest. "I gave you permission to break me," he continues.

"You did," I respond in agreement.

"When will you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask and his eyes roll to mine.

"When will you break me?" His soft voice is whispered but I hear him clearly.

He is so beautiful like this, so white and chaste but I know there is no hint of innocence here, no angelic purity. However, I am easily fooled. Especially with the way his large eyes flicker in the moonlight, wide and bright. You would never guess he is as dark and as tainted as me.

"I'm waiting," I reply with a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"What are you waiting for?"

"For you to be ready," I answer.

He goes quiet and his eyes drift to the side as he thinks about something.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes young master?"

"Do you ever wish I was older?"

"Yes," I answer unequivocally.

"Oh," he breathes out, his tone is disappointed but not surprised. "Is that what you mean by ready?"

"Not necessarily," I stop, observing the dejected look on his face. "What's the matter?"

"What is it about me?"

"I don't understand," I reply.

"What is it about me you crave?"

"I've told you before," I smirk.

"Tell me again."

"What makes me crave you isn't your age but your maturity, you are older than your years and you carry yourself well. I crave your deviousness, your intelligence and how you use it." I begin. "You are manipulative but rational, deliciously cruel but kind." I slide my hand under his chin lifting it up. His eyes stay open as he looks at me expectantly. My thumb runs over his bottom lip as they part. "What I want from you is nothing I can get from anyone else," I purr, keeping my voice at a low rumble. I feel his whole body tremble in my arms and he presses himself closer.

"Are you happy with me?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I know you would much rather be doing something other than being a butler. You must miss it?"

"Miss what, young master?" I wonder.

"Your old life, how you used to be."

"What has brought this on?" I frown.

"Before you met me, before we made our contract, you were free to do what you wished, you were a demon."

"Black Cat," I correct him.

"Well whatever," he frowns. "You could have easily gone with that woman at the bookstore, nothing would have stopped you."

"Perhaps," I agree.

"Then are you happy with me?" he asks again.

"Very much so," I hold him closer.

"And the life you now lead? Wouldn't you prefer to be an unfettered demon?"

An unfettered demon? My lips curl into a wry smile as I reflect on those words.

Who I was then and who I am now are two separate beings, I'm not even sure I recognize my current self. I am a user; I manipulate and play everyone to my advantage to get what I want, just like you do. At first, it was all I was doing, indulging your foolhardy need for revenge to pass the time for a while. However, the more I've gotten to know you, the more I see you. I know there is no other place I would rather be, nothing else I would rather be doing than to be here by your side.

I have had many jobs before, many contracts, but this one is different. I'm in my element and it makes me feel so alive. I want Ciel to exact his revenge; I want him to feel what that's like, the power and the thrill of it. I have never wished for someone to get exactly what they wanted more than with him and I will see this through to the end.

More than anything, I have grown attached to him. No, attached is the wrong word. Ciel has become a part of me.

Even after all this time, he surprises me. Ciel confounds me, excites me and occasionally infuriates me but more than anything, he ignites me.

Would I prefer to be an unfettered demon?

Twisting around to maneuver him on to his back, I plant my hands on either side of head and hover above his chest. Staring down at his exquisite face full of confusion and surprise, I dip my face down to be closer to him. Hot breath breezes across my cheeks from wet parted lips.

"Ah, my master, I think you're misunderstanding something," I smile, causing him to frown. "What do I not understand?" he pouts.

"What I find most entertaining now," I begin, inching closer to his lips, "is playing the role of butler in my game with you."

Ciel's eyes narrow, staring at me. A wry smile finds its way onto delicious wet lips and he shifts, adjusting himself underneath me to meet me head on.

"Tell me what you want from me, Sebastian?" He smirks.

"Everything," I can't help but growl.

"Then take it, it's yours." He whispers.

Not wasting a single second, I pounce, pressing my lips against his. Letting out a little yip of surprise, his mouth opens wider to invite me in as he nestles into my chest. He feels good against me, the way his hips rise to meet mine and how his arms wrap themselves across my back. Nails dig into my skin, dragging down my shoulder blades and spine. Ciel releases a soft whimper and I eat it up, bedding him into the mattress.

I need him, it's not just the feel of him against me but a depraved desire to devour him. However, right now, I can't. Not with the family just down the hall, the risk is far too great.

A low moan resonates in my chest causing him to arch his back but I break away. Panting to catch his breath, Ciel looks up at me with a hazy gaze.

"You know we have to stop," I whisper with a smile.

"I know," he agrees. "Will you let me stay with you until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," I nod, moving off of him and onto my side.

Ciel curls up next to me, making his back flat into my chest. Drawing the sheets up to cover us, I feel his breathing start to become deeper as his body gets heavier.

My master enjoys games but the one we're currently playing is a dangerous one. He strategically uses and maneuvers those around him like pawns but in this, I wonder what moves he has in store for me? If he makes the wrong one, it can end everything. It can destroy his reputation, his future and then there's me.

What is it you want from me Ciel? How long do you wish for me to stay?

Am I so foolhardy, so delusional that I am willing to ignore the damage that can be done? Do I even care? I want him more than anything. I need him more than anything but it doesn't make it right. Perhaps we have a shared delusion that everything will come right in the end.

I suppose it doesn't matter. Nothing actually matters to me but you.

Funny, I never would have thought about it before but you've given me something, something I never thought I would have. You've given me something to lose.

Since the night of the party at Chamber's estate, I said this was more than a job to me. I didn't fully understand my words until now. This feeling is muddled with my confusion and inability to rationalize my thoughts and feelings. Is this what it's like to care for someone? I really wouldn't know. What I do know is you have become important to me and it's not out of obligation to our contract.

Frowning, I realize my thoughts are something I cannot recognize. This isn't me, however, I can't seem to remember who I used to be. Only snippets of my past come to me in fleeting moments, when the manor is quiet and I'm alone with my thoughts. I have been called a demon but now I find myself feeling more human and it's starting to undo me. This is an act, I am not a butler, and I am certainly not Sebastian Michaelis. When this is all over, what then? It could never last. With me comes destruction, a need to burn everything to the ground and salt the earth, but he seems to embrace this without any hesitation or fear.

I wait until he falls into a deep sleep before scooping him up and carrying him back into his own bed. Drawing the blankets over his shoulder I monitor him to make sure he doesn't wake. Humming lowly, I bend over and smooth the fringe across his forehead as my eyes linger on his beautiful face. He's cute when he sleeps, no hint of animosity or annoyance, just calm.

Getting to the door and throwing a quick glance over my shoulder, my eyes linger on the sleeping figure in the bed. As I turn the handle and make my way out of the room, I realize how this will end between us. We will destroy each other; it is our fate.

...

The following morning came, the house staff gave me nothing to do as breakfast was already prepared before I had a chance to step foot in the kitchen. This level of efficiency is quite disconcerting especially with the useless trio back at the manor.

The table is elegantly laid out with crisp white linen and red lycoris dotted in between large carafes of various freshly squeezed juices. There are also selections of pastries from the local patisserie as well as scones and jams. It's strange to not be needed as the staff flit about the room serving the family, pouring tea and placing napkins on their laps.

I can only stand at the back, observing the family chatter and laugh, thinking aloud and discussing their plans for the day. Ciel is curiously communicative as he smiles and nods along with Lizzie and Edward who seems to have thawed slightly toward him.

"I know, the weather is supposed to be glorious, why don't we all go to the beach?" Grell suggests and Anne clasps her hands together gleefully.

"What an excellent idea darling, we can even have a picnic on the beach," she smiles.

"I'll have the chef prepare something for us," Grell adds.

"That sounds just fine," Alexis agrees as Francis nods.

"Sebastian?" Anne turns to me, waving me over to her. Taking a step forward I place my hand to my chest bowing slightly.

"Yes, Madam?"

"Since we're all going to the beach, why don't you have a few hours off?"

"Pardon?" I almost splutter out.

"Unless you want to stand around in the sun for a couple of hours, I don't see a reason for you to hang about."

"Wait a minute, Aunt Anne," Ciel interjects. "Shouldn't I have a say in this? He is my butler after all."

"Oh nonsense, Ciel," she dismisses her nephew. "Surely you can see how ridiculous it would be for him to be standing around."

"But-"

"Let him have some time off, we're only talking about a few hours."

Ciel's eye darts over to me, then back to Anne. Folding his arms across his chest he leans back, sighing. His mind works to come up with a reason for me not to but deciding it isn't worth the hassle, he shrugs.

"Fine, whatever. I suppose it'll be all right," he concedes in a tone which isn't particularly enthusiastic.

"Oh I know just the place too, you can rent a folding parasol and deck chair and just lounge." Grell titters.

Ciel glares at me with a deep knitted brown. His arms are still folded and his body is completely stiff. I'm not sure why, but I feel as though I will be punished for this at a later date.

…

Later on in the afternoon, with the family packed and out the door, we to head to the beach armed with baskets of treats prepared by the kitchen staff. After finding a spot everyone could agree one, blankets are laid down and umbrellas are put up. Choosing not to have any electronic devices, preferring the feel of paper on his fingers and the smell of ink on the page, I place the small selection of books Ciel had requested next to him. Sitting down, he reclines back against the teal deck chair, dropping his hand down to collect a book from the top of the stack and placing it on his lap.

His eye narrows on me, watching with interest as I finish tidying up and laying out a beach towel for him, should he choose to go into the water, although I know he most likely will not.

"What are you going to do?" he asks, his gaze never deviating from me.

I shrug, smoothing down the creases on the towel. "I'm not sure, young master. Perhaps look around some of the shops."

"Not any bookstores, I hope," he snorts, drumming his fingers on the body of the book.

"My dear Sir, are you jealous?"

"Of course not," he hisses, picking the book up and leafing through the pages. "Just because I'm allowing you a few hours off doesn't mean you no longer represent me."

"I understand," I nod with a smile.

"Don't forget who you belong to, Sebastian," he smirks.

"Never, young master."

"Then that will be all. See you in a few hours," Ciel dismisses me, waving me off as he returns to his book. "Oh, Sebastian?" he stops me, keeping his eye on the page.

"Yes, young master?"

"Try not to follow any women into bookstores," he snipes with a grin.

Saying nothing, I reply with a slight bow.

Leaving the family to enjoy the afternoon in the summer sun, I head into town.

…

It doesn't take me long to get from the beach to the promenade and onto the main street, which leads me into the town. There are a lot of little shops, mostly selling clothing or liquor. Having no need for clothing as I spend my time in uniform, I avoid those and as for the liquor, tempting as it is to taste the perfectly aged Calvados this region is famed for, I am back to work in a few hours so, perhaps not.

Instead, I simply walk down the crowded street and take in my surroundings. Deauville is beautiful, quaint and quiet, despite the tourists. There's an age to this town and yet when I look around, I see people as young as I am laughing and having a good time in the small restaurants and cafes. Everyone is as elegant as their surroundings, one can almost forget they are at a little seaside town.

The cobbled streets lead to toward a town center. My eyes wander up and down but are at a complete loss as to where to settle. There's so much to take in but nothing to do, especially if you're not one to waste time shopping. Dipping into my pocket and pulling out my watch to check the time, it's only been twenty minutes. My shoulders slump with a disappointed exhale, I thought more time had passed.

I meander a bit further down the road but stop. A soft melodic trill sounds out in the distance and I'm not the only one who hears it as people start to follow the sound. Curious, I trail behind a group of tourists, we all stop when we reach a road with a large circle in the middle.

In the center of the circle stood several long poles with bells at the tips. The tune chiming out is pleasant and familiar but I can't quite place it. People gather around me listening to the song as it's played and taking pictures of them. Laughter and chatter surround me as we all take it in.

A man accidentally knocks into me, dropping his map from his hands and onto my feet. Bending over to collect it, I hand it back to him, he smiles and nods turning to make his way back over to his family. My eyes trail back from him toward the bells but they catch on something. A pair of sad dark green eyes stare straight at me through a gap in the crowd. I'm dumbstruck, I recognize her instantly as the girl from the ferry but she's more familiar to me than that.

I'm sure I know this girl but from where?

She's young, younger than Ciel and she isn't all that tall either. Letting a weary yet playful smile cross her lips, she tosses her long dark brown hair to the side, seemingly signaling me to follow after her as she turns and hastily darts through the crowd. Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I trail right behind her, pushing my way through the group of tourists gathered around, keeping my eyes locked on her so I don't lose her.

Unusually tiny feet are surprisingly fast as she sprints swiftly down the packed side streets. With a glance over her shoulder, she checks to see if I'm still behind her just before leading me through another narrow street. A group of students spill out of a café right before we get to the square and I lose her. I don't know how, but she's completely vanished.

Stopping next to a large wooden column, I look around, scouring the area for a glimpse of her but she is nowhere to be seen.

Who is that girl and most importantly, did she know me?

Walking along the wooden columns and underneath the shaded canopy, I spot a small café. Taking out my pocket watch, I check the time; I still have an hour until I have to go back to the family. Grabbing a table by the door, I take a seat. A waiter comes out from behind me and hands me a menu but I shake my head, knowing what I want already.

" _I would like a cappuccino, please,"_ I order in my very best French.

" _Yes, of course_ ," he nods, disappearing into the café.

As I wait I watch as the bustling town of Deauville goes past me. I monitor each person going past, looking for the girl in case she happens cross me again but I see no sight of her. The waiter returns with my drink, placing it down in front of me.

" _Thank you_ ," I accept it, sliding it towards me.

My eyes drop down at it, I absentmindedly stare at the thick head of foam filling the cup to the brim. Everything about her was vaguely familiar but where from? Maybe she just recognized me from the ferry, I do stand out dressed in a three piece suit in the middle of summer. Perhaps it's nothing more than what it is.

"'Scuse me mate, you're the bloke from the bookstore from the other day, ain't cha?" Someone asks, drawing my eyes up from the foam to him.

A man stands in front of the table with a familiar cheeky grin on his face. He's not very stylish like the other patrons here. Faded black denim jeans, untucked white shirt with a casual jacket. Nothing seems to fit his frame but he appears comfortable enough in his appearance.

"Yes, I am," I answer with a half smile, seeing no point in being rude to the man. Grinning, he pulls out the chair in front and takes a seat.

"Sorry mate, do you mind? My French ain't all that good and you look like a friendly enough gent."

"No, go ahead."

"Ta very much," he smiles. "Hey, where ya from?"

"London, you?"

"London, same as you, well, born within the sound of the Bow bells." He chuckles.

"So you're a true Cockney lad?" I smile.

"I am indeed," he nods with a wink.

"So what brings you here? I mean, are you on holiday?"

He shakes his head. "'fraid not, I'm here for work."

"Ah well, so I am I in a way," I smile. There is something about this man I find quite charming. I'm really not one to care for idle chit chat but his perpetual smile and very easy going nature is hard to dislike.

"What's your name mate? Here I am just sittin' at your table and we haven't even acquainted ourselves."

I hold out my hand. "My name is Sebastian," he takes it with his left to give it a firm shake.

"They call me Joker."

"Joker? That's interesting."

"It's cause I'm funny I 'spose," he pauses for a moment. "Oh, well will you look at that?" I look around but Joker leans forward, reaching behind my ear and pulling out a 50p coin. He holds it in between his prosthetic fingertips with a smile.

"Very good," I chuckle.

Joker shrugs. "Well, you're a little older than my typical audience," he admits. "I normally perform for children."

"I bet something like that would go down well."

"Ah, that it does! They especially like it when I juggle, it goes down a treat."

"Well, who doesn't like juggling?"

"Exactly!" He enthuses. "Oh mate, you and I are on the same level. I reckon you could juggle too, you seem like you have a bit of the performer in ya."

"I don't know about that," I dismiss with a shake of my head.

"I'm sure you could."

Smiling, I nod, choosing not to refute him. My eyes can't help but lower, looking at his hand. I'm curious in how it functions and how he moves it.

"Joker, if you don't mind me asking, how can you juggle with that kind of a prosthetic?"

"Ah, this?" He smiles as he raises his hand. It flexes and flattens as though independent of itself. "It were made specifically for me, commissioned by my boss."

"And you wanted it to look like that?" I ask and his brow furrows. "Apologies, I didn't mean-"

"It's no reason in particular," he holds it flat out and then flexes the fingers. "I just like the look is all."

"Do you mind?" I request, motioning to bring his hand closer.

"Sure," he holds it toward me and I take it, giving it careful inspection.

It certainly is interesting like something one would find in an anatomy course. Running my thumbs over the bone-like surface to feel it, my eyes scan the detail and intricate skeletal joins. Turning it over, I look at the wrist, there's a hallmark on the underside and I note the shapes and markings. Joker's gaze follows each move my eyes make and I glance up at him, smiling.

"Thank you," I release his hand and he takes it back, holding it in front of his face.

"Impressive, eh?" He grins.

"Yes."

"So," he leans back in his chair, "what brings you here for work?"

"The master I serve is here on holiday."

"The master you serve?" He arches his brow.

"Yes, I am a butler."

"Well there's a surprise! Here I was thinking you 'ere a City Boy." He jokes for a moment. "Well now, judging by the look of ya, I bet ya work for landed gentry, lemme guess, a Duke or some Lord?"

I shake my head, "I'm afraid to disappoint you, but no."

Joker's eyes widen as he leans forward, resting on his forearm.

"Is he famous?" he whispers.

"In some circles, he's legendary." I chuckle.

"What's his name? I bet I know it."

"Well, I wouldn't want to betray my master's confidence, you understand?"

"Of course, of course. I shouldn't 'ave asked." He smiles. "What's it like bein' a butler? I reckon it's easy work, just lookin' 'afta someone."

"I'm afraid not as the master I serve is very disagreeable and quite arrogant." Well, he did ask.

"Ah well that's a shame," he shrugs, crossing his arms and leaning back, all the while staring at me hard. "And where is your master?" he asks, his tone low and cool.

The fine hairs on the back of my neck rise and I sit up. There is something about the question that makes me hesitant.

"What does it matter?" I ask casually, trying to brush off this uneasy feeling.

"Well, ain't that a part of the job of a butler? To always be with 'em?"

"I suppose it is," I agree, pulling the pocket watch from my side pocket. Using my thumb, I flick it open and check the time. "Speaking of which, I must be getting back to him now." I excuse myself as I start to stand. Joker holds out his left hand and I take it, giving it a firm shake.

"It were nice to meet you, Sebastian," he grins.

"Yes, it was very nice to meet you too, Joker." I smile politely as I take my hand back and push in my chair. Placing a few euros on the table, I turn to leave.

"Maybe see you around? This town is quite small," Joker calls after me.

"Perhaps," I nod over my shoulder.

He waves me off as I start to walk back down the street towards the bells.

I don't look back, instead, my feet work faster than my legs can manage as I retrace my steps back to the beach. This whole day has set me on edge, from the girl on the ferry to Joker, something seems more than off. I need to get back to the family, most importantly, I need to get back to Ciel.

Getting to the promenade, my eyes scour the area to see where I'd left them but I can't seem to see anyone. There are a lot more people than when I left, my ears ring loudly from the rush of blood coursing through my head. Finally, I spot a glimmer of red to the left of me and I hurry over to it.

"Ah butler, give me a hand with this will you?" Frances greets me, tying her hair up in a tight bun. She pulls me over to a parasol and motions for me collapse it.

"Am I late?" I ask in a slight pant, a little winded from my jog over. Releasing the latch from underneath the parasol, it folds and shuts against the pole.

"You're early," she answers, wrapping the loose bit of fabric around the middle of the pole to keep it in place.

"My apologies, madam, but I don't understand."

"We've got to go home and change," Lizzie interjects from behind.

Turning, I see both Lizzie and Ciel standing with towels bundled up in their arms.

"What is wrong with your face?" Ciel chides, rolling his eye as he passes me. He goes over to a nearby rucksack and shoves the towels inside with little care.

"Yes butler, what on Earth has happened to your appearance? Your face is shiny and red," Frances snips from the side.

Standing upright to smooth out my waistcoat, I run my hands though my hair in a feeble attempt to neaten up my look. Judging by the disapproving tsk from Frances, I failed.

"I apologize for my appearance, I hurried back thinking I was going to be late."

"You are twenty minutes early, have you forgotten how to tell time?"

"No madam, I simply believe that to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late," I reply.

"What if you're late?" Lizzie wonders.

"To be late is unacceptable," I warn with a wink. Frances studies me with a frown firmly knitted in her brow.

"I don't care for your boldness, butler," she retorts.

"It has been noted, madam," I smile. "I take it everyone had a good time this afternoon?"

"Oh yes, it was lovely!" Lizzie chirps. "But you'll never believe what happened. An acrobat troupe came by and did a little performance for us," she continues with childlike enthusiasm.

"It was dull," Ciel added, coming over to me with a towel to fold.

"You didn't think it was dull at the time, even Edward saw you laughing."

"It was a pity laugh; I didn't want them to feel bad."

Lizzie arches her brow and her hands land on her hips.

"Fine, say what you'd like now but you enjoyed it. Anyway, afterwards, they gave us tickets for the show tonight and mum says we can go."

"Go to what?" I ask, finishing with the towel.

"The circus…!" she exclaims.


End file.
